Paradise Falls

by Jacobs, Jonnie

  “Did something happen?”

  “You know what happened.” His voice was harsh. “You had a hand in it, Grace.”

  They’d been over that ground too many times already. “How’s Adam doing?”

  “Terribly. What did you expect?”

  Could things ever again be right? “I’m sorry.”

  He removed his arm and looked at her. “You should be.”

  “I don’t mean about telling the police, but I feel bad for you. And for Adam. I’m sorry everything’s such a mess.”

  Carl closed his eyes.

  “Please, Carl. Talk to me. I feel so alone. I’m hurting.”

  “Does it occur to you that I might be feeling those things, too?”

  “Of course. I know you are. I want to help you.”

  Carl stared at her through half-opened eyes, then got up from the couch and walked to the window. He had his back to her.

  “We can help each other,” Grace said. “That’s what husbands and wives do.”

  Carl’s shoulders shook and his head was bent. “I don’t know, Grace. I just don’t know. I don’t know what to do. What to think. I’m scared and I’m worried sick.”

  “About us?”

  “About Adam. But about us, too. Adam won’t talk to me. He won’t talk to any of us. He just comes home from school and goes to his room. I’m not even sure he eats.”

  “And when you try to talk to him?”

  “He shuts me out. I haven’t heard him say more than half a dozen words since he got out of jail.”

  Grace stepped behind Carl and put a hand on his shoulders. Then she leaned closer and pressed her face against his back.

  “I do love you, Grace, but I’m angry. And confused. I feel pulled in so damned many directions.”

  “I love you, too.”

  Carl took a deep breath. “My own son, it’s like he’s a stranger. I want to believe he’s innocent. I do believe he’s innocent and yet I can’t help having doubts. And hard as I try, I can’t reach him.”

  Grace gently massaged Carl’s shoulders.

  “He needs to know I’m there for him,” Carl said. “He needs to know I’ll stand by him. Yet I have to force myself into that space. I’m sure he senses that. How awful it must be to have a father who suspects the worst of you.”

  Grace slipped her arms around Carl’s chest and hugged him from behind. He didn’t turn around or return her hug, but he did take her hand in his and hold it to his heart.

  “Could you still love me if Adam did harm Caitlin?” he asked softly.

  The truth was she didn’t know. She hoped so, but there was no guarantee. She said, “Of course.”

  ~~~~

  They had wine with dinner. Carl had put music on and it soothed the rough edges of their silences. But the meal was not without tension.

  They were eating at the same table, Grace reminded herself. That was progress.

  “How is Lucy handling this?” Grace asked.

  “I don’t know. I’ve been so preoccupied with Adam, I guess I haven’t paid much attention.”

  “She needs you, Carl. Maybe as much as Adam does.”

  “I know that, but I only have so much to give.” His tone was short. He picked at his food.

  “Adam isn’t the only one not eating,” she said lightly.

  “Don’t nag me, Grace.”

  Silence again.

  Carl pushed a piece of chicken from one side of his plate to the other. “Mimi is having a hard time dealing with Adam. And he’s there at the house alone in the afternoons. I don’t think that’s good for him.”

  “You go by after work.”

  “For an hour or so. It’s not the same as living there, being available to him all the time.”

  Grace wanted to remind him that Adam wasn’t talking anyway, but she had the sense to keep the thought to herself.

  “Mimi thinks Adam needs me. He needs a father’s influence.”

  “He’s getting that.”

  “Only in bits and pieces. She thinks he needs to be with me full-time. I agree.”

  “How are you going to manage that?” Grace wondered if Carl was going to suggest moving back in with Mimi, except she knew that would never happen. Grace had never been jealous of his first wife because she knew how Carl felt about her, what a mismatch they were.

  “He could live here,” Carl offered.

  “I doubt Adam would like that. I must be the last person he wants to see.”

  “You could stay with Sandy.”

  “What?” Grace was sure she must have misunderstood.

  “I’m just talking a few days, Grace. A couple of weeks at the most.”

  “You want me to move out?”

  “Short term.”

  “This is my house. My home.”

  “It’s also mine. And Adam’s.”

  Grace was aghast. She felt light-headed. Like her lungs might collapse.

  Carl must have read her reaction in her face. “Okay, forget it. It was just a thought.”

  Only it was also much more than that. Grace couldn’t believe Carl could suggest such a thing.

  “I’ll get an apartment,” he said without looking at her.

  “An apartment?”

  “Nothing with a lease, just month to month.” He put down his fork and raised his eyes to hers. “I need to do this, Grace. I need to do it for Adam.”

  Grace had lost her appetite. She felt the burn of tears in her eyes. “Have you finished your dinner?” she asked.

  Carl nodded. “I guess I’m not very hungry.” He poured himself another glass of wine and retreated to the den. Probably to look for apartment rentals online.

  So much for climbing out of hell.

  Grace scraped their untouched food into plastic containers and stacked the dishwasher. Then she grabbed a jacket and decided to go for a walk.

  Chapter 35

  It was past seven when Rayna arrived home that evening. As had become her habit these past few days, she checked the answering machine first, dreading another call like Monday’s. The oddly hollow voice haunted her as much as the message: The fun has just begun. But with each passing day, she’d grown less uneasy about it. Probably some high school kid pumped up on dope or his own ego. Or maybe even Seth Robbins. She wouldn’t put it past the little twerp.

  After she’d changed out of her work clothes and into jeans, she made a cup of ginger peach tea and took it into the den with a grape and a leftover strand of spaghetti for Anastasia. The bulk of the hamster’s diet was dried pet food and nuts, but Kimberly had insisted on supplementing that with daily morsels of human food, and Rayna made certain to carry on the tradition.

  She set her tea on the desk, opened the cage, and reached in for the hamster, cuddling her in both hands. Kimberly and her dad had often laid out a makeshift playground with boxes and blocks and a sawdust “sandbox.” They would also make a “legs-to-legs” pen with their outstretched limbs, and let Anastasia run free in the open space between. After Marc died, Rayna had tried to fill in for him, but Kimberly had preferred to play with her pet solo. She’d spent hours talking to the hamster and letting it run around her room. Now, Rayna managed little more than five minutes of contact a day with Anastasia.

  The soft ball of fur was warm in her hands. She ran a thumb over the animal’s silky smooth head and felt anew the losses that marked her life.

  When the phone rang, she jumped. She put the hamster back in her cage, then checked caller ID. Private Number. Could it be the caller from Monday night?

  She took a breath and picked up.

  “Rayna?” Paul Nesbitt’s voice.

  She started breathing again. “The readout didn’t show your number.”

  “I’m at my sister’s. My phone battery’s dead so I’m borrowing her phone. How have you been? I get the impression you’re avoiding me.”

  “Not avoiding you, just busy.”

  “I figured that might be part of it. I guess my office didn’t exactly make
things any easier for you.”

  She responded with a humorless laugh. “Don’t get me started.”

  “I’m glad it wasn’t me who had to make the call not to proceed.”

  “That makes two of us.”

  “Then we’re still friends?”

  “Of course.” She added lightly, “Unless you’ve done something unforgivable I don’t know about.”

  “Not a chance. Listen, since we’re still friends, how about dinner tonight? I’m just about to leave my sister’s house. I can meet you somewhere or I can come pick you up.”

  “I’m not really up for dinner. I ate a big, late lunch.”

  “How about I stop by for a bit then? I’ll bring a nice bottle of wine and maybe some cheese.”

  Rayna hesitated. She did enjoy Paul’s company and it was certainly better than moping around all evening, feeling sorry for herself.

  “I have to be in court early tomorrow morning,” he added, “so I won’t stay late.”

  No pressure about sex, in other words. “Sure that would be—”

  Her pager went off and she checked the number. Hank.

  “Paul, let me call you right back. There may be something going on at work. I just got an urgent page from my partner.”

  ~~~~

  Grace still couldn’t believe Carl had asked her to move out. That he’d wanted her out. But he’d been serious about it. Just as he was now serious about getting an apartment for himself and Adam. Leaving her.

  The night air was cool and damp. Wispy clouds drifted across the sky, occasionally blocking the almost full moon. Stars twinkled then disappeared, only to emerge again minutes later. Grace turned up the collar of her jacket and shoved her hands into her pockets, overwhelmed by sadness.

  So much for her earlier resolve. She’d tried, hadn’t she? She’d reached out to Carl, made him a nice dinner, and what had she gotten in return? A husband who asked if she wouldn’t mind moving out for a while.

  She replayed their conversation in her mind, trying to understand. It was only natural Carl would be worried about Adam, even if he wasn’t convinced of Adam’s innocence. Wasn’t Carl’s love for his children one of the qualities she admired in him? She’d have lost respect for him if he’d turned his back on his son. And hadn’t she gone to police about Adam because when push came to shove, Caitlin was her overriding concern? She couldn’t fault Carl for supporting Adam. He hadn’t chosen Adam over her anymore than she’d chosen Caitlin over him. They were both doing what they needed to do. It didn’t mean they didn’t still love each other.

  Grace picked up her step. Exercise helped clear her head. Marriage was a rocky business, but you didn’t turn away when things got tough. Through better and worse, wasn’t that the vow they’d made to each other? Somehow, she and Carl would make it through this. The important thing was to remember they had each other.

  She would help him look for an apartment if it came to that. He’d said it would be a temporary arrangement. One that was necessary because of Adam, not because Carl wanted to distance himself from her. An apartment made the most sense. Even if she were willing to move out, she couldn’t impose on Sandy. That he’d even suggest that showed how desperate he was. But they’d work on a solution together. She’d explain all of this to Carl when she got home. She’d tell him she understood. She’d rub his shoulders and tell him she wanted to make things work. She’d ask him to come to bed upstairs.

  Grace looked up at the sky and found a star. Though it was far from the first star of the night, she made a wish. Two wishes really. One for Caitlin’s safe return, the other for her and Carl. She rounded the corner of her street with a lighter heart than she’d had starting out.

  Because there were no flashing lights or sirens, Grace was almost home before a familiar dark sedan parked in front of their house registered in Grace’s consciousness. Detective Rayna Godwin’s car.

  Grace ran the rest of the way home.

  Chapter 36

  Rayna had taken a seat on the sofa across from Carl when she heard the front door slam. She glanced over at Carl, who was already getting to his feet. A moment later Grace flew into the living room still wearing her coat and hat.

  “What is it?” Grace’s eyes were wide, her expression frantic. “You have news about Caitlin?”

  Rayna had driven there straight from her own place after getting Hank’s call, and had arrived only a few minutes earlier. She could tell from Carl’s expression that he sensed her visit brought unwelcome news, but she hadn’t had a chance to tell him the particulars.

  Carl hugged Grace, then turned to face Rayna. His face was as white as Grace’s.

  “You’ve found something?” he asked in a shaky voice.

  Rayna swallowed, dreading what came next. “We have a report,” she said, forcing the words out. “A report of a body that’s washed up along the river east of town.”

  “Oh God.” Grace buried her head in her hands.

  “It might not be Caitlin,” Rayna added quickly. “But it’s a girl about Caitlin’s age and the description fits.”

  Coming here first flew in the face of standard procedure. Rayna knew she should have gone directly to the scene, but she didn’t want Grace to learn about the discovery on the news as she had when Karen Holiday’s body was found. Especially not this time, when Rayna feared Grace’s nightmare would become a reality.

  “I’m on my way out there right now,” Rayna explained. “I should know more in a couple of hours. I just wanted you to be prepared. In case.”

  The muscles in Grace’s jaw tensed as she struggled to maintain her composure. Then her mouth quivered, and suddenly she was sobbing. Her shoulders shook and she took great gulping breaths as if she were drowning. In some respects, Rayna knew, she was. Drowning in grief. Choking on a loss so overwhelming it sucked the air right out of your lungs. Rayna remembered the feeling. No matter how prepared you were for the worst, you never really were.

  “I’m so sorry,” Rayna said softly. “I pray that I’m wrong about this.”

  Grace nodded, then buried her face against Carl’s chest.

  Rayna plumbed the depths of her mind for something more to say, but there really wasn’t anything. She let herself out.

  ~~~~

  Half an hour later, shivering in the cold night air, Rayna stopped to catch her breath. Mud sucked at the soles of her heavy leather boots, causing her to move with an unsteady gait. She’d twice slid on the uneven terrain and come close to losing her balance countless times. The dark night and heavy vegetation along the river’s edge didn’t help matters.

  “We’re not going to learn anything out here,” Hank complained, scraping clods of wet muck from his work boots with a stick. “Not tonight anyway.”

  “You’re probably right.” But still, Rayna felt they needed to be there. Needed to see the spot along the shore where a body had become entangled in a jam of fallen trees. Needed to form a firsthand impression of what was, for now, being treated as a crime scene, although Rayna felt certain the victim had gone into the river farther upstream. She wanted answers for Grace, and for herself.

  The body was that of a young female and appeared to have been submerged for a couple of weeks. Because of bloating and distortion from the water, and tissue damage from being dragged and pounded with the current, identification would need to be verified by dental records. Since they’d obtained Caitlin’s when Karen Holiday’s body was discovered, it wouldn’t take long, and Rayna felt certain they’d confirm what she already felt in her gut. The fragments of clothing that remained matched the description of the hooded sweatshirt and jeans Caitlin had been wearing when she disappeared.

  Rayna pulled her jacket tight against the wind. And against the thoughts that filled her head.

  The beam of a flashlight flickered their way. A uniformed officer approached. “Do you have any further need for Mr. Aaronson?” he asked.

  “Not tonight. He can go on home.”

  Aaronson, a retired lumberman w
ho lived nearby, had been walking with his dog when he discovered what he’d originally thought was a pile of garbage caught in the branches of a log jam. The unexpectedly erratic behavior of his pooch had caused him to take a closer look. He said he could have gone a lifetime without seeing what he’d seen then.

  Rayna understood. She had trouble with floaters herself. And remembering the smiling and bright-eyed Caitlin she’d seen in photographs, Rayna had had to force herself to take even a fleeting look at the corpse.

  Technicians from the coroner’s office loaded the body bag onto a stretcher and began the arduous climb up to the road. Rayna bit her lip to keep her emotions in control.

  “You okay?” Hank asked. “You don’t look so good.”

  “I’m fine.” Rayna’s tone was curt. She knew Hank meant well, but his newfound knowledge of her own personal tragedy seemed to have him treating her with kid gloves. She preferred the old blunt-spoken, rough-around-the-edges Hank.

  “You going to attend the autopsy?” he asked.

  “Not unless Jessup thinks I should.” And she knew he wouldn’t. Bill Jessup didn’t like cops in his morgue. He had nothing against cops in general, but wanted to be left alone to do his job without having to answer questions or explain himself as he worked. His reports were thorough, however, and he was more than willing to answer questions after the fact. The arrangement suited Rayna just fine.

  “If it’s Caitlin,” Hank said, “we’ve got our body. Do you think that will make a difference? With the DA, I mean?”

  “I imagine it depends on what else we learn.”

  Hank looked around. “That’s not going to be much. A body in the water that long . . .” He shuddered. “You know that spot Adam treated as his own sanctuary, the place where we found Caitlin’s ring and her initials carved in stone? It’s straight up river from here.”

  “There are a lot of spots straight up river from here,” Rayna said. “A lot of places it could have happened.”

  “But none of the others have ties to a potential suspect.”

  Rayna nodded. It was a tenuous link, but a link nonetheless. Would it be enough to convince the DA to file charges? And assuming Adam had killed Caitlin, had he killed Karen Holiday? Rayna would like nothing more than to see both cases wrapped up and behind her.