Gifts of Love

by Raine Cantrell

“Oh, I can’t. I still need to…to—”

  “It can wait.” Mace closed his eyes, hearing his harsh command. He looked at her and decided there was no sense in delaying what he was determined to say. “We need to talk, Erin. No one’s around now, and this can’t be put off any longer.”

  Without a word, she chose a chair two places down from his and saw that it annoyed him. Clasping her hands in her lap where he couldn’t see them, she steeled herself for whatever blow he intended.

  “Must you look like a scared rabbit?”

  “Pardon?”

  “You, Erin. You’re sitting there, scrunching up, ready to jump and run.”

  “Well, Mr. Dalton, if I was looking at you the way you are staring at me, I’d like to see how you’d be sitting!”

  “That bad, huh?”

  “Likely more,” she returned in a prim voice.

  Mace threw back his head, laughing.

  Stunned, Erin merely stared, but in moments, his laughter became infectious and she joined in. His droll expressions brought a fresh burst from her, for she had never heard him like this, or knew that he could mock himself with comments that made her laugh until her sides ached. As suddenly as the laughter had started, it stopped. Erin wiped her eyes.

  “Foolish woman,” he teased, “how can you cry when you laugh?”

  “It’s your fault. I don’t remember ever laughing so hard.”

  The smile she offered warmed his insides. Laughter was a good sound to hear, even better to share, and Mace was well aware that it had been missing from his home since Sky died.

  But his expression was so sober that Erin rose from her place.

  “Don’t leave. We haven’t talked.”

  “I’ll get your coffee, first.” Anything to put off what she sensed was coming. Taking his favorite large cup from the corner cupboard, she filled it near the brim. Mace took no milk; he liked his coffee black and strong.

  “Aren’t you having any?” he asked when she set the cup in front of him.

  “No. I find it…no.”

  “Finish what you were going to say.”

  She cringed at his demand, hating herself for it. “The coffee,” she said softly, “upsets me, so I haven’t been drinking it.”

  “Oh.” Well, Mace, there’s your opening and all you can say is “oh.” He sipped from his cup and set it down. “It’s what I wanted to talk about. Your baby.” She nodded, her gaze firmly focused on the table. She was back to sitting like a scared rabbit, he bitterly noted. “A decision needs to be made about what to say.”

  “Yes,” she whispered through dry lips, once again clutching her hands together in her lap.

  “The children need to be told,” he continued in a neutral voice.

  “Whatever you want.”

  “So kindly accommodating? Thank you.” But Mace was disappointed to see that his sarcasm did not revive the spark of spirit he had been witness to earlier. She seemed determined to make this as difficult as possible for him. “Ketch already knows.”

  Well, that got her attention. Her skin paled and her head rose slowly as her gaze locked with his. Mace nodded to make sure she understood. He again lifted his cup and swallowed a mouthful, watching her over the rim, as if by will he could keep her attention on him.

  “Ketch has known about it for a few weeks. That day Owhi came with the salmon, he told him that you’d be having a child in four moons. Ketch can add as well as any man.”

  “But how…” She swallowed, trying again. “How did this Owhi know?”

  “He’s the best tracker around here. No one’s his equal. I’ve seen him. He can tell the height and weight of a man, whether he’s right or left-handed, even his age, just by his footprint. Owhi, as I said, is the best.”

  Erin was too upset to question him, but she wished she knew if this Owhi had mentioned it to anyone else. The thought of the men knowing made her head begin to pound. Absently rubbing her forehead with one hand, she understood why Ketch had been distant with her recently. More pressing was the question of what Mace intended to do.

  She was at a loss as to how to act with Mace. He made her feel vulnerable, like a cornered animal, whenever he came close. Now, he was watching her every breath with those dark eyes that hid his own thoughts. His features were set in a stern expression and his overwhelming sense of raw power rested comfortably on his broad shoulders.

  Mace was almost sorry he had confronted her with this. But, much as it bothered him to see her upset, he knew they had to talk about it.

  “You could,” he finally said, breaking the stretching silence, “say that you had been recently widowed and needed to marry quickly because you lost your home.”

  “If that’s what you want.” Even as Erin murmured assent, she thought of Maddie suggesting the very same thing and her own refusal.

  “You don’t like what I said, Erin.”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It sure does. You came up with a good enough tale to hook me, so you can put some effort into helping me with this one.” Immediately, he wished he could take back the words. Her face whitened until he thought she would faint. “Erin, I—”

  “Don’t say you’re sorry. You spoke the truth as you see it.” She stared beyond him, trying to wrap the pain inside her and keep it in a small enough place to deal with later. She swallowed, her mouth so dry that it hurt her to talk to him. “Are you finished with me?”

  His gaze tracked the soft trembling of her mouth and, despite his will to the contrary, his thoughts answered her question in another way. Just as his body did. He knew he would not be finished with her until the ache inside him eased. His own vow came back to taunt him. He was a man of pride and honor, and he couldn’t forget that he had given his word to stay away from her. But did he have to be put on a rack for it?

  “No, I’m not finished. We can’t let this wait, Erin.”

  “Then we…I shall say that. Anything you want. That I lied. That I…” She couldn’t say more. The pounding in her head increased and her stomach churned. She tried to fight both, knowing that further upset was not good for her child. That meant getting away from Mace. But one look at the scowl he wore told her he wasn’t done. A chill shivered over her skin. Erin knew her body was warning her it had reached its limits.

  She jumped when he suddenly shoved back his chair so hard it fell over, but he was up and around the table before she could move.

  “Is that what you thought I wanted? That you should lie?”

  His voice was soft, making it all the more chilling to her. Knowing she was going to be sick if she didn’t get away from him quickly, she answered without thought.

  “I don’t know. What’s more, I don’t care.” She braced her hands on the edge of the table and started to push her chair back, but he stood directly behind her, stopping the motion.

  “If you want to say I trapped you, say it. If you want to say I lied, do so! If you want…if you want to go to hell, do that, too!” she yelled, feeling the hysteria rise along with her lack of control.

  “Move away, Mr. Dalton, else you’ll find yourself the unwilling recipient of the result of your talk.”

  “Again?”

  In mute misery, Erin nodded, waving one hand to motion him away.

  Guilt for upsetting her, Mace told himself, was the only reason he stayed.

  When Cosi walked in and saw Mace holding Erin while she heaved over the dry sink, he asked what was wrong.

  It was the same guilt that made Mace snap, “Fool, she’s having a baby!”

  A lone lantern lit the bunkhouse where Cosi, Ray, Pete and Ketch sat around the battered table. The silence since Cosi had told them what Mace said and Ketch verified that baby wasn’t Mace’s was stretching to the point of becoming uncomfortable.

  Ketch knew they were waiting for him to speak, and he kept them waiting. He had not reconciled himself to the fact that Erin had lied to Mace. And he felt guilty that his nagging pushed Mace to marry again, pushed him right int
o Erin’s arms. He gazed down the long narrow interior, lined with single wooden bunks against the walls, pinning his stare on the potbellied wood stove in the center of the room that threw off its heat to where they all sat.

  Yet, as much as he wanted to feel angry with Erin, he couldn’t. He liked her. Liked what she had done for Jake and Becky. She hadn’t changed from the caring woman he knew her to be. His feelings toward Erin warred with his loyalty to Mace. Ketch shook his head. He didn’t know what to say or do.

  The call for supper would be coming soon, and Pete, the youngest and the most impatient, broke the silence. “Like Cosi said, we can count as well as the next man. The baby she’s having ain’t the boss’s. But Miz Erin don’t seem like no soiled dove to me. Can’t figure how a lady like her got short-skirted. The thing is, what’re we gonna do about it?”

  “Don’t see,” Ray drawled, “that’s our place. We ain’t got to do a damn thing. Boss married her. She’s his responsibility.”

  “Aw, Ray, you know what I meant,” Pete insisted. “How you figure on acting? Ketch, you understand. What d’ya say?”

  “Don’t reckon this is one of the times I’ve got a sure answer for you, boy.” Ketch sat forward, hunching his shoulders, forearms resting flat on the table. “I’m the one that pushed Mace to get married. Didn’t think he got the short end when I first saw Erin. Pretty she was, and still is, now that she got some weight on her. Seein’ her gussied up like a lady made me figure she was one. Manners sure fit the picture.

  “Don’t mind confessin’ I’m proud of the way she took to Jake and Becky. Those kids needed themselves a ma and Erin took to them right off. But this business’s thrown me.” He didn’t want to tell them he had known about her baby long before. The men weren’t blood, but they’d been together for almost three years, Pete being the last to join them, Ray five years before and Cosi seven. Cosi was the only one who had known Sky, and he’d feel right put out that Ketch didn’t tell him. Shaking his head again, he muttered, “Don’t know what more to say.”

  “Well, I know,” Cosi stated, shoving his chair back. “Miz Erin’s done fine by me. I figure to treat her just like I always do. She ain’t no light skirt chasing after men. I’d know,” he said with a glare at the others that dared them to remark about his reputation with women. “The way I see it, whatever’s happened to her don’t change what she is. This kinda talk ain’t getting us nowhere. What we need to figure on now is how to help her.”

  The nods of agreement pleased Ketch, both for Erin and for Mace. He knew Mace’s pride would not allow him to take a slight to his wife quietly. Mace would try taking on each one of these men, and then fire him.

  “Cosi’s got the right idea,” Ketch said. “But don’t go all fired up and get the boss mad, either. He’s been makin’ sure we’re all workin’ away while he’s been keepin’ tight to the place. They got some problems of their own that need workin’ out. Too many of us hangin’ round after hearing ’bout this baby would light up his temper.”

  “Only if he catches us.” With a wide grin Pete looked at each of the others. “Guess I can get by with less shuteye. Won’t take much with four of us doin’ her outside chores. An’ we won’t say anything to the boss so his pride don’t get bruised. When he’s ready to say what needs saying he will.”

  Ray stood up, drawing their attention. “Why’re you all figurin’ that she needs our help? She ain’t no puny thing. Proved that already. Hell, my ma had seven of us an’ never lost more’n a day between them.”

  “I’m keeping the woodpile full and you can do as you want, Ray.” Pete pushed back his chair and rose.

  The clang of the supper bell came, yet no one ran for the door as they usually did, for Ketch stopped them.

  “Listen up, you three. Don’t act different. Mace ain’t gonna like that. Take my word, the man’s strung tighter than skin set to dry.”

  Once more came their nods of agreement as the bell pealed again.

  “Last thing,” Ketch warned. “Remember they’s wed lawful. Ain’t a one of you got the job to be offerin’ comfort to another man’s woman.”

  “Hear you,” Pete and Ray said together.

  Only Cosi remained silent and Ketch eyed him. “Yeah, Ketch, I hear you.”

  “Know that. Thing is, do you understand me?”

  Cosi was out the door and never answered.

  Erin watched the men file into the kitchen for supper. She prayed that the Lord would help her get through the next few hours. Mace had insisted, as long as she felt well, that she not go off and hide herself. Erin wanted to do nothing else. Two heaping bowls of stewed chicken and dumplings were quickly passed along. Biscuits and butter followed peas. Erin took her seat without looking at anyone. She knew her prayer had been answered when Cosi started talking about the cows he had selected for breeding. One of the knots in her stomach unfurled, easing the tension that held her in its grip.

  When that subject lagged, Jake bragged about the doings of Scrap, and Becky was quick to tease him. Another of the knots opened and Erin took a deep breath, releasing it when she realized that this was going to be a supper like on any other night.

  No, she corrected herself, glancing up to find Mace’s eyes on her. Not quite the same. His scowl was gone. When she heard him say the stew was good, and agreement came quickly from the others, Erin thought her ears deceived her.

  Long before the men were finished, Jake began to squirm in his chair when Scrap started whining near the door.

  “Can I let him out, Erin?”

  “Go on, Jake, and Becky, you go with him,” Mace said. Before Becky had a chance to answer, he added, “And check on Tariko’s colt for me. Make sure he’s got water.”

  The moment the door closed, Mace set his fork down and cleared his throat. “I’ve got an announcement to make.” He avoided Erin’s panicked look. He was having trouble trying to think of exactly what to say. They had to be told, just as his children did, and that, too, had to come from him.

  “Boss?” Ketch said, nudging him from his thoughts. “You were saying.”

  “Yeah, so I was. I was saying that me and Erin are having a baby.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Erin heard him, but she felt as if someone had used a broom handle on her middle. The breath seemed to leave her in a rush and she couldn’t get it back fast enough. She dug up the courage to glance around and see how this startling announcement was taken. Cosi smiled, and Pete and Ray both were grinning, murmuring their well wishes. She was stunned. And Mace’s words, those precious words that they were going to have a baby…why, it sounded as if…as if he was claiming this child as his own.

  “Settle down, all of you,” Mace said, feeling uncomfortable with the attention. “There’s more I need to tell.”

  Eyes wide with disbelief, Erin stared at him. “There is?” she whispered, unaware that she had spoken. But Mace nodded, and surely she was mistaken that his eyes appeared somewhat kinder than ever before.

  A warmth stole through Mace to see Erin, even if she appeared stunned by what he was saying. He hadn’t been sure that he would claim her child as his, but the glitter of tears in her eyes convinced him what he was doing was right. He now knew exactly what to say. Erin was, as she claimed this day, his wife. By his words and actions she would be respected or not. He could not throw her on his men’s mercy and tell the truth. The truth would have not only his men but decent folks hereabouts shun her. Those, he amended to himself, who had not already condemned her for marrying a man with two half-breed children. In the long moments that passed, Mace found himself remembering how Erin accepted his children and showed her love for them. He wasn’t only doing this to salvage his own pride, but Jake’s and Becky’s as well.

  “A time back,” Mace began, “when I was trying to find that breeding bull, I was down in San Francisco way. I met Erin then. It wasn’t time for us to talk about marriage, but when she wrote and told me about the little one on the way we made our plans in a hurry.”r />
  Mace sat back, one arm bent over the chair back, a very satisfied smile curving his lips. Ketch caught his gaze, and Mace could feel the slight flush that crept up the back of his neck. Ketch knew he was lying. Mace wouldn’t back down, though. Thankfully, Ketch was the only one who knew about his answering Erin’s advertisement in the newspapers. While he held Ketch’s gaze, Mace remembered, as he was sure Ketch also was, what he told his men about his forthcoming marriage. It had been little enough so no one could point a finger and say he was lying now.

  “Well, Ketch,” Pete was the first to say, “guess the boss had you hornswoggled but good.”

  But Ketch didn’t look at Pete or acknowledge his remark. He was still staring at Mace. There was a silent plea in Mace’s eyes that he refused to deny. Just like the time he had stood by when Mace told his folks that he was going to marry Sky and nothing would stop him, not even them ordering him to leave their home. Mace had not asked him to go with him. Ketch had made his own decision, for he loved Mace like a son. Slowly, then, he nodded, a smile breaking over his lips. He turned to face Erin.

  “Boy’s right. I got hornswoggled but good this time.”

  Erin searched his face for a sign of heat, but his gaze remained steady and calm. There was no anger underlying his words. And the nodding continued as she responded with a shy smile that silently thanked him while her eyes flooded with relief.

  Later, when Mace asked her to allow him to tell his children alone, she agreed. But as she waited in the kitchen to learn their reactions, she found herself pacing before the hallway entrance. She was so tempted to listen at the bedroom door, but something held her back. This was a private time for Mace and his children. And she had enough to sort through on her own.

  The big rocker easily held Mace’s powerful frame along with Becky and Jake. With an arm around each of them, he knew he had done the right thing in assuming responsibility for the telling as well as for the child. The glow in Erin’s eyes, the flush of her cheeks, the shy smile that never quite left her lips as he helped her with the dishes, all brought him a warmth that seemed to increase as he held his children.