Life of the Party

by Christine Anderson

  “When, tonight?” Grey looked up hopefully. His blue eyes smiled at me. I grinned back; my first actual sincere smile of the day was for him. Just his voice buoyed me.

  “No.” I laughed. “For her wedding, three weeks from Saturday. Remember? You’re coming with me.”

  “Oh, yeah. Right ….” Grey looked sheepish. He cleared his throat as a sudden silence descended over the room. Zack and Alex avoided my gaze.

  “What’s going on?” I wondered. “Can you not come?”

  “Well … our recording schedule just came in. We fly out this Sunday for the studio.”

  “This Sunday? Like, four days from now?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Wow,” I was incredulous. “That’s exciting.” It took me a minute to process, for this new information to register in my already exhausted frame of mind. I smiled at him again, but this time it was forced. Really, could this day get any worse? I mean, it was awesome that the guys were going to record their music. They had worked so hard, they were so talented, and they totally deserved it. Still, I was selfish enough to wish it wasn’t happening at all. I didn’t want Grey to leave me.

  “How long will you be gone for?”

  “I don’t know. A few weeks probably, maybe a month. However long it takes to make the record.” He shrugged.

  “Really? A month?” My stomach sank at the thought. I was happy for him, I really was, but I couldn’t help feeling deflated. That interminable amount of time stretched out in my mind, seeming like forever, feeling that way already. He was going to be gone for the rest of the summer. I was going to be alone for the rest of the summer.

  “Hey, I’ll be your date for the wedding.” Charlie promised in an effort to lighten the mood. “I’ve even got a matching tutu I could wear.”

  “You do?” Zack grinned at her.

  “Thanks Charlie.” My voice was quiet, subdued, ignored over the sudden deafening cheers as Zack flipped his quarter expertly into the cup. It was Grey’s turn to drink then. They carried on with their game, laughing and cheering, completely oblivious to me and my utter disappointment. I stood by a moment, vexed, my arms crossed impatiently as I watched and waited for something else—more of an explanation or maybe even an apology, but none came. It didn’t help that everyone was half-cut while I felt completely sober; the cocaine seemed to have already worn off, which made me even angrier as I listened to their stupid, happy jabber. Finally, in frustration, I headed down the hallway to my room and shut the door behind me.

  I flopped down on my bed, grumbling as I dug through the dead grass scattered inside my purse until I found the vial again. Eagerly I snorted back the blow, doing more and more, trying to drown out the happy laughter from the kitchen with the dim buzzing in my head. Finally spent, I lay back and stared up at the ceiling, nearly overwhelmed by the sheer volume of cocaine shooting through my veins. My hands were trembling.

  I looked around my room, my eyes darting rapidly as I tried to catch my breath. It was a fairly tiny space, holding just my bed and my dresser. The walls were totally bare. It was already as messy as my room had been at home, and now I had to do my own laundry. Once in a while Charlie and I would load up her car with garbage bags of our clothes and do them all in one day at the local Laundromat, but for the most part they just lay wherever I threw them off at night until I was desperate for some clean ones.

  I grabbed my stash of cigarettes from the nightstand and lit one. Even though I was super high now, I felt no urge to join my friends. I preferred to sit alone and feel sorry for myself, alert enough to think rationally about how much life sucked at the moment, but high enough now that it didn’t really bother me. Even without feeling, I knew how badly I was going to miss Grey, how I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it, even for a day. And he’d been so casual about it, so aloof—like it didn’t even matter that we’d be spending a month of more apart, like it was no big deal.

  There came a sudden knock on my door. I looked towards the noise, but didn’t answer until the knocking came again.

  “Mackenzie?” It was Grey.

  “Yeah?”

  The door opened to reveal him, and most of my anger melted away at just the sight. He would always have that affect on me, it really wasn’t fair. Dressed in his dark jeans and a red Volcom t-shirt, his dark hair was hidden behind a well worn hat, his perfect lips curved into a cautious smile, his gorgeous blue eyes—though a bit bleary—looked at me hopefully.

  “Can I come in?”

  “Sure.” I was twitching as I looked back up at the roof. The bed sunk as Grey lay down next to me; his weight caused the springs to groan. I smelt his delicious cologne and tried to breathe it in as deeply as I could while remaining as stiff beside him as possible.

  “Your room’s a mess.” He noticed with a chuckle. “What are you doing in here? Aren’t you going to come and join us?”

  “No.” I shook my head, my teeth grinding.

  “Why not?”

  I rubbed at my nose with a shaky hand, avoiding his gaze.

  “You’re mad about the recording thing, aren’t you? ‘ Cause I’ll be missing the wedding?” He asked.

  “No.” I managed to answer.

  “Yes you are.”

  “No, I’m not.” My heart was pounding in my chest and my skin shone with the cool sheen of sweat. Heat was pouring off of me. I sat up and looked at Grey. “I’m not mad, really,” I panted, “I’m happy for you. I mean … I’m going to miss … I’m going to miss ….”

  “Hey, Mackenzie … are you okay?” He sat up and looked at me, his face concerned, his eyebrows furrowed. “You don’t look so good.”

  “What … yeah, I just ….” I pressed a hand to my chest. It felt like someone was sitting on it, or pushing against it or something, like I couldn’t breathe. I wiped a hand over my damp face and got up off the bed, but the change made me feel dizzy and I staggered back against it. I fanned myself with my hand. “I just … I gotta ….” What did I have to do? Wasn’t there something I had to do?

  “Mackenzie,” Grey was suddenly before me. When did he get there? He was waving his hand before my face as if trying to get my attention. I felt the sudden urge to run, like I had to get away from the mounting panic balling in my stomach. My hands were tingling like they had fallen asleep. I stared blankly in front of me, trying to think, trying to get my mind right. There was something I had to do. Run. I wanted to run.

  “Mackenzie!” Grey’s face was close to mine—too close, he was stealing my breath. I couldn’t breathe. His hands were on my arms, burning me, searing my skin. “Mackenzie, look at me!” He implored.

  Then everything went blurry, like water poured on a painting, and there was a flash of white, blinding light that engulfed my entire being. I knew nothing more.

  CHAPTER 32

  “Mackenzie, Mackenzie, shit, wake up. Wake up!” Grey’s voice was the first thing that registered in my mind. It sounded hoarse, like he had been screaming, like he was frantic with worry. I turned my head towards the sound, struggling to open my heavy eyelids. My throat was dry and sore as I swallowed sluggishly. My head was pounding.

  “Grey?” I choked out, my voice cracking. I felt terrible, like every single cell in my body was sick, but at least I could breathe now. I inhaled deeply, which made me cough, and my entire body radiated with pain from the action. I opened my eyes.

  Grey was leaning over me, his blue eyes looking me over, a mixture of worry and relief playing on his face. He let out a breath and dropped his head into his hands.

  “Holy shit, Mackenzie. Don’t you ever do that to me again.”

  “What happened?” I wondered slowly. I couldn’t really remember anything past the overwhelming flash of white.

  “You had a seizure.” Grey shook his head at me in disbelief. “How much friggin’ coke did you do today?”

  “I don’t know ….” I swallowed thickly, trying to remember. “A bit.”

  “A bit.” He repeated, his face grim. “Yo
u mean enough to make you O.D. Right?”

  I didn’t know what to say to that. I bit my lip and shut my eyes instead. My head was pounding fiercely. “My head hurts,” I complained, trying to change the subject.

  “Your whole body’s going to hurt. You were thrashing into everything.” Grey shook his head again, as if he were reliving the moment but trying to rid himself of the memory. “I couldn’t stop you. I tried everything.”

  “Really?” I tried to imagine it. I couldn’t believe what had happened, I felt so normal now, I just couldn’t picture myself convulsing there on the floor like a fish flapping around out of water. The throbbing in my head and my arms and my legs proved it really happened though, that I’d really had a seizure, one that must have been terrifying to witness. I looked up at Grey and his face was hard, almost like the worry made him angry. His eyes didn’t leave me for a second.

  I gave him a shaky smile. “I’m sorry, Grey. I’m okay now, though. I mean, I feel okay, at least. Wow. Has this … ever happened to you before?”

  “Yeah, once.” He admitted. “We’d been doing coke all day before a show. I just blacked out, and woke up with this huge gash across my chin. Everyone was amazed that I was still alive. I wound up getting stitches and had to do the show with this huge bandage.”

  “But you were okay after?”

  “Yeah.” Grey remembered. “I mean, I did end up going to the hospital, but it was more for the cut than the coke.”

  “Why does it happen?”

  “It’s like any overdose. Your body just shuts down, it can’t handle it.”

  “Crazy.”

  “Yeah. Coke leaves your system pretty quickly though, so it doesn’t take long to recover. Thankfully.” Grey let out a shaky sigh. “Fuck, you scared me.”

  “I’m sorry, Grey.” Weakly I sat up, wedged on the floor between the bed and the dresser. My arms trembled, barely able to support me.

  “Here,” Grey stood up and grasped me under the arms with his strong hands, lifting me up from the floor with ease. He set me down gently on the bed. I felt weak and achy and my limbs were quivering. I hugged him for a minute before he let me go, breathing in his scent, loving the feel of his warm arms around me. I was surprised to find that I wasn’t even scared—though really, I could’ve died; who knows what would’ve happened if Grey hadn’t been there. But Grey was there, and I knew everything would be all right. I knew he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me. I felt totally safe with him, all the time.

  “Mackenzie.” He pulled away from me, his dark face serious. “You’ve got to be more careful.”

  “I know,” I realized. It had all happened so easily, too easily, I couldn’t even believe it. “I will, I’m sorry. I just … I had such a horrible day; I didn’t even think about how much I was doing. I just kept going, to try and make it better. You know?”

  “Yeah, but you gotta take it easy. You can’t go so hard all the time. You could’ve really hurt yourself. If I hadn’t been here ….” He cringed at the thought. “I don’t know. Maybe we should take you to the hospital.”

  “No, no, no.” I shook my head. “I’m fine, I promise.” I was achy and kind of nauseous, but I didn’t feel like I was dying anymore. I still felt a bit buzzed actually, dizzy from all the coke. “I’ll be fine. I won’t do anymore for a while, okay?”

  He hesitated “You promise?”

  “Promise.” I agreed quickly, almost too quickly. I wondered fleetingly how long we were talking about. I hoped hours and not days. Even now, after all I’d been through, after the sheer volume of cocaine I’d done that day, I still wanted more. I still craved the feeling that cocaine gave me … the superhero-ness of it all. I fumbled with a cigarette from my nightstand and lit it instead, hoping the nicotine would help to tide me over.

  “You’ll tell me if anything changes, right? Like if you suddenly can’t breathe or you go numb or something, let me know, okay?”

  “Of course.” I nodded.

  Grey sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, but he seemed convinced. He pulled himself back onto the bed and lay next to me, resting his arm around my waist. He seemed reluctant to let me go for even a second, but I didn’t mind it at all. I welcomed his warm body beside me, smiling at his proximity.

  “So, you wanna tell me what happened to make your day so terrible? You were just getting dresses, right, for the wedding?” He asked then, his voice low beside my ear.

  “Yeah.” I blew my smoke out in a hiss.

  “And?”

  “And … ugh, it’s just my stupid family. They’re so … I don’t know. They were just like, super bitchy all day, and then my mom made me go and sit in the car, like I was a five-year old on a time out or something. And for like, no reason at all. It was so embarrassing.”

  “Why did she do that?”

  “I don’t know. They think I’m trying to ruin everything or something. Like, tonight, when my mom dropped me off, she basically threatened to kick me out of Marcy’s wedding if I don’t behave myself. As if I’d really want to ruin my sister’s wedding. I’m not that horrible.” I scoffed. “It’s just so … it’s so frustrating.”

  “Why would they think that?”

  “I don’t know.” I shook my head and thought for a moment, blowing my smoke out, watching it dissipate in the air. Grey sat by patiently, waiting for me to continue. “My mom mentioned something about how I have this awful attitude, how she thinks I party too much. But so what? I’m young, I like to have fun. That doesn’t mean I’m going to get all wasted at my sister’s wedding and make a scene or something.”

  “Maybe she’s just worried about you.” Grey decided. I shot him a look.

  “No.” I scoffed. “That is definitely not it. If she’s worried about anyone, it’s my sister. She doesn’t want me getting in the way of Marcy’s happiness. Heaven forbid.” I rolled my eyes.

  “What makes you think that?” Grey asked, resting his head on his fist, watching me, his eyes narrowing as he listened. I glared at him again, but he held his hand up defensively. “Hey, I’m just trying to understand.”

  “Because, Grey. When it comes to Marcy, I don’t count. I mean, you should see her. She’s perfect, she’s always been perfect. Everything any parent could ever want in a daughter, she’s gorgeous and smart, and she’s going to be a doctor … I just, I can’t compete with her.” I shook my head in frustration. “Look, I don’t want to get into it, it’d take me all night. Just, trust me, okay?”

  “Okay …,” Grey wisely let the subject be, “… So … you came home, and you were already pissed, and then, when you heard we’d be leaving ….”

  “Yeah, that was kind of the breaking point.” I sighed. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t cool of me. Honestly, I hate that you’re leaving. But I am happy for you.” I looked up to show him that I meant it. I even smiled. “It’s awesome that you’re going to record your music, I just wish it wasn’t for so long.”

  “Well, while we’re being honest with each other,” Grey smirked, “I gotta admit, I’m kind of relieved to be missing the wedding. I mean, it sucks to let you down, but I hate that shit. I really do. The suit, the speeches, everything.”

  I giggled at him. “So do I ….” I groaned. “Maybe I should ruin it all. At least then it’d be over sooner.”

  “Did you say you were going to be a … ballerina, or something?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yes. Grey, honestly. We’re wearing tutus. Like, they come to here ….” I lifted my pant leg to show him, and as I did, I noticed for the first time the deep bruise covering most of my calf—it was purple in color and sore to the touch. “Oh shit,” I spoke in amazement, fairly alarmed by the welt. “Did I really do that to myself?”

  “I was afraid of that.” Grey’s handsome face was regretful as he inspected the wound. “I tried to stop it, but you were right between the dresser and the bed, and you bashed into them pretty hard.”

  “Oh, man,” I lifted up the other pant leg to reveal more bruises an
d smaller welts. Morbidly curious, I unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them off, my limbs groaning at me in the process. My thighs weren’t nearly as bad, there were some marks and a big bruise on my knee. I winced as Grey pressed lightly on it.

  Gently, he took his hand and ran it softly up the length of my leg. A wicked gleam lit his blue eyes as he did so, a smirk curling his lips.

  “We’d better get that shirt off too, just in case.” He decided. I giggled, and held my arms up for him to gently tug the tank top off over my head. It looked like I had bruised my ribs a bit but it didn’t hurt to breathe in, so Grey was satisfied for my health—but I could tell he wasn’t happy about my wounds.

  “I’m sorry. I should’ve pulled you out of the way or something, I wasn’t even thinking.” He shook his head. I looked up at him in amazement. His concern was so sweet, it surprised me. I couldn’t believe he thought in any way that this was his fault. I gazed into his gorgeous face, at his brilliant blue eyes full of such care, and was nearly overcome by the love I felt for him. He was so perfect, so beyond me, and yet there he was, with me … and I was laying before him in nothing but my underwear.

  I was suddenly very conscious of that fact. It became hard for me to breathe again, but it had nothing to do with the cocaine and everything to do with Grey. Pure heat shivered up my spine at just the slightest brush of his fingers. I remembered the newfound confidence that had swept over me earlier that afternoon, and determined now, I decided to do something about it.

  It took him totally by surprise as I reached up for him, pulling his face to mine and kissing him as deeply as I could. My muscles throbbed at the action, but I didn’t care. I wrapped my arms around him, pressing myself against his hard chest. He responded eagerly, his hands were warm on my bare skin, making me feel flushed all over. Almost frantically I pulled him down over me, crushing him against me, clutching him tightly with my legs.