Life of the Party

by Christine Anderson

Grey nodded. “I think so. On special occasions and stuff.” He shrugged. “I don’t see why not, as long as we’re smart about it.”

  “Yeah.” I nodded eagerly, ready to agree to anything as long as it got me more heroin now. I looked forward to the dense warmth and blissful apathy that would accompany me on the plane ride home, the warm nothingness that would fall on me like a blanket of utter contentment, covering the pain that would come from leaving Grey behind.

  I watched as he cut the lines. I did mine quickly—he gave me a little more this time—and then he sniffed his back. We sat for a moment, smiling widely at each other, the air thick with the thrill of anticipation as we waited for the high to settle into our bones.

  The airport was busy, and noisy, full of the typical chaos of people coming and going and greeting and saying their farewells. I stood with my ticket in hand, my luggage already loaded, outside the gate where Grey and I had to say our goodbye. I knew if it weren’t for the warmth of the heroin already creeping up my body, I would be intensely sad. But at the moment, I couldn’t keep the smile from my face.

  “I’ll let you know what’s happening, when we’re coming home.” Grey was saying. His eyes were barely open.

  “Yeah.” I nodded slowly.

  He pulled me into his arms, and their strength was the only thing that could compare with the goodness of the numbing heat stealing through my veins. I savoured my time spent in them; I never wanted to let him go.

  “I love you, Grey.” I whispered in his ear. He paused a moment then, his mouth open, but frozen, as if he were struggling for words that just wouldn’t come.

  “Have a good flight.” He smiled finally. He kissed me and I held onto him, but as my final boarding call was announced, ringing through the noisy din surrounding us, I knew I couldn’t put the inevitable off any longer. I had to go.

  “Goodbye, Grey.”

  “Goodbye.” He answered. I forced myself to turn away from him, to rip myself away from those gorgeous blue eyes I could surely lose myself in. I walked towards the gate, leaving him behind.

  “Wait, Mackenzie.” Grey called suddenly. He came up behind me, grabbed my hand and spun me around to meet him.

  “Yes?”

  He stared at me moment, his face soft as he looked me over, warm with obvious affection. “I love you.” Grey stated lowly. “I love you, and I’m sorry I never tell you that. I feel bad, because you say it to me … all the time. But it’s hard for me … I don’t know why … just, just know I love you, okay? Even if I can’t say it.”

  I blinked at him a moment, and a smile spread across my face as I savoured his words. It was so good to hear him say it. I knew he loved me—I did—because that was the thing about Grey, the thing I had come to understand. He spoke with his actions more than his words, and his love was evident in all the little things. Like the way he wrote me a song and how he carried my bag for me, or the way he turned and grasped my hand whenever we were walking. Even in the lengths he had gone to try and cheer me up after our weekend was ruined.

  “I do know.” I nodded softly. “Grey, you tell me you love me all the time.”

  CHAPTER 45

  When the plane touched down, I blinked awake, but I had never really been sleeping—just nodding as the warmth drowsed me deliciously, totally carefree in my seat, completely oblivious to the people around me. I forced myself to get up and move as the other passengers made their way through the cabin, grasping my purse and following slowly behind them.

  I knew my family would be waiting for me, but I didn’t mind. Not even they could ruin the numbness, not even they would be able to penetrate the silky embrace of the drugs. There would probably be a lecture involved, from Marcy if no one else, since I had somewhat managed to ruin at least a portion of her wedding. With that, I knew there’d be some judgemental staring and frowning, but I really didn’t care. Inside I laughed, hoping they would try to get in, to get under my skin somehow.

  I smiled, knowing they would never be able to. They couldn’t touch me now.

  Sure enough, the first couple I recognized at the arrivals gate was my mom and dad. Mom smiled and waved enthusiastically, but Dad didn’t look too happy to see me, even after he noticed that Grey hadn’t come and they both relaxed in a painfully obvious manner.

  “Hey guys.” I greeted.

  “Hey, sweetie. Happy birthday!” Mom exclaimed, wrapping me in a hug.

  “Happy birthday, Mackenzie.” Dad nodded gruffly, a frown creasing his forehead.

  “Thanks.”

  We made our way through the airport as mom prattled on and on in her excitement, her brown curls shaking in her enthusiasm. I trailed along with a half smile on my face, nodding at the right moments and pretending to listen the rest of the time. By the time we made it to the Parkade my ears were practically ringing. I got in the back of the car and slumped against the seat.

  “You okay honey? You look sleepy.”

  “Yeah, I’m a little tired.” I admitted. I imagined myself telling her, “no mom, I’m not sleepy. Just high on dope. You should try it. It’s amazing.”

  “You can have some coffee once we get to the restaurant. Greg and Marcy are meeting us there. Have you ever eaten at The Fern? I hear it’s fantastic.”

  “No.” I shook my head. My favourite restaurant was Earls—I was a fan of the Bigger Better Bacon Cheddar burger and I’d told my mom that thousands of times. But apparently that didn’t matter. The Fern it was.

  Dad drove us silently through the city streets, grown quieter now as evening approached. I stared out the window at the people walking by and the cars driving around us, watching the sun slowly sinking through the ripped shreds of clouds that clung to the heavy grey sky. I missed Grey already. I tried to imagine what he was doing.

  Mom droned on.

  The Fern was a fancier restaurant, I felt way underdressed in my hoodie and jeans, and mom wondered why I hadn’t brought a nice skirt to put on. I rolled my eyes and wished for a cigarette. The lovely warmth was still buzzing throughout me, luckily. I couldn’t imagine what state I’d be in if it weren’t.

  We made our way inside, through the maze of dimly lit tables and patrons dressed in business suits and skirts. I spotted Marcy and Greg at a table near the back, and there beside them sat Craig Donovan.

  I stopped in my tracks, speechless, and a waiter nearly ran into me. I muttered an apology and stepped out of his way, totally baffled.

  “What’s the matter, Mackenzie?” Mom wondered.

  “Craig is here.”

  “He wanted to help you celebrate. Come on, now, don’t be difficult. We’ll have a nice supper, and we’ll talk about it after.”

  She grasped me by the arm and I let her lead me back to the table. At least this explained some of her avid excitement. I knew I should be mad at them—fuming even—and knew I would be later. But at the moment, I didn’t care. I couldn’t care less that Craig was sitting there with a smug, arrogant grin on his face, watching as we approached. I felt too good to be bothered by the fact that my family was clearly trying to set me up with that dick-weed, even after everything that happened. I slid into the booth beside him and smiled sweetly.

  “Hey Craig. Wow, that shiner healed nicely.” I commented innocently.

  He cleared his throat. “Uh … yeah, thanks.”

  Marcy and Greg were just as impressed with my observation as Craig had been. Greg leaned back with disapproval and Marcy glared at me. I smiled right back at her. She looked gorgeous, as usual; her hair curled perfectly around her jaw, her beautiful face impeccably radiant. But this time, as I compared myself to her, there was no feeling of inferiority like there always had been before. All I felt was amazing, contented and serene. I felt beautiful. My grin widened at this discovery, I actually almost laughed. Marcy may have been perfect on the outside, but right then, I was perfect on the inside.

  To my surprise, no one took the opportunity to launch into a lecture about what happened at the wedding. Things were tense
around the table, I could feel it, and I was probably the only one completely relaxed and at ease. But it didn’t bother me. I wasn’t really hungry but I scoured the menu, ordering the closest thing I could find to a cheeseburger, some fancy pasta with Bolognese and feta cheese. After the waitress took our order, Marcy looked pointedly at me.

  “So, Mac, how was the big birthday? Did you get totally wasted? End up in the hospital, anything like that?”

  “I had a good time.” I answered, unperturbed.

  “So what’d you do?”

  “Just … hung out.” Actually Marce, I tried heroin for the first time. It was awesome!

  “Still with that boyfriend of yours then?” Craig interjected, giving Greg a glance that made him chuckle cockily.

  “Yeah. He was going to come tonight, but they’re still in the studio.”

  “Too bad he didn’t come.” Greg decided. “I’d like to have a word with him.”

  “Oh yeah?” I smiled. “Why? Because he punched your brother out for kissing me? Or were you going to talk music or something?”

  “Mackenzie.” Dad warned, like the fourth thing he’d said to me all night. His eyebrows were furrowed my direction.

  “What Dad?” I turned to him. “Did you not know that? This gentleman here,” I pointed my thumb in Craig’s direction, “isn’t as gallant as you think.”

  “Still, Grey didn’t have to punch him.” Marcy came to her brother-in-law’s defence, crossing her arms. “Talk about overreacting.”

  “And he didn’t punch me out.” Craig insisted. “He just caught me by surprise. I think the correct term is, ‘sucker-punch’? Isn’t that right Greg?”

  “Yeah, I think that’s what they call it. Not how a real man fights, anyway.” Greg smirked at me so arrogantly that if I hadn’t been so high, I would’ve taken him by the crisply ironed shirt collar and slammed him up against the wall. Or I would’ve wanted to, anyway. But as it was, I just smiled at him and shrugged.

  “Call it what you want. Craig got what he deserved.”

  Mom frowned. I think she could see her little scheme of setting us up go flying through the window, but honestly, I don’t know what she’d been thinking even attempting such a stupid ploy. Like I’d magically fall in love with Craig just because Grey wasn’t around or something. How perfect it would be for them if I’d just behave and follow their cleverly ordained little plan. Then they’d have both daughters married off to super rich husbands, and just think of what their friends would say.

  Our meal continued, fairly awkwardly, but I knew it would be. Conversations ensued around me, but they had nothing to do with me … actually I was basically ignored for the rest of the meal. There was a lot of talk about Craig’s job that I barely paid attention to—my parents subtly mentioned his various successes slyly for my benefit as I tried to keep from rolling my eyes at them. I could feel the heroin wane, the bliss fading slowly from my veins, and hoped our evening would be coming to a close soon. I really didn’t want to be around my family when it totally wore off.

  Finally—thankfully—it was over. Dad paid the bill and we all went our separate ways; Marcy and Greg took Craig home and I was forced to pile in the car with mom and dad. I realized climbing into the backseat that not one person besides my parents had even said happy birthday to me. There’d been no singing, no presents … not even a cake. Whatever, it would all be over soon. I just had to make it home.

  I sat back to try and enjoy the ride. I’d always liked driving in the city at night, looking out over the twinkling lights beneath the huge dark sky, the streetlights flooding the cab with a pale, warm glow; the gentle braking and accelerating of the car. It felt cozy to me, quiet.

  “So, Mackenzie, was that really necessary?” Mom posed, turning in her seat to look at me, though it was pretty much pitch black inside the car.

  So much for my quiet. “What mom?”

  “Why’d you have to bring it up? Why’d you have to act that way to Craig?”

  “Um … because he’s a total dick. And for some reason, no one cares that he kissed me. Grey had every right to punch him, but for some reason, he’s the bad guy. It’s so stupid.”

  “Mackenzie.” Mom sighed. “Really. Look, I know you like this … Grey fellow, and he’s a … he’s a nice boy, but can you really see yourself settling down with someone like him?”

  “Mom, who the hell is talking about settling down? I just turned eighteen.”

  “I know, but, why waste your time? Craig is mature, and responsible, he’s a—”

  “Okay, stop right there.” My patience was thinning as the heroin ebbed. “Get it out of your mind that I’ll ever be with Craig Donovan, okay? Forget it. And I’m not wasting my time with Grey. He’s amazing, for your information, though you don’t know that because you won’t even give him the time of day, for some stupid reason.”

  “I just think you could do better.”

  “Well, I don’t. And luckily for me, I’m the one that gets to live my life, not you. So just butt out, alright?”

  There was a moment’s silence. “Alright.” Mom finally answered, her words clipped, her voice terse. Dad sat silently in his seat, his eyes on the road.

  We rode the rest of the way in silence.

  CHAPTER 46

  There was nothing on TV. I sighed and flipped absently through the channels, bored and lonely. I leaned quickly over the coffee table and did another line, then sat back on the couch and let the cocaine race through my veins. A shaky smile bent my lips as I lit a cigarette.

  It was Thursday. Somehow, I’d managed to get through the week without doing any more heroin. Not because Grey had mentioned how addictive it was, not because we were supposed to save it for special occasions, but simply because I had absolutely no means of getting any. As badly as I wanted it, I had no hope of finding some in a town as small as ours. Sometimes I would just sit and think fondly back to my blur of a weekend, trying to remember how good heroin felt, trying to relive the delicious, warm nothingness. I did copious amounts of cocaine to try and fill the void, but nothing could satisfy, nothing could compare with what I really wanted.

  Grey was coming home that Friday. I was so excited; I couldn’t wait to have him here with me again, for good this time. Just one more day and I wouldn’t be alone anymore, not like I had been all that week. I had no idea where Charlie was or what she’d been doing—she didn’t come home and she didn’t show up to work and she didn’t answer her cell. I was to the point that I wasn’t even mad at her anymore, at all—I just wanted to know that she was okay, that she was safe and alive. I had played with the idea of calling the police, but in the end decided against it. If Charlie were just off binging somewhere it would do more harm than good for the police to find her. She’d probably never speak to me again if I got her in any sort of trouble.

  My worries were put to rest though, when after an old rerun of The Simpson’s, I heard sudden footsteps hurrying up our stairs. My heart leapt with relief as the door swung open and Charlie swept in, her blonde hair curled and her make-up on, dressed up like she was about to go clubbing.

  “Oh, hey.” She smiled at me—but it was more like a sneer—and threw something my direction. I knew what it was without having to look. “You left this in my car.” She snickered, breezing by me on the way to her bedroom.

  I blinked a moment in amazement, and then sat up to retrieve my license card from where it had landed on the floor. I looked down at it—at the little photo of the young girl I’d been then, smiling widely as the picture snapped, just given the key to new freedom. I remembered that day, how exciting it had been to finally be allowed to drive, how Riley and I had celebrated by getting stoned and then cruising around town. I’d hit a parked car pulling out of my parking spot, and Riley had screamed “Go, go, go!” and I’d peeled out, terrified, laughing uproariously with my friend as we stole away from the scene of the crime.

  No, no, no. I shook the thought of Riley firmly out of my head, knowing if I didn�
�t that I’d never be able to keep the sadness at bay. Forgetting him proved harder than I expected this time. I’d tried all week—with copious amounts of cocaine—to shelve him back to the farthest corners of my mind. But he seemed impossible to ignore. My thoughts skittered to him constantly; memories of him long forgotten would suddenly pop into my head. His face even invaded my dreams at night. I was holding onto my sanity by a tenuous thread and counting down the days to Grey’s arrival, knowing full well that only his gloriously handsome face would help distract me entirely.

  Charlie waltzed back into the kitchen then, interrupting my musings, and opened the fridge. “I’m not staying, Courtney’s in the car. I just had to grab some things.” She explained. I looked up at her, puzzled. Who the hell was Courtney? I frowned to myself. A new best friend? How easily everyone replaced me.

  “How was your weekend, anyway?” Charlie wondered. “It must have sucked not being able to go out.” Her voice was insincere, gloating almost.

  I stared at her evenly. “Zack is cheating on you.” I blurted. It wasn’t the most tactful way to tell her, I could admit, but I figured she was still getting off easy.

  That was enough to wipe the smirk from her face. She froze in her steps, her head whipping up to glare at me. “What did you say?”

  “Zack’s cheating on you.”

  Charlie swayed. She grasped the edge of the counter for support and teetered a moment as the full weight of my words crashed down on her. She let out a little gasp, almost like a sob, and then sat weakly down in a little faded armchair.

  “Really?” Gone was the sardonic grimace that had distorted Charlie’s beautiful face to me for so long. It was like something had broken in her, like the walls of resentment she felt towards me had come crumbling down with an explosion of humility. She gazed up at me now, her blue eyes wide and sad—repentant. “Are you sure, Mac?”

  I sighed. “Yeah.” Already I could feel the air clearing between us. I forgave her easily, for everything, feeling nothing but compassion for her now. “I’m so sorry, Charlie.”