Drowned History

by Rebecca Lovell

  George had explained to her what had happened the night before and she had managed to remain calm and composed as she agreed that they needed to leave for the Vidyapith immediately. Now that she was alone behind her screen, she felt like she was fighting back a scream that had nothing to do with the way her fingers looked when she finally got some of the bandages off.

  “Oh, for God’s sake, Alice,” George said, and Alice looked up, startled. He was standing by the side of the screen shaking his head. “You can’t just leave well enough alone, can you?”

  “I’m fine,” she said, continuing to pick at the bandages. “I can’t clean myself up with bandages on my fingers.” George sighed and sat down on the bed beside her. “I can manage just fine,” Alice said as he took her hand, ignoring her.

  “If you won’t listen to sense, I at least need to look at them.” Deftly, George removed the last of the bandages and turned her hands over so he could look at all her fingers at once. The sight of them covered with dried blood and bruises made her eyes water, and she didn’t know if it was tears or the pain she imagined she was in. “That’s strange,” he said, frowning. It was the last thing Alice expected him to say and he stood up suddenly.

  “What’s strange?” She watched George’s shadow walk over to the front of the tent, then come back carrying something. When he came back to where she was sitting she could see it was the washbasin full of water. He didn’t speak, only took her hands and put them in the water and Alice wondered if this was the way he treated all his patients as she braced herself for a sting that didn’t come. His hands were far gentler as he washed the blood off her fingers than she expected and she felt a little guilty for doubting his bedside manner.

  “They’re bruised but most of the scrapes and cuts are gone,” George said incredulously. “The only blood on them now is what was already dried on. Last night I wouldn’t have been surprised to see bone sticking out of your index finger as hard as you were scratching, and I expected you to lose at least three fingernails.” His description made Alice’s stomach turn and she let him dry her hands off with a towel.

  “Maybe they just weren’t as bad as you thought last night. It was probably dark.”

  “We had a lantern shining on them,” George snapped. “I’ve examined wounds in worse light and still known exactly what I was looking at.”

  “I’m sorry,” Alice said, pulling her hands away from his. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “When I want your opinion I’ll ask for it.” George picked up the washbasin and stalked away, leaving Alice alone on her bed. She sighed heavily and opened her suitcase as gingerly as possible. They may not have been as bad as George thought but her fingers still hurt.

  The closest thing to a bath Alice had taken since they arrived was a quick rinse before bed in a portable shower that looked like it had come out of a Western movie. The water was brought in huge drums once a week and Kiran said apologetically that depending on their temperature the shower would either be lukewarm or freezing. The alternative, however, was spending several days without washing and she would much rather risk being doused with cold water for a few minutes.

  After a hurried shower during which her modesty was chivalrously protected by Phillip, Alice put on her nicest set of clothes and packed a few things in her messenger bag, then went out to the truck that would take her and Phillip to the airstrip. Her fingers were feeling much better by that time and she was actually looking forward to seeing the Vidyapith again in spite of the situation. The last thing she expected was to see George sitting in the front seat with his medical bag on his lap.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I would think it’s obvious,” George said, raising an eyebrow at her. “I’m going with you.”

  “You don’t have to,” Phillip said before Alice had a chance to reply. “We can handle it. You can stay here and help out with the dig.”

  “In case you haven’t noticed in all our dealings since we’ve arrived, my Gujarati is still as good as Alice’s,” he said in a tone that managed to be both irritated and patronizing. “This will go a lot faster if there’s two of us reading instead of one. I thought you wanted this to be over with.”

  “I do,” Phillip said uncertainly. He seemed to want to say something else but was interrupted by a man in a white shirt and pants who addressed George directly in Gujarati. Alice understood him to say that they were ready to go any time, then turn and give Phillip a smug look.

  “We’re wasting time,” Alice said with a sigh. “It’s going to take us hours just to get to the plane. If we’re all going, we’re all going.” She crawled into the backseat and sat down, carefully tugging her skirt down over her legs. Phillip joined her and they started off, leaving Nadir and Kiran behind.

  If she was completely honest with herself, Alice was happy that George was coming along. In spite of all the anger she could feel coming from him, he had been taking care of her ever since the trip began. The pills, the bandages, even smoothing down her shirt on the way to the dig all added up to make her wonder if there was a part of him that did still care about her.

  This time she knew better than to try and read in the car but she still found herself dozing a little. Even though George had told her that she was completely asleep the night before, she felt like she hadn’t gotten any rest at all. She let herself nod off, thinking that she had time for a nap and not wanting to be part of the tension that seemed to have developed between the doctor and pilot. She woke up when they reached the airstrip and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes as they got out of the car.

  “Have a good nap?” George opened the door for her and she climbed out as primly as possible, refusing to let him bait her.

  “Yes, it was lovely. Thank you for asking.” Alice followed Phillip into the hangar, where they had radioed ahead to alert the airstrip that they would be flying out. “I didn’t even need to take any of your pills this time.”

  “Only because you figured out it’s a bad idea to read in the car.” He gestured to his bag. “I’ve still got plenty of them if you decide you can’t fly to Ahmedabad without being sick on the plane.” Alice smiled at him, trying not to clench her teeth.

  She was spared coming up with a reply to this when Phillip came out of the hangar with a smile on his face. Three men were pushing his small plane out onto the airstrip and he nodded over his shoulder at it.

  “They already have her fueled up and ready,” he said. “Dr. Udeesh must have some sort of connections or something.” He looked at Alice. “Are you ready? We can go any time.”

  “Thank you,” she replied, following him to the plane without another look at George. The last thing she wanted was for him to think she couldn’t live without him, even if she had spent nearly every day of the last ten years missing him.

  They boarded the plane and Phillip went up to the cockpit while Alice and George took their seats in the plane. As annoyed as she was with him this morning, Alice realized that this was the first time she and George had really been alone since their trip began. Not just for a few minutes, but for hours. Surely there was enough time to tell him how she felt.

  She waited until they were in the air to turn to him, taking in his face for a long moment before she spoke. Though there were signs of his age on his face she was certain hers showed the same, and it didn’t matter to her anyway. The man she still loved was sitting beside her but the aisle between them may as well have been an ocean. Alice didn’t know what words she needed to say to cross it but she would never forgive herself if she didn’t try.

  “George,” she said at last. “I need to talk to you.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about,” he replied, unfolding the paper Kiran had in his tent. Before he could disappear behind it, Alice reached over and grabbed it.

  “There’s a lot to talk about,” she said. “I just haven’t had the time before now.”

  “Whatever it is, I’m sorry to inform you that I don’t much care after all this t
ime. Now let go of my paper before you tear it.” He was even colder to her than he’d been when they started out and though it hurt, Alice knew she had brought it on herself. “You know, you could have just told me you didn’t want to be with me anymore,” George said, and Alice looked up at him. I thought you said you didn’t care, she thought. “You could have at least done me the courtesy of telling me that instead of just disappearing, though I don’t know what I could have expected from someone who thought lying and using a fake accent was acceptable.”

  “George, I had no choice,” she said quietly.

  “There’s always a choice,” he snapped back. “Do you have any idea how worried I was about you? I searched the entire city for you three times over but you were already well on your way to wherever you went after you left Surat.”

  “I’m sorry for that,” Alice said. “But I need you to understand that it had nothing to do with you, and it doesn’t mean that I loved you any less.” It was the first time in years that she had even used the word when she wasn’t talking to her parents and the cold look in George’s hazel eyes was almost more than she could handle. She forced herself to hold his gaze, refusing to look away.

  “I told you I don’t want to hear about it.” He stood up from his seat and went to the last row to open it again and read. All of a sudden Alice was angry. She was pouring her heart out to him and apologizing but he wasn’t even listening. Instead of sitting still she got up and marched to the back of the plane.

  “You can’t get away from me up here,” she said. “You have to hear me out.” George lowered his paper enough to look at her, and whatever he saw must have given him pause because he put it down a moment later. “My father is German and my mother is British. They’re both American citizens now but they immigrated long before the war started. That’s why I’m fluent in German. I came to India to learn the language and at the time the Vidyapith was one of the only schools that would take international students. That’s where I met Amesh.

  “He and I became friends and one night while I was at their house he confided in me that the Nazis were making a bid to help India become a free nation but that there were plenty of people who didn’t want that to happen. Most Indians didn’t want to live under a king or a dictator but the only way to get the Germans out of their country was to get help from the Americans, but to do that they had to prove to the government that India wasn’t a part of the fascist movement. That was where I came in.”

  “You were a spy?” George looked at her in disbelief and she blushed. “You can’t be serious.”

  “It was an accident,” she said quietly. “I translated the German documents Amesh’s sources gathered and passed them on to a group that wanted a free government. I had intended to pass them on to the States as well but I was waiting to gather more information. They didn’t want me to stick out so I lived in the British areas, changed my name and used my mother’s accent. It wasn’t difficult at all and I suppose I must have been good at it since you never questioned it.”

  “You were convincing,” George said. Alice hadn’t expected him to forgive her right away but she had hoped he would have warmed up a little. “Convincing about a lot of things, I suppose.”

  “You have to understand,” Alice said, gripping the back of the chair she was standing beside. “I may have bent the truth a bit but I was never lying about the way I felt about you. I only left the way I did because I was trying to save your life.”

  “Mine?” George seemed caught off guard by this and Alice saw her chance. “What are you talking about?” Before Alice could answer, Phillip’s voice rose over the propellers.

  “Could one of you come up front? Someone is coming over my radio and I don’t have any idea what they’re saying.”

  “I’ll take care of it,” George said, standing up and walking past Alice briskly. She sank into the chair he’d just come out of and closed her eyes.

  I did it, she thought. I finally did it. It wasn’t everything, not even the most important part, but she’d told him something. She’d never thought she’d have the chance to explain herself to him and yet here she was. It hadn’t done much to assuage his anger with her but at least now he knew why she’d done it. Before she went back to America she would have to tell him the rest of the story. Even if he hated her for it, she had to tell him so he would know that her love for him was real. Absently, Alice pressed a hand to her shoulder. I’ll tell him everything.

  Twelve

  Ahmedabad was larger and busier than it had been when George left in 1930 and after deciding that it might be quicker to walk to the Vidyapith than try to hire a car, they set off on foot. For his part, Phillip seemed quite eager to see the city and George couldn’t blame him. He’d had the same look of wide-eyed amazement when he’d come to Surat and spoke about as much of the language.

  He looked over at Alice. She looked far more presentable than she had since they got there and he knew it must be because she was going to visit her old friends. It had not, however, extended to her putting on a hat. George remembered how much she had hated things on her head and only ever wore them for propriety’s sake, envying Indian women their freedom to go bare-headed. Ten years later she didn’t seem to be shy about joining them and it was almost endearing.

  “I can’t help feeling a little excited,” Alice said with a smile up at him. “It’s been so long since I’ve been in the Vidyapith. I hope I still know my way around.”

  “In general, universities remain the same at their heart,” George said. “They may build new halls and wings but they usually leave the center intact.” Something occurred to George, and he paused and looked at Alice. He didn’t know if she’d ever been to college. Not the Vidyapith, a Western college. They’d never talked about her education, though they’d talked plenty about his. She’d seemed so interested in hearing about his studies at Cambridge that he’d never thought to ask where she’d gone, and he cursed himself for being so self-centered.

  “I suppose you’re right,” Alice said. “Where did you go to medical school?”

  “Harvard,” George replied. “They were more than happy to take someone from Cambridge, even after such a long absence.”

  “That must have been so interesting,” she said, cocking her head at him in the way he remembered. “Will you tell me about it sometime?” He realized she was doing the same thing now that she had when she would sit across from him in the living room and he promised himself that if they had a chance to talk about schooling again he would ask her about hers.

  “We’ll see,” he said. Oh, for God’s sake. You couldn’t just say yes, could you?

  “What are those?” Phillip pointed to a merchant’s stall and both Alice and George looked in the direction he was indicating. Several intricately carved wooden statues that had been lacquered a rich coffee color sat on the counter and they walked over to take a closer look at them. He didn’t feel like getting into an argument with Alice so he kept to himself the thought that they couldn’t afford to be wasting time like this.

  “Those are Hindu gods and goddesses,” Alice said, looking over the statues. She pointed to one with an elephant head. “This is Ganesha. Over here is Shiva, and this one is Kali.” George looked at the statue and a shiver went down his spine when he saw the trishula in her hand. Phillip looked curiously at it.

  “So that’s the trishula,” he said. “And it’s her temple that’s out at the dig?”

  “That’s what they’d have us believe, yes,” George said. He turned his attention up the street and saw more stalls and tables. One just beside them had jewelry and he went over to see what they had. His studies about religion and metaphysics came back to him and he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. The cave had some sort of effect on them but particularly on Alice. Without her in the cave, none of them had passed out and he was certain he wasn’t the only one who had strange dreams while she was sleepwalking. Can it be that she’s acting as some sort of conduit?

  “What are you lo
oking for?” Alice appeared at his arm and he looked up in surprise. He had been so deep in thought about her dreams that he hadn’t been paying attention to the woman herself.

  “Just browsing,” he said. “It’s been a long time since I saw this sort of thing.” Alice picked up an elephant carved out of soapstone and turned it over with interest. The look on her face reminded him of all the other times they had looked at curiosities, either in the market or while he was appraising items for import, and he turned away. She wasn’t that girl, not anymore. He didn’t know if she’d ever really been. “We should go.”

  “You’re right.” Alice put down the elephant, then frowned. “Where’s Phillip?” She’d no sooner said the words than the pilot came down the street and hurried up to her.

  “Look at this,” he said, holding out a hand. “Chocolate. I found a store where the owner spoke English and he told me this is from Switzerland.” There was a small paper box sitting on his palm and he smiled at Alice. “I thought you might like them.”

  “Thank you,” Alice said kindly. George was almost certain the boy had been swindled but for once he kept his mouth shut, though he was unable to contain a smirk. Alice had never been one for sweets, he wasn’t about to win her heart this way. She ate one out of what George was sure was politeness, then started to offer the box to him. “Does chocolate still give you a headache?”

  “Yes,” George said, surprised that she remembered. It seemed such a small, inconsequential thing to commit to memory but it seemed it had been important in her eyes. “It does.”

  “Then I guess Phillip and I will just have to share.” She handed it back to the boy. “You hold onto those for me. I’m afraid if I put them in my bag they would get smashed.” Phillip nodded and Alice pointed down the main road. “The Vidyapith should be – oh, damn!” There was a snapping sound and her hair tumbled down around her shoulders, sending a strange, hot wave through George’s stomach. Her tortoiseshell comb fell into the dirt in pieces, leaving a couple of its teeth in Alice’s hair. “It must have been damaged when I fell,” she said, feeling for the teeth. George reached down and picked them out.