“Be honest. You are smart. Look at all the headway we’ve made in this investigation, and that’s all thanks to you. And while I’m not condoning your method, Mário, Ed, Sy, and Mitch, never would’ve opened up like they did, otherwise. You need to accept that no one is all good, or all bad. No one makes the right choice every time. We all make mistakes.”
“When did you ever make a mistake?” she wanted to know.
“Are you kidding? I was in a hurry, once. I have no idea why. So I jumped in my truck, gunned the engine, backed out of the garage, and straight into my brother’s new Mustang, which was parked in the driveway.”
“That’s a terrible place to park,” she declared.
“You think so? Your car’s parked in your parents’ driveway, as we speak. My point is, I’m not perfect. If you think so, it’s because you haven’t been around me long enough to really know me. My goal is to become Christ-like, but I’m far from achieving it. Don’t compare yourself to me, or anyone else. God has an individual relationship with, and a plan, for each believer. In the last chapter of John, Jesus told Peter he would follow Him, to the point of dying in the same way He did. Peter wanted to know what would happen to John. Jesus’ answer was, ‘What is that to you? Follow me.’ Just keep your eyes on Jesus, and follow Him. Trust Him to get you there. If you’re following Him, He will. Philippians one verse six, ‘And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.’”
“He’s got His work cut out for Him,” she said ruefully.
“Trust God,” Erik replied. “There are many other verses like that one. Learn from your mistakes, then let go and move forward, instead of holding on. Like Paul said, forgetting what lies behind, and pressing on toward the goal. God has already forgiven you for all your mistakes. I’ve forgiven you for this evening. Only the devil benefits by keeping you burdened with guilt. God does want us to experience the sorrow that leads to repentance, but those are two different things, with two different purposes. One cripples, and one gives life. You’ve got so many good qualities, not the least of which is the maturing I’m witnessing in you. Before, you were proud. Now, you’re humble. You were reckless, and now you’re thoughtful. Feel good about those things, and be encouraged.”
She nodded, and smiled a little.
“Okay. I’ll try.”
“Then you’ll succeed. I have faith in you,” he said, and hugged her hard. She returned his hug as she let out a deep breath, then nodded again. This time, her smile was genuine.
“Then in that case, fine. I’ll succeed,” she replied. Erik smiled in satisfaction, and stood.
“I better get going. We’ve got investigating to do tomorrow.”
“Okay, and—thanks, Erik. For everything you said.”
“You’re welcome,” he smiled.
“And for having faith in me, and giving me another chance.”
“Thank you, for deserving one,” he replied.
As he put on his coat, his Bible slipped out of the pocket, and he caught it.
“I’m so glad you had that,” Amber said, paling a little. Erik looked at the small book in his hand, then at her.
“So am I, but… promise to read it every day, and it’s yours.”
“Are you serious?” she asked eagerly. “But—what about you?”
“I keep a supply in my vehicle. I’ll rearm as soon as I get there.”
“Then—thank you,” she accepted, and hugged him. “Thank you, I will. I’ll read it every day. Starting today.”
“Good,” he said with satisfaction.
She looked at the Bible in her hand, then gave him a sideways glance. He was glad to see the spark in her eyes had returned.
“Don’t be surprised if I challenge you to a duel, someday. Friendly, of course.”
“Of course,” Erik smiled back, and his heart was filled with gladness. “You name the time and place, and I’ll be there.”
“‘However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen.’ That’s somewhere in Mark. You never know when I might call, either, so don’t make any future plans,” she replied, and he laughed as he hugged her.
“You wanted to impress me, and you have,” he smiled, then a thought occurred to him. “Neither one of us has eaten since lunch… are you hungry?”
She was now.
“I could eat,” she answered casually, and not at all as if she was madly in love with him, and desperate for as much of his time and attention as she could get.
“Okay, great. Mind if I pick the place?” he asked, and she caught the teasing gleam in his eyes. She rolled hers.
“If you feel that’s safer,” she said, with a tilt of her chin.
“I feel it’s safer not to answer that question. But… whenever I’m feeling low on excitement, I’ll call you. Then you can pick.”
“Deal,” she smiled, as he held her coat for her, and she slipped into it. “Are you often low on excitement?”
“Only when you’re not around,” he surprised himself by saying.
Amber was pleased.
Erik puzzled over his answer, as she locked the door behind them, and they followed the hall to the elevator.
He’d rather be with her, than not, was his only conclusion.
Chapter 11
ROB removed the teabag from the mug on the counter in front of him, and quietly lay it aside. He glanced at Samantha. She was either asleep, or lost in thought.
The wail of the wind ceased abruptly, and Samantha stirred. She tore her gaze from the gently crackling logs in the fireplace, and glanced at the window, but the curtains afforded no view of the dark night on the other side of the glass.
The wind struck again with sudden force, and Samantha shuddered.
Rob saw, and felt sympathetic. He added sugar to the hot tea, then gathered it, and the package of sugar cookies, and carried them to the coffee table. Samantha sat up, and he gave her the mug.
“Thanks,” she said.
“You’re welcome,” he answered, as he sat beside her. The storm lashed at the cabin from another direction, and he followed her gaze to the window. “It gets kind of exhausting, doesn’t it.”
“It does. But… I’m thankful for this cabin you built.”
“You don’t wish we were back in the one where we almost spent our honeymoon?” he smiled. She laughed, and looked horrified at the same time.
“No! It wouldn’t last a minute, in a storm like this,” she declared.
“That’s about how long we lasted, in it,” he remembered.
“The place was a little too outdoorsy for me,” she grimaced.
“You don’t wish Erik and I designed this cabin’s roof to provide a view of the stars, and additional ventilation?” he remarked seriously, but there was laughter in his eyes. Samantha shivered at the thought.
“I feel cold, just thinking about it. But, if not for the rain shower earlier in the day, and the puddles on the floor, when would we have noticed it wasn’t as indoorsy as we’d like?” she glanced at him sideways, and he laughed.
“When the cabinet door flew open with a bang, and the racoon popped its head out. That was a shock.”
“You could say that again!” she laughed, and he did too.
“I remember you said once that you were more of a cabin, than a tent person,” Rob recalled. “Little did we know, that I’d manage to find the point at which the two meet.”
“I don’t tend to extremism, but in that regard, I prefer to stay well on the cabin-side of middle-ground,” she said decisively.
“There were rotten floorboards too, I forgot about that. I can’t imagine why, I went through several in my haste to get you out of there, and somewhere else.”
“The next place made up for it,” she reminded him, giving credit where it was due.
“Thanks to cellular data, the internet, and online reviews. Teach me to take the advice of a friend, ever again.”
“Did Wes explain his recommendation? Or did you pulverize him before he had the chance? That was what you intended to do, as I recall…”
Rob laughed ruefully.
“He said if you’d stick with me through that, I could be certain you’d never leave.”
There was sadness in his eyes, and Samantha’s heart went out to him.
“Rob, I’m… sorry,” she said, rubbing his arm regretfully. He brushed his hand across his eyes, and shook his head.
“Why? You should’ve left me. Before that, even. If you don’t want me apologizing, you’re going to have to gag me. Because I’m sorry. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, or ever will. And… I made sure you never thought so.”
Samantha slowly set her tea aside as she considered that.
“Not always. But… you’re right. I was convinced you despised me. I couldn’t seem to change that. The harder I tried…”
“I’m so sorry,” Rob choked, brushing away tears. “I was messed up. I swore I’d never be like my dad. I swore I’d never treat anyone that way. I don’t know how it happened, but I became as bad as he ever was. I knew how awful I was being, and the guiltier I felt, the worse I treated you. I don’t know why I wouldn’t admit I was wrong, and apologize. What I wanted to do, I didn’t. And what I didn’t want to do, I did. I’ve been reading about a guy who went through the same thing, and it’s helping me understand what was wrong with me. I had these two sides warring, and the Truth is what I needed, and I’ve got it now. I’ll never go back. I will get counseling, though. I know you wanted to go, and I should have, years ago. But I’ll go now. I’ll go for the rest of my life, if that’s what it takes to reassure you. I love you, and I’ll do anything to make it up to you. I’m so sorry.”
“I know, you keep saying it,” she sniffed, brushing away tears with the sleeve of her robe.
“When I thought it was too late, I was willing to do anything for another chance. I still am. I was stubborn before, and proud, but I’m not anymore. I have nothing to be proud of. I’m guilty, and I know it, and I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, if you’ll let me. Please, let me.”
“I’m scared,” she sobbed, and tears stung his own eyes. Rob reached for Samantha and she didn’t resist, so he held her close as she cried.
“Let me change that,” Rob pleaded earnestly.
She didn’t reply, but neither did she pull away, or tell him to go away. He was comforting her, and she was letting him. This was progress. As he continued to hold her, a sense of peace stole over him.
Samantha’s sobs slowly subsided, and she was still. She was completely relaxed, as Rob brushed his fingers through her hair hypnotically, encouraging her to tilt her face toward him. She responded, and he leaned in to kiss her…
A ringtone broke the relative silence.
Rob stifled a groan.
Samantha sat up abruptly. Her racing heart, the panic that filled her, and the alarm bells in her head, had nothing to do with his ringing phone.
“Shouldn’t you get that?” she wondered.
“It’s not important,” Rob assured her, as he silenced the phone and set it aside, then tightened his arms around her. All he cared about, was getting back to what they were almost doing.
“How can you know that?” she insisted, pushing him back a little.
“As long as this storm lasts, we don’t need any help that anyone can provide, and I’m not in a position to help anyone but you. So how important can it be?”
“I don’t know, but… you’ve got someone out to sabotage your project,” she remembered. “They tried to blow up a house last night. So maybe it’s important.”
Rob considered that, and sighed.
“Alright, maybe you’re right,” he conceded, and reached for his phone.
“My muscles are sore, I think I’ll take a bath, or a shower, while you talk,” she said quickly, but rose with difficulty. She really was sore, and her joints stiff. A soak in hot water would bring relief, but what she needed most, was an opportunity to call her mom.
“Do you need help? Getting there, I mean,” he quickly added, in response to the shock and alarm that washed across her face. She relaxed slightly.
“I can make it,” she said with dignity.
“Okay, well—call me if you need anything,” Rob said, as she made it to the bathroom door, and closed it behind her. And locked it.
He let out a deep breath, and ran his fingers through his hair.
He felt as awkward as she did, and it was ridiculous! He didn’t mean what she thought he meant, but even if he did, which he didn’t, they were married, for crying out loud! He was her husband, and she was his wife. There was nothing wrong with what he accidentally suggested.
But while that was true, it didn’t negate the damage done to their relationship. If he thought a few apologies would be enough to bring healing and restoration, he was deluded. He was minimizing how he hurt her. It took three years to erode the trust she had in him, and convince her to leave. If it took ten times that to regain her trust and convince her to come back, then it’s how he would spend the next thirty years. It’s how he would spend the rest of his life, until he succeeded. And if he didn’t… it would be because he died trying.
His resolve comforted him. Then his interloping phone rang again, and he glared at it.
SAMANTHA turned on the exhaust fan, then closed herself in the bathroom’s attached closet. She selected her mom’s number from her contacts list, and made herself as comfortable as she could on the floor.
“Samantha, how are you?” her mom answered anxiously.
“I’m… okay. How is Caleb?”
“He’s doing good. He was a little fussy this evening, I know he misses you. But, your dad played cars with him until bedtime, and he fell asleep without any trouble.”
“He’s with you and Dad?”
“He is. We’ll take good care of him, for as long as you need.”
“Okay, good. I miss him so much,” Samantha said, her heart wrenching.
“I know you do, honey,” her mom sympathized. “Maybe it won’t be much longer. Does the storm appear to be letting up any?”
“No,” Samantha replied gloomily. “Never for long, anyway. The wind is terrible. We have no idea how much snow has fallen, but it was already deep, last night. A lot more has fallen since then.”
“Do you have what you need?” her mom worried.
“The cabin is stocked with some food, and we have what was left over from lunch the day before. The power goes in and out, but the cabin has an emergency generator.”
“You were staging a cabin, yesterday? I thought it was a model home.”
“It was. But the model homes don’t have emergency generators installed, or fireplaces. Rob knew the power would go out, and it did. As soon as there was a break in the storm, we hiked to the cabin.”
“And… how are you handling it? With Rob being there.”
Samantha sighed, and rubbed her forehead.
“It’s hard, Mom. It’s really hard.”
Her mom’s heart wrenched.
“Is he being hateful?”
“No… he isn’t. He’s being nice.”
That wasn’t what her mom expected to hear.
“He’s being nice?”
“Yes. He’s told me over and over how sorry he is, and that everything was his fault. He says he’s changed, and he loves me, and wants me back. He says it’ll be different this time.”
Her mom pinched the bridge of her nose, and ordered herself to remain calm. Samantha needed to talk right now, not listen.
“How do you feel about that?” she asked, with difficulty.
“I feel completely torn up. He’s being so thoughtful, and sweet. He’s being considerate, and he’s taking such good care of me. It’s hard not to respond to that. I know it’s crazy, but I still love him. If I was sure he’d always be like this, I’d go back to him. I might risk it even if I wasn’t sure, if it
wasn’t for Caleb. I can’t risk him being hurt, I won’t! But I love Rob, and what if he really has changed? I don’t know what to do, Mom.”
“Okay,” her mom replied slowly, as she gathered her thoughts. “What did he have to say about the night you left? The reason you left.”
“He says what I saw in the picture is the worst that happened.”
Anger flashed through her mom, but she kept her voice calm.
“Is that good enough for you? That it could’ve been worse?”
“No,” Samantha sighed. “I hate it.”
“Do you believe him?”
Samantha drew in a deep breath, and let it out slowly.
“I don’t know. I want to, but even if I do, that picture has haunted me for the past two years. He said if our roles were reversed, he’d consider it qualified as an affair, and… that’s how I feel. That woman,” Samantha said, her eyes flashing, “has been a recurring problem since we met. She’s relentless, and he knew she was after him. Did you know she told him once, that she didn’t care that he was married? At the time, he said it did matter to him. But if it did, why didn’t he refuse to ever have anything to do with her again? How could I matter so little to him? I thought I forgave him, but… now I’m so angry!”
“Of course you are,” her mother said, struggling to contain her own feelings.
“I wasn’t this angry when he humiliated me by being with that woman, or when I confronted him, and he made sure I knew I meant nothing to him. I was devastated then, and my heart broken. Now he’s sorry, and I’m furious! I’ve never been so angry in my life! Why do I feel this way?”
Samantha pressed her hand to her forehead, and tried to gain control of her raging emotions. She felt like throwing something. At him!
“I’m guessing that because he’s being nice, and saying he’s sorry, you finally feel safe enough to feel anger,” her mom considered carefully.
“Maybe. He was so angry, before. He acted like I was the one who did something wrong. How dare I receive a picture of him with some other woman, from an anonymous caller,” Samantha said bitterly. “His anger was overwhelming. All I could feel was pain.”
Disengaged (Terms of Engagement Book 3) Page 18