All of Nothing

by Vania Rheault

  Axel took her lips with his, wanting more, eager to pick up where they’d left off before she left Z Avenue with Jax.

  Kind, and attentive when he wanted to be, there were worse men than Axel she could give herself to.

  “If you wanted a good fuck, I could have obliged. All you had to do was ask.”

  Raven didn’t hear the words so much as felt where they came from. It took her a moment to pull her lips away from Axel’s mouth, her motions slowed with booze and drugs.

  Jax stood next to them, looking at her with so much contempt, it made her want to heave. Until she remembered why she’d left in the first place, and she stiffened her spine. He had no right to speak to her like that. He stood on the dance floor, cashmere and ice, as the drunk and disorderly bumped into him from all sides. He stood as firm as a tree in a gale, hardly moving, his eyes pinned on her.

  Club Nova was dark accept for a few orange lights on the walls, and the lights from the bar trying to glimmer their way through the dense dark of the basement.

  It was a wonder he’d found her at all.

  “Who the hell are you?” Axel shouted.

  Jax ignored him. “I want to talk to you.”

  Raven shook her head. There was nothing she had to say.

  She buried her face into Axel’s chest, and he wrapped his arms around her. “Bugger off,” Axel said, his words vibrating under her cheek.

  “Raven,” Jax said, pulling on her arm.

  The song melded into something wild, something hot, a lightning storm made with notes and chords, and suddenly, Raven wanted Jax’s hands on her, not Axel’s. She could blame the wine, blame the drugs, but the way she felt was Jax’s doing.

  Jax wasn’t safe. He wasn’t good to her, and he wasn’t good for her.

  He’d brought her to his world and abandoned her. She’d had to crawl out or get eaten alive.

  This was her safe place. Club Nova. Surrounded by people just like her. Here, she wasn’t the outcast.

  Jax was.

  “Leave me alone, Jax. I have nothing to say to you.”

  She slid her tongue over her teeth, hoping Jax understood what she’d said because the words hadn’t felt right coming out of her mouth.

  She needed more wine. She took Axel’s hand and led him away from the pack of bodies swaying, rocks from the unfinished floor crunching under her boots.

  Club Nova was as basic as a club could be, a warehouse, underground, abandoned when the area was left to rot because better locations had been built in more convenient parts of the city.

  Left behind, like the living things on Z Avenue.

  Raven tried to ignore Jax as he followed them to their table in the corner of the cavernous space. The music echoed off the cement walls, people’s wailing lost in the pounding beat.

  He took a seat beside her, pushing plastic cups out of his way with an angry swipe of his arm.

  Sweat and must filled the heavy air, and Jax took his coat off.

  Axel raised his eyebrows at her, and she shrugged. If Jax wanted to stay, he would stay. Nothing would deter him. But there was nothing for him to gain by hanging on. When it was time to leave, she’d crash with Axel, if he had somewhere to go, or at Elle’s, and Jax would go home to his cushy life.

  Her high was fading, and she poured more wine. She lifted the empty bottle to Axel.

  Axel saluted her with a jaunty wave of his hand, took the green glass, and pushed through the wall of people on the dance floor to the bar.

  Raven downed the cup of red, the sweet, room temperature liquid soothing her parched throat.

  “What are you doing?”

  His lips moved, but Raven couldn’t hear what he said.

  She leaned closer and lost her balance, landing half in his lap. “What?”

  Jax cradled her as he would an infant, looking into her eyes. “Why are you doing this?”

  Raven pushed herself up, using his rock-hard thigh for support. Close to his ear, she whispered, “What else is there to do?”

  “This.”

  Raven didn’t understand what he meant until he pushed his lips to hers. He cradled her face in his hands, tilting her head.

  Half in his lap, half on her own chair, Raven struggled for a moment, then his tongue slipped into her mouth, and she opened for him, forgetting her awkward position.

  Being kissed by him was the same as in the church: rough, but tender, as if he were forcing himself to hold back.

  She wished he wouldn’t, but Jax would never lose control. He’d never lose himself in a moment. Rigid, every movement accounted for. Never a thought out of place. Everything he did had a reason, an explanation.

  Except, he was here, on Z Avenue, in Club Nova, kissing her, and there wasn’t an explanation to be found in her muddled brain.

  Raven sat up, the heat and smoke in the air making her stomach turn. She needed the bathroom and some air. “I have to pee,” she shouted, deliberately crass, and he grimaced.

  She was so unrefined. So rude. The things he’d tried to teach her, she’d shed like a snake’s skin, the minute she stepped foot on Z Avenue.

  Quicksand. The more she struggled, the deeper she sank until she couldn’t breathe.

  Grappling with the table to pull herself to her feet, she swayed, the booze and Valium making her vision slip and slide.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Jax demanded, gripping her chin, studying her face.

  Raven wrenched away and weaved through the crowd to the bathroom in the rear of the building. Lots of things, she thought. Lots of things.

  Chapter 7

  Jax watched her go, darting around drunken dancers like a skilled quarterback, the touchdown line in sight.

  Raven’s friend bumped his way through the crowd, holding two bottles of wine over his head. Jax curled his lip in disgust and jealousy. He hated the way this guy had his hands all over Raven. Hated it more she enjoyed it. It was obvious they were more than friends.

  She had a right to have someone. He wasn’t in a position to tell her no. In fact, trying to persuade her to stay away from the guy would only push her further into his arms.

  That was how women worked. They were like children. Tell them they couldn’t do something, and they laughed while they did it anyway.

  Raven was like that.

  No regard for his feelings.

  Not that she should have any. He hadn’t any regard for hers.

  But seeing Raven being ravished in some loser’s arms, Jax knew there was a slim to none chance he could convince her to go home with him again and give their arrangement another chance.

  Lucia’s claw marks looked vicious, even in the poor lighting. It’d been half the reason he’d kissed her. He wanted to make up for what Lucia had done. Not that a measly kiss would make up for it. Not even his.

  “Drink?” Raven’s friend asked, and Jax had to control himself from knocking the guy flat on his ass.

  If he wanted a chance of convincing Raven to go home with him, he had to behave.

  “Yeah.” He held out his hand, his watch catching the light.

  The guy raised his eyebrows but shook Jax’s hand.

  “I’m Jax.”

  “Axel.”

  “Axel?” Jax asked. “Who names their kid that?”

  Axel filled a red Solo cup to the brim and nodded at Jax to take it. “A woman high on crack,” he said with a grin.

  The man had a friendly, easy-going way about him, brave too, staring Jax down, and he considered offering the guy a job. He could envision Axel getting along swimmingly with Erik. Swilling bourbon and not doing a goddamn thing but looking pretty.

  Axel’s steady gaze made Jax’s mouth drop open. “You’re not kidding.”

  “Nope.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. Chicks dig it.”

  Jax took a gulp of the wine Axel generously poured him, and as he rolled it around his mouth, found it wasn’t that bad.

  “Raven, too?” he asked.


  “She’s a good girl,” Axel said. “She’s kind, and people take advantage of that.”

  Axel dropped into a chair, and Jax caught a whiff of the man’s cologne mixed with perspiration.

  “Do you?”

  Axel lifted a shoulder. “We take care of each other in a lot of different ways. What are you to her?” He grinned, but his eyes hardened. “I should throw you out on your billion dollar ass for how you treated my girl,” he said, lighting a cigarette. “Your woman did a number on her.” Axel tapped his cheek.

  Jax didn’t reply. It was his fault Lucia lashed out. He never should have expected Lucia and Raven to share the same house. Erik had been right about that. He should have put Raven up in a small apartment in the city.

  But then he never would have been able to see her, and wasn’t that what he’d wanted?

  Axel’s friendly demeanor dropped, and he snubbed out his cigarette after only a couple puffs. “What are you doing here?”

  “I want Raven to come home with me. To try again.”

  Axel shook his head. “She doesn’t belong with you.” He jabbed a finger at the sticky tabletop. “She belongs here. This is her life.”

  Jax pictured Raven dressed in her cocktail dress, standing on the steps, his house looming behind her. “You’re wrong,” Jax said, pushing his cup away. “Raven is better than this.”

  Axel glared.

  “And so are you.”

  Flinging out his arms, Axel said, “This is my castle; these are my subjects. I know where my home is—I know where I belong.”

  Jax gritted his teeth. He hated Axel just then, for knowing where he fit into the scheme of things. Ever since the accident, Jax had struggled with finding his way, never quite feeling like he’d found any peace. And that’s all he wanted, really, was to find some peace.

  “Then where is your princess?”

  “What?”

  “Raven. She’s been gone a while.”

  Axel scoffed. “You might not believe it, but Raven has a lot of friends here. They missed her. She’s probably just catching up with some of them.”

  Jax wanted out of this rat hole, and stood, impatient. “I’m going to find her.”

  “Tell her there’s more wine.”

  That would be the last thing he told her.

  Moving along the wall to stay clear of the drunks and druggies, Jax made his way in the direction he watched Raven go. She may very well have a ton of friends in this place, but he wanted to go home, go to bed. He’d been daft leaving Lucia alone in his house, and he didn’t doubt for one second she wouldn’t take the opportunity to clean him out.

  Nothing that couldn’t be replaced, but he should have stayed while she packed.

  He’d assess the damage in the morning.

  Jax reached a narrow hallway, people sitting on the floor, or leaning against the filthy wall. A couple made out in one of the doorways, the guy’s hands down the woman’s pants. She moaned against his mouth, and even the music didn’t drown her out.

  The darkness enveloped him.

  The doorways weren’t marked; there was nothing to indicate where Raven could have gone. Jax wandered the maze of back hallways, stepping around people who looked to be settling in for the night.

  He turned a corner, and the sound of her voice whispered over his skin.

  “Damien, it wasn’t my fault,” she wailed.

  Jax’s hair stood up on end. Damien. That was the guy Raven’s friend warned him about. The guy he’d kicked in the balls. The guy who let rats have Raven for a meal.

  His body shook with rage, and he rushed toward the sound of Raven’s voice.

  Another turn, then another.

  How fucking deep did this warehouse go?

  He didn’t shake people either, who were using this place as a hideout from the cold, yet no one seemed to care Raven was in danger, minding their own business, not wanting to get sucked up into the trouble.

  Jax had never been very good at minding his own business.

  “You’re going to pay me what you owe me.”

  Rounding yet another corner, Jax finally came upon them.

  Damien held Raven against the damp and dirty wall, a knife glinting in the flickering security light of the hallway. He pushed the knife into the side of her neck, and even from where Jax stood, the smell of blood met his nose.

  Damien grappled with Raven’s pants.

  It took only two seconds for Jax to realize Damien intended to rape her. If Jax had spoken to Axel for even five more minutes, Jax would have been too late.

  “I thought I told you to never touch her again,” Jax whispered. Despite the distance between them, the sound of his voice carried, and the sleezebag looked over to him, his eyes wide.

  But it wasn’t fear that made his eyes bug out.

  Jax swore under his breath. He didn’t like the thought of fighting a guy strung out on drugs. Drugs made people unpredictable. Feeling like they didn’t have anything to lose made them stupid—and dangerous.

  “Just let her go, and you can run like the spineless creature you are.”

  “Fuck you,” Damien said, pushing the knife deeper into Raven’s neck.

  She cried out, tears running down her face. “Just leave,” she begged, meeting Jax’s eyes. “Damien and I will work this out.”

  That was the last thing he’d do. He wouldn’t leave her here to pay for what he’d done.

  He pulled his phone from his pocket. “I’m calling the cops. This place could use a good raid.”

  Damien laughed. “Cops don’t come here, dickhead.”

  Jax took a step closer. “They will for me.”

  He didn’t have any bars, this deep underground, concrete walls barring him from all sides, but Damien didn’t need to know that. Jax pushed a couple of numbers and lifted the phone to his ear.

  “Fuck!” Damien hollered. “Fucking bitch.” He slammed Raven against the wall, her head smashing with a sick crack against the cement. He took off down the hallway, his heavy boots creating thumping footfalls that echoed to them even though he was long gone.

  Raven sank to the floor, moaning, with one hand on the back of her head, the other covering the cut on her neck.

  “Are you all right?” Jax rushed to her and crouched. He didn’t know what he could do for her, or where he could touch her that wouldn’t cause her pain.

  She gave a rueful laugh. “I got off lucky, I think.”

  “He wanted to rape you.”

  “I got that, Sherlock,” she said. “Help me stand up.”

  He grabbed her arm and helped her to her feet. She rested against the wall for a moment, her breathing a heavy rasp that crawled across his skin and settled in his groin.

  What a fucked up time to get hard.

  Jax pushed the thought away and rubbed her shoulder. “How hurt are you? Do you need to go to the hospital? You’re bleeding.”

  “I’ll be fine. Come on, Axel is probably worried.” She pushed her tangled hair out of her eyes. “You know, Damien’s right. Cops don’t come here.”

  Jax chuckled. “I don’t have service down here, anyway. But I’m right, too. They would, for me. I’m friends with the chief of police.”

  “Oh, God.”

  “Raven.”

  She looked at him out of the corner of her eye, sidestepping a woman sleeping in the fetal position, her back pressed against the wall. “What?”

  “Please come home with me.”

  “I can’t.”

  They stopped under an orange security light, the bulb trapped in wire to prevent someone from breaking it.

  “I know what Lucia did to you,” he said, running his thumb over the scratches along Raven’s cheekbone. They’d scabbed over, but her skin looked angry and red. He knew what Lucia’s fingernails could do. He’d felt them along his back during sex often enough. “I’m sorry.”

  “Then you know what I did to her. But I’m not sorry for it. And I won’t go back to your house, Jax. If anything, the whole th
ing taught me I don’t belong in your world. I’ll figure something else out.”

  “I don’t want you to do that. She’s gone.”

  Raven shook her head. “Do you have the papers with you? You carry them around, right? I’ll sign them, and we can part ways, right now. Tonight. I know it’s what you want.”

  Jax stared at the floor. In his haste to find Raven, in the moment he’d realized she was gone because of Lucia, the divorce hadn’t crossed his mind.

  He met her brown eyes, his heart slamming beneath his ribs.

  They were married.

  He was staring at his wife.

  “Can we talk about it?” he asked, scared she’d press the issue. He didn’t want to part ways, not now. Jax needed time to explore what he was suddenly feeling for this woman standing in front of him, blood still trickling down her neck, her white skin pasty with pain. “Can you give us some time to talk about it?”

  He said a word that hadn’t crossed his lips in a long time. “Please?”

  She led him out of the maze of hallways, and he followed behind her, silent. She hadn’t said yes or no, and he took his cue from her, keeping the rest of his words to himself.

  The music grew louder, and they finally reached the dance floor. Even in this late hour, bodies still packed the space. If anything, the energy had grown more erratic, more desperate.

  Jax could practically taste the tension.

  Axel still sat at their table, and he stumbled to his feet when he caught sight of Raven. “What happened?”

  “Damien,” Jax growled. “He had her pinned—” He broke off, unable to go further.

  “Shit. Raven, I’m sorry.”

  “It’s fine; he didn’t hurt me. Axel, I’m leaving with Jax.” Raven grabbed her jacket from the back of a chair occupied by a woman slumped onto the table, passed out.

  Jax grabbed his jacket as well and blew out a breath of relief. Her acquiescence surprised him. He’d thought he would have to fight harder, make his case stronger.

  Axel dogged them to the staircase that would lead them to the exit of the warehouse. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

  “Jax, I’ll meet you upstairs, okay?”