“Were you—is it about Lucia?” Raven didn’t want to know, not really. She didn’t want to hear that he was mourning a relationship with a woman who had a chunk of ice for a heart. He could do better, even if he didn’t think so.
Jax knocked back his drink and poured another. “No. When I kicked her out of the house, I kicked her out of my life. No doubt that will bring repercussions, but what doesn’t, dealing with a woman like that?”
“I’m sorry. You loved her. You didn’t have to do that for me.”
“Don’t be sorry. I didn’t love her, and I didn’t do it for you.” He ran a hand through his short hair. Raven wanted to skim her fingers over his scruff. Rarely did Jax let his five o’clock shadow go. But tonight, blond whiskers covered his jaw, giving him a disheveled appearance that looked good on him.
“Sorry,” she said again, then winced. She wasn’t educated, but for God’s sake, she could do better than this in the conversational arena. “Did you work today?” she tried.
Jax narrowed his eyes. “I work every day.”
Raven gulped. That didn’t work. “What do you do for fun?”
Loosening his tie, he said, “I don’t do fun.” He pushed away from his desk. “I’m going upstairs. Enjoy your evening.”
“Wait.”
Jax raised an eyebrow.
“Would you want to do something with me tomorrow night?” Inwardly, Raven groaned. What was the point of that? Spending time with Jax wouldn’t do anything for either of them.
Yet, she could still feel the searing heat of his lips when he’d kissed her at Club Nova. He had never brought up the kiss, and she hadn’t either, but pretending it didn’t happen didn’t make it so. An evening, showing him some of what she’d done while on the streets, would be fun. Maybe.
Or maybe he’d think she was a complete idiot and take back the three months he’d given her.
But she had to do something. Try to erase the misery out of his eyes.
“What did you have in mind? The symphony? The opera? A benefit?”
“I said something fun.” She tamped down a pleased smile when a flicker of amusement moved across his face.
He nodded gravely. “I will leave myself in your capable hands.”
“Be ready by seven.”
“And not a minute later,” he said, before easing open the library door and closing it behind him.
Raven stood in the room that was slowly growing cold as the fire weakened to embers. She may have been out of line. She may have made a huge mistake.
But she’d never forget the tear that glistened on his cheek when he thought no one was looking.
Chapter 8
“You look like a cat burglar,” Jax said as Raven came down the stairs.
“Do you always wear a suit?” she asked, adjusting the black beret resting on her hair. It wasn’t her typical skulking-around-at night-outfit, but Grace hadn’t exactly been dressing her for that. Raven had needed to make do with what she had in her wardrobe—black boots, black leggings, and a black sweater. Grace had chosen a black peacoat as part of Raven’s outerwear selections, and she would grab it on the way out.
“You didn’t tell me what we were doing, so I thought a suit would cover all the bases,” he said, adjusting his tie.
“Don’t you wear jeans and t-shirts?” Didn’t he ever relax? She wanted to ask, but she didn’t. She didn’t want him to change his mind about tonight.
“No.”
Raven stepped out into the chilly air and groaned in dismay. Justin sat in the idling Mercedes, waiting to take them wherever Jax ordered him to go. “I was hoping you would drive.”
Adjusting his gloves, Jax narrowed his eyes at her, but stepped around the car’s trunk and spoke briefly with the chauffer.
The tires crackled against the packed snow as Justin drove away.
“Now what?” Jax asked.
The Mercedes’ engine faded into the distance, and the air quieted.
Raven bit her lip. “What do you drive?” She paused. “You drive, don’t you?”
“Yes, Raven. I can drive.”
“Sorry,” she muttered, kicking at the snow along the plowed driveway. The winter air chilled her to the bone. Though March was half over, spring wasn’t in sight, and it could be weeks before the temperature finally rose and teased them with a hint of warmth.
Following Jax around the corner of his house, Raven’s eyes widened. She’d never explored the back of his property, had never seen the several-stalled garage that seemed longer than Z Avenue.
“I have one of everything,” he said, his breath coming out in a white puff. He opened the side door of the garage and flicked on the overhead lights.
Raven blinked against the sudden light and searched the row of cars. She couldn’t guess the model of most of them; they all looked too sleek and rich for her taste. “Don’t you have something that would . . . blend in? We need to be low-key.”
“What exactly are we doing? I could be working.”
“All you do is work, and go to boring social events that make you miserable,” Raven said, pointing to a bronze-colored Jeep. Brand new, the copper paint waxed to a gleam, it was the least ostentatious vehicle in the entire garage. “What do you do, anyway?”
Jax unlocked the Jeep with a key fob he selected off the wall. “I’m in security,” he said, starting the engine and opening the garage door with the remote he pulled out of a storage compartment.
Raven fastened her seatbelt, breathing in the brand-new car scent. Classical music drifted from the speakers, and she wondered if Jax enjoyed that kind of music, or if he only listened to it because he thought he ought to. “What does that mean?”
“What it implies,” Jax said, pulling out of the garage into the dark. “Where are we going?”
“Head toward Z Avenue, but before you get there, turn left on Remington.” She twisted in her seat to look at him. “No really, what does that mean?”
His profile seemed carved out of stone, no soft curves, only angles and edges.
She’d lived hard during her time on the streets, but she was fortunate her rough lifestyle hadn’t marred her features. Elle’s complexion was coarse and tough, but Raven had always attributed that to smoking, not to the kind of life she led. Raven didn’t care to smoke, not like Axel and Elle, but she drank. Thankfully, not enough to cause irreversible damage to any part of her body.
In that regard she was proud of herself, too. Besides her slip up in Club Nova, Raven hadn’t had a drink in a few weeks, thanks to Jax.
“It means I provide security. Cyber security for companies who have been hacked online and want to prevent it from happening again, or for companies who haven’t been, and want to keep it that way. Bodyguards, bouncers for events. When high profile guests visit the city, like the President, they hire my company for extra detail.”
Headlights from an oncoming car lit up his features.
“Do you do that?” He looked like he would be capable of guarding the President. Stoic. Focused. Like nothing could ruffle him.
Jax shook his head. “I work behind a desk. I don’t want to carry a gun.”
“I don’t blame you,” Raven murmured, hearing the gunshot that haunted her dreams. It seemed surreal that something so small could take a life. Could cause so much damage. And for so long. She’d been dealing with the damage from a bullet for sixteen years. “Axel’s good with computers, when he wants to be.”
“I have a feeling Axel’s good at anything . . . when he wants to be.”
Raven studied Jax’s face, trying to determine if he was teasing her, but he looked serious enough, focused on the highway and the shining patches of black ice.
“Like a boyfriend. Or a husband.”
“I . . .we’re friends. I haven’t thought of him that way.”
“He’s thought of you that way,” Jax said, and Raven stared out the window, wishing Jax would let it go. She wasn’t ready for a relationship, not the kind of relationship Axel offere
d her. While getting back on her feet was a good thing, she had a long way to go before she could think about being with someone, and it would take a very special man to convince her to start a family, have children.
Her brother, Levi . . . his death . . . how could her parents wake in the morning, shower, dress, live their lives, day after day? Live in the shadow of their dead child’s absence?
She’d never be able to survive something like that.
“Raven?” Jax asked.
“Why are you pushing this? It’s not something you can do when you’re on the streets, Jax. Even if I were so in love with him I wanted to marry him, what good would it do? Neither of us have jobs. There are days he’s no better than Damien, dealing drugs. His are just higher-end.” Raven pursed her lips. She hadn’t meant it like that. “He’s happy where he’s at. It’s why I didn’t stay with him. He could make me promises, but he wouldn’t keep them, couldn’t keep them, and I would have turned down a chance, maybe my only chance, to finally make my life better.” She drew in a shaky breath.
Jax rested his hand on her thigh, and the heat from his palm radiated through his leather glove. “I’m sorry. I . . . was wondering if a relationship with him would be something you wanted after . . .”
“After my time is up, you mean,” Raven said, staring at the cold, abandoned streets.
“You’ll have a life, after you leave my house,” Jax said, his voice husky and deep.
Raven thought she felt his hand shake, but it was only wishful thinking on her part. They were married, husband and wife. But it was stupid to think he’d want to keep her. This outing was just supposed to be about lifting the weight he always carried on his shoulders. Make him smile, if even for a moment. Not try to make him feel things for her he’d never feel.
“Turn here,” she said, instead of acknowledging him, “and go down three blocks. If there’s space, park in the lot on the corner. You don’t need to pay—no one monitors this section of the street, and I’ve heard the card swiper is rigged to copy your credit card number.”
Jax parked in one of two open spaces, cramming the Jeep between two plain white service vans.
“This is a good spot.” Jax’s vehicle looked too new to be in this part of the city. “And we’re right on time. The movie starts at eight.”
“Movie?” Jax asked, opening his door, and letting in a gust of Arctic air.
“You’ll see.”
The back door of the movie theater was always broken, and Raven took the chance it hadn’t been repaired during her time off the streets. She pulled off a glove, and with her skin stinging from the lack of protection, pushed her fingers between the door and the jamb, searching for the catch.
A streetlight flickered; a car drove past the alley.
Behind her, Jax stomped his feet, and Raven hoped it was because his toes were numbing from the cold, not that she was making him irritated.
“We could just pay.”
She tried to lighten the mood and giggled. “Where’s the fun in that?” Her fingers found the latch and she pulled, the door clicking open. “But we’ll pay for popcorn,” she whispered, gesturing him inside. “There’s no good way to steal any without getting caught.”
“That makes me feel better,” Jax said, and Raven elbowed him. “What movie are we sneaking in to see, anyway?”
“Casablanca. Have you seen it?” Raven knew the building like the back of her hand, and it took only but a few moments to find the correct theatre. She trotted up the shallow stairs and took a seat in the middle of the aisle at the very top of the stadium seating.
Jax sat next to her and pulled off his coat. “No. I’m not one for movies.”
Raven met his eyes, an ad for a cell phone company flickering over his face.
“What do you do, then?” she asked, her voice barely loud enough to be heard over the commercial.
“Try not to go crazy.” He raised a hand like he was going to touch her cheek, and she waited, anticipating the smooth brush of his fingers, but instead he said, “Here,” and pushed a twenty-dollar bill into her hand.
“What’s this for?” she asked, folding her fingers around the crisp bill, disappointed he didn’t go further.
“Popcorn?”
“Oh, right.”
Sitting next to Jax in the dark was more intimate than she expected it to be. Especially when Jax loosened up a little and started to nibble at the popcorn, their fingers bumping into each other’s when they’d dip into the tub at the same time.
“Sorry,” she’d mutter.
Still, Jax didn’t seem to mind, at least, he didn’t stop eating popcorn to keep from touching her.
Toward the end of the movie, they ran out of popcorn, and Raven set the cardboard container on the floor. She rested her arms on the arm rest and leaned back in her chair, propping her feet on the empty seat in front of her.
Jax shifted, and Raven hoped it wasn’t to lean away from her because she was taking up his arm rest. But when he casually put his arm around her shoulders, she smiled, and she breathed in the heady scent of his cologne until the movie ended.
When the lights came on she asked, “What did you think?”
“That was . . . nice,” he said, and Raven laughed at the surprise in his voice.
“Life is more than just work,” she said, gathering her jacket where it had slipped onto the sticky floor.
“It hasn’t been for me.”
“You should fix that.”
“Now where?”
“We finish off the night with pie and coffee.”
A twenty-four hour diner sat directly across the street, and an older waitress who wore too much makeup, her hair plastered to her head with hairspray hollered, “Raven! Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes!”
“Hey, Dorothy, how have you been?” she asked, shaking her head when Dorothy waved a menu in front of them.
“Same old, same old.” Dorothy jerked her head to the left. “Sit where you want. I’ll bring the coffee. What else?”
“A plate of my favorite, of course.”
“You got it, girly.”
Raven led Jax to a red booth, the vinyl cracked. She slid in across from him and pulled off her gloves.
“Did you come here often?” Jax asked, doing the same.
“If we had money.” Raven wrinkled her nose. “We’d buy pie, and Dorothy would keep the coffee coming. She kept our asses from freezing off more than once.”
“We?”
“Axel sometimes. A friend once in a while. Never Elle, because she doesn’t leave her shop, but I’d usually bring her back a piece of pie. Dorothy’s sweet, and she’d slip me a piece before we left.”
Jax turned a salt shaker, half empty, the tarnished silver top crusted with old food. “You miss your friends.”
“They’ve been part of my life for a long time. We’ve helped each other through some rough times,” Raven said, leaning back as Dorothy approached their table.
“Let me know what else you need,” the waitress said, tucking the circular tray under her arm and slowly ambling away.
Jax took a sip of the steaming coffee. “Hey, this is good.”
Raven laughed. “Try the pie.” She pushed the plain white plate nearer to him. The apple pie slice was almost as big as a half pie, and a huge blob of vanilla ice cream melted on top. “Don’t tell Mariah how good it is, you’ll hurt her feelings.”
She pushed her hair aside. Her hair was growing out, but she didn’t want to bother anyone for a trim. And she didn’t want to ask Elle. Raven wanted to keep her hair looking more grown up, and Elle liked to . . . experiment.
“Your neck looks like it’s healing.”
“It is.” Raven cleared her throat and poked at her coffee cup. “Thank you, again, for keeping Damien from, you know.” Her cheeks warmed.
“You’re welcome, again. I’m sorry Lucia made you run, but I’m glad you stuck up for yourself.”
“You are?”
“It was my fault yo
u were put in that situation. I should have rented an apartment for you in the city. My mistake.”
Raven’s heart sank. Stupid girl. Why did she keep hoping maybe he’d want to spend time with her?
She swallowed her disappointment.
“I should be the one who’s sorry. You really want to get married, huh?”
“I am,” he said, forking up a bite of pie, and she forced a laugh.
“I keep forgetting about that.”
“Me, too. To answer your question, I would like to share my life with someone. But I’m not . . .”
Raven waited.
Jax sighed. “Normal. Finding someone to put up with me seems an impossible feat at times, and I’m willing to take what I can get.”
Raven covered his hand with hers. “Maybe you just need to loosen up a little.”
Jax pulled his hand away. “I’m afraid that’s not possible. I hold myself in check for a reason, Raven.”
“But—”
“It’s late, and I have work in the morning.” He laid a twenty-dollar bill on the gold-flecked Formica table. “Are you ready?”
“I guess so.”
After a quiet ride through the snowy night, they parted ways at the top of the dark stairs. He’d put her as far away from his room as possible. Even with Lucia gone, it didn’t seem like a situation he’d be changing anytime soon.
Shoulders slumped, she started trudging to her room.
“Raven.”
She stopped; the way he said her name gave her goosebumps.
“This weekend it’s my turn. Saturday night, six o’clock. Black tie.”
Raven’s shoulders slumped even more. Black tie meant an uncomfortable dress. High heels.
“What are we doing?”
Jax bared his teeth. “Something fun.”
Raven highly doubted that.
Jax knotted his bow tie.
The forlorn expression on Raven’s face when he’d told her about tonight mirrored his feelings.
He didn’t want to go, either.
But Jax had no choice in the matter. He hadn’t been seen in public since he’d thrown Lucia out of his house, and he needed to prove he wasn’t hiding.
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