His mother had been doing her fair share of defending him, and while he thanked her for it, he also regretted putting her in that situation in the first place.
She warned him Lucia would also be attending the March Madness Ball, but that didn’t bother him. He’d bumped into Gwen here and there, and they’d silently agreed to ignore each other.
Gwen might even be there, he mused, trotting down the stairs to the library where he planned to help himself to a drink while he waited for Raven.
Jax would need to be careful—he’d become a laughingstock if he notched too many more ex-fiancées on his bedpost.
Thinking Gwen or Lucia could have supported him through life’s ups and downs had been downright lunacy.
Jax needed someone strong, who could weather his storms, who would bend instead of break.
Lucia had been tough, but not in the way he needed her to be.
“Why are you making us do this?” Raven complained from the doorway. “I’d rather watch a movie and eat pie.”
So would I, Jax thought, his mouth dry as he drank in the sight of her.
Gold dripped down her body, pooling at her feet. Gold dust decorated her cleavage, and her amber eyes were accented by gold eyeshadow.
She blushed. “Your mother sent me instructions. I hope I carried them out to your liking.”
Jax cleared this throat. “You’ll do.”
He hated himself for making the light dim in her eyes. But while Raven was tough, maybe even brave enough to put up with him, she did not belong with him. Her feelings were too real.
He needed a Gwen or a Lucia who would know how to play the game.
To the end, this time, goddamn it.
“Are you ready?”
She nodded.
“Justin is waiting for us outside.”
Jax draped a fur over Raven’s shoulders, and she moved ahead of him, her dress dragging behind her on the floor.
She stopped, her hand on the door handle and looked at him, her hair shading one side of her face. It hurt to look at her, and he wanted more than anything in the world to bring her upstairs. To shield her from the world.
But this night wasn’t only to save face—it was to continue the studies Raven asked for. How a gentleman should treat a woman.
Jax quirked his lips. He hadn’t exactly been a stellar example in that department.
“What is this for, now?” Raven asked, wiggling in the limo’s seat. “You rich people try too hard to have fun.”
“This is the March Madness Ball. It’s a fundraiser for at-risk youth basketball. Schools need new courts, gymnasiums, uniforms. Money for tourney fees.”
Raven looked out the window, the blackness only relieved by pinpricks of lights from the houses farther away. “That seems like an odd charity to take up.”
“Like you said, we try hard to find excuses to have fun . . . and spend money.”
The dance was held downtown at the ritziest hotel in the city. Located on the top floor, the ballroom showcased the bright lights of the cityscape through floor to ceiling windows.
Jax gave their jackets to the attendant, and with his hand on her back, he guided Raven into the enormous room.
Chatter ceased when the guests realized who had arrived, and Jax tried to appear unruffled, though he tightened his grasp on the nape of Raven’s neck hard enough to make her gasp.
“Sorry,” he muttered.
“Jax, Raven, you made it!” Grace Brooks cried, giving both Jax and Raven fierce hugs. “Raven, you look gorgeous! Whatever happened to your neck? Come, let’s get some champagne and you can tell me . . .”
Raven threw him a panicked look over her shoulder, but all Jax could do was lift his hands in surrender.
“I see you decided to swim with the sharks,” Erik said, handing Jax a lowball glass of scotch.
He needed it. He hadn’t wanted to start Raven off too early, or they would have had champagne in the limo.
“I’m usually one of the sharks,” Jax commented wryly.
“Not after kicking Lucia out on her pretty little ass,” Erik said cheerfully. “Now you’re chum.”
“I’m surprised you’re here. Mom make you come?”
“I haven’t seen Raven in a while, so I thought I’d stop by. I knew you’d make her come with you. You never do this kind of thing alone.”
Jax scowled. “I’m returning the favor.”
“What do you mean?” Erik asked, tugging on his bowtie.
“The other night Raven took me to the movies, and then to a little dive for coffee and pie.”
“That doesn’t sound like you,” Erik commented. “What possessed you to say yes?”
“She caught me in a private moment, and I agreed to make her go away.”
Erik could read him too well, much to Jax’s chagrin. “Bullshit. You said yes because you wanted to spend time with her. And you enjoyed yourself.”
Jax searched through the crowd for Raven. He trusted his mother, but he wanted to see for himself Raven was holding her own.
She spoke to a man near the bar, a smile lighting her face.
The man, whom Jax couldn’t identify from where he stood, placed his hand on the bare skin of her back.
Deep in his throat, Jax let out a possessive growl.
Erik whipped his gaze from Raven to Jax and back again, and he whistled. “Holy shit. You’re falling for her.”
Raven didn’t care what anyone thought of her. She really didn’t. It wasn’t as if she needed the approval of any of the people there tonight.
It didn’t matter rumors circulated around her, denser than the sweet aroma of the dessert buffet along the far wall of the room.
She felt more for Jax who did want to fit in, whose world was encased in these four walls.
Raven could go back to Z Avenue and be accepted for who she was. Be welcome, not in spite of who she was, but because of it.
She was willing to bet Jax didn’t have one real friend in this room besides Erik.
Raven beamed at the man who had the audacity to touch her after offering her a hundred dollars for a blow job in the cleaning closet down the hall.
She brushed him off easily enough, joking he couldn’t afford her real prices.
He’d had the grace to blush and changed the subject.
She couldn’t wait to tell Jax. On the other hand, she didn’t want to cause trouble. And honestly, she wasn’t quite sure if he’d come to her defense. It hadn’t been that long ago Jax had shared this man’s assessment of her.
“You are causing quite a splash, my dear,” Grace said, saving Raven from another proposition.
“I’m sorry,” Raven murmured. She’d forgotten this was Grace’s territory as well as Jax’s.
“Don’t be,” Grace said, waving her hand and gliding across the floor toward the dessert buffet. “This is the most fun I’ve had in years. These things can be so stuffy. Not that I’m taking pleasure in the rumors about you,” she backpaddled quickly. “But you are a bright dollop of color.”
“No offense taken, Mrs. Brooks,” she said, accepting a plate decorated with dark pink swirls with the smallest sliver of cheesecake placed in the center. “I know I don’t belong here.”
“You belong here better than you think.” Grace nudged her until they stood in the shadows. “There’s not one woman here who knows what it’s like to live. Their days are full of spa appointments and luncheons. Fundraisers like this and vacations to the Bahamas.”
Raven tried a bite of cheesecake and the whipped sugar and cream cheese concoction melted on her tongue. “Didn’t you grow up with all this?” Raven asked. She didn’t mean to be rude, but Grace acted much like these women.
Grace laughed, a low throaty rasp. “Good God, no. While I do enjoy my husband’s wealth, I grew up poor. I did the books for my father’s mechanic shop. My mother had taken off when I was a baby . . . motherhood didn’t agree with her, I guess. My father never got over her.” She took a crumb of the chocolate cake s
he held on a silver dessert plate. “He turned to drinking and was rarely sober. A gifted mechanic,” she said wistfully, her eyes scanning the crowd, but seeing a different picture. “He could have done so much, yet he barely fixed enough cars to put food on the table. I should have worked somewhere else, but I wanted to look after him, too, you know?”
Raven nodded. She did know. It’s why even though her parents didn’t want to speak to her, she still kept an eye on them. It helped to know they were all right.
“One day a car broke down a block from our little shop, and in walked a man who lit up the whole city. Jax’s father. The minute I saw him . . . well, you know what they say. He paid for my dad to dry out, but it was too late. Three weeks after he walked me down the aisle, he died of liver failure.”
“I’m sorry,” Raven murmured, touching Grace’s arm.
“Thank you. The main point is, my dear, men don’t want women like this. They think they do, all shiny and bright, but it’s an illusion. Like gold paint. It chips off, and you’re left with what’s underneath. Do you like my son, Raven? Besides for what he’s doing for you?”
Raven didn’t want to get the woman’s hopes up. It didn’t matter how she felt about Jax. The way it disappointed her when he closed himself off, or the way he held her at arm’s length. It didn’t matter that her heart picked up speed when he looked at her, or how happy it made her when he’d put his arm around her in the theater. Jax’s father may not have cared where Grace had come from, but Jax cared.
“He’s very cold.”
She flinched away, waiting for Grace’s retaliation in response to the insult, but Grace only nodded. “Yes, he is. He used to be a cop. Did he tell you that?”
Raven took another bite of cheesecake. Listening to Grace’s story, she’d forgotten she was holding it. “I didn’t know what he did presently until just a few nights ago.”
“He’s not one to be forthcoming with details,” Grace murmured sadly. “He shot someone in the line of duty. He never recovered.”
“That’s terrible,” Raven whispered. No wonder Jax was so reserved. Books and movies made it seem like nothing, a man pulling a trigger and walking away. But it wasn’t so simple as that. Watching the blood drain from someone as life flickered out of their eyes—only someone evil could walk away unaffected.
She’d called Jax the devil, but it wasn’t true.
“None of these women will ever be what Jax needs, yet he’ll keep looking. He’s cut himself off from real emotion, and has for sixteen years. He’s drawn to you, Raven, even at this moment. Can you feel his eyes on you?”
She hadn’t—she’d been too caught up in Grace’s words, but now she felt Jax’s steely gaze boring into her, and she looked from Grace’s face into the crowd where Jax stood off to the side clutching a glass and staring at her.
“If you tread carefully, Raven, you could cut through his veneer, if you wanted to.”
Did she want to, she asked herself, self-consciously smoothing her hair. He hadn’t taken his eyes off her.
He’d hurt her, while she tried. But she was no stranger to pain.
“Yes,” she said, taking a step toward him, “yes, I do.”
“Lucy, you’re looking lovely tonight,” Jax said, handing the blonde a flute of champagne.
“Jax, I’m surprised you’re here.”
He breathed in her perfume. Poison. Apt. But it also made him lonely. While it hadn’t been long since he’d thrown Lucia out of his house, he missed a body warming his bed.
If she would let him—though hell had more chance of freezing over—he’d take her into a back room right now and ram his cock into her, over and over, searching for some kind of human contact, no matter how slight.
Human contact without risk.
That’s what he needed.
An escort, perhaps.
A woman who would take her feelings with her. Along with the cash he paid her.
“Maybe I wanted to apologize,” he said smoothly, appraising her frozen blue eyes, her perfect blonde hair.
Lucia smiled, and Jax waited for her face to crack in two, so tight her skin stretched across her cheekbones, courtesy of a recent facelift.
“You never say you’re sorry,” she whispered, stepping closer to him. She leaned her body into his, and Jax forced himself to keep his arm at his side. He wanted to draw her in, feel her heartbeat.
Lucia was alive, and Jax was tired of being alone.
“I’ll pay you back,” she murmured, her lips feathering against his earlobe, sending shivers down his back. “I’ll pay you back for making me look like a fool. Gwen isn’t much for revenge, but I am, and I have plenty for both of us.”
She pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Enjoy your evening.”
Raven watched the whole scene from where she stood, her mouth dry, the sweet flavor of cheesecake turning to dust on her tongue.
Had they made plans to see each other after the ball?
Would Lucia move back into Jax’s house?
“You look like you’re about to throw up,” Erik commented, handing her a mug of coffee.
Raven took the warm porcelain and breathed in the earthy scent with gratefulness. “How did you know?”
“That you want to throw up, or that you needed a cup of coffee?” he asked, a smile tugging at his lips, a mug of coffee in his own hand, his usual unlit cigarette tucked behind an ear.
Raven laughed, trying to push aside the sting of seeing Lucia kiss Jax. “Both. What time is it?”
“Not late enough,” Erik said, pushing his arm out to pull his sleeve away from his watch. “Not even nine. We’re in it for a few more hours, at least.”
The music from hidden speakers floated to them, something dreamy, frothy, and couples began to drift to the dance floor.
“Would you like to dance?” Erik asked.
“I don’t know how,” Raven said, equal parts hoping and terrified. She didn’t need to make a fool out of herself. Her reputation had already done enough damage.
“It’s easy,” Erik said, taking her mug and placing both on the narrow lip of a decorative column. “Like this.”
Erik took Raven into his arms, one arm around her waist, the other hand taking hers. “Taller women wrap their arms around a gent’s neck,” he said, “but rest your hand on my shoulder. That’ll work.”
“Now what?” Raven asked. It felt odd being in Erik’s arms when two seconds ago she’d been jealous of Lucia’s proximity to Jax.
“Stand here. Move on your feet back and forth. That’s it.”
“Oh. But there’s more complicated dances.”
Erik’s hazel eyes—so much like Jax’s—twinkled. “Sure, there are, but I don’t know how to do them. This is the best I can do, love.”
He tightened his hold on her waist.
“It’s good enough for me,” she said patting his shoulder. “Aren’t you here with someone?”
“Well,” Erik muttered, looking away.
“I know. It’s okay.”
“You would, wouldn’t you?” Erik asked, tilting his head. “You see people.”
“It’s easy when no one sees you in return.”
“They’re missing out on a wonderful woman,” Erik murmured into her hair.
“Thank you.”
“I have someone, but we aren’t close. I mean, I’m too busy for a relationship.”
“Why?” Raven asked. “Everyone deserves someone.”
Erik shook his head and looked over her shoulder, his gaze drifting over the dancers. “I’ve spent most of my life protecting Jax in some way or other.”
Raven shuffled her feet, the hem of her dress catching on a heel. “Grace told me he used to be a cop and he shot someone in the line of duty.”
They danced behind the column, deeper into the shadows, a forgotten potted plant wilting from thirst and collecting dust in the corner near an emergency exit.
“It wasn’t exactly like that. Mom pushes aside unpleasantness, and it can distor
t the facts. It was more of a . . . well, Jax panicked. What he saw wasn’t what he thought, and it was just one big messy accident. I’ve been protecting him, mainly from himself. I’m older than he is by a couple of years, and I keep an eye on him. For Mom and Dad.”
“It was an accident,” she murmured, more to herself than to Erik. Yet, even when there was an accident, there was always someone to blame.
“Yes. And he’s paid in guilt all these years. I . . . stick around to make sure he’s okay.”
“You deserve your own life,” Raven said.
“I wish I could see him settled. If a woman could take over . . .”
Raven shook her head. “No, Erik. If Jax is going to make a relationship work, he has to forgive himself. He has to accept what he did, he has to accept it was an accident. But maybe you don’t need to worry. I saw him talking to Lucia earlier. Maybe they’ll get back together.”
“She’s not good enough for him.”
Reaching up on her tip-toes, Raven kissed his cheek. “You’re a good brother.”
While they were talking, Erik backed them into the corner, out of sight of the other guests. He smiled at her, and was about to say something, but a voice, explosive with anger, stopped him.
“Just what the fuck is going on here?”
Jax couldn’t explain his rage finding Raven in Erik’s arms. He often thought Erik would be a better match for her, anyway. But after his exchange with Lucia, loneliness, grief, and maybe a little bit of fear roiled in his heart, and seeing Erik and Raven together intensified those feelings a hundred-fold.
“It’s not what you think,” Raven said, her eyes wide. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Jax—” Erik tried, but Jax cut him off with a glare and pulled Raven’s arm. “We’re leaving.”
“But—”
Jax stopped, not caring he was making a spectacle of himself. It wasn’t the first time. “Do you want to stay?” he snarled.
Raven lifted her chin, fire in her eyes. “No. But I thought you might. I saw you cozying up to Lucia earlier. Didn’t you get back together?”
The mention of Lucia’s name made electricity zip through his veins, and his brain crackled with fury. “We are going home.”
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