La Gitana

by Carol Ann

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  But back to my memories of the war, I who am dead as the beautiful soldier. It is a gadje obsession, this fighting for tracts of land and the quest for a glorious victory. We gypsies call a Kris to settle a dispute between two or more people, and the Rom Baru (leader) decides the final verdict. A gypsy lives off the land and he does not own the land. Land, like the air we breathe is for everyone. The gadje will always want more than what he has and a gypsy wants just enough to live. The fact is in religion they are mostly Catholic in Spain and Protestant in England and they break most of the ten commandments of the Bible, Thou Shalt Not Kill, and Thou Shall Not Steal. Yet, people say we gypsies are not civilized: we are considered to be scavengers, savages, thieves, and poisoners. The gadjes are the ones who come to us for the poison. A gypsy proverb is ‘take only what you need, nothing more.’ The gadjes want to devour the world like a fat man at the dinner table. And the man I loved was the worst of them all, the most greedy. And still I lived: I played the hand I was given. Later on, I found St. Sara expected to be rewarded for her favors and for every favor she expected a drop of blood.

  It was hard time throughout the land, and the plague was rampant due to unclean living conditions and the scarcity of food for the peasants. I saw it as an omen from those who had died and had not been given a proper Christian burial. Thousands died each day, rich and poor alike. Among the unharvested fields of wheat, rice, and potatoes, the bodies of dead peasants lay. They died while tilling the land. With the last beat of their hearts, they tried to provide food for their meager tables. Some died on sumptuous beds and palatial estates with their loved ones standing helplessly by. The will to live is a ferocious thing and they fought the Angel of Death until their very last breath.

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  Due to lack of well people to harvest the crops, food was scarce for everyone save for the royals living in the palace. I arranged for the royal kitchen to makes thousands of loafs of rich brown bread to distribute to the poor who were begging in the streets. I also, gave them large sacks of potatoes, beans, and rice and made each noble responsible for the tenant farmers who worked their land. This was a very unpopular practice but I had the King’s permission and none could dispute it. And

  I had Louis enact a law, the legalization of hunting game on the crown’s estates and on the nobles’s estates as well. Poaching used to be a criminal offence punishable by death or imprisonment.

  Then came one of the most frightening experiences of my life. It was a gray afternoon and the orange sun hung low in the sky. Three soldiers brought Louis home in a wagon and placed him in our bed. The royal doctors came trailing behind with their potions and powders to keep his fever down. They drew me aside and told me what I already knew. He had contracted the plague. They told me he would not live the night. I told them to get out and that I would use my own potions to save him. They told me I would be foolish to even try and to just make him comfortable as possible. I threw the bones and saw Louis was destined to live. The bones have never failed me. I had Hortencia sternly throw them out and I threatened each one with a beheading if they even mentioned Louis was ill.

  Louis’s face was ashen and pale and his mouth was etched in a thin line of pain.

  His breath stank like excrement. He shivered under the covers, and his eyes were as two black pieces of coal, dully staring at me. He coughed up blood, and I started my 268

  preparations. My love had accepted the doctors’ proclamations and was willing himself to die as quickly as possible.

  “Louis,” I said, “I have never lied to you and I won’t lie now. You must fight like a true King: I tell you now that you will not die. It is not your time. I shall be giving you water shortly as the fever drives out water. I will also have you drink some potions and draughts which will be bitter to taste. Do I have your permission? Shall we gamble on your life. Gypsy medicine will either cure you or kill you.

  He smiled weakly and nodded his head.

  “And Louis, I will say the old spells to break the fever and chest congestion.

  And the final will be a spell to drive out the Angel of Death. You will not understand what I say as it will be in the Romani language. Do you hear my words, Louis.” He nodded again and then fell into a deep sleep. In his delirium he called for me and also Madame. I informed the soldiers to send for her. I accepted the fact that he still loved her. I stayed up the whole night doing my chants and waking him at intervals to drink water or the bitter draughts of roots and herbs.

  Last of all, I said in Romani, “I see the Angel of Death sitting on the side of the bed. I vanquish you. You shall not take my man. I curse you with damnation and the fires of hell. Take me instead.” I then cut my wrist, saying “You see my blood is red and warm, wouldn’t it taste better than blood from a sick man. Take me, I promise you I am a much richer fount of life: come into me, I welcome you, Dark Angel. Drink of the waters of Life for you are empty as a sieve.”

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  The Angel relented and left Louis’ body to invade my body. I felt unbearable cold and a cessation of my heart for a few minutes, and I say the room grow dimmer and the candles flicker and go out. I fought him with my harshness and robust good health: I willed my heart to go on beating, and gasped for air, fought for air. I clinched my teeth and called for St Sara to save me. Then toward dawn I lost consciousness. In, the end my heart and soul were too strong for Him. He left me entirely and Louis was spared yet he was still ill.

  When I awoke I heard the door bell ringing, and I knew it was Madame. She was all dressed in black, standing outside with several guards.

  I greeted her with these words, “Welcome, my Queen, I am gladdened to see you. Louis calls for you in his sleep and though you no longer share a conjugal bed, he still loves you. Why are you dressed as a widow? He shall be well.”

  “He is Our husband and We are the Queen. One does not question a Queen.

  When Louis dies We shall have you beheaded, whore.”

  “There are more whores in heaven than ladies, Madame. A man always pays for the favor of a woman whether in coins or tracts of land. You look like a crow on a corpse. Louis shall not die, and you may not see him dressed as you are.”

  “We have consulted his doctors and they say He will die,” replied Madame.

  “I shall heal him. He will recover.”

  “With your gypsy poison, do you think you can raise the dead?”

  “He is not dead nor will he be. You insult Louis with your mourning clothes. Do you wish him dead?”

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  “We do not discuss our feelings with gypsy witches. Stand aside before my guard executes you,” said Madame.

  At that moment, Hortencia stepped forward and drove a knife into the guard’s chest. Just to intimidate the Queen, she licked the blood off her knife. Then she quickly secured all the door locks and windows before the Queen could call in her other guards.

  “This is treason punishable by death,” said Madame.

  “The choice to sleep alone you made not me. I was willing to share. Life frequently forces us to adapt to unsatisfactory situations. I shall not kill you, Madame, as Louis truly loves you, although it would be my preference.”

  “We do not care for you at all. A pox on your house.”

  “My Queen, you amuse me. Dare you try and curse a gypsy. I can strike you deaf, dumb, and blind in a second, and never pay for the crime, No gadje can perceive the force of a gypsy spell.”

  “We do not believe in magic or other fairy tales. We believe in Our Lord Majesty.”

  “I believe in the Lord as well, and I try to be just. You care more for your pride and vanities than you care for Louis. Look in the mirror and discover who you really love. Hortencia go and select the yellow dress from my hamper. It will go good with her dark hair,”I said.

  “We shall never wear a dress that has touched your body,” said the Queen.

  “You shall never see your husband in that widow’s garb. We must convince him he will live. I wil
l not relent.”

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  I went over to Madame and told her to disrobe. She slapped me hard across the face and shoved me backwards. Hortencia then pinned her arms back while I cut the dress from her body. I was well pleased to see her from was not as perfect as mine. She was a goose while I was a peregrine falcon, so to speak. I could tell she had no real pity for Louis but in her heart she still loved him. Maybe they would come to an agreement.

  Hortenicia said she was kind and talked of pleasant things like their children, and things of a neutral manner like anyone would do with a person who was mortally ill. She even put her hand to his cheek to check his fever and she knelt on the floor and prayed for his speedy recovery. I was well pleased that she was gentle with him.

  I did not like Madame nor did she like me but we both were in Louis’ life like opposing bookends. I made an insincere gesture of friendship though I did not like Madame. I thought it more prudent to be her friend than to go on with the enmity.

  For six months every week I sent eighteen yellow roses to her in the palace, and no reply came. Rumor had it that she cut the heads off the roses and threw them away like refuse. Then, I realized a better plan: I boxed up all her books and sent them back to her. A week later a sealed invitation came in the mail. It read, “Her Majesty, requests your presence at the palace on 15, May at 2:00 P.M.” My heart beat with excitement. A royal friendship was worth its weight in diamonds. I was careful to replace the books in my library: knowledge is power.

  When I arrived the day was bright with white, fluffy clouds that bounced across a turquoise sky and the red birds were singing. In front of the palace four little girls were playing at a May pole. I was struck by the lovely spring colors they wore, mint green, sky blue, sunflower yellow and pale crisp lilac.

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  The one with the yellow checked dress took my hand and told me she was to lead me to the queen’s chambers. Not having me met by couturiers was he way of telling me I was no importance in her life. Still the little girl was beauteous beyond compare with her auburn hair the color of copper and her dark blue eyes, she smelled like vanilla.

  “Madame welcomes you, Gitana. I am Cecile and I am to take you to her chambers.”

  I took her soft, little hand as she lead me down corridors and memories of Louis as the Falcon King flooded back into my memory The wall sconces flickered and my eyes got used the lessening of the light. All along the walls were pictures of Louis.

  There were about four thousand pictures of him throughout the palace. This was to enforce the notion that Louis was all powerful and ever present. People had to bow to the paintings, and back out of the room as if Louis himself were there.

  Madame had her lady in waiting open the door, a plain woman with a flat face and a large mole on her nose. In fact, all her ladies in waiting were less than attractive to avoid the possibility that Louis would take a liking to any of them. Madame was a clever woman in and without the court, and was often consulted on matters of state since she was so educated.

  She appeared in a dark somber, high necked gown of navy sitting on her throne in the middle of the room. Her only piece of jewelry was her royal signet ring. I in my bangles and red dress with a buck skin jacket must have appeared to be the penultimate gypsy. I advanced forward curtseyed and kissed her signet ring while kneeling on my knees. Coming into her room was like entering a church sanctuary with votive candles burning and saints everywhere. There was a large portrait of Jesus’ agony on the cross 273

  and I could not help but notice that the artist had painted Louis with a thin line of blood between his lips. It was more a sanctuary than a royal bed chamber. I wondered how Louis could take his cock out in such a setting but four children attested to the fact that his lust was not governed by the Church. But, then on the other hand, the Lord did say,

  “Go Forth and Multiply”. It was said that he made love to his wife twice daily in former days before me.

  I commented on the proliferation of saints and the effigies of Jesus throughout the room. And silently noted that Louis and his many wars attested to the fact that he was in no way governed by the Church.

  Madame addressed me thusly, “Rise Gitanta. We have come into your life to bring you closer to the Lord. It is our fate. We are sure of it.”

  “I am always eager to hear the Word and obey all commandments but one.”

  “The sin of adultery is what you refer to. Please, Gitana, We are no fool nor imbecile. We know you will continue to break the sin of adultery as Louis has so forcibly stated to me. Even if you refused him, he said he would rape you. And We are in any way forbidden to harm you and vice versa.”

  I replied, “I know Louis means that. Should I harm you Madame, in act or gesture he would take my life.”

  “We shall pray for a dispensation for you and Louis that you both may enter heaven. You do many good deeds for the poor and humble amongst us, and you brought down the Inquisition in Spain.”

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  “My Queen, what makes you think I want to go to heaven when so many of my ancestors must be below in the nether regions? I feel I am destined to burn forever for some acts I have done, adultery being the least of them.”

  Madame replied, “Nonsense, Gitana, confess your sins and you shall be absolved.

  We know you are Catholic.”

  “Madame, I fear the Lord will not forgive my sins. You are sweet to think of my salvation. I shall take my pleasures for this earth for I shall receive the ashes of pain in the afterlife.”

  “Tell me what you have done,” said Madame, “and I will pray over them.”

  “No, my Queen, I have lived a rough life and committed some mighty sins. I don’t think our Lord would absolve them.”

  “Our majestic Lord forgives all. He is so vast and forgiving, you shall be forgiven if you truly repent.”

  “I have much to repent, I have lived totally for myself and my convictions. I have been ruthless and dangerous. I have also helped a number of people. So the scale of good and bad is tilted over toward the bad.”

  “We can fix that with prayer. You must devote yourself to do good.” I told her I would try and she was well pleased. But a leopard cannot change its spots. I knew enough about revenge to regret many of my harsh acts. Revenge is an infinity sign which only doubles back to the person doing it.

  Madame took me by the hand and led me to her closet showing various somber dresses of navy, gray, black and brown and said, “You must defeat the sin of pride. A lady should be humble and modest, and disguise her beauty. Who can resist a tainted 275

  woman. One must conceal one’s physical charm so that people only see the beauty in her soul. Take anything you fancy.”

  I took several dour gowns which I never wore unless it was to see Madame, I continued to wear red, green, turquoise, and a dizzying array of blues. All the palette of nature. I think a woman must use all her gifts to insure grandeur in this world. By gypsy law I was mahrime: by gadje law I was a sinner and destined for the fires of hell. Yet, I did not think of myself as an evil person. I did what was expedient and I learned that from the royals. I doubted whether they would go to heaven either with their greed for land and numerous wars. War is only legalized murder. I am reminded of the Greek, Icarus, who defied the gods and flew toward the sun, then plunged toward his death. The gadje have hubris, excessive pride. I know I was, in death, a prideful, ambitious, and devious woman. I was a grasping, evil woman, not humble and good. What amazes me is that so many people loved me in my life. Love was very important to me, the giving of it, and the receiving of it. I may not have been worthy of it yet St. Sara smiled on me.

  Madame did not offer her friendship to me right away. She treated me like a school girl coming for her lessons about the Almighty and I always came dressed as a plain gray wren with no face paints. I was beginning to look old but still had my sharp features, so attractive to men, and I was careful not to gain any weight.

  She held out her hand for me to kiss as I
knelt before her. The coldness of her signet ring brushed my lips. She then gave me a lecture on piety and virtue and the necessity to obey all scripture to the letter. Then she commanded me to rise with an upward gesture of her hand. Then she said I had an audience with the royals. She would 276

  play pasadobles on the piano and I would dance my gypsy dance. I thought it imprudent to dance since my form of dance did not conform to any of the tenets of Christianity.

  I questioned her about this and she said, “We just want to see the dance that so inspired Our Louis, so much. We must know what hold you have on him. Do not fear there will be no retribution or penalty on your soul. The sin of jealousy is all .” The royals in their white wigs and resplendent gowns were seated in the main parlor, both men and women. As I walked in the room became hushed and Madame seated herself at the piano. I heard one loud whisper, “So, this is the famous, Carmen Caballito.”

  The celestial notes began to cascade out of Madam’s piano and she was very skilled, an artist, really. I stomped, shook my head and snapped my hips back and forth in a lusty tribute to the act of love. When I finished there was a hushed silence and Madame’s face was a bright pink as she fanned herself. The men’s faces had the lusty imprint of desire while the women showed no emotion, only a stony silence, while each passed by me throwing coins at my feet. It was an attempt to humiliate me. I, who was the consort of kings not beggars.

  I said, “I wish to thank Madame for the chance to perform. I shall give these coins to the poor as I have no need for them.”

  Madame said, “Save them for a rainy day, Gitana. You may need them one day.

  You are dismissed for today. Come tomorrow. We will study Genesis.”

  “Madame, I need only my brain and my heart. That is all I’ve ever needed.” She gave no reply. Her dark eyes saw into and took full measure of me.

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  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  Madame continued to summon me at various times as was her want. Louis spent half his time with me and half with Her, and never tired of his amorous preoccupation.