by Carol Ann
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CHAPTER THIRTY- SIX
Madame thought of having a gala ball to celebrate my being the royal consort and to bid goodbye to my two sons, Antonio and Julio. We also wanted to celebrate the birth of the twins from Monica, Julio’s wife. Of course, Jean Baptiste would accompany her.
I no longer cared that he courted Celestina. He swore he did not know of her wicked plan and I smiled as a vision of her headless body quivering in a the throes of death came to my mind. I chose to believe Jean was a good man but a bad one when it came to acquiring a mistress and a wife. I was learning that I could not control my place in life, my destiny. Control is an illusion, and even the great, and strong, shatter and fade to nothingness. St. Sara, in exchange for my good fate, had extracted her bounty of sorrow from me. We called our party, Life and Death.
Louis merely said, “Nobody dies of a broken heart, Gitana. Drink up the bitter as well as the sweet. It is all nourishment for the soul. Carmen, you sit right next to Us. It is time for you to meet Our companions: you are my second wife.”
“Gitana,” said Madame, “you need not stand in the shadows anymore. We give you the gift of being yourself. Throw my harsh dresses away. You are not a sparrow, you are a red bird, and should dress as one. Glisten and flow: Illuminate the room with your beauty. God has a different plan for you, Carmen. We are to go plain and solid through this life, an anchor for other people’s weaknesses.” I said nothing. I took Her words into my wild, thorny heart. We hired the best musicians from all over France. Le Brun, the King’s top artisan, employed as many as two hundred artists. And it is a fact that the King subsidized all the arts and brought to prominence the best writers. He was responsible for the success of such writers as 290
Moliere, Racine, Voltaire, and Jean de la Fontaine. They were hired to write lyrics detailing the lives of my two sons and glorify their energy, and courage.
The halls were decked with all kinds of rare flowers and orchids, and Madame placed yellow roses throughout like the ones I used to send her. I let all the colors of the royal’s gowns wash over my tired soul in hues of indigo, red, pink, viridian green, gold, silver and marigold. The purples blended with the light of the dying sun. Mostly they were silk gowns coming from the royal tapestry maker, Manafacture des Gobelins (tapestries). There were along the walls, religious tapestries of Jesus in various scenarios, and the various Greek myths. My favorite was the tapestry showing Prometheus lashed to a rock with all the vultures tearing his liver out. He angered the Gods by giving the gift of light to mortals. We all suffer when we get the light. I could still ponder the presence of death among the congregation. As a gypsy, I can see the auras coming from people’s souls. Louis was still lustrous and vibrant in spite of his age, and Madame was a rock.
Jean Babtiste, accompanied by Monica, my dead son’s wife, came to honor me.
He said many pleasant things about me and praised my political skills. I could detect no falseness nor flattery. This was a very dangerous man who could not be ruled by Louis.
He had a brilliant mind and was well suited to diplomacy. I decided right then and there that France needed a man like that more than he needed someone to deny his amorous intent. But I decided to test his skills.
“Sir, you are bold to compliment me and say nothing about your escort. Do you see yourself as a hound dog on the scent of some fresh meat.” 291
“Fresh meat! My dear, you are bold to even make a statement like that. Do you fancy you’re talking to some stable boy? Monica is my fiancé and we are to be married.
I do not intend to go through life alone and I will not be stopped. I shall take good care of her children as well.”
“Gitana, I cannot go through life a widow. That would be an empty life and I am quite fond of Jean,” said Monica.”
“I know now you have kept her pure or she would have used the word,’love,’”I said.
“I respect Monica and would not get her with child before marriage. She is no whore and is quite intelligent.”
“Congratulations, Jean! You may marry Monica. It is hard to go through life alone.! I found out what I wanted.”
“When will it be love, Monica?” asked Jean.
“Only God knows the answer to that. Why have We not seen you in chapel lately?” said Madame.
“I was remiss, Madame. You shall see me there quite often now, and Monica shall accompany me, “said Jean Babtiste
“Monica, you need a man and from this conversation, I can see his quality of character,” I said.
It is sometimes better to caress one’s enemy rather than stab him in the back. God has a way of punishing a sinner. Yet, I thought perhaps he did not help plan Antonio’s death. For the moment I was for the marriage. I never wanted Monica to have the life I had. Besides revenge is an infinity sign. It stops where it began. Madame is right. If 292
he’s guilty, God will punish him. Later that evening, I asked Monica what she would do when he got really old, being twenty-six years older than her.
She said, “Feed him soup and spend his money.”
I laughed and told her she was a clever woman, a survivor, and cursed her as the murderer of my son. I was getting too old for the blood sport of revenge, and I had the company of Monica, Julio’s wife, and my grandchild. She wanted to learn to read for the betterment of her mind, and to be able to read financial ledgers. And teach her I did. She was ravenous for learning and learned at a very rapid rate. She wasparticularly skilled with numbers and caught on to reading the business ledgers quite well. She told me she had seven brothers who tried to control her and failed. She told me it was a man’s world and she just wanted a piece of it.
I stopped my scheming mind, completely turning it off and got caught up in the dancing and the music. I held strong hands, timid hands, sweaty hands and rough hands from the men who still worked their estates. Louis still allowed certain men the freedom to do this but they were honest, loyal men. The fools, rapscallions, ruffians, he kept near.
If they were whoring around, planning larceny or down right insane he drew them near him. There was one plot to cut off my head and parade it around the streets to the delight the peasants. Needless to say, Louis found out and hung them in the castle square making an example of them.
So, because of this people were frightened of me so I decided to show my light side by dancing in my gypsy style. I stamped my feet and flung my skirts to songs of the Rom (gypsy). I wore a red silk flounced skirt, black off the shoulder peasant blouse with heavy Indian silver and turquoise jewelry, and my hair down my rear end. After seeing 293
me shout and swing my ass, the royals warmed up to me. They brought wine to me numerous times and one even brought me a plate of food which I did not eat. Old habits died hard: I ate the food the King and Queen ate because they have official tasters. I told them crude gypsy jokes and described my life at Sacro Monte. I made many friends and some enemies probably. I am no lady: never was. But I am no man either. I do not respect war and unlimited coveting and greed.
But, ah, the colors in the room and the celestial music and the food, roasted boar, beef, chicken, salmon, deer and lobster. I had the testers make me a plate of meat, fish, and wild artichokes, and rice with a piece of good dark bread. I don’t eat tomatoes because when I was young they told me they were poisonous. Then I took two pieces of pie, mincemeat, and cherry. I seldom eat more than once a day and in small amounts.
Verily la Gitana says unto you: the less you eat the younger you look.
Then as I happened to scan the room I saw a familiar face: it was Rupa or Clementina as her Spanish name. She, with her cream colored skin, she could pass for a gadje. I saw her duck into a side room with Lois holding her hand. My mind turned over like a bullet in a chamber. I thought of killing her but could not: she would always be my baby sister. The past came flooding back, Julio, my lover behind the barn and under the silver stars with a mist clouding the moon. Christmases, when we got one gift a piece, the colored ribbons in her
black hair, her skin like the ivory color inside a sea shell. Her braiding my thick long hair, and the fact that she nursed me back to health after the bandits raped me. So many memories. No, I would not kill her nor would I kill Louis who rescued me from a bad situation.
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Next to her I resembled a peasant and I could not confront Louis, I thought. So I looked through the keyhole and saw her mounting Louis. Her waist was still like the curved stem of one white rose and even at a distance she glowed like a candle under glass. I ran my hands over my sagging tits and looked in the mirror at my coarse, strong face. I was no longer lovely. Yet I was still more vivid than the ladies of the court. They were mostly white, fleshy, ruined orchids who had let nature take its course. I kept my form lean, and strong. How many fat tigers does one see? A person should always be aware of her animal nature.
But how could I compete with Clementina? I knew she abhorred the scent of men, preferring to fall limp and dangerous into a woman’s arms. But she was a good actress and could fool any man. I looked and saw Louis’ face was flushed and I knew he was coming and I knew she was counting the seconds until it was over.
I trembled with rage and did what I should not had done/. To Louis I said, “Did you find my sister an amusing women, Louis?”
“Carmen, you know better to ask. No one may question Us! Your sister came to me asking for mercy and shelter. Her husband was a brute. Our protection extends to Clementina as well as you. Do not seek to harm her in any way.”
“You mistake my character, Louis. I have never harmed a family member and I could never harm you. Besides, it won’t last long with her. She’s a lesbian and can’t stand the smell nor sight of cock.”
“Now I know you are lying. What she did with me proves she loves me.” 295
“Like any other man you are besotted with her beauty. A man cannot resist her absolute beauty. But her beauty does not come from the inside. She is shallow, weak, vain, and false. I have been in this situation before with her. Men have always been attracted to her and I know she is fair, and exquisite compared to me, and Madame. She is a pretty bauble to wear over one’s coat and make other men envious. Better beware of your fortune Louis: she will always want some precious thing. She craves beautiful things like a pig craves its slop.”
“Carmen how can you be so vicious to me, your only sister?” said Clementina.
And she glowed like an angel, and fought back tears. Cold tears.
“She will drain you dry like a succubus for she cannot stand alone. Is she less passionate when you bring her nothing?”
“Gitana, you dare not questions a King’s thoughts or feelings. We do not allow it.
This union is lawful because We are the law and can overrule any official edict. Our power is absolute and We command you never to tell Madame.”
“So she is less passionate, right, Louis. Do you no longer love me, Louis?
“No, Carmen, I love you in a deeper way. She makes me feel powerful and needed and young. But you shall not prevent our love, Carmen. I do not allow any woman to rule me, Madame included. In most things she is so much less commanding than you and Madame, and she is not interested in politics and power like you two.
Look, Carmen, I’m getting to be an old man, I need an uncomplicated woman for once in my life. She is a breath of fresh air. Like a green vase overflowing with fresh, white, daisies. She worships the ground I walk on.”
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“Madame worships the Lord and loves you. And who will you call on in times of trouble she collapses like a pricked balloon” I said. “The first big wind will carry her away.”
“Impossible, I am the most powerful King in all of Europe. None can rival me.” It’s a law that the young supplant the old in this world. Rome fell and it was the greatest power ever,” I said.
“We shall last forever. And it is not important that people that people like Us. I require only obedience. We are an old man. Let Us have my dalliance now while We are still robust and it’s not that you or Madame will suffer any sexual deprivation.” That’s it. You practically ignore us in court and keep her tucked in some hiding place which no one knows.”
“We do not like your attitude to your lovely sister. Perhaps two weeks in the tower will ameliorate your view of your poor sister.”
And so it was. I spent my time weaving on the loom and writing poetry and Madame came to visit me every day with inspirational text and she brought wine, fruit, and some delicious pastries for me. And I did not tell her as promised. Louis was kind enough to allow Her to visit me. Tell the truth but don’t always be telling it.
I became the friend of rats and spiders and I thought they resembled real life persons, Louis was like an iron spider casting his web far and wide and imprisoning hapless flies, namely people, he distrusted and disliked. After I got out, I resolved to find out again what crimes these poor people had committed and got a number of them released.
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CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Louis mistook my character. I had not ever in any way harmed a family member including papa. I certainly would not harm my baby sister. Rupa of the calla lily colored skin, Rupa awash in multi-colored ribbons of red green and black velvet at Christmas and the remembrance of the smell of lilac always emanating from her skin. Still it was like a stone lodged inside my heart for I could not confide in Madame and she never knew. I think I shall call her Clementina from now on: no real gypsy would do what she did.
After I got out of prison I went to see Clementina and the light from the sun seemed unbearably bright and the very flowers frightened me with the violence of their colors. I felt weak a a summer reed floating down the rapids. When I went in her chambers she was sitting on a red divan braiding her long starkly black hair. She smiled when she saw me and stepped forward to caress my face.
“It has been so long, Tekla, or should I call you Carmen?
“They call me Carmen or Gitana.” I replied. “So I see you’re up to your old tricks, bewitching men to gain wealth.”
“Same as you, dear sister. Don’t tell me you love that old man. I won’t believe it,” replied Clementina.
“I do love Louis which is why I hate to see him with you. Nothing is genuine about you but your beauty. Inside you is a cauldron of squirming worms and the word, me, echoing through your head,” I said.
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“I shall supplant both you and that old hag. I bet her pussy reeks of rot! The last time I saw you was before Papa drove you out like a scalded cat. I can do it again.
Wait and see.”
“You shall be able to get his lust but not his heart. Madam and I are in his heart and body. You are not as lethal as you think, and don’t think of poisoning me. Don’t even. Louis would behead you. We three have a special agreement. To love one another until all time fades to mist. You don’t use your heart so you will never understand that kind of love.”
“What’s so important about love, anyway. Only the strong survive. You’re looking old Carmen.”
“You have no wrinkles: you don’t use your heart. I am going to see what your husband says of you and I’m going to Louis with it. You shall not win this battle. You are just a new toy for him. He thinks you give him youth and that’s always a fantasy of men. They are hunters and they like fresh prey. Besides, you hate the sight of cock.
Louis is smart and he will read you in good time.”
“Why do you make so much of me being a lesbian. Louis knows and likes to watch. It arouses him. And I’m sleeping with your old friend, Lady Magdalena. Besides I heard you were paramour to the Queen of Spain, Marie Luisa. What makes you so much better than me? asked Clementina.
“The fact that I can love men and you cannot. For that matter you can’t love at all. You are just the wrapping on an empty package. You leave Lady Magdalena alone.
You are not good enough to kiss the ground she walks on! I bet you don’t even know Mama died last winter. I take care of father now that he’s old and feeble, and I too
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of mama when she lived. I even got her a gypsy nurse to look after her. When did you even send them a coin. You know you had it to give and you knew how hard the gypsy life is.”
“I was afraid to see papa and ashamed to be a gypsy. When I left I left everything behind me and became a gadge. I couldn’t let people know I was a gypsy, not even my husband. I told him I was raised by gypsies but by birth I was pure Castillana (Castillian) I know I was weak but I did love them.”
“You broke Papa’s heart. He loved you more than life itself, and Mama, too. I took care of them from the time I became Marie Luisa’s lover without any thought of love or reward. I am still a gypsy and proud to be one and one never deserts one’s family. You left them to die of old age: even if you were afraid of Papa, you were rich and could have helped them. Family is everything.
“Oh, yes, you’re so much better than me! You’ve had people killed and you castrated that bandit who raped you. Is it true, Carman?”
“Yes, I am far from perfect and have done things no other woman would do. I have never killed anyone out of envy or jealousy. The people I had killed were dangerous to the kingdom. It was political.”
“What about trying to steal my boyfriend, Julio, when we were both girls.”
“Like you loved him. You use men to get wealth and cared nothing for him teasing him with fake passion. You used to wipe your mouth after he kissed you.”
“I didn’t want to be mahrime.”
“Oh, yes, you were thinking about that when you eloped with that blond gadje.”
“I don’t have to explain anything to a whore and a murderer,” she said.
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“Yes, that is true but at least I love Louis and Madame. You have no real feeling for anyone.”
“I love beautiful women.”
“Your love is diluted and pastel. I bet you’d never die for someone if the situation arose.” I said. “Lies fall from your mouth like alms fall from a rich man’s pocket. Your words are meaningless. Why did you come here to torment me?” I asked