by Bella Jewel
A pounding at the door jerks me out of my thoughts, and I turn to watch Ava get up and answer it.
“She here?”
Danny.
I flinch. Lucas’s eyes harden.
“Yeah, she is, but she’s not in a good way. I don’t think this is the best time to do this, D.”
“It is.”
“Danny . . .”
“Fuck it, Ava. You let me pass or I’ll find a different way in.”
“Enough of that,” Lucas warns him, standing and stalking towards the door. “You don’t get to come over here and throw your weight around. If Skye doesn’t want to see you, she doesn’t have to.”
“Fuck it,” Danny snarls. “Skye!”
I put my head in my hands.
“Danny, stop!” Ava growls. “I mean it.”
“We need to talk about it,” Danny barks at her. “God dammit, she’s carrying my baby. We gotta figure this out.”
“There is plenty of time to talk. Respect that she’s hurting right now and needs time.”
There’s a minute or two of silence. I can picture Ava standing, steely determination written all over her face.
“Fuck, fine, Ant, but I’m tellin’ you, I’m going to talk to her.”
“And you will, but not right now.”
I stand and disappear down the hall and into the spare room. I close the door softly behind me, and I’m sure if I had anymore tears left, they’d be falling down my face.
I just don’t know if I can ever face him.
Where the hell does that leave me?
~*~*~*~
My window creaks and I bolt upright in bed, my head jerking in the direction of the noise. It creaks again, then rattles. Someone is trying to get in. I slide out of bed and grab the closest thing I can find. A heavy book. I walk to the window and jerk the curtain aside, raising the makeshift weapon.
“Fuck, Skye, it’s just me.”
I retreat and my arms lower to see Danny halfway through my window, his big body struggling to fit through.
“What the hell, Danny?” I snap.
“Decided I’m not waitin’ to talk to you. It needs to happen now.”
I open my mouth to speak but he slides in and gets to his feet, causing my words to get stuck in my throat. His eyes are wounded but still as stunning as ever. Why does he have to be so damned beautiful?
“I don’t want to do this right now.”
“You’re pregnant with my baby. You don’t get a choice.”
“Danny . . .”
He gives me a sharp look. “No choice, Skye.”
Frustration bubbles up in my chest but I don’t argue any further, I just sit on the edge of my bed and turn a dim lamp on. It’s a full moon out, so I can see quite clearly without it, but sitting in the dark makes me uneasy. Danny stands in front of me, about two meters away, his arms crossed.
“Well, you came charging in here to talk, so talk,” I say.
“Why the change of heart?”
I don’t meet his eyes. “It wasn’t a change of heart, but a realization that I was making a mistake.”
“I just got in a good place.”
I meet his eyes now. “I know that, and I’m sorry.”
“I just got in a good place, and you came in and fucked it all up.”
I flinch. “That isn’t what I was trying to do . . .”
“Weren’t you?” he snaps.
“No, Danny,” I exclaim, standing up. “No, it wasn’t. I just wanted you to know. I needed you to know. I’m sorry I picked the wrong moment to do it, I’m sorry it came out when it did, but it had to be said. I’m not asking you to change your life, I’m just telling you how I feel.”
He studies me, then turns around, his hands in his hair, and yells, “Fuck!”
He paces my room and I watch him for a few minutes, before saying softly, “I’m glad you’re happy. It kills me, but you deserve it more than words could ever say.”
He stops pacing and turns, stalking towards me. Instinct has me stepping away until my back hits the wall. He looms over me, terrifying and breathtaking. His yellow eyes flare with a mixture of rage, frustration, and I think a little lust.
“I would have given all of it to you in a heartbeat,” he breathes.
“I know,” I whisper.
“Would have loved you, would have given you babies, would have given you my everything.”
“I know.”
“But you didn’t want it.”
A tear rolls down my cheek. “I know, but I was wrong.”
“Now you want it and . . . it’s too late. She’s good for me, Skye. She wants all the things you didn’t.”
“I’m not arguing that,” I say, even though each of his words feels like a knife to the heart. “If she makes you happy, then I’m glad you finally found that.”
“Stop makin’ this so hard,” he growls.
“I’m not trying to. I don’t deserve you—that’s the damned truth. I hope she can give you every single thing I didn’t.”
His jaw tics. He leans in closer, so close that for a second, I think he’s going to kiss me. Instead, he raises his hand off the wall and slams it back down, making me jump. “Fuck, Skye,” he rasps. “Fuck.”
Then he turns and storms towards the window.
“Danny?” I call.
But he disappears out of it before I have the chance to say anymore.
I don’t know if things just got better or worse.
CHAPTER TWENTY
I walk into the compound, my head down, terrified because what I’m about to do could backfire and make things even worse for everyone, but I need to do it. I screwed up. I lied to my dad and made things between him and Danny tense. Possibly him and Spike too. That was never my intention, and I need to make it right. My dad hasn’t been answering my calls, so this is the only way.
“Hey Skye,” Granddad says as I walk into the main living area. “How’s it goin’?”
I give him a weak smile and move closer for a hug. He gives it to me, placing a soft kiss against my forehead. “Hey Granddad. Is Dad here?”
“Shed with Danny and Muff.”
Great.
“Thanks.”
He doesn’t stop me as I move out of the clubhouse and down to the shed. I reach the door and hesitate, my hand hovering over the handle. I take a deep, shaky breath and twist it, pushing it open. My dad is the first person who comes into sight, and he stops speaking immediately when he notices me.
“We’re busy, Skye.”
My eyes flick to Danny, who glances at me then looks away. Muff doesn’t say anything; he just gives me a weak smile.
“I need to talk to you, Daddy.”
“Said I’m busy.”
“If you won’t listen, then I’ll just say it. I’d rather do it in private, but—”
“Skye,” he growls, and I hate the disappointment on his face. “I’m busy.”
“Fine, if that’s how you want it. I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I lied to you, I’m sorry I hid my relationship with Danny, but mostly, I’m sorry I made you disappointed in him because he never deserved that. I know you don’t believe me when I say it, but I didn’t lie because I was ashamed. I lied because he’s happy, and I couldn’t bear to take that away from him after all I’ve done.”
“Skye,” Dad says, his voice less tense.
“No, Daddy. I have to do this. I’m going to have a baby. He’s the father; we’ll never be together, and I get that. I’m dealing with it, but I can’t take it if you continue to be angry at me and him because that hurts, and I don’t want any more hurt. I need you. I can’t do this alone. I’m scared, and I don’t want you to hate me anymore.”
“Fuck,” he says. “Don’t hate you, Skye.”
A tear rolls down my cheek. “I know that, but I don’t want you to be angry at me either.”
“You lied to me. You let me down . . .”
“I know,” I choke out. “I know that, but it was never about you. I’m so
rry if that sounds awful, but what Danny and I had, what we were doing—it was ours, and it wasn’t for the rest of the world to know.”
“He’s takin’ over this club. It was our right to know.”
“No, Daddy, it wasn’t, but I’m sorry all the same that I hurt you and everyone else I put in the firing line. Please know that. I’ll go now.”
“Skye,” he calls as I turn to the door.
I look back at him.
“I love you, hear me?”
I smile weakly and nod, then my eyes find Danny’s again. He’s watching me, his look intense. I drag my gaze away and leave the shed, because I’ve done all I can and now I can only hope that it’s enough. I have to mend as many bridges as I can, not for my sake, but for my baby’s.
The next conversation I’m going to have is the one I fear the most.
Spike and Ciara.
~*~*~*~
“Hey honey,” Ciara says when she opens the door, shock registering on her face. “I wasn’t expecting you.”
“I know. I just wanted to talk to you. I think . . . I know I have to. Do you have five minutes?”
Her eyes soften. “Always. Come in.”
She steps aside and I walk into the house. Spike is standing in the kitchen, a beer in his hand, shirtless. My cheeks grow pink. “Oh, I didn’t realize I was interrupting.”
He grins. “No interrupting, darlin’. Come in.”
Oh boy. Awkward.
Ciara closes the door and we all move to the living area. I fidget on the chair, so decide to stand. It feels too weird sitting. Like I’m in the principal’s office.
“Look, I know what happened at the club the other day was a shock to everyone, and it hurt a lot of people. It affected my dad’s relationship with Danny, and it put you all in a confusing situation. That was never my intention. I’m here to tell you I’m so sorry for that.”
Spike speaks first. “Wasn’t a great thing to witness. Certainly wasn’t a good thing to hear for the first time in a room full of people. Not just the seein’ my son, but the fact you’re pregnant. Big deal, Skye; it’s not something that should have been announced the way it was.”
My bottom lip trembles, but I keep it together. “I never planned on it happening like that, believe me. I didn’t expect my mom to go off and drop that bomb.”
“Either way, it was a lot to take in. Not only have you been seein’ my son behind everyone’s backs, but it was enough for him to knock you up.”
“I know,” I whisper.
“We’re not mad at you, honey,” Ciara adds with a look to Spike. “We’re just shocked. Honestly, nobody saw that coming. We all knew you two were friends; we just didn’t realize how deep things had gotten.”
“I strung him along, that’s the reason we never told anyone. To be honest, he would have happily spread the news but I was so afraid of how things would work out that I just kept messing around with his head. I regret that—believe me. He didn’t and still doesn’t deserve it. I didn’t do right by him, and I’m ashamed about that. I want you to know that he did right by me, though. He was good to me, and I know he’ll remain good to me.”
Pride flashes across Spike’s face before he puts a mask back up. “Good to know my boy has done the right thing. Still doesn’t change the fact that things are messy and people got hurt. Best thing we can all do is figure out how to handle that.”
“I don’t want anyone’s help, though I know I’m going to get it regardless. I just want you all to know that I’m sorry.”
Ciara crosses her arms. “Damn right you’re going to get help. That’s my grandbaby in there, and I’m most certainly going to get my fix.”
I can’t help it; her words make me cry. I curse myself and throw my hands over my face, horrified at my breakdown.
“Aw, come on now,” Ciara soothes, coming over and putting her arms around me. “It’s not so bad.”
“It is so bad. I could have had it all, but me being me ruined it all and now I can’t get it back.”
“You take after your momma in that sense.”
Spike snorts.
“It’ll get better, I promise,” she assures me. “Right now, people are confused, hurt, and a little pissed. That’ll settle and you’ll have everything you need right here.”
“Except him,” I whisper so quietly I’m not sure she can hear it.
“Oh darling.” She rubs my back. “I’m sorry.”
“I love him—that’s the honest truth. I’ve always known it, but I was too stubborn and determined to let him in. Now I’ve lost him and it hurts. So badly.”
“Love can be a real bitch.”
Spike snorts again. “Give my boy time,” he says, his voice husky. “He knows what’s best; he’s just gotta figure it out.”
“I’m not sure I am what’s best anymore, though,” I admit. “He deserves to be happy. I don’t want to take that from him.”
“Saw the rage in his face when he found out; saw the hurt, too. He loves you as much as you love him, but right now he doesn’t believe in that and he’s scared. Give him time.”
I want to hang onto Spike’s words and believe they’re real, but a part of me just can’t. I know Danny and I know I’ve ruined what we had; I’ve hurt him too much. Spike and Ciara are outsiders looking in—they haven’t been there from the start. They haven’t seen what I’ve done.
“Thanks.” I smile to them both. “I should get going.”
“Make sure you keep us updated, Skye. We’re your family, regardless. You know that, yeah?” Spike says, his eyes soft.
“I know.”
“Love you, honey,” Ciara says.
“Love you, too.”
With that, I mend one more bridge.
Slowly, things are getting better.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
I flatten the last box and toss it aside, then stare at my apartment. It looks good. Mostly. I’ve still got a few more things to unpack, but between the club pitching in to get me some second-hand furniture, and my friends helping me unpack, it actually looks decent enough for me and my baby. I place a hand on my stomach as I move into the kitchen.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my baby lately. How I’m going to support him or her. How things are going to go. How much involvement Danny will want and how we’ll make that work. Who will come with me when I give birth. All those little nagging things that seem like a huge deal the more I think about them. I had a check-up yesterday, and the doctor let me hear the heartbeat.
It was incredible. It made it all real.
“Knock, knock!”
I turn and see Ava coming in, Max in tow. “Hey.” I smile. “What’re you guys doing here?”
“We’re taking you out. You’ve been cooped up unpacking and settling in for the last week, but we need a catch-up.”
I frown. “It doesn’t seem like a catch-up without the others.”
“Well, we didn’t think you’d want Danny and Macy to come.”
Macy. That name makes me recoil.
“No,” I mutter. “But even Mercy isn’t here.”
“Aren’t we good enough?” Max grins, winking at me.
I laugh. “Of course you are. But I am pregnant now, you know.”
“We’re not going on a booze cruise; we’re just going to the bar to listen to some music and hang out. You can drink lemonade.”
“Yippee,” I mumble.
Max laughs. “Come on, sad pants. It’ll do you good. I haven’t had much chance to catch up with you since you’ve been back. It’s only fair.”
He has a good point. “All right. I’ll come for a while. Just let me get changed.”
“Woohoo!” Ava cries, fist pumping the air.
I roll my eyes and disappear into my room, getting changed into a pair of comfortable jeans and a tank. I let my hair down, run a brush through it, and then tease it with my fingers before applying some light makeup and pulling my boots on. I join the others in the living area and grab my purse before turning
to them. “All right, let’s do this.”
Ava hooks her arm through mine and we all head out to Max’s truck, climbing in. He takes us to the local pub where some of the bikers from the club hang out, and as soon as we step inside we’re greeted left, right, and center by people we’ve grown up with. We find our usual booth at the back, where the music isn’t too loud, and slide in.
“Drink?” Max asks.
“Vodka for me, lemonade for her.”
I poke my tongue out at Ava, who grins at me.
Max disappears to get our drinks, and she turns to me, a soft expression on her face. “Saw Danny today.”
I freeze.
“He’s not doing the best. He’s been trying to stay away from you, but he wants to know more about the baby. Have you two talked?”
I choose not to tell her about the night he climbed through her window because that’ll make her pissed, and pissed Ava can be scary.
“No. I haven’t had the chance, but I’m glad you two are speaking after he came to your house the other night.”
“I know he meant no harm, but it was a bad time for you. I think you two need to talk soon, though. I don’t want either of you to suffer any longer than you have to.”
I force a smile. “Anyway, enough about me. Tell me about you and Lucas?”
She grins and spends the next ten minutes telling me how good things are. Max returns with our drinks, and we all fall into light, easy conversation. Max talks about his job and a girl he started seeing, but assures us it isn’t serious.
“Hey.”
The voice comes from the left of me, and I shudder when I recognize it. I turn slowly to see Danny standing with Macy, her hand tucked in his. My heart explodes, but I try to keep a straight face. “Ah, hey,” I mutter.
“What’re you two doing here?” Ava says, her eyes flicking to me then back to Danny.
“We just came for a drink. Didn’t realize you’d all be here.”
“Doesn’t matter, man.” Max grins. “Sit, have a drink with us.”
I want to scream a big “fuck you” to Max.
“Nah we’re—”