Playlist for a Broken Heart

by Cathy Hopkins

  Allegra went over to check her out. She tried to rouse her but Tasmin hardly opened her eyes. She was well gone. ‘Let’s go and find Alex,’ she said. ‘He’ll know what to do but I’m sure she’ll be fine. She’s just pissed.’

  We found Alex outside the tent with all the ston-ers. It had stopped raining, though the clouds above were still dark and threatening. There was a large group of boys passing round joints and Alex was in the middle of them. He appeared to be very happy and very stoned, his eyes heavy and bloodshot.

  ‘Hey Juliet,’ he said when he saw me.

  ‘I’m worried about my cousin,’ I said and filled him in on her condition.

  He put his arm around me, ‘Paigie, my little Julietie. I think you worry too much. Worry, worry. Have a smoke and chill. Your cousin’s probably fine. It’s you we need to worry about. Miss Safe and Sensible.’

  What he said hit a nerve. Being seen as safe and sensible was so not what I wanted to be and I thought I’d left that persona behind, but it wasn’t me to swig back the vodka and get stoned. It didn’t appeal. Maybe I was safe and sensible, despite the makeover and new clothes. Maybe I had to accept that. I wriggled out from his arm while, over on the stage, a band began to play and the stoners, including Alex, turned to listen. He was soon moving in time to the music, arms waving above his head and I, and my anxiety, had been forgotten.

  ‘I don’t know what to do,’ I said to Allegra.

  She glanced back inside the tent. ‘Pizza,’ she said. ‘Maybe she needs to eat something. I’ll go and get some food, you go and check on her. Having something to eat might help soak up some of the alcohol she’s drunk.’

  Back inside the tent, Tasmin was still unresponsive but everyone around her seemed unconcerned and were chatting away as if it was completely normal to have someone in the group passed out in front of them. Maybe I’d overreacted. I decided to try and make the most of the rest of the afternoon, listen to the music and enjoy what I could of it. Allegra was still at the end of the pizza counter in a long queue. She was talking to someone. I stood on tiptoe to see better. It was Niall Peterson. He glanced over at me so I looked out of the tent flap then back at him and gave him a shrug as if to say, ‘Rotten weather, isn’t it?’ He looked blank. He clearly didn’t speak shrug language. I decided to go over and apologise for my behaviour when I first met him.

  ‘Hi Niall. Er . . . when I first met you, er . . . I know now that I got the wrong end of things and er . . . after that too. I want to say I’m sorry.’

  ‘Sorry for what?’ asked Allegra.

  ‘Getting the wrong end of the stick,’ I said. ‘I acted like a total idiot when I first met Niall.’

  Niall shrugged a shoulder as though he couldn’t care less. ‘No problem,’ he said then pointed at the drinks at the other end of the counter. ‘I’ll go and get us some juices – to go with the pizza – then my mate FB’s band is playing.’ He looked at me intently. ‘I believe you know him.’

  ‘Yes. Yes I do and I’d like to see him play too. How did you know that we know each other?’

  ‘Word gets around,’ he said, then headed off to get drinks.

  When he’d gone, Allegra quickly turned to me, ‘He’s a bit dreamy, isn’t he? And you actually know him. How come you never mentioned him?’

  ‘I don’t really know him. I er . . . he lives next door to Tasmin.’

  ‘Would you mind if I get to know him?’ she asked.

  ‘Course not. Why would I?’

  ‘I thought I sensed some chemistry between you.’

  ‘Chemistry? No way. Honestly, we hardly know each other and the only encounters we’ve had have been a bit er . . . weird.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Oh just me seeing something that wasn’t there. I saw him heckling some guy and I thought he was being mean but turns out the guy had stolen some people’s music.’

  ‘That’s not cool.’

  ‘No. But I didn’t know that at the time. Anyway, yes, course. Niall, you. Go for it.’

  ‘OK. Great. I didn’t think you’d mind. You have enough boys to be interested in with Alex, FB and Mystery Boy. Niall seems really nice. He was asking about the T-shirt so I told him a bit about the CD and the mystery boy. I’m surprised you haven’t got to know him better.’

  Too late now, I thought. He hates me.

  When Niall came back with the drinks, I felt even more confused. To my surprise, I felt a flicker of jealousy when I saw Allegra flirting with him. Clearly, I did mind that she wanted to get to know him. It was Alex I fancied, wasn’t it? But seeing him outside the tent had shown me another side of him and not one I was sure I liked.

  As we squeezed ourselves into a space on the floor and tucked into the pizza, I noticed that, over in the corner, Tasmin still hadn’t stirred. I wondered whether to try and wake her and see if she wanted to eat anything. Niall followed my gaze to where she lay sleeping.

  ‘Tas?’ he asked, as if he’d read my thoughts and knew that I was worried about her.

  ‘Yes. I don’t know if I should be worried or not. It’s probably just me being my usual boring sensible self. I guess she just needs to sleep it off.’

  ‘Maybe,’ said Niall. ‘Would you like me to go and check on her?’

  ‘I think I would, if you don’t mind. Just, she looked a bit pale before, blue almost, and her breathing seemed slow.’

  ‘Blue?’ asked Niall. He looked alarmed, got up immediately and went over to the other side of the tent. Two minutes later, he called me over.

  ‘Is she OK?’ I asked.

  ‘I think she needs help,’ he replied.

  ‘You do?’

  He nodded.

  ‘What like black coffee or something?’

  ‘Not black coffee,’ he said. ‘Sorry it’s me being the bore here but I did a class about this after a mate of mine got seriously ill. I think she’s in danger of getting alcohol poisoning.’

  I felt myself starting to panic. ‘What does that mean? What do we do?’

  ‘There’s a first-aid ambulance parked further down the field,’ he said. ‘I’ll go and alert them.’

  ‘Do you want me to come with you?’

  He shook his head. ‘No. You stay here. Wake her up. She won’t like it but keep her conscious. Make sure she doesn’t fall asleep or pass out again. Turn her on her side and keep her warm. Use your jacket or something – borrow one from someone if you need to. Think you can do that?’

  ‘Yes, yes, course. And . . . do you think it would help if she threw up?’

  ‘Not necessarily. She’s not in control and we don’t want her to choke.’

  He ran out of the tent and Allegra and I did our best to rouse Tasmin, but she didn’t respond. I looked around for Clover but couldn’t see her. I felt myself getting alarmed and by now a few people were staring. What if something happened to her? I cursed myself for not trusting my gut feelings earlier. I knew something wasn’t right. ‘Tasmin, Tasmin, wake up,’ I urged as I tried to rouse her. She didn’t even stir.

  Five minutes later, Niall was back with two ambulance men carrying a stretcher.

  ‘Jesus,’ said one of the men as he looked around at the pile of teenagers then back at his colleague. ‘Think there might be more than one who’s overdone it.’

  He rolled his eyes. ‘They never learn, do they?’

  Moments later, Tasmin was carried out and everyone stared. A few of the stoned boys cheered as she was carried past and, at last, Clover appeared. The sight of her friend lying comatose on the stretcher seemed to sober her up fast. ‘Is she going to be all right?’ she asked.

  ‘I don’t know. I’m going to go with them,’ I replied as I pushed through the crowd to the ambulance that was parked outside the tent where a crowd had gathered.

  Niall was at the back of the ambulance and he came over when he saw me. ‘They said we did the right thing,’ he said. ‘They’re going to take her to the hospital. Do you want to go with her?’

  ‘Yes. Of course.’r />
  I climbed into the back of the ambulance with her just as Allegra appeared. ‘Shall I come too?’

  ‘It’s not a party,’ said one of the medical team. He turned to me. ‘Do you know who this person is? And where she lives?’

  I nodded. ‘I do. She’s my cousin.’ I turned to Allegra. ‘I’m so sorry but can you stay here? I’ll call you as soon as I can.’

  ‘Don’t worry. I’ll look after her,’ said Niall as Allegra looked up at him coyly. ‘Let us know how she is.’

  ‘I will.’ The ambulance men closed the doors and as we drove off I held Tasmin’s hand. Can this day get any worse? I thought as the driver turned his siren on and we picked up speed. I felt utterly confused.

  So much had happened so fast. Alex, FB, Niall. I realised I hardly knew Alex at all. Was he my mystery boy or just winding me up? I’d projected so much on to him and now it appeared he was a stoner who liked to mess with girls’ heads. And then there was FB. I thought I’d found a friend for life, but was that going to be possible if I didn’t return his romantic feelings? Could he be the mystery boy who’d made the CD? If he was, I couldn’t help it, but the thought made me feel disappointed. It made me realise how much I had staked in finding whoever had made the CD. What an expectation I’d had. And finally Niall. He was turning out not to be the person I’d thought he was either, but in a good way. In fact, he’d turned out to be a bit of a hero.

  Maybe it’s me, I thought. I am just a rubbish judge of people. I got Alex wrong and I got Niall wrong.

  I realised that one of the ambulance men was staring at me. ‘Rough day, love?’ he asked.

  Sudden tears pricked my eyes. ‘You could say that,’ I replied.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Mystery Boy

  ‘Loving goes by haps; some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.’

  Shakespeare: Much Ado About Nothing

  – Act 3, Scene 1.

  People lie about who they are. I found out who he was. The tosser who claimed he’d made my CD. It wasn’t hard. Some idiot from Weston Park school. Keiron Mills. He’s well known around here for stealing people’s music, changing it a bit then passing it off as his own. I found him. I decked him and Sarah flew at me saying I was a bully. ‘He’s a liar,’ I said.

  ‘You’re weird and you’re jealous,’ she said.

  I left. I’ve been a fool. She’s not The One. She got the music but she didn’t get me.

  I went back to her and Keiron. She had her arms round him and he was playing along like he’d been really hurt, but I hadn’t hit him that hard. ‘I’d like my CD back,’ I said to her.

  ‘Is your name Sarah?’ she asked.

  ‘No,’ I said.

  ‘So it’s not your CD,’ she said. ‘Now get lost, loser.’

  At home, I cursed myself. I’d projected perfection onto her. My fantasy girl, but I’d never even spoken to her. How could I know what she was really like? Lesson learnt. I shan’t do that again. Next time, I’ll take time. Get to know a girl before I give my heart. What a waste. She’s not The One. I was mistaken.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  ‘What’s happened?’ asked Allegra on my mobile a couple of hours later.

  ‘I’m just leaving the hospital,’ I said. ‘Aunt Karen and Uncle Mike arrived a while ago and are with Tasmin now.’

  ‘How is she?’

  ‘She’s regained consciousness. They pumped her stomach and now they’re rehydrating her.’

  ‘Woah, that’s intense. But honestly, what an idiot,’ said Allegra. ‘Why do they do it? I mean, I have a drink every now and again, but why do people drink to oblivion.’

  I laughed. ‘You’re sounding like your mum again, Allegra.’

  ‘Am I? God. But hell, you know what I mean.’

  ‘I do. My aunt and uncle looked as bad as Tasmin when they got here. Well freaked out, and pale and sick with worry, though the young doctor that had been tending Tas assured them that she was going to be all right. I felt really sorry for them. They didn’t know whether to be mad with Tas or cry with relief all over her.’

  ‘And are you OK?’

  ‘Yeah. I feel a bit drained that’s all. And I’m sorry about abandoning you the first time you come down to Bath.’

  ‘No problem. Niall looked after me well. Your mate FB was pissed off that you didn’t see his band play, by the way.’

  ‘Oh you met him too? You explained, didn’t you?’

  ‘Yes. He understood. That boy has an almighty crush on you.’

  ‘I know. I don’t know what to do about it.’

  ‘Shame you don’t like him. He’s a sweetheart.’

  ‘I know and I hope we can stay friends. I really do value him but just don’t fancy him. Are you still with Niall?’

  ‘No. I’m back at the hotel with Mum. It’s très chic. Do you want to come here for a while?’

  ‘I’m just about to get on the bus,’ I said. ‘It goes from right outside the hospital and stops almost outside our front door. Do you mind if I just go home and see you in the morning?’

  ‘You sound a bit low.’

  ‘I just hate hospitals. The smell. The heat. It’s full of sick people and it was awful seeing Tasmin like she was. I was so worried something serious had happened.’

  ‘They’ll look after her.’

  ‘Shall I come over to you in the morning?’

  ‘No, I’ll meet you in town somewhere. Mum’s doing the Spa and I said I’d meet Niall and FB. I could text Alex as well if you like.’

  ‘Maybe not Alex. I might feel differently tomorrow but I’m not sure I want to see him at the moment. I don’t know how I feel about him any more. He . . . I don’t think he’s who I thought he was.’

  ‘I understand. He was out of it, wasn’t he? Stoners can be so boring as boyfriends. Remember that guy, Ian, I went out with last year? As soon as he’d had a smoke, it was like someone had taken his battery out. All he wanted to do was sit around. Not a lot of fun. OK. Laters, Paige.’

  ‘Laters,’ I said as a bus drew up, opened its doors and I hopped on.

  When I got home, I was glad that Mum and Dad were out. Dad had texted me earlier that they were going out for a meal to talk over ideas for the fancy-dress photo shop. No doubt they’d get to hear all about the day soon enough and I’d have to face the inquisition about Tasmin and whether I’d been drinking too. For now though, all was quiet and there was something I wanted to do – and that was to message Will.i.am. Alex and FB had both hinted that they made the CD but only the boy who really made it would have had access to the black-and-white shot used as the profile photo of Will.i.am.

  I went into my room and switched on my laptop. I was about to send Will.i.am a friend request, when I thought, No, I don’t know for certain who he is so if I send him a message, why should he know who it’s from. I clicked out of my page and onto the link to create a new Facebook profile. I would be as anonymous and mysterious as he was. There was a file full of photos of masks on my desktop so I used a beautiful ornate black-and-silver Venetian one for my profile shot. I found Will.i.am’s page and sent a friend request. I got an adrenalin rush when I saw that he added me immediately. He was online!

  I quickly typed a message. Missing person alert. Seen today on T-shirts at the Zoom festival. Who is the boy in the black-and-white photo on the back of the CD Songs for Sarah?

  There was a ping. A reply in the box at the bottom right-hand side of my page. I saw three girls at the Zoom festival with my photo on the back of their T-shirt. Which one were you?

  I typed back. None of them. I didn’t wear the T-shirt.

  What do you want?

  To know who you are.

  Why?

  I can relate to the tracks on the CD, I typed.

  You like it?

  Yes.

  I made it a while ago. All ancient history.

  What happened? I asked. It felt amazing to be finally talking to my mystery boy. I just needed to find out which of the bo
ys I suspected he was.

  Love is a smoke and is made with the fume of sighs, he replied.

  I knew that line! Romeo and Juliet, Act 1, Scene 1. I typed.

  Impressed, he typed back. You know your Shakespeare. Who are you?

  Who are you? I replied.

  I will tell you but not yet.

  Where is Sarah?

  I told you. She’s ancient history.

  I wasn’t going to give up. All my and Tasmin’s attempts to find Sarah on school lists in Bath had failed. No girls had recognised the CD cover on the T-shirts and come forward at the Zoom festival, but maybe she’d been doing something else this weekend. If I knew who she was, I could contact her, maybe on Facebook too, and ask her who had made the CD.

  Yes but where is she?

  College in London. She left Bath last September.

  Hah. So that’s why Tasmin, Clover and I couldn’t find her.

  When will you tell me who you are?

  When I know more about you, he wrote back.

  Not fair, I typed then I took a deep breath. Time for the new more confident Paige to come forward, I thought. Meet me tomorrow at Society Café in Kingsmead Square.

  You’re fast. How do you know I am in Bath?

  I don’t but I bet anything you are. Two boys said they made the CD. Which one are you?

  Two boys?

  Yes.

  Interesting.

  Not really, I typed back. It’s confusing.

  I might not be either of them.

  Yes but you might. Will you be there tomorrow?

  Maybe.

  Good. Meet you there at midday.

  How will I know you? he asked.

  I will carry your CD. How will I know you?

  He didn’t reply to that and I could see that a moment later he’d gone offline. I was sure he’d be there tomorrow. A date. I was buzzing with anticipation. It felt good to have made a positive move. While I was at the hospital, I’d thought a lot about what FB had said to me earlier in the day. Was I pinning too much on finding out who my mystery boy was? My expectations too high? Was I comfortable to have a fantasy relationship where I couldn’t get hurt? No. I was sure I wasn’t. I’d show him it wasn’t like that.