Back To The Start Box Set: Five Full-Length Novels

by Aly Martinez

  “Ms. Clay, please excuse my language. As you can imagine, this is not my favorite topic to discuss. Sarah has issues as the result of a car accident she was involved in years ago. She left me shortly after the accident. It’s been a difficult road for everyone involved. She isn’t stable and requires a good bit of care. We are still legally married for a myriad of reasons. One being that she still uses my health insurance to help cover her medical bills. I know this is not the ideal situation for a man to be in when dating your daughter, but I assure you, while there may be a legal document still binding me to Sarah, I am not a married man.” He leans down, kissing me on the top of my head, reading my tight body at how uncomfortable this conversation is for me.

  There is a good chance that I just fell in love with this man. The way he handled my brother firmly but never raised his voice then turning to kindly explain this awkward situation to my mom. He somehow managed to keep his calm even when recounting such a painful and personal story to virtual strangers. That’s more than I would have been able to do. The fact that he took even a second to think about me causes me to feel things I knew were possible but nonetheless unexpected.

  “I appreciate you inviting me over today, but I think it’s best if I leave now. I’m sorry for any trouble I caused you today, Ms. Clay. Jesse, call me when you’re ready to go. I’ll come pick you up. Have a great day with your family, babe.”

  “Now, wait just a second. I have a twenty-two-pound turkey that will be ready in approximately three hours. No one is going anywhere until that bird has been eaten,” my mom announces before Brett even has a chance to release his hold on me. “Eric, apologize,” she says, shocking me.

  I figured that, if they found out about Brett’s marital status, it would earn him a permanent spot on the “no way” list. Apparently, I underestimated my mom.

  “Um, do you need a hearing aid? He is married. I’m not apologizing to him,” Eric responds, dumbfounded that she would even suggest it.

  “Yes, you are. He just explained his situation to us, and he didn’t have to do that. He obviously didn’t lie to Jesse, and that means more than anything you could have dug up on him. So apologize or head out the door. I hear the Chinese Palace is open today.”

  “Mom, it’s Thanksgiving. I’m not eating Chinese.”

  “Exactly! So start apologizing!”

  “This is ridiculous! I didn’t do anything wrong.” Eric tries to defend himself but just comes off sounding like a whiney child.

  “Let me see if I’ve got this right. You put your hands on your sister at a bar, and her boyfriend defended her—like a man should. Oh, then you got cranky, checked up on him, and aired his private business in public, essentially embarrassing everyone involved. And the icing on the cake is you think you didn’t do anything wrong. Please tell me I did not raise such a selfish and ignorant man,” my mom says as Eric rolls his eyes.

  “I’m sorry,” Eric begrudgingly says to Brett, who just nods in his direction. It’s going to take way more than a forced apology for these two to get along.

  “Okay, now that’s settled. Eric, here’s a list. I need you to find a store open and pick up a few things I forgot.”

  “All right. I had to park at the end of the street. One of your neighbors parked a sweet Beemer in front of the house. It’s like that one we looked at a few months ago. Same convertible top and color too. You didn’t happen to win the lottery and buy me an early Christmas present, did you?” He laughs, switching gears back to the sweet mama’s boy he’s always been.

  “That’s mine,” Brett speaks up, breaking some of the awkward tension that’s still lingering in the air.

  “Really? I was looking at one a few months ago, but I was torn between that and a Benz. You like it?” Eric surprisingly asks without even a hint of attitude in his voice.

  “When did you become such a snob?” I respond before Brett has a chance. “I remember scouring the classifieds for your first car. It was almost impossible to find one that would actually start for less than five hundred bucks. We must have looked at a million pieces of crap before we found that hunk-of-junk Honda.”

  “Hey! Cecilia was beautiful. Don’t knock her. She drove you to and from school for two whole years before she went to junkyard heaven. May she rest in peace.” He attempts the Catholic crossing, but since we have never been to mass a single day in our lives, it looks more like he’s giving himself a cooties shot. “All right, I’m headed to the store. I’ll be back in a few. We have plenty of beer, right?” Eric asks.

  “Yes. Brett brought more than enough,” I say, making sure he knows who paid for his drinks.

  “Cool. I’ll be back soon.”

  “Here.” Brett throws his keys only slightly harder than he needed to. “Take my car. It’s closer, and you can see why the Benz is absolutely zero competition.”

  “Oh, okay,” Eric says, surprised by the gesture.

  “You are some hotshot criminal attorney who can afford to replace her, right?” Brett says humorously, but I know he’s serious. Eric’s eyes slide to me. “Don’t worry. Jesse didn’t say anything. You aren’t the only one who did their research.” Brett smiles a sugary-sweet and menacing grin. I won’t lie—it’s incredibly hot.

  Eric leaves but doesn’t bother giving Brett back his keys. I’m assuming the prospect of driving his BMW is more appealing than the shot to his pride.

  “All right, I wouldn’t be a good mom if I didn’t ask this question,” my mom says, walking to stand directly in front of Brett. “We have established you have some private things going on in your life. I won’t pry. Jesse is smart and way too cautious, so if she is dating you, I’m going to assume she already knows this answer. But, honey, I need to know if you are romantically seeing anyone other than my daughter?”

  “No, ma’am.”

  “Okay,” she pats him on the chest. “Grab yourself a beer and make yourself at home.”

  “Here, Brett. I’ll show you to the TV room.” I drag him out of the room, needing to speak with him in private after that little showdown. I immediately start apologizing. “I’m so sorry!”

  “It’s okay, gorgeous.”

  “No, it’s not. I know that was awkward for you. Just so you know, as soon as Eric gets back, I’m going to let him have it.”

  “Your brother is an ass, Jess. But I know he’s just trying to look out for you. If one of my sisters brought home a married man, I would have reacted the same way. Maybe a little more privately, but still the same. The last thing I want is for you to get into it with him again. I know he’s your brother, but I’m not going to be able to listen to him calling you names. Please, let’s just try to have a quiet, uneventful day. I could really use one of those.” He pulls me into a tight hug.

  “I’m glad you came,” I say into his chest.

  “I’m glad I came too. I can only imagine how that whole conversation would have gone down without me there to clarify.”

  “No, I mean I’m glad you’re here spending the day with me and my family.”

  “Come here, babe.” He tilts my head back and presses a long, deep kiss to my lips. There’s no tongue. Nothing to make it sexual. It’s just pure, heated emotion and by far the best kiss I’ve ever had.

  * * *

  “I LIKE him,” my mom says as I walk back into the kitchen.

  “I do too,” I sigh.

  “He’s a good man, JJ.”

  “Oh, Mom, you don’t even know him.” I start rinsing the potatoes.

  “Do you have doubts about him?”

  “No. Well, maybe a little. I can’t wrap my mind around why he would stand by Sarah if he isn’t still in love with her,” I answer—a little too honestly if I’m trying to get my mom to like him. I need some advice though. I feel things for Brett, and it scares me to know he may never return those feelings.

  “Let me explain something to you. I didn’t have the best luck with men, so I might be an old lady wearing rose-colored glasses. The way that man kissed yo
u? Even I felt it. Not all men are like that, sweetheart. Your father left me when I had no job and two small kids. It’s been twenty-three years, and I’ve never even gotten as much as a phone call. But that man sitting in there has been through hell and still won’t let her be alone. He takes care of a woman even when she isn’t his wife anymore. Now that is one you want to hold on to. One day, when he gets his head and heart together, he could be your husband. Who wouldn’t want a man that loves so deeply?”

  “I don’t know. It’s just so hard for me to put myself out there. What if he doesn’t feel the same way about me?”

  “I saw him with you tonight, Jesse. He cares about you. There is no doubt about that. Did you notice how, as soon as Eric walked in, he slid up on you like the devil himself had just walked through the door? Jesse, you’re so guarded. Live a little. Put your heart out there and see what happens. Who knows? He might grab hold and never let go.”

  “He also might walk away,” I interrupt.

  “But if he does, you don’t have to second-guess yourself. You can honestly say you gave it a real chance. He would be lucky to have you, sweetheart, and if he doesn’t realize that, then walk away with your head held high, knowing he isn’t the only good man alive.”

  God, I love my mom. She’s right. I know Brett has issues about committing again, but from here on out, I’m moving this relationship forward. He can either get on board or get off completely, but this train is moving.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Brett

  Two Weeks Later…

  “JESSE!” KARA yells down the hall. “There is a fine-ass gentleman here to pick you up. He’s wearing a fancy uniform and everything. You better get out here before I throw him down on the couch and hump his brains out.”

  How the hell Jesse and Kara ever became friends, I will never know. Ying and Yang is my only explanation, and it seems to work for them.

  Tonight is the police station’s Christmas ball. They always do this big formal affair at a nearby hotel. I’ve only been once since losing Sarah. It was horrible to watch all the happy couples, so I vowed to never go back. This year, I feel like I actually have something to celebrate though. It’s a huge step for me to ask Jesse to go with me tonight, but something between us has changed since Thanksgiving. I guess I finally broke through her shell.

  Jesse has been a new woman over the last few weeks. She’s been strong, confident, and insatiable. A far cry from the shy and nervous girl I’ve always known. Last week, she threw me against the wall at the bowling alley and all but mounted me in the hallway leading to the arcade.

  It’s not just the sexual changes either—although those are my favorite. She got mad at me the other day when I forgot about a date. I had a bad day at work, and honestly, I just wanted to crawl into bed with her and never leave. When I got to her place, she was all dressed up and I was in sweats expecting to head back to my place for an adult sleepover, hopefully of the dirty variety. I’d forgotten completely that she’d bought us tickets to the Nutcracker Ballet.

  Jesse from last month would have dismissed it as no big deal, thrown on PJs. and never said another word. However, this new attitude-filled Jesse read me the riot act and forced me to drive home, put on a suit, skip dinner, and fuck her in the parking lot outside the theater. I’d wondered why she’d insisted on taking the Jeep. Apparently she’d had plans that required the extra space.

  “Well, hello there, officer,” I hear from behind me as I wait, trying to avoid eye contact with Kara. I spin on my heels and lay eyes on the most beautiful woman to have ever put on a dress. She’s wearing a short strapless black dress. It has some silver beading around the bottom that draws my attention to her perfectly sculpted legs then down to her silver heels that give her a full four inches of height. Her hair is pulled back, exposing her flawless chest and neck. She’s stunning, and it causes my heart to stop and my mouth to go dry. I don’t want to throw her into bed and have my way with her. I want to hide her from the millions of eyes that will no doubt be mentally undressing her tonight. Mainly, I want to lock her in a room and keep her all for myself.

  “Fuck.” Maybe not the most romantic of words, but definitely the most appropriate for the way she looks.

  “Look at you!” she squeals walking over to me.

  “I told you the uniform was hot!” Kara says as I remain speechless and silently drooling over the woman who will be on my arm tonight.

  I finally find my words. “You sure you want to go to this thing? We could always just stay in, order some takeout…”

  “Oh come on. You promised me a night of dinner, drinks, and dancing. I might even drink some liquor, and you know what that means for you when we get home.” She winks in my direction. See? Totally new Jesse.

  “All right, you kids have fun.” Kara pats me on the ass. I’m shocked, but Jesse just laughs. “Be safe, JJ, and if you decide to go streaking later, make sure you call me first,” she says, causing me to look down at Jesse questioningly.

  “Shut up. Thanks again for the dress.” Jesse hugs Kara as we head for the door.

  “No problem. Really it’s Brett who should be thanking me when he sees what you have under—”

  Jesse slams her hand across Kara’s mouth and whispers something into her ear.

  “Okay, okay,” Kara says, muffled by Jesse’s hand.

  “Let’s go,” she says calmly, as if the last ten seconds never happened.

  “Um, sure.” I place my hand just above her ass and guide her out the door. “Later, Kara!” I shout over my shoulder.

  “Night, hot stuff. Don’t forget you owe me. We can talk about payment later.” She bursts into a howling fit of laughter as she closes the door.

  “What was that all about?” I ask Jesse when we get outside.

  “You’ll see later.” She tosses me a sexy grin.

  “If you aren’t giving away any of the fun details, then at least tell me why everyone calls you JJ? I’ve been meaning to ask you since Thanksgiving.”

  “My name is Jesse James Addison,” she answers, causing me to stop walking. Surely she’s joking. Who names their daughter Jesse James?

  “No, it’s not,” I laugh, only to stop when she flashes me some ‘Oh yes it is’ attitude. “Wait, you’re serious?”

  “Yep. My dad was a big fan of Westerns. My mom thought I was going to be a boy, so when my dad threw a fit about wanting to name me Jesse James, she gave in. It wasn’t an issue until I was born without a penis. Mom says she argued with him, but the other names he chose were so bad she eventually gave in.”

  “Can I say something about it without you getting pissed?” The look on her face implies that I obviously cannot, but that doesn’t stop me from saying it anyway. “That name is fucking hot! Don’t ask me why, but it’s definitely hot.”

  “It’s a porn star or a stripper’s name.” A flash of insecure Jesse peeks out.

  “No, babe. It’s your name. It fits you. If I’ve learned anything about you over the last few months, it’s that you’re a dichotomy. You have one side you allow people see. Then you have this ballsy alter ego you only show when someone gets close. I like this Jesse James woman.” I pull her into me and roll my hips into hers.

  I know her weakness. At some point, Jesse became a sexual beast. While her soft moan ensures that I’m turned on too, a wave of something else passes over me. I feel a sense of contentment with her wrapped in my arms. So I open my mouth and say words I have no business saying.

  “I love…” Thank God I stop myself before I get to the most important word of all. But that doesn’t stop my brain from firing one last absurdity. I’m going to marry this woman.

  What. The. Fuck. I have no idea where that ridiculous notion came from. It’s absurd at best. First of all, I can’t marry her—I’m already married. Secondly, I will never allow myself to get into another relationship like I did with Sarah. I can’t lose her again. Damn it, Jesse isn’t Sarah! I scream to myself. I mean that in all the good ways—and
the bad. Damn it. I hate my life. This inner dialog is killing me, so I try to focus back on the woman in my arms.

  Jess doesn’t react, so like an idiot, I breathe a sigh of relief. She must not have heard me. I should have learned by now though—God hates me. Big brown eyes look up at me. Standing on the sidewalk outside her apartment, she asks a question. The one damn question that could change everything.

  “What do you love, Brett?”

  You. Oh for fuck’s sake. What is wrong with me? This is dating. Get your shit together, asshole, and answer the center of your world’s question. Jesus Christ. I’m getting all poetic now. I need to shut up and get in the car before my mouth starts spewing Shakespeare.

  “I love that your name is Jesse James. I have every intention of chanting it later tonight.” Sex. Yes, sex is a safe topic. Let’s stick with that.

  “Oh…um, yeah. I like the sound of that.” She tries to pretend that she isn’t disappointed by my answer. I can see it in her eyes. I know she was hoping for more, but I have nothing more.

  “Come on, gorgeous. I owe you dinner, drinks, and dancing.”

  She stays silent, and disappointment paints her face.

  Damn it. This was supposed to be a good night, but once again, I’ve screwed everything up. I need to bring her back to me. So I leave out the questionable parts and tell her the truth.

  Backing her into the side of my car, I tell her some things she doesn’t know. It’s not what she wants to hear, but hopefully it’s enough to make the spark flicker back into her eyes.