by V. K. Ludwig
A lump of panic rolled up my throat, rancid and nasty, making my chest swell with pure dread. “That’s a bunch of crap. And I don’t believe in fate.”
“As if fate gives a shit about what you believe in,” he scoffed. “He told me he was the one who captured you. Did you ever wonder why you keep running into him?”
“Coincidence.” Three of them.
I didn’t like the way his silence echoed through my head.
“What does that even mean? That… being bonded? The Commander said you don’t have marriages.”
“We don’t.”
“Good!”
“You can dissolve a marriage, but a bond is forever.”
“What?” The ground all but pulled out from underneath me, and I grabbed for the wall. “So it’s pretty much like a marriage you can’t get a divorce from!”
“I never saw it like that.” His brows furrowed. “It’s not like you couldn’t leave him. You simply… wouldn’t ever want to. Whatever happens, you’ll be able to work it out somehow.”
“Oh my god! Oh my freaking god!” I tried to ignore the way my vision narrowed, shrinking the hallway into yet another prison. “If I would have known a mate is more like a soulmate for you, I would never have agreed to it!”
Melek hid a yawn behind his palm. “Calm down. And yes, you would have. That’s the point of fate.”
“That’s ridiculous. You guys can believe in whatever you want, but I can tell you my link’s broken or something because —”
“Eden.”
“— the Commander is a stuck up, arrogant, cruel, asshole with no heart or —”
“Eden!” Melek tapped his boot against my ankle.
The moment I looked up my eyes locked with Torin’s.
Apparently, we had reached the door to his quarters, where he leaned against the frame, one leg folded behind the other, arms crossed at his chest. “Come inside.”
“But —” I turned to Melek for help or some sort of advice.
“There’s no fighting this, Eden, so quit the drama and find your place in this new world,” he said with a shrug and turned to walk away.
My eyes traveled back to Torin, starting with his combat boots polished to a shine. Somewhere on his thigh, he carried a bullet wound, but I had yet to see him take a limp step. Even leaning against the door, he seemed impenetrable, every inch of him taut, lean muscle. I had poked the bear, with a branch in the nuts, and it showed in the way his green gaze penetrated me soul deep.
A fat layer of goosebumps swelled across my body, but I swallowed my fear, raised my head, and marched straight inside.
Up the stairs that was.
I slid my palm along the smooth rail of the massive staircase, watching each step I took, making sure I wouldn’t slip, or stumble, or slow down. If any sanctuary existed, it was probably curled up somewhere in a corner of the bedroom.
“I want to issue an apology.” His voice stopped me halfway up the stairs.
I shouldn’t have hesitated the way I did. Shouldn’t have turned around the way I did. But most of all, I shouldn’t have listened to how he said, “It was my first time mating.”
I looked down at him.
Most grown men would probably never make such a confession. But if they did, then certainly not Torin’s way, with his posture straight and his chin pointing right at me.
I didn’t answer. Merely stared back.
How was I supposed to feel about this unexpected declaration? Amused? I might have under different circumstances. Annoyed? Maybe. Empathetic? Definitely not.
Wasting too much time on my internal musings only allowed Torin to sprint up the stairs and stop less than a foot from me. He planted one had on each side of the banister, caging me in. My heart slammed into gear, making my eyes search for a way to escape.
I wanted to be anywhere but here.
Anywhere but with him.
He angled his elbows and let his torso inch toward me, his breath heavy, his eyes trained to my lips. “I didn’t want it to hurt.”
“You want me to believe that? For someone who was apparently a virgin, you sure knew where to shove it.”
“We use droids for pleasure,” he said casually as if fucking robots wasn’t just as creepy. “Some Vetusians copulate with other species, but it’s considered below me. Last night was the first time I touched a flesh-born female.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “You know, all this only explains why you came in under a minute, but it doesn’t justify why you had to be so rough. You get off on stuff like that?”
“Feel this!” He grabbed my wrist and placed my palm onto his chest, the muscles underneath clenching. He heaved, then shivered, the way he ground his teeth audible. “I asked you not to touch me because I cannot tolerate it.”
“So you’re a freak and like it rough? Now I feel better. But guess what, I pushed you because of the way you fucked me, so don’t give me that excuse.” I ripped my hand off his chest. “Let me go!”
I pushed through his arm, but he quickly pinned his chest against mine, letting the banister crack against my spine. “This doesn’t change that we have an agreement.”
I shifted my head as far back as possible. “You’re just a charmer, aren’t you? Yeah, we have an agreement. At least now I know what to expect.”
I grabbed his upper arms, dug my nails into his skin. But no matter how hard my touch made him tremble he wouldn’t budge.
Instead, he backed me up until my heels clanked against the bottom rail. He placed one hand onto my waist and cupped my cheek with the other.
“Perhaps I wanted you a little too much. You have no idea how many times I’ve thought of you ever since I saw you at the pharmacy.” He breathed the words against my lips. “I tried so hard to stay away from you, Eden, but I am… extremely drawn to you on a level you cannot grasp.”
“Because we’re fated to be together,” I said, sarcasm thick in the tone.
His gaze dropped to my mouth once more. “Exactly.”
He slung his arm around my waist and pulled me flush against him.
“What are you —” His lips pressed against my mouth, stiff and ungiving, shoving across mine in a one-sided kiss.
The slap of my palm against his cheek echoed through the hallway, and he pulled back, breathing hard, his eyes disoriented and confused.
“This wasn’t part of the deal!” I let myself drop onto my knees and crawled away from him, reaching the landing on all fours. “This might surprise you, having been a virgin and all, but kissing doesn’t get me pregnant. I’ll stick to the agreement, so don’t you worry about that. But I’d rather drown myself in that damn pool than let you touch me again until one second after midnight.”
Chapter 11
Torin
“I see,” Nifal said, the thin, white wisps on my mentor’s head appearing yellow underneath the dim light of my office. “And when did this incident happen?”
“Six Earth days ago.” My fingers stiffened, urging me to bury them in the soft cushion of the armrest on my desk chair. “It was our first and only mating. We’ve mostly avoided each other since. She usually spends her days at the common area. I don’t return from the bridge until I know she is asleep and leave before she wakes.”
“And she said you inflicted pain on her?”
“Yes.”
“Did you have any sudden, unexplained, or unreasonable bursts of violence or aggression lately?”
The cold metal, which made up the entire surface of my desk, offered little comfort against my hands as I folded them there. It did even less to cool those embers of my shame. “I might have reacted aggressively when she touched me. If I remember correctly, then I… uh… smacked her hand away from me. Handled her roughly.”
“Did you experience feelings of satisfaction when you did?”
I tried to keep my face neutral, tried to erase the confusing memories from my mind. But they clung to my thoughts like that stigma I was born with — the one I still carried.
Eden’s hand against my chest. My skin burning up. Her loud gasp. Whimpers against soft sheets.
I wiped a hand over my face, but even that wouldn’t make the pictures disappear. Just like the circumstances of my harvest wouldn’t go away.
“Torin…” My mentor stared at me from a lowered head, as if scanning my face for the truth. “Did you enjoy hurting her?”
“No.”
But what if I had?
My heart clenched at the thought, turning the blood in my vessels hot, the skin atop searing. The very fear that had kept me away from Eden became a reality the moment I’d made her mine.
I got up and paced the office. Each step matched the cadence of my stuttering lungs. Eden was my bonded mate and, intellectually, I wanted to keep her from harm. And yet I had hurt her.
A fact I still couldn’t reconcile.
“You are inexperienced, never having fornicated with a species unable to grow your seed.”
“What if the issue is not inexperience? What if my worst fears are correct, and I am a danger to her?”
Nifal shoved in the chair with a long, drawn-out sigh, making a puff of dust swirl into the air and reflect in the light of my desk lamp. “Torin, I was there when they pulled you from the exowomb. Known you all your life from the moment I dried you off. When will you see that you are not like the rest of your crop?”
“They said the same about Zavis.” Who was now wanted for murder.
“Hmm,” Nifal breathed, forming a steeple in front of his chest. “You have always been very much in control of yourself, Torin.”
Until I met Eden.
That was when all control abandoned me.
I could have sworn my cheek still ached where she had slapped me, and my lips still tingled where they had tasted hers. What had come over me when I’d decided to kiss her? What had made me so desperate to do something which, as she pointed out, served no purpose?
“You have never been anything else but a warrior and a Warden, serving the empire, the people.” Nifal raked a hand through his thinning hair, the scalp underneath age speckled. “But you bonded with a female, and now your responsibility lies just as much with her. You have no other choice but to learn how to be a mate and, if the Three Suns are willing, a father.”
I stopped my pacing, remaining motionless for the longest time. “I am not suitable for either.”
“Says who?”
“Everyone.” I wiped my slick palms over my uniform. “The empire. The universe. The other Wardens.”
He tsked and threw his hand in a dismissive wave. “The Wardens follow their very own political agenda. An heir to the house L’naghal would be a blessing for this empire, or the corruption will soon choke out whatever good is left of us.”
Nifal leaned on his walking stick and struggled his stiff limbs from the chair. He dragged his feet around the desk, the tremble of age seeping into where he lay his hand atop my shoulder. “She needs to know.”
I scoffed. What she needed was my child in her belly, so she could get as far away from me as possible.
“She hates me already,” I said. “No need to repulse her even more.”
“Why all this shame over things others have done, and a lack of pride over things you have not?” He patted my shoulder, his touch the only I ever managed to tolerate. “There is more in you than a warrior and Warden. And fate saw it.”
All I managed was a grunt as doubt settled on my body once more. “Fate is a blind fool.”
A knock on the door made us both look up.
Dark at first, Eden’s eyes waited in the gap, slowly growing into their brown color as she pushed her head in. “Oh, I’m sorry I interrupted. I had no idea you weren’t alone, and —”
“Nonsense, child,” Nifal said, all tiredness gone from his legs as he hurried over and opened the door. “Please, come in and let me have a look at you.”
Eden’s eyes flicked back and forth between Nifal and me, sending a tingle into my limbs. She hadn’t looked at me in days. And I was glad for it. I wanted to feel her again. Mate her again. No need to tease what I failed to control.
I leaned against my desk. “Nifal is my mentor.”
“Come, child, come.” Nifal took her hand into his and led her closer, making his gesture seem so easy where she pulled away from me. “Tell me about the work you performed at the infirmary. I believe you call it a hospital?”
She nervously stroked her hair as if it needed comforting. “I worked at the maternal ward for most of my career, checking on mothers and their newborn babies. Two years ago, I transferred to a position at the emergency intake.”
Nifal gave her a smile I assumed must have appeared grandfatherly to her. It always had to me. “And what were your responsibilities there?”
“Triage mostly, although they let me work more and more with the trauma patients.”
Nifal leaned over and gleamed at Eden, her lack of retreat at his touch filling me with envy. “Do you miss your occupation?”
“Yeah. Spending all day at the common area drinking coffee just doesn’t compare to a night shift during a full moon.”
Nifal let his eyes seek mine. “You should bring her to the Vault. Perhaps Eden would like to assist me there. As things are, we need all the support we can get.”
I glanced over at my mate. “Would you like to work? Assist our healers?”
The faint semblance of a smile came to her lips. “Are you going to pay me?”
Rasped laughter stuttered from Nifal’s chest. “I shall take my leave now and let you two discuss the details.”
“I am sure pay can be arranged.” I watched how Nifal left the office, my pulse increasing at each of his steps. After a moment of considering silence, I walked over to Eden. “Do you need anything?”
“I was hoping we could talk.”
“Talk,” I repeated, crossing legs and arms in front of me as I leaned against my desk, flicking my finger toward the empty armchair. “Would you like to sit?”
Spine straight, she gave the chair a shove and lowered herself down, hands flat on her thighs. “I had plenty of time to think about what happened last week, and I decided to accept your apology. Let’s just forget about that night and concentrate on how to make this work.”
That admission came unexpectedly.
So strong, looking so fucking beautiful in her new dress carrying my crest, there was no question if I wanted her. Only how to be gentle, how to hold back, how to control that hunger.
“That entire thing was just one huge mess. I wasn’t prepared to make a choice. Wasn’t prepared for… you. But I get we made an agreement, and there’s no point in dragging this out.” She folded one slender leg over the other and cleared her throat. “I also wanted to say thank you for… saving me from drowning. I probably should have said it sooner, but I was scared of approaching you after I, you know, kicked you in the balls.”
I watched her closely, my stomach in knots, telling myself I could be the mate she needed. Not wanted — because Eden would never want me. But the mate she needed to fulfill this agreement? I could be that. Just once. Just now. Maybe?
I kept my steps slow, non-threatening as I walked over, and crouched down in front of her. “What do you suggest?”
Her response came in the form of a flinch and instructions. “You can’t just slam into me like that. Give me time to prepare myself. It’s been a while… before you, so I’d appreciate if you start slow.”
“I can do slow.” I stroked over her thighs, her feverish heat seeping into my palms. “You want me to do that now?”
Swallowing hard, her lips parted, and a flush settled below her cheeks. “I… I guess now is as good a time as any.”
As if to prove her commitment, she uncrossed her legs, making my flesh swell with an eagerness I was beginning to fear.
Working my hands along the soft skin of her thighs, I let them disappear underneath her dress. Feet braced against the floor, Eden raised her pelvis, letting me slip her panties down to
her ankles. They hung there for a moment until I freed them from one leg, then the other.
Trembling fingers parted her knees, giving me a glimpse of something I had paid little attention to when we mated. Her labia opened slightly, revealing pink flesh on a background of skin somewhat less pale than the rest of her.
At that exact moment I noticed the scent of her sex, heady and intense. I brought my face closer to the source, her thighs jerking at my exhale.
“What are you doing?” she asked, tension in her tone.
What was I doing indeed?
Even before I could ponder the question, I found myself dragging my tongue over her mating cleft. Taking in her taste. Spreading it across my gums.
“Don’t…”
That one word came out entirely breathy, choked by shock and surprise, immediately contradicting with the way she strived for more contact.
And I gave it to her, caressing her lower lips, alternating light and heavy pressure. I would have stopped for pain if only the way she just moaned had betrayed any. Instead, I sensed pleasure — something I relished.
“Torin…”
If she thought hearing my name spill from her lips would make me retreat, then she was severely mistaken. If anything, it made me want to mate her with my tongue.
“I am slow,” I whispered, pushing my tongue in and out of her, lapping at her slit.
“I can’t do this with you,” Eden whimpered. “This is wrong.”
Yes, this was wrong.
Dangerously wrong.
And if she knew what I might be capable of, would she still have agreed to carry my child?
I pulled away from her intoxicating scent and rose, giving a tug on my pants in a desperate search for comfort.
Eden sat in the armchair, lips pulled into a white line, eyes pressed shut until all skin around them wrinkled. And yet she crossed her arms in front of her chest, grabbed her dress, and pulled it over her head.