The Mammoth Book of Weird News (Mammoth Books)

by Geoff Tibballs

  BRIDE IN RECEPTION FIGHT WITH BAND

  A bride was arrested at her wedding reception in Port Chester, New York State, in 2008 after becoming involved in an argument with the band. She was accused of trashing a set of conga drums and breaking a speaker, causing $1,500 damage.

  MAN WITH TAIL STRUGGLES TO FIND WIFE

  An Indian man with a 13-inch tail announced in 2006 that although he had become an object of worship he was struggling to find a wife. Chandre Oram from West Bengal is regarded by locals as an incarnation of Hindu monkey god Hanuman but the tail, which he refused to have surgically removed, proved a turn-off for the ladies. He lamented: “Almost 20 women have turned down marriage proposals. They see me and agree but as soon as I turn around, they see my tail and leave.”

  “HERE COMES THE BRIDE” IS PLAYED ON CELL PHONE

  When the organist failed to get to the church on time, bride Tracey Muxworthy walked down the aisle to the tinny strains of “Here Comes the Bride” played on a cell phone. The 2002 ceremony, at Aberdare, Wales, had been put back a few minutes in the hope that the organist would appear but when he still failed to show, Darren Medd, a friend of the groom, realized that he had the tune on his phone as a ringtone. So the phone was held next to a microphone as the bride made her way down the aisle. Mr Medd said afterwards: “It was probably the fastest wedding march you’ll ever hear.”

  JAPANESE MAN MARRIES COMPUTER GAME CHARACTER

  A Japanese man who became infatuated with a character in a computer game married the object of his desires in a solemn ceremony in Tokyo. The groom, who calls himself SAL9000, fell in love with Nene Anegasaki from the Nintendo DS game ‘Love Plus’ after a string of failed romances with girlfriends from other animated games. The wedding took place at the Tokyo Institute of Technology and was presided over by a priest. The groom, dressed in a white suit and tie, read his vows before Ms Anegasaki flashed hers up on the touch screen of his Nintendo. The ceremony was broadcast live on the Internet, with the groom’s best man giving a speech and Ms Anegasaki’s imaginary maid of honour posting an on-screen message declaring her joy at the union. Before jetting off with his new bride on honeymoon to Guam, the groom said: “I feel as if I have been able to achieve a major milestone in my life. Some people have expressed doubts about my actions, but this is really just about us as husband and wife. As long as the two of us can go on to create a happy household, I’m sure any misgivings about us will be resolved.” However the groom then admitted that he had yet to inform his parents that he had even got married, let alone to a computer character.

  BRIDE ATTACKS GROOM WITH WEDDING CAKE

  The wedding of Brett Patrick to his wife Kathryn in Florida in 2001 ended acrimoniously when a late-night disagreement over wedding gifts erupted into violence. Police said the bride, who was ten-weeks pregnant at the time, threw wedding cake at her husband, punched him in the face, then kicked and beat him while he was on the ground. Officers arrived to find him covered in bruises, scratches and icing.

  COUPLE MISCALCULATE THEIR ANNIVERSARY

  Barry and Carol Watson of Cliftonville, Kent, booked a round-the-world trip to celebrate their silver wedding anniversary, only to discover that they were a year too early. Having spent two years planning the trip, they decided to go ahead with it anyway and were showered with gifts wherever they travelled but were too embarrassed to admit they had really only been married for 24 years.

  IDENTICAL TWINS CHOOSE BRIDES BY DRAWING LOTS

  A pair of identical Ethiopian twin brothers drew lots to decide who would wed whom after their parents arranged their marriage to a pair of identical twin sisters. Isamel and Ali Mohammed, both 27, had insisted their parents should look for twin sisters if they wanted them to get married and settle down. When suitable sisters were found, it proved impossible to distinguish them apart, so the brothers picked their respective brides by drawing lots.

  “MAN TRADES DAUGHTER FOR BEER, MEAT AND MONEY”

  A man was arrested in Greenfield, California, in 2009 after allegedly arranging for his 14-year-old daughter to marry a neighbour in exchange for $16,000, one hundred cases of beer and several cases of meat. Police said they learned of the deal after the man asked them for help in getting his daughter back after he failed to receive the promised money.

  WEDDING ELEPHANT DESTROYS 20 LIMOS IN LOVE RAMPAGE

  An elephant hired for a 2010 Hindu wedding in India caused over $400,000 damage in his desperate attempt to reach an in-heat female. The amorous elephant trampled 20 limos to try to reach the object of his desires in a nearby sugarcane field. When that failed, he smashed through a shopping mall before mounting and attempting to mate with a truck.

  CHINESE MAN MARRIES HIMSELF

  A Chinese man married himself in 2007 to make a statement about his dissatisfaction with reality. Liu Ye, who married a life-sized foam cut-out of himself wearing a bridal dress, said the ceremony made him feel “whole again” but admitted he was “maybe a bit narcissistic”.

  WEDDING PROPOSAL GOES UP IN FLAMES

  Adam Sutton planned to make his proposal to high-school sweetheart Erika Brussee an occasion she would never forget – and he was right because it ended in the young couple being lucky to escape with their lives. His idea was to hire a pilot to take them up in a Cessna 172 airplane circling low over Rome, Georgia, in the summer of 2006 and to have family members on the ground holding up a tarpaulin saying “Erika, Will You Marry Me?” Everything went smoothly until the plane stalled at low speed, crashed into the airport runway and the nose burst into flames – just as Sutton was about to slip the ring onto her finger. The couple scrambled out with cuts and bruises, and as Brussee was loaded into an ambulance, she called out to Sutton’s cousin: “Tell Adam I said yes.”

  SUICIDE BIDS PERSUADE PARENTS TO THINK AGAIN

  When the parents of Huang Pin-jen and Chang Shu-mei refused to bless their 1996 Taiwanese wedding, the distraught couple decided to commit suicide. First, they drove a car off a cliff – but survived; next they tried to hang themselves – but survived; and then they jumped from the top of a 12-storey building – but survived. After that, the parents agreed to reconsider.

  WOMAN MARRIES HOURS AFTER SHOOTING ATTACKER

  As wedding days go, few were more eventful than the occasion in 2002 when former school principal Charlotte Ann Neely-White married Russell Roark in Pierce City, Missouri. The bride-to-be was making last minute preparations on the morning of the ceremony when a total stranger raced up in a car and threatened to detonate a bomb unless Neely-White gave him her pickup truck. But, wedding or no wedding, she was not about to hand over her beloved truck and told him: “No, sir, you go ahead and set the bomb off. My house needs work anyway.” The stranger then tried to choke her with a riding whip, whereupon she shot him in the chest with a gun she had been handed and beat him around the head with a shovel. And she still got married three hours later. Asked why she had taken such a risk on that of all days, the 55-year-old replied: “Have you ever had anything you really love? Well, I love that truck.” A police officer who attended the incident was full of praise. “This lady was calm as a cucumber,” he said. “She can withstand anything. I admire her guts. He came right at her – he was wired. She didn’t back down, and she knew she had to protect what was hers, and she did. I don’t think I’d want to make her upset.”

  BRIDE SUES AFTER BUM WEDDING

  An Italian bride sued a dress designer in 2006 after the stitching on her $4,000 bridal gown came apart at the altar and slid down, revealing her bottom to the entire congregation. Her lawyer said: “The priest concluded the ceremony and the couple were married but she was not able to have any proper photographs because she was semi-naked. The priest did not know where to look.”

  LIGHTNING STRIKES TWICE FOR UNLUCKY GROOM

  When his second bride-to-be fell in love with the wedding invitation maker and promptly cancelled their forthcoming nuptials in 2001, it brought back painful memories for Romanian Sorin Archiudean. His fir
st wife had run off with their wedding-day chauffeur just two weeks into their marriage.

  POLICE RAID BRINGS COUPLE TOGETHER

  A Kent couple got married in 1994 after being introduced by police officers conducting a drugs raid. At the same bar in Herne Bay, Cathy Snelson was waiting to meet a blind date while Dominic McDonnell was playing pool, but when police raided the establishment, the strangers were made to spend two hours sitting on the floor with their hands tied behind their backs before eventually being released. The enforced confinement led to true love, culminating in the pair being married – even though the police weren’t invited to the wedding. “But I suppose we should have done,” said Ms Snelson, “as they brought us together.”

  MAN CUTS OFF PENIS OVER MARRIAGE DISAPPOINTMENT

  Refused permission to marry a girl from a lower-class family, a 25-year-old Egyptian cut off his own penis to spite his family. After unsuccessfully petitioning his father for two years to marry the girl, the man reached the end of his tether in 2009 and heated up a knife and sliced off his reproductive organ. He was rushed to hospital but doctors were unable to reattach the severed penis.

  BRIDE REJECTS GROOM OVER LOUSY MATHS

  A bride in India dumped her husband-to-be in 2008 because he could not perform a simple mathematical sum. Sarita Kumari was all set to marry a man named Tinku but when the gathering reached the bride’s house in Gopalganj district, some of the women present asked the groom to give the answer to the sum of three plus four. Poor Tinku didn’t know the answer, whereupon the bride refused to marry him. After hasty consultation between the two families, she agreed to marry his younger brother, Pintu, instead.

  WOMAN RUGBY-TACKLES FIANCÉ AT PRENUP PARTY

  A woman from Poulsbo, Washington State, was thrown in jail after being accused of beating up her fiancé at their prenuptial party. The argument broke out after the woman’s 12-year-old son told her he saw her fiancé kissing one of her women friends. Deputies said the bride-to-be ordered him to leave the house and then started hitting him in the face. When he did leave, she reportedly tackled him rugby-style, punched him again, threw his watch into the bushes and broke his glasses. The woman was arrested on suspicion of assault. It is not known whether the marriage took place.

  PET DOG IS CHIEF BRIDESMAID

  When Sonia Wilde married Steve Begley at Stockport, Cheshire, in 2005, she chose a very special chief bridesmaid – her dog Lucy Brown. The three-year-old collie cross even wore a pink frilly dress and bonnet for the service. Afterwards Sonia said: “Lucy Brown absolutely loved her dress. Whenever I got it out to try it on her, she would put her front paws up like she couldn’t wait to get it on. She was really well behaved throughout the service. She got a little excited at the reception but we could tell she was happy.”

  BRIDE DELAYS WEDDING OVER FEAR OF VOMITING

  A London bride postponed her 2008 wedding because she was afraid of vomiting. Emma Pelling said she had been unable to go through with her wedding to Gareth Heal because she suffers from emetophobia, an intense fear of vomiting. She added: “I have this recurring nightmare of being ill as a bride, running out of the church and abandoning my husband at the altar.”

  MARRIAGE PROPOSAL DRIFTS AWAY

  Lefkos Hajji came up with a novel idea for proposing to his girlfriend Leanne: he hid a $12,000 engagement ring inside a helium balloon and gave her a pin so that she could pop the balloon as he popped the question. But as he left the shop, a sudden gust of wind wrenched the balloon from his grasp, leaving him to watch helplessly as the ring floated away over London. “I couldn’t believe it,” he said afterwards. “I just watched as it went further and further into the air. I felt like such a plonker. It cost a fortune, and when I told my girlfriend the story she went absolutely mad. Now she is refusing to speak to me.”

  BRIDE MARRIES WRONG MAN

  An Indian woman married the wrong man in 2005 after the priest confused the groom with his brother. During the exchange of vows at the Muslim wedding in Uttar Pradesh, the priest said Mehraj instead of Siraj and the bride failed to spot the mistake. The blunder came to light the following morning when the groom’s family saw the marriage document.

  GERIATRIC NEWLYWEDS GIVEN BOOK ON PARENTING

  When 90-year-old Max Gordon and his bride-to-be, 82-year-old Mollie Levy, requested a marriage licence in 1999, the clerk handed them a book – on parenting. Despite the fact that between them the couple had six children, 14 grandchildren and 17 great-grandchildren, under Florida law their union still needed safeguarding by the Marriage Preparation and Preservation Act of 1998, a statute designed to protect children from the fallout of failed marriages. So the elderly couple sat down together and dutifully read the book’s advice about parenting – although Mollie had to read to Max because of his cataracts.

  WEDDING DAY WAS ONE TO REMEMBER

  Bebe Emerman intended to marry Steve Wolfe in a spectacular outdoor ceremony at California’s Yosemite National Park in 1995, but a huge rainstorm literally blew their plans away. Then a flooded road forced guests to drive an extra 140 miles to the new indoor location. A wild squirrel nearly destroyed the cake and the wedding photographer was rushed to hospital with a kidney stone. “Everything that possibly could go wrong went wrong,” recalled the bride. “I even dumped the back of my dress into the toilet.”

  GROOM WEARS DRESS TO RECEPTION

  A factory worker from Barnsley stunned relatives by turning up to his 2008 wedding reception wearing a fitted bridal gown. Transvestite Dean Dudley – also known as Deanne – has been wearing women’s clothes since the age of six but his mother knew nothing about it – until the reception. However, his bride Robyn, who fell for him five years earlier when, as Deanne, he lent her a hairbrush in a ladies’ toilet, remained unfazed, admitting: “He’s a better looking woman than me.”

  WOMAN CANCELS WEDDING OVER FIANCÉ’S PORN CAREER

  A woman cancelled her church wedding and country house reception in 2009 after discovering that her fiancé was a secret porn star. Haylie Hocking, from Bristol, only found out shortly before the big day that fitness fanatic Jason Brake made adult movies. A friend organizing her hen night had been searching online for a male stripper when she stumbled across a movie clip in which the male star looked like Jason. On checking the website, she realized it was Jason. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust a man again,” sobbed Haylie.

  FATHER SUES OVER UGLY BRIDE

  A man from Belchertown, Massachusetts, announced in 2006 that he was suing friends who had arranged a marriage for his son, claiming that the bride was too ugly, had bad teeth, a poor complexion, and couldn’t hold a conversation. Dr Vijay Pandey sought $200,000 in damages from a Maryland couple whose niece was the proposed bride. Pandey said that when he travelled to New Delhi to meet the woman he was “extremely shocked” by her appearance. In his lawsuit he alleged fraud, conspiracy and violation of civil rights resulting in emotional distress, and sought costs for travel and long-distance telephone calls.

  WILDLIFE COUPLE ENJOY GIBBON-STYLE WEDDING

  Two animal conservationists who met while working with gibbons tied the knot in a gibbon-style wedding ceremony at a Thailand wildlife sanctuary in 2004. Accompanied by a drum band, groom Sam Lake summoned his mate by imitating the call of a male gibbon, whereupon his bride, Norka Russin, responded with happy monkey calls while swinging down from a treetop into his arms. Afterwards the groom vowed: “Once the gibbon has chosen a mate it will not philander.”

  BRIDE ATTACKS GROOM WITH SHOE

  While the reception was in full swing downstairs, the bride was attacking the groom with a shoe in their Scottish hotel room. Teresa Brown was still wearing her wedding dress when she assaulted groom Mark Allerton with the heel of her stiletto and ended up spending the rest of the weekend in a police cell. Brown was subsequently fined at Aberdeen Sheriff ’s Court for assault and vandalism. Her lawyer said: “She and her husband are still together although this incident has not helped.”


  RUST REMOVER SPOILS WEDDING BANQUET

  Around 170 guests at a wedding banquet in northern China were rushed to hospital in 2008 when someone accidentally added powdered rust remover instead of salt. All the food was stewed in a big pot but the guests decided it tasted too bland, so one of them added what he or she thought was salt – several times over. Within an hour, the local hospital was packed with guests suffering from stomach pains, vomiting and diarrhoea.

  KEEN HUNTERS GET MARRIED IN TREE

  As fanatical deer hunters, David Cunningham and Mary Boyer decided that their 1999 wedding should reflect their favourite pastime. They took their vows high in a tree at a Reinholds, Pennsylvania, gun club with the bride wearing a full-length camouflage dress, complete with a veil made of a deer-hunting face mask. The path to the altar was lined with deer antlers and the groom was chased along it by a group of hunting companions. Among the 300 guests, many of whom also wore camouflage, were several life-sized rubber deer. A friend of the couple described it as “a unique occasion”.

  BRIDE’S JOKE FALLS FLAT

  A bride who jokingly replied “I don’t” during her wedding lived to regret it as the registrar promptly refused to go ahead with the ceremony. Tina Albrecht, 27, was to marry fiancé Dietmar Koch at a castle in Steyr, Austria, in 2007, but the wedding was called off after she tried to inject a little humour into proceedings by saying “I don’t” before immediately correcting herself. Under an Austrian law designed to prevent forced marriages, if either party replies to the key question in the negative the wedding must be cancelled and cannot be rescheduled for a further ten weeks. Ms Albrecht said: “We had to send all our guests home. In retrospect my remark was probably not so funny.”