The Mammoth Book of Weird News (Mammoth Books)

by Geoff Tibballs

  TRAIN DELAYED BY GIANT PENGUIN

  Passengers on a train in Germany were left stranded in 2005 after the driver pulled the emergency stop because he mistook a giant toy penguin lying on the tracks for a dead man in a tuxedo.

  CABIN CREW “FREAK OUT” FRENCH WITH WRONG MESSAGE

  A cabin crew caused chaos on a 2009 flight from Dublin to Paris by accidentally playing a message warning that the plane was about to ditch in the sea. An initial announcement in English had told passengers on the Aer Lingus flight to return to their seats and fasten their seat belts because of turbulence. But a second one in French said the plane, which at the time was heading south over the Irish Sea, was about to make an emergency landing. According to witnesses, French passengers, who made up most of the 70 people on board, immediately “freaked out” with many screaming and bursting into tears.

  WOMAN CRASHES CAR AFTER DRIVING TEST

  Moments after completing her driving test in Portage, Indiana, in 2006, Jessica Krasek crashed the car into the examiners’ office. She was pulling into a parking space when she accidentally hit the accelerator instead of the brake. She failed the test.

  FATHER LETS YOUNG SON DRIVE CAR AS A REWARD

  As a reward for finishing his dinner, his homework and cleaning his room, a Florida man let his seven-year-old son drive the family car one evening in 2002. With his father sitting in the passenger seat, the boy, driving without lights, ran a stop sign and smashed into another car. Unrepentant, his father justified letting him take the wheel by saying: “Some kids play with dolls; my kid wants to drive.”

  TRACTOR FAN’S EPIC JOURNEY IS IN VAIN

  For years, German farmer Wolfgang Mueller had dreamed of taking his 44-year-old red Massey Ferguson MF35 tractor back to Coventry, England, to visit the factory where it was built. So in 2007, two weeks after retiring, the 65-year-old left Stuttgart on the start of a 700-mile sentimental pilgrimage. Towing a caravan and chugging along sedately, he drove the tractor through Luxembourg and France before boarding a ferry at Calais. Once in England, he took minor roads and country lanes and eventually reached the site of the Massey Ferguson factory at Coventry – only to find that it had been knocked down years ago and was now a row of houses.

  BOMB ALERT OVER WIND-BREAKING DOG

  A novelty toy dog which breaks wind sparked a major security scare at an American airport in 2003. British passenger Dave Rogerson’s life-size mechanical terrier set off a security detector at Norfolk airport, Virginia, prompting FBI agents to take a series of swabs from the toy’s rear end. Rogerson said: “They told me it was the highest reading they had for explosives and they took it very seriously. They were convinced there was something explosive in the dog.” Happily after a 20-minute examination they eventually decided the dog was not a security risk and handed it back to him.

  FAKE PASSPORT BELONGED TO WANTED MURDERER

  A 36-year-old man who bought a false passport to flee Russia in 2003 was unaware that the stolen paperwork belonged to a wanted murderer. Consequently as soon as he tried to cross the border into Latvia he was arrested on suspicion of murder. A police spokesman said: “He bought the passport on the black market in St Petersburg and inserted his own photo. Unfortunately for him, he did not know the passport’s history.”

  TOURIST GETS LOST USING ANCIENT GUIDEBOOK

  An elderly American tourist had to be rescued from the depths of a Bavarian forest in 2004 after losing his way while consulting a 90-year-old guidebook. Hank Edwards, 79, had longed to visit that part of Germany ever since reading “Beautiful Bayreuth”, a guidebook bought by his father in 1914. Unfortunately following out-of-date directions from the book resulted in him getting stuck in the Bayreuth forest for two days. The local tourist board pointed out that two World Wars and a massive reforestation programme had considerably changed Bayreuth.

  PENSIONER BANNED FROM DRIVING UNTIL YEAR 3000

  An 84-year-old was banned from driving until the year 3000 after a magistrate in Sydney, Australia, ruled that her previous suspension – until 2999 – was inadequate. Luba Relic, who has appeared in court more than 70 times, had her disqualification increased after crashing her Honda Civic in a car park in 2008 while driving without a licence. She had previously had her licence revoked until 2999 for medical reasons but had defied the court by continuing to drive. Outside court she protested her innocence, claiming that she had been unfairly targeted by police. “I have been driving for so long and I am a good driver,” she insisted.

  NAKED CHESS FANATIC HITS THE ROAD

  A bold nudist wrote to a newspaper in Des Moines, Iowa, claiming that he had driven 15,000 miles in the buff in the course of 2001. Dave Wolz, 47, said he mostly drove without clothes on trips to chess tournaments. He revealed that he had occasionally been spotted by passing motorists who had reported him to the police, but he had always managed to slip on a pair of shorts before being stopped.

  PARAGLIDER STUCK IN TREE WITH CHIHUAHUA

  An Australian man had to be rescued in 2008 after he became stuck 200 feet up a tree while paragliding with his pet Chihuahua. Paul Hansen was left dangling in a giant mountain ash tree near Melbourne for five hours with dog Emma strapped to his chest.

  PASSENGERS SURVIVE BY SUCKING WOMAN’S BREAST MILK

  Sixteen people who ran out of food and water when they become lost at sea for 12 days after fleeing the Dominican Republic in a homemade boat in 2001 survived by sucking a mother’s breast milk. The eight men and seven women took turns suckling 31-year-old Faustina Mercedes for a few seconds a day. Mercedes managed to feed herself by getting her sister Elena to suck on her breast and then pass the milk on to her by mouth.

  WOMAN EATS BOWL OF CEREAL WHILE DRIVING

  Called to a single-vehicle crash near Woodstock, Ontario, in 2008, Canadian police found a 21-year-old woman covered in milk and cereal. She had apparently been trying to eat cereal with a bowl and spoon while driving in icy conditions when she lost control and crashed into guide posts on Highway 7.

  DEAD PASSENGER GOES UNNOTICED ON BUS FOR SIX HOURS

  A dead passenger remained on the top deck of a London bus for more than six hours in 2009 after staff failed to spot the corpse. Pawel Modzelewski died on the night bus but the driver thought he was asleep and then forgot to tell anyone at the depot about him before going home. Consequently, the dead man stayed in the bus garage overnight and was still slumped forward in his seat when the vehicle went out the following morning. Early morning commuters joined the bus, unaware that one of their fellow passengers was dead, until one finally raised the alarm.

  OVULATING WIFE CAUSES DRIVER TO EXCEED LIMIT

  A driver caught speeding in Philadelphia told police he had exceeded the limit because he and his wife were trying for a baby. He explained: “My wife is ovulating. I have to get home right now.”

  WOMEN TRY TO CHECK DEAD PASSENGER ONTO FLIGHT

  Two German women were detained at Liverpool Airport in 2010 after staff discovered that the man with whom they were planning to board a flight to Berlin had been dead for at least 12 hours. Wearing sunglasses, 91-year-old Curt Willi Jarant arrived at the airport by taxi with his wife, Gitta Jarant, and stepdaughter Anke Anusic. Lifting him into a wheelchair, an airport worker immediately thought Mr Jarant was dead from the way his body slumped forward and felt ice cold, but the women claimed that he always slept like that. However when security officials tried to take a pulse, they confirmed that Mr Jarant had passed away. The women, who were suspected of attempting to avoid paying costly repatriation fees but were eventually released without charge, insisted they thought he was pale but alive – even though the post mortem indicated that he had been dead throughout the 45-minute taxi ride from their home in Manchester.

  COUPLE FORGET TO TAKE MAP ON EUROPEAN JAUNT

  Setting off in their motorhome from Dover in 1987, Mark and Laura Jones decided to cross the English Channel and spend a few days in Paris. They packed all the necessary provisions for their vacation – except a ma
p. As soon as they arrived in France, they became hopelessly lost but simply continued driving without asking for directions. The result was that they finished up near the Swiss border. Realizing they had gone wrong, they decided to head back to Paris but thought that the route to the French capital took them through Luxembourg, Belgium and Holland. On reaching Rotterdam, they thought they had finally found the right road, only to end up in the German city of Bonn. By now they were short of money and had to beg for petrol cash. They eventually made it back to Dover a week later than expected and having driven over 1,000 miles without getting anywhere near Paris.

  TOILET RIDE FOR CARAVANNER

  German tourist Juergen Winkler had a surprise in 2008 when his caravan rolled 200 yards down a hill – while he was on the toilet. The caravan crashed into a lamppost and then into a ditch in Upper Austria, leaving Mr Winkler with cuts and bruises. He was still sitting on the toilet when fire crews arrived to pull the caravan from the ditch.

  WOMAN PASSES DRIVER’S TEST AT 960TH ATTEMPT

  A woman in South Korea passed her driving test in 2010 – at the 960th time of asking. Cha Sa-soon, 69, passed the driving part of the test at the tenth try, but only after making 949 unsuccessful attempts to achieve a pass mark of 60 per cent in the written exam, which she had taken almost daily between April 2005 and November 2009. She spent a total of $16,500, including application fees, to earn her licence.

  WTF PLATE EMBARRASSES AMERICANS

  North Carolina elementary school teacher Mary Ann Hardee couldn’t understand why her teenage grandchildren kept giggling at the licence plate on her new car . . . until the connotations of the abbreviation WTF were explained to her. She became so self-conscious about it that she petitioned the Department of Motor Vehicles, which ordered that she and the other 9,999 drivers in the state who were issued with a WTF number plate in 2007 should receive new plates.

  LINER PASSENGERS’ HAIR TURNS GREEN

  Nine passengers aboard the P&O liner Oceana were given free hairdos in 2003 after their hair turned bright green when they swam in the ship’s swimming pool.

  DRIVER FAILS TO SPOT SIX-FOOT-TALL ORANGE RABBIT

  A driver told a court in Portland, Oregon, that he did not see a six-foot-tall woman wearing a bright orange rabbit costume and riding a pedicab before he ran into her. Edward Cespedes-Rodriguez was convicted of hit-and-run driving but was cleared of recklessly endangering another person after claiming he didn’t spot the pedicab-riding orange rabbit because he was fumbling with his cell phone at the time. The rabbit in question, pedicab rider Kate Altermatt, told reporters that she was disappointed with the verdict, given that her vehicle was clearly visible, being equipped with reflectors and a blinking red light, plus the fact that she was dressed as an orange rabbit. She added that she initially struggled to persuade local police to take her complaint seriously – possibly because she was still wearing the rabbit suit.

  PLANE CIRCLES WHILE AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER HAS LUNCH

  A plane carrying 55 passengers circled an airport in western Scotland for half an hour because the air traffic controller was on her lunch break. The delayed flight from Glasgow to Benbecula in the Western Isles had to wait to land because national air traffic regulations prevented Benbecula’s sole controller from working more than two hours without taking a break.

  VILLAGER DRIVES WRONG WAY ON FREEWAY FOR 20 MILES

  An 80-year-old man drove his vintage car against the flow of traffic on Malaysia’s main freeway for 20 miles, blissfully unaware that he was on the wrong side of the road. After making a wrong turn on his way home in 2006, Ah Pee found himself on the busy six-lane North-South Expressway – the first time he had ever been on that road. Realizing he was heading in the wrong direction, he executed a U-turn in his Morris Minor but stayed on his side of the road divider, thereby putting him in the fast lane and heading straight into oncoming traffic. He drove like that for 20 miles – somehow avoiding a collision – until police officers finally intercepted him and steered him into the emergency lane. One officer who attended the incident said: “He was driving between 40 and 45 miles per hour, and I could see the befuddled look in his eyes as the oncoming vehicles flashed their headlights at him. We advised him to ask for a lift from his children the next time he went for a drive.”

  TRAIN COLLIDES WITH PASSING HOUSE

  A house that was being moved from one location to another on the back of a truck was demolished in 2000 after being struck by an unscheduled train on a railroad crossing. Two men were keeping watch on the roof of the house, which was being escorted by a sheriff’s car as it crossed the track at Sumner, Washington State, just before midnight. The house was barely halfway across when a special train carrying Seattle Seahawks fans home from a football game came roaring round a bend and smashed into it. Neither lookout was hurt although one ended up in a nearby field as a result of the impact.

  DRUNK PILOT ASKS: “WHERE HAVE YOU HIDDEN THE RUNWAY?”

  A 65-year-old amateur pilot who took a Cessna light aircraft to the skies over Germany in 2009 had so much to drink that he was unable to read the instruments telling him where the Schoengleida airfield was. After drinking copious amounts of beer and wine, he radioed the control tower saying: “Come on, I know you’re down there. Where have you hidden the runway?” He then told staff to “pull your fingers out as I’ve got a party to go to”. A rescue helicopter was sent out to escort the pilot down safely, but concerned airfield authorities notified the police who stopped and breathalyzed him as he drove home. As a result he lost his driving licence and pilot’s licence on the same day.

  THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING ERNEST

  When Milwaukee police arrested a driver on a traffic violation, he kept insisting that they had the wrong man. Ernest Hickles repeatedly told police that it was his brother, Earnest Hickles, who was wanted on several warrants. After six days in jail, the police released Ernest, realizing that they already had his brother Earnest in another cell. Hickles’ grandmother blamed their mother for the confusion. “She gave both kids the same name because she didn’t want anyone to know she had another baby.”

  AIRPLANE GROUNDED BY SMELL OF CURRY

  A British Airways flight to London was hastily returned to Belgrade’s Nikola Tesla Airport in 2008 after passengers, fearing a terrorist attack, thought they could smell poison gas. The aircraft was contained on a special emergency procedure runway at the airport and workers wearing breathing apparatus helped screaming passengers from the plane until it emerged that the sinister fumes were from a giant container of curry spices in the cargo hold.

  BAGGAGE HANDLER MAKES UNSCHEDULED FLIGHT

  An airport baggage handler with contractor Servisair made an unplanned flight from Dallas to Mexico in 2001 after accidentally locking himself in the cargo hold of a jumbo jet. Crew members reported hearing a knocking sound at Dallas, but were unable to trace it.

  COUPLE TAKE CAR FOR LONG TEST DRIVE

  When a car dealer in Berlin allowed a couple to test drive a new BMW in 2004, they drove it 4,000 miles to Spain and back.

  PASSENGER SUES AIRLINE OVER FLIGHT SPENT IN TOILET

  A New York man, who said he was denied a seat on a five-hour flight and was instead told to “hang out” in the plane’s bathroom, sued the airline for $2 million, claiming he had suffered “extreme humiliation”. Gokhan Mutlu said that when he arrived to check in for a JetBlue flight from San Diego to New York in 2008, he was told the flight was full but was allowed to board after a flight attendant agreed to give up her seat and travel in a special “jump seat” reserved for airline employees only. But 90 minutes into the flight, Mutlu was informed by the pilot that the attendant was uncomfortable and needed her seat back. He said the pilot told him to stay in the bathroom for the rest of the flight. At one point, the airplane experienced turbulence and Mutlu sat on the toilet without a seat belt, causing him “tremendous fear”, according to his lawsuit.

  DRIVER MISTAKES CANAL FOR WET ROAD

  Jozef Cene, a 38
-year-old German police officer, left a pub in Wiltshire, England, in 2007 and drove straight into a canal after mistaking it for a wet road. He didn’t even have the excuse of being drunk.

  FLIGHT ATTENDANT STARTS FIRE TO AVOID GOING TO CANADA

  A flight attendant on a 2008 Compass Airlines (Northwest) flight from Minneapolis to Regina, Saskatchewan, deliberately started a small fire in the plane’s rear bathroom while the aircraft was in mid-air, because he was unhappy about having to work that route. The fire caused the plane to be diverted to Fargo, North Dakota.

  MAN RELEASED WORMS ON TRAIN TO SCARE PASSENGERS

  A Japanese man was arrested in 2008 on suspicion of releasing hundreds of beetle larvae inside a moving express train in an attempt to scare female passengers. Thirty-five-year-old Manabu Mizuta was said to have had ten containers in his backpack, estimated to house a total of 3,600 worms. “He would go close to women on the train, any woman, and pour out the worms from the containers,” said the police who were investigating 19 similar incidents in the same region of Osaka. Mizuta was quoted by officers as saying: “I wanted to see women get scared and shake their legs.”