by Carol Jean
“Yes.”
“Am I your friend? Would you call me if you were in trouble?”
He doesn’t answer for a long time. “I don’t know Judy. I’m not a sharing kind of guy.” His voice lowers, “that’s probably the biggest reason my wife, left me. The last thing she yelled at me before she stomped out the door, taking my life and my daughter with her is that she’d never seen me cry.”
“Why did she want to see you cry?”
“I guess I didn’t show enough emotion. I guess she thought I was cold and standoffish. Sharon is high strung, full of fun and energy. She’d bawl her eyes out over a movie and make snow angels that held hands all over the backyard and then cry when the snow melted. She’d get turned on and turned off so fast, I didn’t know which way was up and which way was down. It was easier . . . safer to be stable and consistent, especially after the baby was born.”
“You still love her.”
“I will always love her. When she left my life ended. I remember the moment. The door shut, the lock clicked and I died.”
She studies his face like she’s never seen Steven before. He’s a person with hopes and dreams and has been hurt beyond what she can imagine. She wants to hold him, to wipe away his nonexistent tears that she can feel but not see. Her brain tells her to get up and walk over to him and hold him. Her instinct tells her not to rock the boat he’s built because she is not strong enough to save him if she’s wrong.
“Can I get another drink?”
He nods.
“Want one?”
He shakes his head.
Quietly she stands undecided then walks slowly behind him and wraps her arms around his shoulders and holds on tight pressing her head against his. “We’re quite a pair aren’t we?”
Steven wraps his arms around hers. “When you started to come here, little by little I began to feel life again. Small things you would do. Look up at me with your beautiful eyes begging me to let you stop, or stomping mad when I wouldn’t let you do something you wanted. How you always look happy to see me when you come in. How you look around for me, when you need me, and light up when your eyes find mine. There are a thousand of them. You’ve become important to me and I can’t image how I’d feel if you stopped coming here.”
She lets go, sits in his lap and holds his face between her hands. She’s never felt the desire to see another person closely. Everyone in her life is a quick snap shot, which she memorizes and puts in alphabetical order in her head. She wants to see Steven with different eyes. She’s hungry to see beyond the face, there’s got to be more than what she has experienced or the human race would not have survived.
She looks at his strong nose, lush eyebrows, feels his eye lashes and drags her fingers across his cheek bones. His skin is warm and soft and rough where his stubble is growing from a morning shave. Her hands now eager to see all of him, cup his jaw that has been hit so many times as he boxed, but it is still strong, undamaged and hard like a Greek statue.
His lips are full and perfectly shaped even to the heart that begins in the center and gracefully flows to the corners. She traces its shape and feels him tremble.
She smiles at the dimple centered on his chin. She’s always wanted to touch it. She touches it lightly.
“I’ve always wanted to touch your dimple. It gets deeper when you’re mad and even deeper when you’re happy. I check it out when I come in, to see what mood you’re in.”
He laughs once and licks his lips. His tongue looked soft and puffy and left his lip glistening wet. His lips are slightly parted and she feels his warm breath on her face.
“I want to kiss you? I’ve never kissed anyone before. I’ve never wanted to kiss anyone. Please.”
Steven swallows and licks his lips again. She leans in closer until their noses touch, it feels good. She never thought that noses were so sensitive to touch and wonders if it feels the same to him. Wanting more she gently glides her nose against his, delighting in the sensation. He groans softly deep down in his chest.
It’s a spark she feels on the first tiny touch of lip-to-lip but it doesn’t hurt. It makes her want more, to feel all of his lips on her. She presses her lips to his but its not enough something’s missing.
“Please help me, Steven, I don’t know how. I want more but I don’t know what to do.”
Her lips vibrate against his as she pleads and Steven tilts his head, puts his large hand on the back of her head, lifts her chin with the other and presses his lips against hers. She hears her groan and he presses harder and now she’s desperate for more to be closer to feel more of this heady feeling of flying into the sun and joy of discovery and the warmth.
Her body moves until she has a leg on either side of his lap and her chest presses against his. Her hands grip his hair to bring him down harder against her lips as her arms clench around his ears holding him tight to her.
She breathes and he breathes and they share their breaths that smell delicious of French fries and tastes of sweet ketchup as his tongue touches the tip of hers.
It’s like a jolt of electricity and she must have it again. Her tongue reaches for his and she feels the moist, gliding warmth and softness. His tongue strokes hers and she groans into his mouth.
Steven’s mouth that she’s watched move as he talked, pressed his lips together in disapproval, smiled at her in happiness, and told her he was proud of her. Her feet reach for the floor so she can stand and use all her strength to move and discover this wonderful, magnificent man that promised he would never hurt her.
She’s forced his head back, so she can take all of his beautiful mouth in hers. Her hands let go of his head to cradle his face, caress his strong neck and feel his shoulders strong and muscular but so soft and warm to her touch.
Steven suddenly breaks away and buries his face into her breasts and wraps his arms around her.
“Oh my God Judy, what are you doing to me?”
“I don’t know love. Please help me, but please don’t stop kissing me. That I know I love.”
Steven pushes her away, but he doesn’t let go and he’s holding her tightly away from him. He looks at her, his eyes bore into hers, searching for something and she doesn’t understand what he’s searching for. She looks back at him trying to see what he sees and sees herself reflected in his eyes.
“I can see myself in your eyes Steven. Can you see you in mine?” She feels so happy and her smile stretches her lips.”You look good with me in your eyes. Your beautiful blue eyes that I can’t wait to see everyday and miss when I can’t come here.”
“I can Judy.” His voice is throaty and sexy.
“Kiss me quick before I die of happiness.” She’s yelling and knows he’s not going to slap her for being too loud. He’s going to kiss her again and he does. Soft and gentle Steven brushes his lips against hers. Each time she tries to press him harder against her, he pulls back to lightly caress her lips.
“Relax sweetheart. Savor the kiss, its God’s greatest gift.”
She groans and does as he asks. He’s never been wrong when it comes to her body. She’s whirling, spinning and begins to ache in her belly. “It’s uncomfortable Steven.”
He stops kissing her and pulls away. “Am I hurting you?”
“No. I ache in my belly. I’m quivering in my legs and deep in my belly. Please don’t stop, I need you not to stop Steven.”
Stevens stands up and pulls her tight against him. She feels him hard against her belly and she likes it and moves her hand down to touch him. She feels him twitch there and then he pushes her away.
“Stop Judy, you’re not ready to go that far.”
“How far?”
“Making love, you’re not ready and I’m not going to let you get hurt.”
Steven’s voice is firm like he is when she wants to do or try something he doesn’t think is good for me.
“How do you know I’m not ready? How do you know?”
“Because I do,” he says in a low, soft voice. She fee
ls his gentleness toward her. “I’d like nothing more right now than to get naked with you and get lost inside you Judy. If I were a different man, I would have already taken you and then you would hate me. I’m not going to let that happen.”
Steven grabs her tight against him and buries his head in her neck. “I will not take that risk with you.”
He raises his head and looks deep into her eyes. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”
She shakes her head yes, because she knows that’s what he wants her to say. She’s clear about her intentions toward Steven. She’s comfortable with giving herself to him and knowing him. She wants that. But he wanted her a few minutes ago. She couldn’t have been wrong about that “No, I don’t.”
Steven’s laughing and he runs his hands through his hair like he does when he’s frustrated or upset with her. His head is shaking back and forth and he’s almost stomping in place. She does what she always does when he gets like that. She walks to the cooler and gets a Diet Coke and then sits on the floor and stares at him.
What Steven always does is walk away until she’s finished her Coke. Then he comes back and orders her to get up and run a mile.
This time he sits down next to her, takes the Coke and drinks all of it. “Hey that was mine.” He hands it back to her. “It’s empty!”
Steven puts his arm around her and pulls her close, pressing his lips to her temple. “It’s wonderful to kiss you, Judy.” he says and laughs. But she knows that laugh. It’s the one that says he’ll do what he thinks is best.
“I have nothing to compare to, but I’ll bet Stalwart Company that no other man in this planet could kiss as good as you do.” She looks up to see if he’ll take the bet. She can see the beginning of his crease. “Do you want me to run a mile?” She counters.
Steven laughs louder than she’s ever heard him and he pulls her into his lap and cradles her like a child.”No, I want you to go back to work and get settled there and then I want you to come back at nine o’clock and have dinner with me. We’ll talk things over after you and I have had a few hours away from each other.”
“What kind of things will we talk about?”
“We’ll talk about you and me. How I feel about you and how you feel about me. We can talk about sex. What we like to do or don’t like and what we expect from being together.”
“Then will we make love?” If this were a business meeting, she would have already made moves to thank him for his time and prepare to leave. She had always been quick to realize when a prospect wasn’t interested in her pitch. If he didn’t want to be blunt he would usually be vague and talk in circles and generalities and ooze with nice. Just like Steven is doing now.
But this is Steven. He’d always been straight with her. She believed he always did what he thought was best for her. Those words he spoke just a few minutes ago about bringing life back to him. Could she have misunderstood his words or his physical his reaction to her? They were wonderful words that she never believed she’d hear spoken to her.
“If I can control myself we will not make love nor will we have sex.”
“There’s a difference?”
“You have sex with a hooker. You make love to your wife.”
“Oh. I’m not a hooker, Steven.”
“I know that Judy and that’s why I won’t make love to you, until we both decide what kind of relationship we want from each other.”
“But what if I want you and you don’t want me. What will happen?” Judy is uncomfortable with Steven for the first time and very confused. Is he trying side step the pass she made at him? No! Steven wouldn’t do that. No way. He’d tell her straight out if she was way off base or out of line.
“Go to work Judy. Work is good for you.”
Steven stands up and holds out his hand. She puts her hand in his, he pulls her up and into his arms and into a kiss that makes her legs feel weak and her belly ache.
“I don’t want to leave. I want to stay here with you.”
Steven takes her hand and pulls her outside and to BB. He opens the door, puts her inside and kisses her lightly. “Nine o’clock, Judy.”
Chapter 17. The Source
Starting with Charles, she decides to go every office to see how they were getting along and if they have any questions.
“What happened, Miss Mason? We all thought you would get a kick out of the poster.”
“Charles, I was someone I shouldn’t have been. I acted out. Steven called it a stunt and said it could have backfired with grave consequences. This morning facing that photo, I was embarrassed and ashamed that I let you all down. It felt like you all were throwing my misbehaving in my face. I promise I will never to anything like that again.”
“But the phones have been ringing off the hook. Our customers and associates are pleased that they are working with you. I haven’t heard one bad comment about you.”
“But they will say it Charles. After all the fuss is over, they’ll say, ‘You know Miss Mason she was woman who wore a red dress and carried a gun into the governor’s charity event.”
She sighs deeply and looks at the promising young man. “I let you down Charles. You trust me to provide you with a good and stable place to work and help you one step up on your career. I apologize in advance that I’ve put you in a position where you will have to either defend me and Stalwart or agree I acted like a tramp.”
Charles gasps and his eyes fly wide open.
“It will happen, Charles. Just remember what I’ve said and remember to never make that same mistake yourself.”
Charles opens his mouth and then closes it. And then, “I thought you looked beautiful, Miss Mason. You set that event on fire and made every one else look shabby and boring. You were all anyone was talking about and they all wanted to know you. You have messages from three people, who want do to business with you.”
“You were there?”
“Yes. I didn’t approach you because I wanted to mingle in the background to get feedback. I didn’t hear anything bad, except for Simon Perry’s father, who raged over your low class upbringing and impertinent manners.”
She feels her mouth want to drop open. She clenches her jaw.
“People listened to him, Miss Mason. They didn’t comment and walked away from him. My opinion is that they liked you better than they liked him. My perspective is that they admired you for being beautiful, but more because you never backed down, or looked upset or out of place. They liked your confidence because you didn’t flaunt it, Miss Mason. You are smart and intelligent and determined to build a good business and that’s what they saw. Who wouldn’t want to be aligned with you?”
“Thank you Charles. I appreciate what you’ve done and what you said to me. It’s shows loyalty, which every employer values. It shows foresight, which will take you as far as you want to go in this world, and it also demonstrates that you are a good human being and gentleman, which will take you farther.”
She manages a smile. “Brains and deadly handsome, how many girls handed you their number, Charles?” she laughs
“Two.”
“That’s all? There must have been only bimbos at that thing.” She’s smiles feeling better that she’s at least cleared with air with Charles.
“I’m going to make the rounds and then I’ll be in the office until eight-thirty. Come in when you’re ready to go over things but I have to leave by eight-thirty. I have a date tonight.” She hears the excitement in her voice.
“It’s the first date, I’ve ever had. A very nice man, I’ve known for years. He’s going to make me dinner.”
He looks confused, but nods.
“What?”
“Is it Simon Perry?”
“Good God no! Why would you have thought that?”
“He hung around you all night.”
“The governor asked me the same question. I told him that Simon and I were competitors and that we like to keep tabs on each other. He said it was good that I kept my friends close and my en
emies closer.”
He nods, still looking confused.
“What?”
“You have a message from Simon Perry saying that he’ll pick you up at eight-thirty for your date?”
“I don’t have a date with Simon. Steven Harter, who owns my boxing club, is who I’m going out with. Simon has asked me several times over the years and I’ve always told him no, straight out. I know I’m naïve and inexperienced with the whole relationship scene, but I’m not that stupid.”
“Do you want me to call him with regrets?”
“I’ll have to think about how to handle this. I don’t want to rock the boat and have the Wade deal slip out from under us. The final papers aren’t signed and the checks have not been delivered. I just wish I knew what his reasoning was for wanting their companies.
“I danced with him because I wanted to talk to him about that and dancing with a lot of people around seemed to be the safest place to do that. When I told him that I thought that he was doing it only to keep Stalwart from growing he said I was wrong. The way he said that made me believe him. Or mostly believe him. Charlotte was supposed to do some research. Has she turned over anything to you?”
“No ma’am.”
She turns to go to see Charlotte but speaks to Charles.
“Have you seen any messages where Simon asked me for a date?”
“No.”
She hands him her cell phone. “Please check that while I talk with Charlotte.”
“Wait. DeShaun’s been trying to reach you all day. Maybe . . .”
Fear strikes quick and cold. Oh my God. He’s going to do it. Simon is going to steal my deal.
“DeShaun?” Her voice sounds frightened even to her.
“Call you back.” The line goes dead as he hangs up on her.
Judy picks up the phone on the first ring. “Stalwart Company.”
“Judy, Simon’s been here all morning. The three of them – Simon, Wade and Ben have been arguing . . . loudly. Judy, I think they’re being forced to walk away from your deal. Ben and Mr. Wade are still in the office. They haven’t even taken lunch.”
“I’m on my way. Don’t let them leave even if you have to tackle them. I’ll make sure you have a good job and I’ll pay for your legal defense. Order them lunch. I’ll take it in to them.”