by Carol Jean
“What are you going to do?” She calls out but she hears the door is already shut.
“What’s he going to do, Steven?”
“Simon knows what he’s doing. Whatever it is it will be done right. Don’t worry. He’ll explain to us when he gets back.”
Simon is asleep in his sleeper chair he had brought in and holding her hand. There’s a guard at her door, the hospital administrator came to apologize, the footage of the governor’s visit was delivered to Simon and Grace’s flowers are in a vase of water on a table somewhere in the room. She can smell them and it’s a wonderful, sweet smell. But better, she was able to get through Steven’s last therapy of the day another two minutes longer. She closes her eyes, listens to Simon’s even breathing and drifts.
Chapter 26. Silks and Satin
Everyday, Simon brings her something new to wear. Silks and satins in every color imaginable now hang in her hospital room closet. Today there’s a huge box, wrapped in playful black and white hand drawn cityscape paper and a red, white and black ribbon, Becky says.
She and Becky work together to open the box. Black satin boxing shorts, red tank top, a black satin boxing robe with her name embroidered on the back, red boxing gloves and a pair of red boxing shoes. Tucked in the bottom is a champion belt with a big gold medal: Hospital Boxing Champion Room 212.
Nurse Becky is overwhelmed describing the Simon box.
“Judy, I don’t get the boxing theme?”
“I’m a boxer.”
“That’s true? I thought it was just tabloid hype. You really box?”
It’s been so long since she wore clothes, Judy is excited to dress. All of her stitches are out and most of the bruises and cuts are nearly healed. Steven has trained her to use a walker, but she’s only allowed to use it in her room and bathroom for a few minutes. It takes Becky forever, but finally the belt is attached to the front of her walker.
“Hurry Becky, Simon will be here any minute. I want to be standing when he comes in. Take the support casts off, so I can put the shoes on. I’ll just wear them for a few minutes, I promise.”
“Judy, I’ll get fired. And what if you fall or get hurt, I’d never forgive myself.”
“I’ll say I did it and I did it after you left. Quickly, please, and then scoot out of here.”
After ten minutes of standing with her walker, so Simon can see her as soon as he opens the door, Judy’s starting to rethink the shoe bit. Her broken ankles are hurting and she can feel them swelling. They haven’t carried her weight since the morning of the crash. Time moves on and she stands and waits. She can’t see anything or tell what time it is, but it feels like Simon is way past due.
At least an hour and now she’s stuck. She can’t put enough weight on her feet to walk to the bed and call a nurse. She’s afraid she’ll become unbalanced and tip over her walker crashing her and it to the floor. She’ll just have to hold on until someone comes in.
Hold on, hold on is now all she can think about. Breathe in and out. With her weight on her arms, her broken ribs, arm and sternum are throbbing. Hold on, hold on. Simon will come.
Now she’s sweating and getting chilled. She’s starting to tremble. “Help.” She can’t get any volume. “Help.” There’s no way she can get down to the floor without falling. Her back is cramping and her hands are sweating so much, they’re starting to slip. “Help.” Her arms are shaking badly and she knows she’s got only minutes until she meets the hard floor up close and personal. “Help.”
“Oh my God, Judy.” She barely hears the voice before she passes out.
Whispers . . . she can’t hear what’s being said, but she’s in bed and warm. “Simon.” She reaches out but no one takes it. “Simon.”
“Simon’s not here Judy.” Steven’s voice sounds off.
She’s suddenly scared. “Simon.” She reaches out and waves her hand for Simon to take it. Nothing but air. “When is he coming Steven?” Her voice is shaking so badly, she can barely understand what she said.
Steven is holding her and he’s crying.
“When is Simon coming Steven?”
“He’s not coming, Judy?”
“Why?”
Steven is sobbing now.
“Why isn’t he coming Steven?”
“Simon . . . Simon is dead Judy.”
Chapter 27. Living Dead
“Dr. Harter, she won’t see you. Please stop coming. It upsets her.” Becky walks out of the Judy’s condo into the hallway and closes it behind her.
“She’s getting along better. She’s on the walking track one or two hours or more a day. She’s swimming a hundred laps now and spends the rest of the time working.
“She still won’t go outside, but Charles, Charlotte and DeShaun are here everyday for work meetings. Stan Renick comes after that and they work on the shooting ranges and clubs. She doesn’t sleep much and eats less. I hear her on the track in the middle of the night. Sometimes she walks and cries but that’s usually after a nightmare. They’re terrible. She gets through them.
“She’s still refusing all medication. Not even a Tylenol. She’s still blind. There’s been no change and I check her couple of times a day. But with that photographic memory of hers, if you didn’t know she was blind, you’d never notice.
“Dr. Harter, there’s really not much left of her. To be honest, she’s in a place where she can deal. The companies are growing and that seems to be all she’s interested in.”
“Where is she now?”
“Henrietta has taken her to the pool. Please don’t bother her. She’s so much better than she was. Another set back and I don’t think she make it through.”
“Is she suicidal?”
“No. She wouldn’t but she would give up.”
“Did she pay attention to the trials of her Dad and brother?”
“No.”
“Does she ever mention me?”
“No.”
“In her nightmares, Dr. Harter, she sees Simon in the alley and covered with blood like her mother. I believe she thinks it was her destiny to have the same fate as her mother. Simon was killed in her place. In her mind, he suffered her fate. By doing that, Simon forfeited both their lives, his and hers.”
“She needs psychiatric help, Becky, you know that.”
“Yes, but she won’t. We talk about it but she waves me off and shuts down. I’m afraid she doesn’t want to live, Dr. Harter. She’s obsessed with building that new program for abused children. Except for money for this place and me and Harriet, everything she makes she puts into that. She hasn’t bought anything for herself, since she left the hospital over a year now. Her clothes are nothing but rags. I buy her things, but she won’t wear them, and tells me to donate them to the children’s program.
“Dr. Harter the program is almost finished. After that’s done . . .”
“I’ve got to do something, Becky. I promised Simon I’d take care of her. I can’t live with myself, if I walk away, and to be honest I miss her. Can’t you help me reach her? She loved me once, did you know that? Something happened and I didn’t fight for her and just let her go. She never forgave me.
“Simon knew about us, of course and I stepped aside because I knew how much he loved her. They were perfect for each other and very happy together, but she and I were good together too.
“If I could have time with her, maybe . . . if she could talk to me about Simon and feel good about him again, maybe just maybe there is a chance to save her.”
“I don’t know. She’ll just fire me and get someone else who doesn’t know you.”
“All I’m asking is that you don’t make it easy for her to ignore me. Make her tell me herself that she doesn’t want to see me or hear from me. She was wary to say the least about Simon. It took a near death experience for her to even be civil to him.”
“I thought they loved each other for years?”
“They did, but they were never together. In the hospital Simon told her that he was almost glad
she had that accident because she was too hurt to run away from him anymore.”
“No!”
“Yes.”
“Simon was my best friend and like my brother. We were like that since we were kids. I think because Simon and I were so close, a little bit of him rubbed off on me and a little bit of me picked up Simon’s ways. Judy has loved us both and that confuses her. Simon and I talked about that a lot. I got to him just before he died, Becky, the last thing he said was for me to take care of Judy.
“I’ve given her enough time to mourn for Simon. All I’m asking you to do is not to intercede in her behalf. Make her face me herself. Will you do that, Becky?”
“So you think she still loves you?”
“Yes.”
“But I thought you were going to marry Deidre.”
“We tried. We’ve been friends, medical partners and sexual partners for years and I love her dearly, but more didn’t work for either of us. I still love Judy. Deidre knows that and she’s been after me to do something about Judy. Judy’s only twenty-eight years old. We can’t just let her waste away or die before she’s even lived!”
“Okay, Dr. Harter, I’ll do my best. She’s wonderful and was beautiful and was full of amazing life once, do you think she’ll ever come back?”
“I have to try. I have to try.”
Steven watches from the doorway to the pool. Judy is thinner than any human he’s ever seen. Her hair is limp and dull and her skin is shallow. Every stroke she takes must be excruciating from her massive injuries, but she’s fighting the water hard. Always a fighter, she would expect nothing less from someone she loves.
“Harriett, that’s one hundred and two. Better than before. Help me out will you, I’m so tired I don’t think I can walk.”
Steven watches as Judy’s helped into a wheelchair. “Thanks that’s nice of you.”
Even her voice sounds thin and weak. He’s let this go on too long. Maybe it’s too late.”No,” he yells forgetting where he is.
“Did you say something, Harriett?”
“No ma’am.”
“Must have been an echo from somewhere, oh well, can you help me get a bubble bath when we get back?”
Chapter 28. Desperate Battle
“Becky, what’s this?”
“Where?”
“This box on my desk, did you put it here?”
“No. I haven’t seen it before. There’s nothing on the outside. There’s no name or anything. Open it. Maybe that’ll tell us where it came from.”
“You do it.”
“I’ve got something on the stove, Judy. You do it, or it’ll have to wait.”
Weird. Maybe Charles or Charlotte left it yesterday and she didn’t see it. She laughs. See it! Funny! She decides to leave it for Becky. She pushes it aside so she can get to her laptop.
She’s finished speaking her last email and reaches for her bottle of water and knocks the box on the floor. “Damn it. No one is supposed to put things where they’re not supposed to be or move the furniture without telling me or put strange boxes in my way. I’m blind for God’s sake!”
“Did you say something, Judy?”
“Yes! This box is in my way.”
“I’ll get it out of your way in awhile.”
Judy grabs the box and feels it to see how it opens. There’s only one strip of tape on the top. “Whoever packaged this didn’t mean for it to hold together for delivery or they are just inept or stupid.”
She rips off the tape and opens the box. She smells it to check if it’s dangerous. It smells familiar but she can’t quite place the scent.
“No way.” She pushes it away. She’s trembling and that scares her more than what she knows is in the box.
“Lunch is ready, Judy. Come and eat while it’s hot.”
“Not hungry.”
Judy reaches in the box and pulls out her old boxing gloves, the ones she used at Steven’s club. She smells them and can smell her own sweat. Steven must have brought them by. Becky wouldn’t take anything from him. How did they get here? She looks around the room, smelling and listening for any sound. Usually she can hear a fly land. Nothing.
“I don’t care if you aren’t hungry. You are going to eat or I’m going to force feed you. What’s that?”
“My old boxing gloves.”
“Where did they come from?”
“I don’t know. You’re the one who can see.”
“Well put them down and come to lunch. I made homemade pizza, just like you like it.”
“In a minute.”
Judy sits in her chair and holds the gloves. She always loved putting them on after Steven wrapped her hands. Solid, they made her feel protected and invincible at least until she took a shot at Steven. He’d block her and knock her on her butt. In all those years, she never landed one punch on his face and she tried hard.
Unable to resist, Judy puts them on and smiles. They’re a comforting reminder of one of the good times in her life. They feel the same. Looser maybe, but then her body isn’t the same as it was then.
She stands and her body remembers the stance. A quick combination comes out of nowhere. It feels good. Another combination and a sharp pain stabs her shoulders, chest, back and butt. She breaks out in instant sweat.
“Damn,” she sees the deep crease of disapproval between Steven’s eyes as he turns and walks away shaking his head.
“Damn you Steven. I don’t need this shit.” She quickly takes the gloves off and throws them in the box. She carries it to the kitchen and dumps it in the garbage can.
“Why are you doing that? They’re nice.” Becky yells at her.
“Leave it alone, Becky. Throw them away.”
“No. They’re too nice to throw away. I’ll give them to the children’s shelter, if you don’t want them. They need all the equipment they can get. Some kid would really like these.”
“Put them in my room, then. I’ll get Travis to take them, next time he comes.”
Judy has a headache, because she couldn’t get any sleep. The smell of the boxing gloves got stronger and stronger and stronger as the night wore on. She finally got up and threw them in her closet and shut the door. It helped but she could still smell them.
“Miss Mason?”
“Yes.” She’s startled that someone is in the pool area, when she’s here. She pays for this time and no one is allowed in. Where in the Hell is Harriett?
“I’m supposed to give this to you, when you are finished swimming. Are you finished?” His voice is young. Early teen’s maybe.
“No. I have twenty-three more laps.”
“Ok, I’ll wait.”
“You’re going to wait while I finish my swim?”
“Yes ma’am that’s what I’m paid to do.”
“Shit. I can’t relax and swim with you here. I’m blind. I don’t know you.” She calls out for Harriet but there’s no answer. “Can you see if a woman is here?”
“I don’t see anyone but you and me.”
“Do you see my towel anywhere?”
“Yes ma’am.”
She hears him moving around and then a towel touches her hand. “Here it is.”
“Just lay it down, please.” She climbs out of the water, and sits on the edge with her feet in the water and wraps the towel around her shoulders. “Okay, I’m out. What is it?”
“I’m not sure ma’am. I’ve never seen anything like it?”
“What does it look like?”
“I think it’s a drink or something, but it’s kind of greenish or maybe grayish and it’s thick. It looks awful, ma’am. I’m supposed to stand here and wait until you drink every drop and then I’m supposed to take the empty glass back. That’s my orders. Here, take it, I’ve opened the top.”
“Who are you going to send it back to?”
“Boss. You’d better drink it or I’ll get in trouble and this is my first day on this job.”
How old are you?”
“Sixteen and I need this job
, ma’am. I take care of my sister. Please drink it.”
“Just pour it out.”
“That would be cheating. I’m no cheater.”
“Maybe it’s poison and if I drink it I will die. You would be an accessory to murder.”
She waits while the boy thinks about it.
“I don’t think so ma’am. If someone was going to poison you, they’d put the poison in something that tastes and looks good so you wouldn’t have a problem drinking it. No one in their right mind would want to drink that. Plus Boss is a really good guy and he wouldn’t do anything like that.”
Judy laughs and admires his reasoning. “But I don’t want to drink it now, maybe later.”
“That’s okay by me. I get paid by the hour. I’ll wait. This is a nice place anyway.”
“What’s your name?”
“Michael.”
“Michael what?”
“Just Michael ma’am.”
She’s startled at his answer, because it was the same with her when she was sixteen and on her own and hiding from her Dad and brothers. Mr. Chung gave her a job at his store, because he hated her Dad and brothers and knew what they did to her Mom and to her. He let her sleep in the back until she could save enough to get a place. He always told her to never tell anyone her name and it would never get back to her Dad where she was.
If she saw them, she was to lock the door, even if customers were in the store and hide in the back. That happened only twice. Mr. Chung was a very good man.
“Okay Michael, I won’t get you in trouble.” The smell nearly overwhelms her. She’s forgotten how awful it smelled, and she knew it tasted worse. She drank it straight down and handed him the empty glass.
“Are you going to throw up now ma’am?”
“No. I’m fine. I’ve been drinking these for years. I’m a boxer and it’s made specifically to drink after a workout.”
“No way! You are way to skinny to be a boxer.”
“I’ve been sick. The drink is to make me strong again.”
“It’s got to be powerful then. I’d bet a strong breeze would blow you over. I don’t mean to say that as an insult ma’am but it’s the truth.”