by Carol Jean
“You don’t have to be sorry about telling the truth, Michael .You said it was the first day of you job. What’s your job, Michael?”
“I’m supposed to bring you this drink everyday and I’m supposed to talk to you and take the empty glass back.”
“That’s all? Who do you work for?”
“I’m not supposed to tell you ma’am. That’s part of my job not to tell you.” As if she couldn’t figure out it was Steven. “He said I would enjoy this job, because you were beautiful and smart and a good person. He said you were a fighter, but I didn’t think he mean you were a boxer, ma’am.”
“How did you get this job?”
“My principal is a boxer like you. Boss is a boxer friend of his. The principal recommended me. That’s was nice of him wasn’t it.”
“Yes.” She smiles and realizes how long it’s been since she’s smiled.
“I always wanted to box, but . . . didn’t happen. You sure you don’t want to throw up?”
“No. I’m fine.”
“Are you swimming tomorrow?”
I nod.
“Okay, Miss Mason, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Harriet comes running in full of apologies about something with her mother and starts fussing over her. “Stop that, please. Get me home. I want a hot bath.”
Chapter 29. Green Sludge
Judy’s daily meeting with her Stalwart executive staff goes well today, as most days. Charles is amazing and is as dedicated to Stalwart as she is. When he heard about everything, he quit the good job she got him in California and persuaded Franklin to hire him back until she gets back on her feet. He’s actually running Stalwart Companies and it’s effortless for him. A little direction and guidance and talking things through and that’s all he needs.
It’s comforting having Charles back. Judy can spend most of her time on the abused children program, business development, which is mostly finding and courting compatible companies to buy. Other than Stan and the shooting ranges and clubs, Charles takes care of everything else.
That’s good too, because she really isn’t doing too well. Physically she’s a mess. Besides being totally blind, she’s weak and get’s bone tired amazingly fast. There are the nightmares, no appetite and a real bad attitude. Bad enough to drain away most of her energy and then there’s the pain. It never stops, day in and day out, every night and all night, pain and aches and cramps and headaches. She’d grit her teeth in frustration, but it would hurt.
If that isn’t enough, she has that great big black bubble inside of her that she tries never to burst. Simon.
“Becky, I won’t need lunch. Steven sent over a kid with a glass of his green/gray sludge. I’m full.”
“Dr. Harter did that?”
“Shove it Becky. You’re not fooling anyone and especially not me.”
“Okay.” Becky walks away. Judy loves her. She’s never had a friend before. Becky is her friend. She got fired for leaving Judy to stand for nearly two hours waiting for Simon in her new boxing outfit. But Judy understood. Becky knew Simon was coming and she always made sure they had quiet time together. She had been busy and assumed he came as always. She was devastated over leaving her to suffer, but more so over Simon. She loved him too. Two days after Simon was murdered, she discharged myself and came home. Becky came with her.
Steven, what can I say, he left her too. After he told her Simon was dead and stopped crying he got up and walked out. He stopped in the next day. He said he take her to the funeral. But that was it. He called a couple times each day after, but she didn’t see any reason to talk to him. She could tell he didn’t want to talk to her. Why torture the man?
Deidre said Steven blamed himself for Simon’s death. He said Simon called and said that he found her Dad and oldest brother and he was going to meet them. Steven was in the middle of working with the governor and told Simon to wait for him.
Simon didn’t. Confronted with her Dad and oldest brother, Simon was no match for their vicious attack when he said he didn’t bring the money they had demanded in payment for leaving her alone.
They had been hanging out at the hospital and Simon hired a security company to protect her and hold them at bay. But Simon wanted to settle it once and for all. If he would have talked to her, she would have known how to handle it. It was easy. She’d planned and practiced for years. A bullet right between the eyes; problem solved.
But he didn’t. And he didn’t wait for Steven. And he didn’t live to realize his error in judgment. Deidre said Steven got to him before he died and his last words were about her. She said that like I was to be happy about that.
What is it about “last words” that could make anyone happy, especially since they were Simon’s? Kind, gentle, thoughtful, and civilized, Simon knew nothing about mad dogs. She feels the creeping need to explore the big black bubble.
“Enough! No!”
Judy jumps on her running machine and runs. Her mind and body will never be in synch again, but if she’s tired enough, she can sleep and forget. If the pain is bad enough, it can block out even Simon pain and Steven pain and Mom pain and BB pain. It used to take minutes but she’s better at it now and it takes hours, before she passes out from the pain of running.
Chapter 30. Michael’s Light
“Miss Mason!”
“Michael. I’ve got twelve laps left.” She yells out mid-lap without stopping.
“You’re up to a hundred and fifty?”
When she’s finished Michael brings over the wheelchair and holds it steady while Judy kind of crawls and then falls into it. “If it hurts that much and makes you so tired, why do you swim so hard, Miss Mason?”
“Because I can.”
Michael hands her Steven’s green/gray sludge. She sips and shivers at the taste and smell.
“How’s Suzanne?”
“She’s doing great Miss Mason. Suz really likes the kid club you got her into and I don’t worry about her being there. It’s a lot better than her at the apartment and alone. She’s used almost all the drawing paper you got her. She sent you some drawings.”
Michael tells her about each drawing, one of the kids club at after school snack time, one of homework time, one of three girls with their arms around their shoulders, laughing and making fun of the artist. “I can’t look at that one without laughing, Miss Mason, what’s better that giggling BFFs.” Suzanne drew one of Michael studying under the light of a small lamp. “History exam.” Michael says and laughs. “Got an A.”
The last one he says is a drawing of Judy swimming.
“I described it to her. The pool and the light and how the sun sparkles. I tried to describe you Miss Mason but to be honest, you’re very hard to describe.”
Yes, well, that’s because she’s dead, she smarts off in her head.
“So she got the slender body with long arms and legs and straight honey-colored hair and swimming like a shark is chasing you. If anyone knows you, they’ll know it’s you.” He laughs.
“Thank Suzanne for me. I’ve got more paper for her and a box of pastels. It’s over there.”
“That’s mighty nice of you. I’m sure she’ll have it all drawn up over the weekend, but it keeps her off the streets and she’s not asking me a question every minute. Ten-year-olds, what can you do with them.” He laughs.
“Have you always taken care of Suzanne?”
“Since Mom came home from the hospital. She was on the streets by the end of the week and then it was me and Suz. She was quieter when she was a baby though.”
After nearly five weeks, Judy looks forward to Michael’s visits. Satisfied that he’s not there to harm her, Harriett leaves, and let’s them talk. He’s observant and has an amazing command of his surroundings. When he describes an event or a happening she sees it as clearly as if she was there. It’s good to see into his world. It deflects hers.
“You drink that up, Miss Mason. Boss sent more for you today?”
“Of this? No thanks.”
“Something different.”
“I’m told you have to finish that before I can give you this very pretty box, wrapped in pink, glossy paper and light blue bow on it.”
She doesn’t think she can. Her stomach rolls in fear. Whatever it is, it’s definitely going to hurt.
“I don’t want it!”
“It might be nice, Miss Mason.”
“No. Take it away.”
“Boss said you would say that and if you did, I’m supposed to open it. Are you done?”
“No.”
“Okay you finish while I open this.”
Her hands are trembling hearing Michael rip off the paper.
“Hey, it’s you, Miss Mason. You weren’t kidding you really are a boxer. It’s a photo in a gold frame. You’re in the ring and fighting a man, who’s shorter than you but he’s looks strong and muscular. You’re taller, but he’s bigger. You’re sweating, focused and your right is connecting with his jaw. In this shot his head is just starting to fall backwards. His eyes are crossed.
“I remember that! I knocked Chris on his ass and he wouldn’t fight me again. It was my first win.”
“You look great Miss Mason. You look beautiful and strong, but looking at your face, I wouldn’t want to fight you. Man, that’s determination if I’ve ever seen it. You were going for the win, weren’t you?”
“Yes.”
“There’s more Miss Mason.” He hands her another glass and I can smell the sweet delicious, citrus drink Steven made for her when he started her recovery massages.
“You are supposed to drink this when you wake up with a nightmare in the middle of the night. Boss said to keep it in the refrigerator and it’ll be cold when you need it. There’s a note to go with it.”
Her fingers are trembling again.
“Boss hand wrote this, I can hardly read it.”
In a halting voice trying to decipher Steven’s scribble: You’ve started to drop your right shoulder too low on the forward stroke. It’s throwing your body out of alignment. It makes it harder and hurts more. Only sweet dreams my love, Steven.
Quickly she looks up and around, she can’t see, but she can smell and hear. Nothing but the pool pump, chlorine and Michael’s breathing. Steven’s here or has been here. He’s watching her?
“Miss Mason, since its Friday and the weekend, can I bring Suz with me tomorrow? I’d like to give her a little break and get her out some. Boss said it was okay to ask you and it was okay with him if it was okay with you.”
“I was going to take the weekend off. Why don’t you and Suzanne could come and swim during my time. I’ll watch you for a change.”
“Suz has never been in a pool before. I have at a summer camp I went to once. Suz has never gone. She doesn’t have a swim suit.”
“Shorts and a top would be okay. There are towels here.”
Judy feels heavy and tired. Knowing that Steven has been watching her is unsettling. She only wants to be free of him and Simon. That’s all gone and dead like her and Simon.
“Are you all right, Miss Mason? Suz and I don’t have to swim. I’ll just bring your drink and Suz and I will leave.”
“I want you to come. It’ll be fun to see Suzanne. I’m just really tired now.”
“I’ll get Harriet, Miss Mason.”
After her bath with lavender bubbles, Judy went to bed, took the photo and laid it on the pillow next to her and cried until she didn’t know she was.
“Dr. Harter, it isn’t working. Judy is really upset. She came back from swimming and went straight to bed after her bath. I heard her crying . . . huge sobs and now . . . well she’s kind of passed out. She’s breathing okay but I’m worried. She looks forward to Michael coming everyday, but something happened today. Do you know what?”
Warm arms are holding her but they can’t stop her from walking past the alley on her way home from school and seeing some material that looks like the dress her Mom always wears.
She’s afraid, but she has to know why it’s there. Her left foot steps and her right foot must follow or she’ll fall over. A body in her Mom’s dress and Judy’s shaking so hard her books hurt her ribs from holding them so tight. Bloody face so crushed she can’t tell who it is. The hair is the same color as her Mom’s but it’s the ring and tells her what she needs to know.
She’s screaming and screaming but the imagine doesn’t stop and now it’s Simon’s bloody face and his gold watch that always catches in her hair and now she’s running and running . . .
“Judy it’s a nightmare . . . it’s not happening . . . it’s not happening . . . it’s a dream . . . Shhhh . . . I’m here with you.”
She’s running and she hears Steven talking . . . his voice sounds real . . . but the running feels real too.
“I’ve got you . . . we’re all right. You’re safe. I’m holding you and keeping you safe . . . Judy, you are in your bed . . . what you see in your head is a nightmare . . . feel my arms holding you . . . feel by body . . . you are safe.”
And then she’s holding onto the body that came with Steven’s voice and crying into a chest that feels familiar. Crying and holding on like she did one time before. Crying until Steven’s shirt is wet and then she goes to sleep.
She is startled awake. “Here drink this. You’ll feel better.” Steven’s voice?
She can’t talk, Steven is in her bedroom? She feels him sit on the edge of her bed. He’s putting a cold drink in her hands that smells of oranges and lemons.
“Drink Judy. I made it just for you. It will make you feel better.” His voice is calm and sweet but there’s fear in it too.
She doesn’t want to but she can’t help it. The smell is drawing her in with its freshness and promise of sweet. Cool, soothing and wet and she’s hot and sweaty and thirsty. More is better and she drinks it all and feels calm and tired from running and lies down on her pillow.
Steven is gently moving her wet hair from her face. “That’s an awful, nightmare, Judy. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. You’ll sleep now with no bad dreams. Take a deep breath . . . “
She does. “That’s good, go to sleep. I have to leave after you go to sleep but I’ll see you again soon. Sweet dreams my love. Sweet dreams.”
Chapter 31. Steven’s Project
One of the hardest things about being blind is that you never know what time of day it is. Day is the same as night and night is the same as day. What she does know is that she’s awake and warm. She doesn’t have a headache, her body isn’t hurting and she feels rested, sweet, sweet feel of energy.
“Becky?”
“You’re finally up. You’ve slept nearly twelve hours.”
“No way!
“Yes way!”
She and Becky share a laugh. It’s been a long time. “Hungry?”
“Starved.”
“Good. I’ve made my creamy potato soup and Harriet has made her crusty bread you like so much. Sit.”
Smooth creamy and buttery with non-mushy cubed potatoes with fresh herbs, a spoon is good but dipping the bread is better.
“More?” She hears Becky smile.
“Can’t. Can you save it for later?”
She hears the ping of her email and a man’s voice says she has nine unread emails, touch any key. She hits the space bar and is told that it’s an email from Charles, sent today at 6:02 a.m.; touch any key to go to the next. She listens, it just a question about the timing on the buy of Dotson’s. “Reply.” Three months she says and then says, “Send.”
A couple of hours for emails and phone calls, another for thinking through things and then she remembers. “Steven.”
“What?”
“Becky was Steven here?”
“Yes.”
“You let him in?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I was afraid for you Judy. It’s that simple. I was afraid for you.”
“The nightmare.”
“Yes and it was worse than ever. I was afraid for you. I called Dr
. Harter and he was here in less than ten minutes and took care of you. You’ve slept for nearly twelve hours, how do you feel?”
How does she feel that her best friend and employee ignored her request to not call Steven ever or let him in or take phone calls from him, or emails, or packages or anything but she called him and let him into her bedroom and into her bed?
“How do I feel? Betrayed, embarrassed and pissed off!”
“I know that part. But how do you feel?” Becky is in her face.
“Rested and I don’t have a headache and I don’t feel tired.”
“Really? You know, you’ve been tired since I met you. It’s exhausting just to see how tired you are all the time. Are you going swimming? You have a half an hour before the pool is yours.”
“No, but I told Michael he and Suzanne could swim in my place. Did you see her drawings?”
“I can’t believe that girl is only ten. They’re incredible, professional and so real. The drawing of three girls made me laugh just like they were in the drawing. She is very exceptional, Judy. You should do something about that girl and Michael too. They are amazing children.
“I also saw that photo of you boxing. God, you are beautiful and that look on your face? Please don’t ever look at me that way, I’d run out of here afraid for my life. Dynomite!”
“That was the first time I won a match. I guess Steven took the photo. I’ve never seen it before.” She laughs, “Well still haven’t, but Michael described it.”
“Well if the kids are coming, go brush your teeth, comb that haystack and put on something that isn’t a rag. You’ll scare that sweet girl.”
Michael says I look better than he’s ever seen her. “That green sludge you drink is working, I think, Miss Mason.”
She’s listening to the sounds of their happy play. Splashing, laughing and Suzanne doesn’t seem to get tired of running and jumping in the water. Michael’s patience with her is heart warming. He never yells at her, or says he’s tired or bored. He catches her over and over. He’s teaching her to swim, but she has less patience than he does.