Blown

by Braxton Cole

  "I can't." He shook his head and then very deliberately took my hand in his. "I just can't."

  "Okay." Luis nodded, then said, "All right. I got you."

  Now here's the thing. Everyone always thinks that gangs are these fucked up, cut throat organizations, that they'd throw their own mama over for a buck, but that just wasn't the case. They were close, like family. And when you added the extra bond of actually being family? It was fucking intense. The fierce love between Mateo and Luis, the promise to take care of each other no matter what, made me uncomfortable, like an interloper. I had no right to witness their moment.

  Mateo squeezed my hand one last time and then stood. "You'll be safe here."

  "No." I really appreciated him trying to look out for me, but this was ridiculous. I was a federally trained badass. I could take care of myself. "I'm going with you."

  I really wish I'd been wearing anything but a fucking spandex miniskirt when I said it. It was hard to look competent when I could feel a breeze on my still-sensitive girly parts.

  Mateo's face turned red, which is pretty impressive for someone with his skin tone. "Goddamn it, Roni, just--" He deflated as quickly as he puffed up. Frankly, I'd rather see him pissed off than looking like a kicked puppy dog. "Please."

  I stepped closer to him, aware that Luis was watching us carefully. "I'd rather not." I said it softly, just for him. I didn't want to embarrass him in front of his brother. "I'd rather be with you."

  He stepped closer still and bent his head to mine. "I know. Me, too." He pressed a soft kiss to my cheek. "But it's not safe right now."

  Strong arms circled me from behind and held me in place as Mateo turned and walked out the door. He looked over his shoulder at Luis and said, "Don't hurt her." Then he was gone.

  I was pissed the fuck off. Luis was big and strong and a certifiable nut job by all accounts, but I was trained to fight. I knew how to drop my weight, shift and get out of his hold, but because of who I was at the moment, I couldn't. All I could do was mutter obscenities at Mateo's fading back.

  #

  When Mateo returned several hours later, I was tapping a thick stack of bills into order. Luis had assumed "hot chicks in skirts can't play poker." It was my civic responsibility to teach him otherwise.

  I refused to look at Mateo when he walked in. Yes, I was being immature and selfish and I didn't care. He was a prick for forcibly keeping me here. I could have arrested them all for unlawfully detaining me. But it wouldn't stick and he probably knew it. The Vargas brothers had a very good lawyer.

  He sat next to me at the table and Luis left. I folded the stack of bills and tucked it into my purse, right next to that tiny gun that would be no real fucking help at all in this environment.

  "Are you still mad?" He spoke softly and nuzzled the side of my neck.

  I moved away. "What do you think?"

  He pulled me close, his grip far too hard for the soft touch of his lips against my cheek and his breath against my ear. "Don't you want to know what I found out?" He spoke with the intimacy of lovers, not undercover investigations. I stopped struggling. I definitely wanted to hear that.

  I nodded and tilted my head to the side. A clear invitation for him to continue and a signal to those around us that we were getting along just fine.

  "You're looking in the wrong place." His lips continued to work on my throat, a gentle, lulling exploration that muddled my thinking.

  "Hmm?"

  "You need to be looking east, into Arizona."

  His words jolted me to attention. Crimson had crossed state lines. That changed everything. I looked around before speaking again. The trailer had cleared out. I wondered how often Mateo commandeered this trailer to hook up. Maybe his irrational jealousy of Crimson wasn't so irrational.

  "Do you know where, exactly?"

  "Yes, I thought we could drive out there tonight." He moved until his lips were pressed against mine. "Now shut up and say thank you."

  It was a ridiculous contradictory statement that I didn't have a chance to argue with. His tongue pressed inside my mouth in that overwhelming, marauding way that he had, and I forgot any further questions. He did that to me, scrambled my thoughts until all I could think about was him. I loved the way he felt, his muscles firm and hard, but beneath that he was so patently vulnerable. His touch revealed his heart every single time.

  There were a thousand other things I needed to do in that moment. Damage control on my cover was pretty high on the list, as was calling in with a status report. I'd already missed my deadline, but couldn't push it with Luis. I didn't want to end up on the wrong side of his creative use of a kitchen knife.

  I let all the noise, the danger, the obligations, everything, slide away as I crawled onto Mateo's lap. I straddled his legs and took over the kiss, sucking on his tongue for a moment and then forcing him back. I wanted inside his mouth and he opened up and let me in.

  Kissing him with that much abandon, with that much shared exposure, was a terrible idea. Our relationship was a non-starter. We'd been smart enough to walk away once before and that had been best for both of us. And yet, here we were, on the brink of fucking it all up. Pretending to have fun with him for the sake of my cover, that was one thing, but this? Completely another.

  If I was being honest with myself, which I was trying desperately not to do, no part of my cover required me to fuck him on the floor of this trailer. The only thing driving that interaction had been hormones and a serious amount of lust.

  In the real world, he and I could never work. I kissed him just that much harder and pushed all thoughts of why this was wrong to the back of my mind and surrendered to all the reasons it felt right.

  His hands moved to my hips and he jerked me forward. Even through the tight fabric of his jeans, I could feel his erection. I ground against him, the denim rough against my thighs, and deepened our kiss. What was it about him that made me go from just fine to barely in control in an instant?

  He groaned into my mouth and pulled me even closer, his fingers digging into my hips. The chair was one those high back deals with arms and it looked like it belonged in someone's dining room, not a tiny trailer. Regardless, it wasn't wide enough to hold all of him, plus my knees on either side of him. I could feel the bruises forming and didn't care.

  He slid his hands up, palming my breasts, which is always fucking awesome, but it wasn't enough. He spread his fingers wide, spanning my ribcage and covering the new tattoo on my ribs that hadn't been there the last time he saw me naked.

  The brave may not live forever, but the timid never live at all.

  I strained against him, slowing down the kiss to a soft, easy meeting of our mouths. He needed to get his hands under my shirt and say a proper hello to my boobs, but my mouth was too busy to make the demand aloud. I pulled out of the kiss with a moan as he gently thumbed my nipples.

  "All right, that's enough of that." Luis's voice barely penetrated. I didn't care what he thought about me kissing Mateo, I planned to keep right on doing it until I was satisfied or until we both suffocated from lack of oxygen.

  "Seriously, knock it off, Matty, I need my trailer back sometime today."

  Mateo's grip on my breasts tightened deliciously, then he pushed me back, just enough for me to get the message, but not enough to remove me from his lap completely. He kissed me firmly, a promise for more to come, then he rested he forehead against mine and took a deep breath. "Too be continued, okay?"

  "Yeah, okay." I eased myself up and adjusted my skirt. Damn thing was like a snake, it clung like crazy and I couldn't predict where it would go next.

  I really didn't like the whole prospect of continuing later because that meant I was planning to sleep with him again. It worked much better for me if I could simply chalk our fucking up to hormones and poor impulse control, but each additional encounter made that harder to do. Especially if it was pre-arranged.

  "What fun do you kids have planned for this afternoon, because you can't spend it in
here." Luis smiled when he said it, but he was serious.

  "I'm going to drive Roni back to Los Angeles. She needs to get out of here." Mateo's off handed comment was the first I'd heard of heading to L.A. and I didn't like the idea one bit.

  "Fuck that. I'm staying here."

  Mateo smiled and I melted. Let me explain. He has his normal smile, then he has his trying-to-get-laid smile. That smile was the reason I went home with him the very first time. And he was pouring it on extra right then. I should have been upset, but I couldn't remember what I'd been protesting moments before.

  He stood and wrapped me in his arms. He had great arms, and simply standing with him, letting him embrace me, it's a bit of calm in the middle of all the crazy.

  "Don't say no. I have that special date planned for us, remember?" He nuzzled my cheek and kissed my neck.

  "Right, sorry, I forgot." The cook house. That was his special date, but the way he held me, his brother probably thought we were running away to Maui.

  "It's okay." He kissed me one last time and released me. To Luis he said, "We're going to leave, unless you need me for anything else right now."

  "No. You're useless like this. Get out of here."

  He took me by the hand and headed toward the door. He stopped halfway and turned back to give Luis a hug. They hugged the way men do, with back-slapping and with a great show of strength. Mateo told Luis he loved him, then stepped away.

  As we left together, I felt guilty for the first time for what I'd asked Mateo to do.

  Chapter 4

  One of Mateo's errands earlier had been collecting my things from Crimson, so my bag was stowed in the back of his car. I gave him a quick hug when I saw it. Frankly, I'd written it off as a loss because there was no way I'd survive a return trip to Crimson's camp to collect it.

  "I thought you might need that." He smiled, but it was a little tighter than normal.

  I nodded and climbed into the car. The quicker we left, the better. I didn't need someone catching a glimpse of me and starting all sorts of havoc.

  We left the racing fields and turned west toward L.A., then circled back. Driving with Mateo, all that alone time, should have been comforting, but it wasn't. He held my hand, swiping his thumb across the same half-moon patch of skin over and over. With every crossing, my tension grew. I never worried this much about what I do for a living. This stage, closing in on the bad guy, was when I got fucking excited. This time instead of excitement, a growing knot of dread settled in my belly.

  Just past the California-Nevada border, Mateo pointed at an overgrown fueling station, a throwback to Route 66 in its prime. It was a small by modern standards, with the glass boarded up and the roll-up door to the service bay so rusted it would likely never open again. The red and white paint was faded and worn to the point where gray cinderblock was showing through in most places. The gas pumps sat off-kilter to the broken down blacktop and one another. All in all, it looked abandoned.

  "That's it." Mateo didn't slow as we drove by.

  "Are you sure?" I squinted to get a better look in the rearview mirror. That's when I saw one lone car parked behind the building, mostly obscured by sagebrush and a dilapidated shed. "Never mind, I see it."

  "It sure looks empty."

  "How did you find out about it?" I knew Mateo had sources that he probably didn't want to tell me about, but I was still curious. There was no way he just walked up to Crimson and said "Hey, I just fucked your girl. Oh, and by the way, could you tell me where you're cooking meth?"

  "I went to school with a couple of guys in Crimson's group. They tend to talk too much," he replied, but it was guarded.

  "That's why they're not with you?" I decided not to push. Realistically, once I had the location, I wouldn't need to supply the source of that information to my boss.

  "Guys like that don't do well with Luis." He shrugged but didn't elaborate. I was glad.

  "So what's the plan?" The service station had faded out of sight and we were still headed east.

  "Find a hotel. Come back later."

  That worked for me. I needed to report in and I wanted a shower and a change of clothes.

  "Hey." I rubbed the backs of my fingers over Mateo's cheek. He had a pretty healthy five o'clock shadow working and it scratched against my skin. He glanced at me, then looked back at the road. "Thanks a lot for this."

  He looked at me harder then. Thank God we were on a straight stretch of road because having the driver focusing away from the road for that long was fucking unnerving. "Don't make me regret it."

  I nodded, not at all sure it was a promise I could keep.

  #

  Mateo went in search of food while I called my lieutenant. The motel was one of those creepy dingy roadside things that they show in movies, too cliché to be real. Yet, there I was, standing on the stained carpet next to the window, so I knew it was more than just bad Hollywood writing. No wonder Norman Bates went all crazy. This place was fucking creepy. And nasty. I was afraid to lie on the bed, so I paced and listened to the phone ring.

  "Liverton." My boss snapped in that irritated way that said he hated his phone and would prefer if I fucked right off and stopped calling.

  "It's Roni."

  "Where the fuck have you been? You're over two hours late." From anyone else, that might have been an expression of concern, from him it was an indictment. He hated tardiness more than he hated his phone.

  "I'm in shit bag hotel in Arizona chasing down a lead."

  "Fuck, he led you all the way across the state line? We have to turn it over."

  I debated whether or not to remind him that I'd been recruited by the feds to help with this investigation. Even though I reported to Lieutenant Liverton, the case already belonged to Homeland Security, not LAPD.

  "I plan to do surveillance, then wait for further orders." It was a given, but he liked spelling out the obvious and he was a stickler for protocol. He could never learn about the source of my information. He would frown on me fucking my informant, regardless of how hot he was.

  "Good. And Roni, don't miss your fucking call-in time again. I was worried."

  He might have been worried about the case, and he might have been worried about explaining a lost undercover agent. Believe me, that shit happened way too often. But I seriously doubted he was worried about me personally. The guy had the emotional capacity of a salt lick.

  Mateo walked through the door a few seconds after I disconnected the call. The timing was so perfect, it made me wonder if he'd been lurking outside listening through the door.

  "Hey, this was all I could find." He dropped a pizza box on the dresser, and set the key next to it. This place was a throwback to the past with an actual metal door key that looked like an oversized version of the one that let me into my apartment, rather than an electronic keycard that beeped when activated.

  I opened the pizza. He could have brought back week old sushi and I would have been thrilled. I was starved and pizza was like fucking bonanza. I pulled a piece out and the cheese stretched from the box to the flimsy paper plate Mateo provided. It was New York style, thin crust, mountains of cheese, and just the right amount of sauce and pepperoni.

  I took a bite. "Oh my God," I spoke with my mouth full, sucking air to cool the cheese burning the roof of my mouth and my tongue. "I seriously love you right now." I swallowed too quickly, then took another bite.

  He stood back and watched, a big, annoying smile on his face.

  "Wha?" The word was garbled around my pizza.

  "Hungry?" He ran his thumb over my bottom lip and said, "Sauce." Then he sucked it into his own mouth and I wasn't really all that hungry any more.

  I set my plate on the table without taking my eyes off his mouth. He had the sexiest lips ever, plump and teasing and I knew what they tasted like, but I wanted to find out again just to be sure. I reached for him and he stepped away.

  "Ah-ah-ah. None of that. You need to eat and gain your strength."

  "But.
. ." I followed after him, still focused on his mouth. I was an eye on the prize kind of girl, damn it, and I wanted to fucking kiss him more than I wanted to eat pizza.

  "No buts. You're going to need all the energy you can get for what I have planned for you."

  I was torn. I sure as hell didn't want to wait, but lust-fuelled intentions aside, I really was hungry. My stomach reminded me then with a delicate growl.

  "Fine." Before I took another bite, however, I dished a slice for Mateo. "You're going to need your energy, too."

  He laughed and took the plate. "Thank God."

  "There's only one problem." I chewed off a piece of the slice before continuing. Middle of nowhere or not, this was some kick-ass pizza.