by E. L. Todd
“No,” he said. “He’s still in love with you.”
I tried not to laugh. He wasn’t in love with me the day we got married. “I don’t think he is, Karen. But that’s okay. Because I’m not in love with him either.”
Sadness filled her eyes. “You two are so great together. There’s no way you can work it out?”
We’d been broken up for two years. Why was she mentioning this now? “I’m afraid not.” I wanted to spill the beans and throw Jared under the bus but I somehow found the strength not to.
“Well, you’ll always be a daughter to me.” She patted my hand.
“I know,” I whispered.
Jared came through the door and stood behind me. “Girl talk?”
“Lots of girl talk,” Karen said. “Isn’t she more beautiful than the last time we saw her?”
Jared stared at the side of my face. “She’s always beautiful.”
I felt the burn from both of them. It was making me uncomfortable to be on display like this. I just wanted to leave. “Well, I should get going. I need some sleep. I’ll be back in the morning.”
“You deserve a rest,” Karen said. “You’ve been here all day. And I’m pretty tired myself.”
I gave her a hug before I stood up and grabbed my purse.
Jared watched me the entire time.
I hated it when he looked at me. “Good night.” I walked out, and to my irritation, Jared followed me. “What the hell are you doing?”
“It’s late,” he said. “Let me walk you home.”
He was unbelievable. “You never once walked me home when we were together.”
“I’m a different person now.” He stared into my eyes as he said it.
“No. You want to walk me home because you’re hoping for a hook up.” I started to walk again. “You’ll never get anything from me again, Jared.”
He walked beside me. “That wasn’t my intention.”
I stopped again. “Stop following me.”
“No.” He stayed by my side.
I stopped for the zillionth time. “If I want someone to walk me home, I’ll call my boyfriend.”
“So, he is your boyfriend?”
“Yes,” I snapped. “And I make love to him every night and he makes me happy. He’s honest and faithful and I never worry what he’s doing when I’m not around. I actually trust him and he’s given me a reason to trust again. He’s repaired all the damage you’ve inflicted. So, you have no right to walk me home.” I turned away so he wouldn’t see my face.
Again, he came to my side. “I’m sorry I hurt you.” There was such sincerity in his voice it made me stop.
I turned to him, surprised by the words.
“I hate myself for what I did.” He took a deep breath like he was about to break down. “If it helps at all, I’ve been miserable for the past year. When we divorced, I threw myself into more women than I could handle. I thought I was happy. But then…it got old. And then…it got lonely. And then…I realized the mistake I made. I missed going to the movies with you, watching you brush your teeth before bed, and the way you would fluff my pillows before I went to sleep. I missed your laugh and your smile. I realized I had the most amazing girl in the world but I threw her away. And not only did I not value you when I had you, but I disrespected you and hurt you.” His eyes watered. “It haunts me every day. I wish I could take it back. I would do anything to turn back time. I would do anything to make you believe that.” His eyes coated with a layer of moisture and he quickly blinked it away. “I’m so sorry, Lexie…”
I actually believed him. He had no reason to lie to me, and I’d never seen him show any ounce of emotion before. It was like he was a different person. I felt like I didn’t know him at all. “I forgive you.”
His chest expanded with the breath he took. “You do?”
I nodded. “Now we can move on.” I started to walk away again.
“Wait.” This time he didn’t grab me.
I turned to him.
“I haven’t been with anyone in eight months. The last time I had a girl in my bed I cried the next day. I can’t do meaningless relationships anymore. It makes me feel…sick.”
“Why are you telling me this?” I blurted.
“Because…I want a serious relationship. I want to try again.” He looked at me with hope in his eyes. “And you’re the only one I want to try with.”
I couldn’t believe this was happening. I came down here because his mom had a heart attack, but now I was hearing the words I’d fantasized about for years. Hearing his sincere apology and knowing he regretted losing me was what I dreamt about. But now it didn’t mean anything. “Jared, it’s too late.”
He flinched like I wounded him. “It’s never too late to start over. If you give me a chance, I promise I won’t let you down. I’ll be the man you deserve. I’ll be the most loving and faithful man you’ve ever known.”
“It doesn’t work like that,” I said, feeling angry. “Just because you’re finally ready to be serious doesn’t mean you get me. You think I can forget all the pain you caused me? You think I can forget about finding women’s underwear in the bed we shared? You think I can move on from walking in on you at the bar with my sister? You think I can just let that go?”
He bowed his head in shame.
“No, I can’t forget that. You didn’t appreciate me in the beginning. And even then, I still went to marriage counseling because I loved you so much, as pathetic as that made me seem. But you never put in the effort on your part. We could have made this work then, even after all of that. But not now.”
“Just…have a cup of coffee with me.” He was practically begging.
“I’m seeing someone.” Conrad wasn’t anything serious but he didn’t need to know that. Conrad would never want anything more with me but that was beside the point. “And he makes me happy.”
“What if you weren’t seeing him?” he asked quietly.
“My answer is still no.”
He put his hands in his pockets while he stood there, looking devastated. When he signed the divorce papers, it didn’t seem like he cared at all. It seemed like he wanted to get out of the room as quickly as possible so he could pound the next easy chick he found. But now, it seemed like there was nowhere else he wanted to be.
I stepped away. “Good night, Jared.”
This time he didn’t follow me. He stayed in place and watched me go.
***
I raised my fist to knock on the door but my knuckles never collided with the wood.
Conrad pulled the door open then snatched me. He picked me up and pulled me tight against his chest, and my legs automatically wrapped around his waist. He pressed his face close to mine then gave me a sensual kiss. “You okay?”
“I’m better now.”
He locked the door then carried me to his bedroom. “I’ve been waiting forever. I even did the dishes and cleaned my apartment.”
“At least you were productive.”
He laid me on the bed then moved over me. “How’s your friend doing?”
“She’s going to be okay.”
“Good,” he said. “I’m glad to hear that.” His hand moved into my hair and he stared down into my face. He glanced at my lips then placed a gentle kiss in the corner of my mouth.
I melted underneath his touch.
“So, is this friend your age?” he asked. “Because I’ve never known someone so young to have a heart attack.”
“No,” I said. “She’s fifty.” I felt guilty for withholding information. I wasn’t obligated to tell him anything but I wanted to. “It was actually my ex-husband’s mom.”
“Oh.” His eyebrows shot up. “Oh…was that weird?”
“His mom has always been a mom to me. She’s really sweet. His entire family is wonderful. I still miss them sometimes.”
Conrad watched me, his thoughts hidden from me.
“I’m glad she’s okay.”
“So…was he there?”
I knew he was referring to my ex. “Yeah, he was.”
“And did you guys talk?”
“He was the one who told me about his mom. He came to my office.”
“Do you guys talk often?”
“No,” I said. “I’ve only run into him a few times and we never spoke. When he came to my office I almost beat him with a bat.”
“You should have.” Seriousness flashed in his eyes.
“That’s about it…”
“And you didn’t talk again?”
“Well, he saw me texting you and asked about you.”
“And what did you say?” he asked.
“That who I fuck is none of his business.”
He stared at me passively.
“Then he apologized to me over everything that happened. He said he made a mistake and now he’s paying for it. He wishes he could have what we had again, that he’s tired of meaningless one-night stands.”
“Sounds like he’s just trying to get laid.”
“Actually…I think he was being sincere.”
“Please don’t tell me you’re considering going back to that asshole.” Irritation flashed in his eyes.
“Of course not.”
He relaxed.
“But…it was nice to hear him say that.”
“Well, that motherfucker missed his chance,” he said darkly. “Too bad, so sad.” He sat up and pulled his shirt off. His chiseled physique was revealed to me. Every inch of him was carved and defined. I loved running my hand down his chest, feeling every groove of hardness. “Now you’re mine.” He pulled my dress off then removed his shorts. When we were naked together, he moved my head to a pillow then separated my thighs with his.
My fingers dug into his hair and I felt my tits press against his chest. When he slid inside me, he immediately stretched me.
“All mine.” He gave me all of him then kissed me gently, with soothing caresses that took my breath away.
I clung to him and rocked into him from below. I breathed into his mouth, feeling the involuntary moans escape my lips. We moved together slowly, not wanting to rush to the finish line. With him, the pleasure before the climax was better than the orgasm itself.
“You feel so fucking good,” he said as he moved into me over and over. He was almost a foot taller than me, so he had to bend my body in the right away so we could move together. I didn’t mind being his personal origami. He knew how to hit my sweet spot over and over, like he knew what it was like to be a woman himself. His chest rubbed against mine as we moved, and sweat started to form on our skin. I didn’t mind the heat. It made the sex feel even better.
I felt the spark between my legs and knew he was bringing me to a place he’d done so many times. My hands moved down his back, lightly scratching him. I held on as the explosion ensued between my legs. “Conrad…”
“I love feeling you come all over my dick,” he said as he moved into me harder.
We’d had sex enough times to know each other’s bodies on an innate level. I knew exactly what he liked, and he knew all the touches that drove me wild. His cock hardened inside me and I knew he was about to release.
“Give it to me,” I said as I yanked him into me harder.
He moaned then stiffened, depositing himself inside me. “Oh…fuck.” His face was covered in sweat and his hair was messy from where my fingers had touched it. His eyes darkened as he looked into mine when he released. He was sexy as hell, and just the look got me fired up again.
He finished then pulled out of me, satisfied and fulfilled.
I lie there, ready to go to sleep.
Conrad cleaned up then snuggled beside me. He pulled me into his chest even though he was still warm and wrapped his arm around my waist. “Night, baby.” His face was buried in the back of my neck.
I didn’t try to leave or say we shouldn’t cuddle. I stopped fighting it a long time ago.
CHAPTER TWO
Clementine
When we came back to America, Ward carried my bags inside and into my room. I watched him from behind, noting the strength of his muscles as they tensed and recoiled. And of course, I stared at his ass.
He set the bags down in my closet. “Who knew shoes could weigh so much.”
“Well, when you have ten pairs it adds up…”
He chuckled then shut the door. “Anything else you need?”
“No. Thank you.”
He stared at me like he wanted to say something.
I felt the awkwardness descend. I wasn’t sure what to say either. Sleeping with him was probably a stupid idea but I couldn’t help it. Honestly, I didn’t regret it. It was nice being satisfied on a regular basis. I was using him, but he was the only guy I would ever use.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you two later.” He came close to me then moved his hand to my stomach. His hand was large enough to take up the whole area. Having big hands was nice. He grabbed me in the ways I liked.
“Yeah.”
Ward and I hadn’t kissed. It was something I noticed. He hadn’t tried kissing me and I hadn’t kissed him. I guess it was too intimate for both of us. That was where we drew the line. “You know where to find me if you need me.” He put his hands in his pockets then walked out.
I followed him to the front door. “Back to work tomorrow?”
“Yep. I got to save for his college tuition.”
“Well, you have time,” I teased.
He crossed the threshold then stood on the porch. “Well, see you later.”
I wanted him to stay but I knew I shouldn’t ask. We needed to have some space. We’d spent all week together. “See you tomorrow.”
He nodded then walked down the stairs and returned to the cab.
I stood there and watched him drive away.
***
“How’d your trip with Ward go?” Skye asked when she came to my desk. Her arm was still in a sling and she was dressed casually.
“What are you doing here?” I blurted.
“I have some paperwork in my desk,” she said. “I convinced my dad to let me pick it up.” She leaned forward and lowered her voice. “Don’t tell Cayson I was here.”
I laughed. “He’s a bit psycho, isn’t he?”
“He was always crazy but now he’s just insane,” she said with a sigh.
“He just cares about you,” I said. “Ward is the same way with me.”
Her eyes narrowed on my face. “Anything new with you guys…?”
My cheeks immediately blushed and I averted my gaze.
Skye caught the look. “You’re back together.”
“No,” I said quickly.
“Well, something is going on. You’re red like a school girl who just got her first kiss.”
“Well…things have been happening.”
Skye didn’t hide her enthusiasm. “You guys kissed?”
“Uh…”
“You’re sleeping with him?” Her eyes were about to pop out of her head.
“Well, yeah.”
“Then you’re back together!”
“No,” I argued. “We’re just…”
“Fuck buddies?” she asked incredulously. “He’s in love with you, you’re in love with him, you’re having a baby together, and you’re trying to make it work. And, you’re sleeping with him. If that doesn’t mean you’re back together I don’t know what does.”
“It’s…complicated.”
“And why does it have to be complicated?” she asked.
“I’m just not there yet.”
“Well, you’re comfortable enough to sleep with him.” She started to get angry. “You’re family, Clemy, and I always got your back. But Ward is family too. I won’t let you treat him like garbage. He’s a great man. You should appreciate him and not hurt him.”
“I’m not hurting him.”
“You better not.” She threatened me with her eyes then walked away.
Feeling guilty, I stared at my screen and thought about what she said. Was I hurti
ng him? Was I being unfair? I loved Ward and didn’t want to put him in any pain. Leaving his family was hard enough on him.
I headed to his office because I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It made me distracted.
His secretary looked up at me but didn’t say anything. She knew Ward and I were having a child together. That was probably why she didn’t bother telling me to wait until he was ready to see me.
I walked inside and was surprised by what I saw. Ward was standing close to a very pretty brunette. She wore a skin-tight dress that showed her endless curves. Her long brown hair framed her face, and gold bracelets were on her wrist. Nude pumps made her toned legs look even longer.
It was clear they had some sort of intimate relationship based on their proximity. Ward leaned against his desk while he faced her, his head bowed slightly while he listened to her.
Jealousy burst inside me and I felt hurt. I hated seeing him with other women. I hated knowing there was someone else besides me. I didn’t like to share him even if he wasn’t mine to begin with.
They both looked at me when they realized I was there.
I didn’t know what to say. “Uh…sorry. I’ll leave.” I walked out quickly and shut the door. When my face was hidden I released the air in my lungs. What were they talking about? Was Ward still seeing girls on the side? Were we not really monogamous?
Pain radiated everywhere.
I went to my desk then grabbed my things. Since Sean wasn’t around, I only did extra work Mike gave me. I didn’t have much to do and I knew they wouldn’t care if I left early. I clocked out then left.
***
I was sitting on the couch when the front door opened. Since they had a key to get in, I knew the perpetrator was Ward. Perhaps giving him that key was a bad idea.
I didn’t move from the couch and continued reading.
Ward entered the living room then stopped in front of me. He just stared.
I refused to look up, and I pretended he wasn’t there.
“You left work early.” It wasn’t a question or a statement. I didn’t even know what it was.
“Yeah.” What else should I say?
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I said quietly.