Love Lives On

by E. L. Todd

  “Nothing really,” Roland answered.

  No one knew he was gay except Skye, Cayson, his parents, and me. I wondered if he would bring it up now.

  “Running around with a hussy just like Conrad?” Ryan asked.

  Cayson’s eyes locked with mine before we both averted our gaze.

  “No,” Roland said. “I’ve been spending time with Heath.”

  “So, you’re a loser, basically?” Slade asked.

  I had no idea what Roland was thinking or where this was going. We’d been drinking so he might blurt it out. But he might bottle it up inside.

  “No, I just prefer Heath over women,” he said bluntly.

  “Well, you aren’t as much of a loser as Conrad then,” Slade said.

  Nobody was getting what he was trying to say.

  “I’m gay.” He said it without emotion and stared at them like he just told them the forecast for the following day.

  Slade laughed. “That’s a good one, Ro.”

  Ryan’s eyes narrowed on Roland’s face like he thought he wasn’t joking.

  Arsen stared at him in the same way.

  Cayson and I didn’t react at all.

  “No,” Roland said calmly. “I’m gay. I’ve been seeing Heath. We’re very happy together.” He took another drink and acted like everything was normal.

  Slade finally took him seriously. “Wait…you aren’t joking?”

  “No,” Roland said.

  Slade shot Cayson a look.

  Cayson just nodded.

  “So, this is for real?” Slade asked.

  “Yes,” Roland answered.

  The table was silent for a long time.

  Should I say something?

  “I know it’s a lot to take in and I probably shouldn’t have confessed it now,” Roland said. “But…I’d rather get it off my chest instead of lying every time you ask me a question. If you guys are weird about it, that’s fine. It won’t keep me up at night.” He took another drink.

  I clapped Roland’s shoulder. “Proud of you.” I knew that wasn’t easy for him to blurt out.

  Cayson clanked his glass against his. “Cheers.”

  Arsen was the first one to say something. “Gay or straight doesn’t make a difference to me. I’m just glad you’re happy.”

  “I’ll drink to that.” I clanked my glass against his and took a drink.

  Slade finally got over his disbelief. “Sorry, man. I guess I was just surprised. I had no idea…but you know me. I really don’t care what people do or believe in. I love you either way.”

  Ryan gave him a look of approval. Then he clapped his shoulder. “Well said, son.”

  Slade smiled. “Am I like an owl too?”

  “Not quite,” he said. “But someday you will be.”

  Roland’s shoulders visibly relaxed. “Cool. That was easier than I thought it was going to be…”

  “We love you no matter what,” Cayson said. “And if anyone gives you trouble, you know you have an army at your disposal.”

  “I know Krav Maga.” Slade did a judo chop on the table. “I got your back, man.”

  “Thanks,” Roland said with a laugh.

  “Do your parents know?” Ryan asked.

  Roland nodded. “They’re supportive. They don’t seem to care.”

  “I figured,” Ryan said. “Your parents are the greatest people I know. Judgment isn’t something they pass on often.”

  “They’re pretty cool,” Roland admitted. “I was relieved when my dad didn’t care. It meant a lot to me…”

  “So, you and Heath, huh?” Slade asked. “How long has that been going on?”

  “For a while,” Roland said. “We’re really happy together.”

  “You should have brought him along,” Slade said.

  “No, it’s a bachelor party,” Roland said. “If you guys can’t bring your girls I can’t bring my guy.”

  Slade shrugged. “I wouldn’t have cared. I like Heath.”

  “He’s a cool guy,” Arsen said.

  Slade’s eyes narrowed as he thought about something. “Do you think I’m hot?”

  Roland released a loud laugh and clutched his stomach.

  I laughed too because it was an absurd thing to ask.

  “Slade.” Ryan gave him a look of disapproval.

  “What?” Slade asked. “I don’t care. I’m just curious.”

  “No,” Roland said as he kept laughing. “I view all of you as brothers.”

  “Even Arsen?” Slade asked incredulously. “Because everyone thinks he’s the Brad Pitt of the group.”

  Arsen smirked like he was amused.

  “No,” Roland said. “Not at all.” He quickly turned to Arsen. “No offense, man.”

  “None taken,” Arsen said as he raised his hand.

  “But Ward…” Roland nodded. “That guy is one fine specimen.”

  I laughed before I took a drink. “The girls seem to like him.”

  Cayson laughed. “That’s my brother-in-law.”

  “And you have a hot brother-in-law,” Roland said.

  “Clementine will laugh when I tell her,” Cayson said.

  “Too bad he’s straight,” Roland said. “But I prefer Heath anyway.”

  “You’re into blondes?” Slade asked.

  Roland shrugged. “I’m into hot. I don’t care what their hair color is.”

  “How long have you known?” Slade asked.

  Ryan held up his hand. “Roland has been interrogated enough. He’s gay and he’s with Heath. We accept and support it. Now, let’s move on and treat him exactly the same.”

  “Fine, whatever.” Slade raised is glass in the center of the table. “To Roland.”

  “To Roland.” Everyone clanked their glasses together and took a drink.

  ***

  Roland eyed a brunette wearing pink shorts and a black top that pressed her tits firmly together.

  “That chick looks nothing like a dude.”

  He turned back to me, a smirk of amusement on his face. “I was scoping her out for you.”

  “Well, I’ll pass.”

  “If you aren’t into Lexie, then you’ll go over there and ask her out.”

  “I’d rather hang out with you.”

  He gave me an incredulous look. “Than get laid?”

  “I’m not going to ditch you.”

  “Well, I give you permission. I may be gay but I know that girl is a perfect ten—and she keeps looking at you.”

  I turned in her direction and our eyes met. She definitely was my type. She had a perfect body, soft hair, and long legs.

  “Go mix it up,” Roland said.

  I turned back to my beer. “I’m good.”

  Roland eyed me. “And why not?”

  I rolled my eyes. “I’m just not in the mood right now.”

  “Or because you love Lexie.”

  “I don’t,” I snapped.

  “Dude, it’s me. You can tell me.”

  “I don’t,” I repeated.

  “Then take her back to the room and fuck her,” he said. “We both know that’s what you would do if Lexie weren’t around.”

  “Lexie satisfies me so much that I don’t have much of a sex drive.”

  “Or she’s the only person you have a sex drive for…”

  I slammed my beer down. “Okay, you’re really pissing me off. I don’t love Lexie and I don’t want something more with her. And that girl is hot but I don’t screw every pretty girl I see.”

  Roland stared at me, clearly not believing anything I said. “Talk to me, man.” His voice came out quiet. “You were the first person I told my secret to. You can talk to me about her.”

  “There’s nothing to say.”

  “I know you’re in love with her even if you won’t admit it.”

  “I’m not,” I argued.

  Roland sighed. “Fine, whatever.”

  I drank my beer and watched the TV.

  “You’re free to do whatever you want?”
>
  “We only sleep together. But if I want to sleep with someone else I just need to let her know beforehand.”

  “I’m sure it would hurt her if you slept with someone.”

  Honestly, I didn’t think she would give a damn. “She wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.”

  “You really don’t see it?” he asked. “She’s sprung on you.”

  “No, she’s not.” And she would never be.

  Roland opened his mouth to argue.

  “I’m going to turn in,” I said. “It’s already two and we’re getting up early to surf.”

  Roland dropped the conversation. “I’m pretty tired too.”

  I didn’t care if he headed back to the room with me if he didn’t bring up Lexie again. Quietly, we headed back to the room as we walked down the hallway. Once we entered our two-queen bed suite, I pulled my clothes off and got into bed.

  “I’m going to shower,” Roland said.

  “K.” I turned off my lamp and stared at the ceiling.

  Roland walked into the bathroom and turned on the water.

  I stayed in bed and thought about Lexie, wondering what she was doing. Everyone thought I was head-over-heels for her. I wasn’t. I didn’t hit on that girl at the bar simply because I didn’t want to. Why wasn’t that believable? She was pretty but she didn’t do anything for me.

  I suddenly felt low. And whenever I was down, I talked to Lexie. She seemed to be the person I turned to for everything. Roland used to be the person I confessed my feelings to. But now it was Lexie.

  I grabbed my phone and called her.

  She yawned into the phone. “What?”

  I smiled when I heard her voice. “Sorry to wake you. I forgot that you would probably be sleeping.”

  “It’s okay,” she said as she sighed. “Having fun?”

  “Yeah. I miss you though.”

  “I saw you twelve hours ago.”

  “I know.” I realized how pathetic that made me. “I miss you anyway.”

  Silence echoed on the phone.

  “I just wanted to say goodnight…and I’m thinking about you.”

  “I’m thinking about you too. Well, actually I’m dreaming about you.”

  “I hope they’re good dreams,” I whispered.

  “You’re naked and I’m naked. That should answer your question.”

  I chuckled. “It does. I’m sleeping alone tonight and it feels weird…”

  “You have Roland,” she teased.

  “Nah, he’s a blanket hogger.”

  “And you know that why…?”

  I laughed. “I grew up with him. We’ve had a lot of slumber parties together.”

  “Sure…”

  Just talking to her lifted my spirits. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

  “It’s okay,” she said. “As long as I’m waking up to the sound of your voice I don’t mind.”

  I listen to her breathe on the phone. I imagined her wearing one of my t-shirts while she lay in bed. Her hair was a mess over the pillow, and her face was free of make up. There were so many details about her I had memorized.

  The shower turned off and Roland moved out of the bathtub.

  I knew I needed to get off the phone. “I’ll talk to you later, baby.”

  “Okay. Good night, Conrad.”

  “Good night.” I waited for her to hang up first. Then I ended the call and set the phone on the nightstand.

  Roland came out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist. “How’s Lexie?”

  I flinched. Did he hear me?

  He pulled clean clothes out of his suitcase. “I don’t think platonic friends call each other just to say good night. But that’s just my take.” He walked back into the bathroom and shut the door.

  I stared at the ceiling again, unable to sleep.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Slade

  We hit the waves the next day and I applied extra sunscreen like Trinity told me to. Her annoying voice played in my ear but I knew she was right. If I didn’t apply it, I would burn then look ridiculous on my wedding day.

  We skipped lunch because we were having too much fun. Cayson couldn’t stay on the board for long but he kept trying. Now that Roland was gay I wondered if it would change the dynamic of our group. Surprisingly, it didn’t. It was like nothing had changed.

  We stayed at the beach all day before we finally turned in and showered in our rooms. I was rooming with Cayson, like usual, after we scrubbed the sand from our hair and ears we headed to the restaurant and took our seats.

  “Dude, I could eat this table,” I said. “We shouldn’t have skipped lunch.”

  “You do get angry when you’re hungry,” Cayson noted.

  “Trinity says the same thing,” I said.

  “So,” Conrad said. “Ready to get married? It’s only a week away.”

  “I’m ready,” I said with no hesitation. “The wedding was rushed but when we get married doesn’t matter to me.”

  “No doubts?” Conrad asked with a raised eyebrow. “The infamous Slade isn’t freaking out?”

  “Are you hoping I’ll bail on your sister?” I snapped.

  “No,” he said with a laugh. “I’m just surprised. Really surprised.”

  “I’m not,” Cayson said. “I think it’s pretty obvious that Slade can’t live without Trinity.”

  I shrugged. “I guess I get scared sometimes…” The gin was getting to me.

  “Okay,” Conrad said. “That’s more realistic.”

  “There’s nothing to be scared of,” Cayson said.

  “I’m not scared about marrying her or spending my life with her,” I said. “I guess…I’m scared of myself.”

  Dad watched me with knowing eyes. “Meaning?”

  “We all know how I am,” I said. “I’m never going to be the perfect husband. I just hope I don’t fuck it up too bad.”

  All the guys turned serious.

  “Why do you think that, Slade?” Arsen asked.

  “I don’t think that question even deserves a response,” I said.

  “Are you saying that people can’t change?” Arsen said. “Because I changed—more than anyone. If I can do it, you can do it.”

  Dad nodded. “He’s got a point.”

  “Yeah, but you’re different,” I said.

  “Not really,” Arsen said. “I fell in love with a girl and didn’t treat her right. Then I lost her and realized it was the biggest mistake of my life. That turned my life around pretty quick.”

  “The situations still aren’t comparable,” I said.

  “You want to know a story about your mother and I?” Dad asked.

  I shrugged. “As long as there’s no sex involved.”

  He smirked slightly. “A week before our wedding I left her.”

  All the guys stared at him with surprised expressions.

  “Damn, she must have beat the shit out of you,” I blurted.

  “She did,” he said. “But she understood why I ran. My love for her was never questioned. But I wasn’t sure if I was good enough for her, if I could provide the type of life she wanted. I was afraid I would be a terrible father. There were a lot of doubts I had.”

  “I can’t believe Mom forgave you,” I said.

  He shrugged. “She understands me. She hunted me down at Scarlet’s and slapped me hard across the face. I had a mark for over a week.” He rubbed his cheek like he was remembering it. “And then we went home and talked it out.”

  “Trinity would kick me in the balls,” I said. “Hard.”

  “I believe that,” Cayson said before he took a drink.

  “My point is, don’t be scared, Slade,” Dad said. “Because everyone is scared to get married. I promise you, she’s scared too. She probably won’t admit it but that doesn’t mean she isn’t thinking it.”

  “You think?” I asked.

  “I do,” he said. “And if marriage gets too hard you always have me to talk to. And you got your uncles. They’ll always be around fo
r advice.”

  That made me feel a little better.

  “Just don’t stress about it,” Dad said. “Because in the end you love Trinity. And that’s all that matters.”

  “I don’t know,” Arsen said. “Only having sex with one woman for the rest of your life sounds pretty hard.”

  Everyone looked at him with cocked eyebrows.

  Arsen sighed. “I couldn’t pull that off, could I?”

  “Not even a little bit,” I said with a laugh. “You’re so sprung on Silke. Shit, you’re a bigger pussy than Cayson.”

  “Whoa,” Cayson said. “Conrad is the one who couldn’t say goodbye to Lexie before we left.”

  Conrad wore a prominent scowl. “I had to tell her something.”

  “That you want to marry her, maybe,” Roland said.

  Now Conrad’s scowl was reserved for Roland.

  “Stop picking on him,” Ryan said. “Pick on Slade. This is his party.”

  “Well, if your dad says we can pick on you, we have to,” Cayson said.

  “He didn’t mean it literally,” I said.

  “No, I think he did,” Cayson said. “And I’ll pay someone to give you a lap dance.” He searched around the bar to see if there were any loose girls around.

  “Don’t even think about it,” I said. “I haven’t had sex in almost a week and my cock is out of control. Do not send any skanks over here.”

  “Out of control?” Roland asked. “As in, it’s just dancing around in your pants?”

  “It never relaxes,” I said. “Put it that way.”

  Ryan left the table. “I’m going to get another beer before my son says something even dumber than the last thing he said.” He headed to the bar, and once he was there, a blonde made her way over and touched him on the arm. She had to be at least twenty years younger than him. But she either didn’t care or didn’t realize it.

  Conrad moved into the vacated chair. “So, we’re going to be brothers-in-law.”

  “Yeah, I guess we are.” I never thought about it before.

  “So, maybe we should hang out more,” he said. “You and I don’t really do anything one-on-one.”

  “You want a tattoo?” I asked. “I can give you one.”

  “I’m good,” he said with a laugh. “But thanks for the offer.”

  “We can always go to a game.”

  “That never fails.” He played with his glass for a moment before he turned to me and lowered his voice. “Trinity and I aren’t super close or anything but…if you hurt her I will kill you. And I’m not joking.”