Twice Cherished

by Ava Branson

  The dark wooden door opened before the bell finished chiming. I managed to take in that she wore a white V-neck T-shirt and figure-hugging jeans, looking sexier than a woman had a right to.

  “I’ve been watching the clock—” she began.

  I took one step in the doorway and she was in my arms, soft, pliant lips on mine. That glorious body I’d lain awake picturing at night pressed hard against me. “You’ve made me a raving lunatic.”

  Arms wrapped around each other, I walked her backwards into the house and kicked the door shut behind me. I broke the kiss only enough to murmur, “Would it be rude to tell you I want to fuck your brains out this soon?”

  She gave me a heart-stopping smile then pulled my head down to hers, kissing me with a thoroughness that had my body sizzling to feel hers without the barrier of clothes. Minx that she was, she slid her hand between us and cupped my erection.

  “I’ll take that as a no.”

  Tugging at my hand, she pulled me toward her bedroom. “It’s been a long few days for me, too. You’ve kept me up nights and distracted me during the day. And now, you must pay for that, Sir Stockton. And pay dearly, you will!” She tossed a wink over her shoulder as she pulled harder on my hand.

  I ground to a stop, hauling her around in a semicircle to slam up against me. “I wish to assure you I’ll happily pay any price to see that you’re satisfied in every way I can. Any position, any number of times…”

  She laughed with carefree abandon.

  We’d no sooner cleared the doorway when I pulled her close to me. “Just so you know, I’ve not had a single fucking thought since you left that didn’t have you in it. Not one single thought.”

  She looked deep into my eyes, emotions fluttering through as she considered me. “Well,” she said, her fingers going to the top button on my shirt. “I’m happy to know that I wasn’t the only one in hell.”

  “Hell is exactly what it was. Now, you can keep talking, but I’m going to strip you naked right now and devour every inch of your body. You good with that?” Three days of not being with her might as well have been three years. We tumbled onto her bed, tossing Cosmo off to some safe space in the house, and made love with a passion that left me panting for more even as I collapsed beside her on the bed. She turned on her side and nuzzled up against me, feeling warm and buttery soft. Lifting her head, I tucked my arm under her and pulled her even closer.

  “Imagine what this could be like with a little more practice,” she pointed out dryly.

  “Mm…my thoughts exactly, sweetheart. If you’d like to give it another try—”

  She tapped a finger on my chest. “Down, big guy. Let me catch my breath, but then,” she lifted her head with a dazzling smile, “I plan on devouring every inch of your body in my own, sweet time.”

  “Promise?”

  “Yes, and I think you’ll like it.”

  No fucking shit. “Oh, love.” I rolled her onto her back and covered her with my body, pinning her arms to the mattress. “Only if I have complete and total reciprocity. I give as good as I get.”

  She wiggled under me and my cock began to pay serious attention. “First, are you going to tell me these new plans you have for your life?”

  “Ughh.” I settled back by her side again, pulling her back against me. “We just had mind-numbing sex and business is what you want to talk about? That’s cold, Micki. Cold. Can’t we talk about how incredibly fucking sexy it is when you make all those soft, little sounds when my mouth is on your—“

  She gave me a playful shove on my hip. “I’ve been dying of curiosity. What have you decided to do?”

  “What makes you think this is all about me?”

  She looked perplexed. “Well, I thought the whole point of the sabbatical was to figure out the next direction you wanted to go.”

  “Did you forget something?”

  Her brows came together. “I don’t—? Wait, are you talking about your helping me with refurbishing jobs?”

  “That and I’ve come up with something that lights my fire a whole lot. Not as much as what we just did lights my fire…that’s a goddamn inferno of a whole different kind.”

  I watched with pleasure as she stretched against me, arched her back…and made me forget my name. She tried to stifle a yawn but failed.

  “I saw that. Are you tired?”

  “No!” she declared. “Well, I haven’t slept very well for some reason.”

  I hadn’t slept hardly at all and I damn well knew the reason. “Should we be worried about that? You haven’t slept but don’t know why? How…deflating.”

  She giggled and dropped a kiss on my chest. “You know why.”

  “Well, that’s better. For a moment there, I thought maybe you were just using me for my body.”

  She gave me a one-eyed glare. “It’s a damn fine body.”

  I no longer felt like teasing. “It’s yours, if you want it.”

  Our gazes met and held. “I have become rather fond of it,” she agreed quietly. “Now, tell me about your ideas while my pulse comes back from the stratosphere.”

  “Fine. If you insist.” I cupped her breast and promptly forgot what I was going to say. “What was I—? Oh yeah. I took a good long look at a list of potential yacht owners who have come to me over the past, what…two plus years, wanting their boats modernized. Hell, that’s just two years that I can think of. There are plenty more out there. I would like to take that challenge on. It’s different enough from the new builds I do, and I’m thinking there may be a business model that would, or could, work with your skillset.”

  When she didn’t respond right away, I looked down to find a skeptical look on her face. I levered up on my side and rested on an elbow. “You look doubtful, but hear me out. Remember the other day when we sat and looked over half a dozen schematics I had from earlier boats I’d done and you considered the inner layouts and made suggestions?”

  “Yes, of course. That was actually fun, and I was blown away by your designs.”

  “You zeroed in on areas with ideas that would work and work well. That’s what I’m proposing we talk about.”

  She studied my face. “It’s an interesting idea, Devin. I don’t feel worthy of being a part of the equation though. I’m thrilled that you’ve found what you’d like to pursue now, but…wait. Do you mean you wouldn’t design anymore?”

  “Oh, I’ll tackle a new build for a friend or special client. I’m not stupid. They make me a lot of money and I’m rather fond of what that provides.”

  She snuggled closer, running her foot up and down my leg, successfully pushing any other thought than making love to her again out of my mind. The idle designs she was tracing on my chest with her finger didn’t help one damn bit.

  “That’s an awful lot to think about, Devin. Like, an awful lot.”

  “I know it is and later, I’ll show you the business plan I roughed out since you left. You might find it more convincing if you see the flow.”

  “I’d like to see it, but…in the meantime, I have a surprise for you!”

  “You do?” My mind filled with all kinds of salacious thoughts. “And what is this surprise?”

  “I made dinner for you with my own two hands.”

  I turned to see if she was teasing. And she wasn’t.

  “I’m…honored?”

  She sat up with a bounce…a delightful bounce. My eyes dropped to the soft creamy curves of her luscious breasts. Unable to stop myself, I leaned over and took one peak in my mouth, my hand cupping the other.

  “Mm,” she purred, her fingers slicing through my hair to grip the back of my head and pressing me harder into her soft flesh.

  “Keep making those sounds and dinner may be very late,” I promised her. What I was hungry for didn’t come out of an oven.

  Gently, she pulled away and lifted my head with two fingers under my chin. “I’ve worked very hard to impress you. I’m no Edith, but I won’t kill you either. At least, I don’t think I will. You’r
e not allergic to anything, are you?”

  I grinned. “Comforting. Very comforting.”

  “Come on.” She pressed a quick kiss on my mouth, but not before the tips of her nipples grazed my chest. Predictably, the lower half of my body paid attention. “Let me dazzle you.”

  Christ, she already had.

  I had to admit the chicken cordon bleu, wild rice pilaf, or something like that, and steamed green beans were done to perfection. “Sweetheart, this is delicious. It really is.” I forked the last bit of chicken on my plate. “I take it you don’t do much cooking?”

  She lifted her hands in the air. “Meh, not so much. If I have friends over, sure, that’s about all. I usually have something—”

  The doorbell rang, interrupting her. She frowned. “That’s weird. I wasn’t expecting anyone.” She wiped her mouth on her napkin and pushed out of the banquette bench. “I’m so sorry. Excuse me.”

  “Of course.”

  While she went to the front door, I cleared the dishes to the sink. From that part of the kitchen, I heard a woman’s voice.

  “I’m so, so sorry, Micki…” She said something else that was too low to catch. “I just couldn’t let you hear this over the phone or online.”

  Something prickled down the back of my neck when I heard what sounded like a soft sob. Something had happened and every protective instinct I had in my body went on full alert.

  Walking through the dining room, I hesitated near the corner of the living room. Maybe it was presumptuous to step into something I knew nothing about, but damn it to hell, this was Micki. I took another step and could see a young woman with teal hair standing in front of Micki, holding her hands. Micki’s head was bowed and I couldn’t see her face but I could see her hands flexing in the other woman’s hands. Just then, the girl saw me but returned her attention to Micki.

  “I’m so sorry,” she said again, wrapping her arms around Micki’s shoulders and holding her for several long moments. “Is there anything you want me to do?”

  Micki nodded, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hands. “Flowers, Kim. Something very special.”

  The girl named Kim, whom I now recognized as one of Micki’s assistants, nodded. “I’ll take care of it.” She reached out and gently pushed Micki’s hair back from her face, and I caught in profile the look of anguish on her beautiful features.

  Whatever had happened that cut her so deeply, cut me as well. Something I hadn’t felt in twelve years.

  Kim let herself out, quietly shutting the door behind her. Micki stood staring at the floor. I didn’t move, didn’t speak. She needed the moment to collect herself. I mentally prepared to move heaven or hell to help whatever had hurt her so.

  Several seconds later, she lifted her head and dashed at her face again with her hands. She lifted her gaze toward the ceiling, pulling in a deep, long breath. Turning, she found me. Her pain-filled eyes ripped me in two.

  I started to open my mouth, but she spoke first.

  “The baby died,” she choked out, her voice cracking like crystal on a marble floor.

  I crossed the room in three lengths and pulled her into my arms. She lay heavy against me, her body still until she dissolved into gut-wrenching sobs. I held her until she sagged limply in my arms, railing against feeling so impotent, unable to help her.

  She stayed there until there were no more tears.

  “I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” I whispered to the top of her head, pressing feather-light kisses. “So sorry.” We stayed locked together for a long time. Struggling to find words that might help her, I simply spoke from my heart. “Babies are incredible gifts. If one day I’m ever so blessed to have one, I don’t think I could live through something like—”

  She shoved away from me with enough brute force to make me stagger and take a step back.

  “You don’t understand, Devin,” she cried, viciously swiping at her face. Fresh tears streamed down her cheeks. “You don’t understand,” she repeated so softly I barely made out the words.

  “Tell me what I don’t—”

  “I was pregnant, Devin. Pregnant.” She stared at me hard, her eyes glittering with wild emotion that scared me.

  I shook my head in confusion. “I don’t understand. Do you mean now? With—”

  “No.” She gulped in deep, noisy breaths. With a look of near hysteria on her face, my heart jumped into my throat. “Then. Back then. Twelve years ago.”

  Slowly, painfully, her words began to penetrate my confusion. When it all made sense, it felt like the center of my chest had collapsed and all the air had been squeezed out of my lungs. I couldn’t put two thoughts together. I opened my mouth, but no words came. I could only stare as emotions I’d never experienced tumbled through me, leaving an acrid, barren path as they went.

  She stared blankly at me. The only emotion I could recognize in her was pain. When she spoke, her voice was toneless, devoid of emotion. And that terrified me for reasons I couldn’t understand.

  “I couldn’t tell you because my mother found out and was going to force me to have an abortion. I was seventeen and she had me convinced I’d just ruined my entire life. That everything she had hoped I’d have in my life wouldn’t happen because I’d end up a single mother with no real job, no future, or I’d end up married to someone who wouldn’t accomplish much more either.” She wiped her nose, and the words kept pouring out. “I’d been so naïve, so impressionable that I never realized how much she’d influenced the way I looked at the world. The way I looked at—”

  “Me,” I supplied, my own voice flat. Dead. Cold. Like everything inside of me.

  She nodded once. “I was wrong, Devin. Wrong about so many things. Everything. And she…oh, God,” she sobbed, covering her face with her hands, shaking her head wildly from side to side. She doubled over as her body shook.

  “The baby.” I stood immobile, my hands fisting at my sides.

  For a moment, I didn’t think she’d heard me. Finally, she straightened, sweeping her hair away from her tear-stained face. Her eyes red from crying, she faced me. Squaring her shoulders, she continued.

  “There wasn’t any hope, Devin. No chance. It was ectopic and had to be terminated.”

  I stood there, reeling with pent-up emotion, not having a fucking clue what to say or how to handle it. Raking a hand through my hair, I paced the length of the living room. “So, let me get this straight. You didn’t have an abortion.”

  “No,” she whispered, her brown eyes huge in her pale face.

  “But you were going to, if this hadn’t happened.”

  She shook her head, pleading for understanding with her eyes. “My mother wanted me to do that. I didn’t know what I wanted right then.”

  Two more paces and I stopped in front of her. “Were you ever planning on telling me?” I didn’t know if I felt rage, hurt, betrayal, or just profound sadness, but I’d been gutted and I didn’t know how to recover.

  “I didn’t see the point after it was all done. We’d already broken up—”

  “No!” I shouted, slicing a hand through the air and taking a step closer to her.

  She took a cautious step backward. That she might have been afraid I’d do something registered, but I didn’t have the bandwidth to reassure her I’d never hurt her.

  “There was no we in this breakup. It was your choice.”

  She took a step back, a look of horror on her face even though I’d known all along why she’d broken up with me.

  I collected my emotions enough to speak in a quieter tone. “I know full well why you broke up with me. I told you once what drove me to do what I’ve done and I said it was grim determination. Do you remember that?”

  She nodded mutely, her body trembling.

  I wasn’t immune to the torment she was going through, but I had all I could do to keep my sanity. “It was because of you. Because you thought I wasn’t going to amount to anything. It was to prove not only to myself, but you, that you were wrong.”

&nb
sp; I watched her unblinking stare before the room threatened to choke me. Old feelings of inadequacy, loss, heartache, and pain began a slow and inexorable march toward suffocating me.

  I felt for the keys in my pocket.

  “Devin,” she whispered so softly it barely carried to my ears. “I’m so, so sorry…”

  “I need time.” Turning, I walked through the front door.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Micki

  The door closed with a soft click in such contrast to the excruciating pain that filled my heart. I collapsed to the floor, letting the heaving sobs take over and convulse through my body. I welcomed the pain. All the guilt and shame I’d carried had been brought out to see the light of day and everything I’d been afraid of came crashing down upon me.

  It was all my fault. Everything. Including daring to hope we had a chance. That somehow, someway, Devin would understand what had happened and why, and we’d work through it. But the look of utter…emptiness on his face as he walked through the door told me I’d lost. All of it. All hope. All chances.

  And I couldn’t blame him.

  Painful bands squeezed the shards of my heart so tightly I wondered how it could continue to beat. Why it even bothered. If it stopped, the pain would stop.

  I almost welcomed it.

  But I’d had to tell him. I couldn’t keep it in any longer even knowing it would end like this. With him hating me. Resenting me. I couldn’t hope for his forgiveness since I’d never been able to forgive myself. It had taken years to forgive my mother’s misguided attempts to control my life. Therapy had helped me see the real me and the real values I wanted in my life.

  But I’d foolishly hoped and pretended there’d be some magic way to move through this and beyond.

  I don’t know how long I lay curled in a ball on the floor but night had long since fallen. The only light in the house came from moonlight easing through the windows. Slowly I moved to stand, my limbs stiff and in pain, my mind numb to everything else. Walking to the front door, I gently locked the dead bolt, the muffled click echoed like a cannon. I didn’t bother to undress. Curling up on the bed, I tucked a pillow tight against my chest and cried myself to sleep with tears I didn’t know I had left.