The Proverbial Mr. Universe

by Maria La Serra

  “It’s not as easy as that, Montgomery. My family is going through a terrible time. I can’t just spur this on them.”

  “It’s just more excuses your hiding behind,” he said as he placed his art supplies on the shelf above.

  “They’re not excuses. It’s the truth. You can’t always think about yourself. Maybe if you had parents, you would understand.”

  She felt terrible, but it just came out of her mouth before she could take it back.

  He stopped midair and pushed the box aside, slowly turning around.

  “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that …” She looked down at the floor.

  Nick walked closer, but not close enough to touch her. “You may be right. So maybe I didn’t have such a great start in life. Maybe I’ll never give you the life that Dario or your father can give you, but you know for damn sure that what I can offer you is more than any man will ever provide for you … all my heart and soul.” He placed a hand on his chest so forcefully, like he was on his last resort to make her understand. “I think you’re just fuckin’ scared. Maybe I’m a fool to believe I might be enough for you.”

  “I never said you were never enough.”

  “Then why do I feel like I’m not? You’re still not sure about us … and I can’t just wait around for you to figure it out. Don’t lead me on, Olivia. Don’t keep wasting my time and adding more scars to my heart. I know what I want … if this is not for you, then just be straight with me.”

  What she felt for Nick was indescribable and overwhelming, because once she whispered those three little words, there would be nowhere to hide. Her heart couldn’t take another wreck, not another undeserving man in her life. But how could she be sure Nick could be trusted? What could she say to him to make him understand that she couldn’t make the leap, not just yet …

  “I don’t want to lose you.”

  Not satisfied with her answer, he walked back to his chair, pulling on his jacket. “I will always be on the other side of that door, right? All I ever wanted was to be more than somebody to you … more than just a friend. Not someone to fill your days when you have nothing better to do.” His expression mournfully relaxed.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I need some air.”

  “Stay … can we just talk more about this? I don’t know what you want me to say.” She extended her arms to the side.

  “You just said it.” He studies her face, but not like before. His stare didn’t make her feel like the eighth wonder of the world, but rather the biggest jerk on the planet.

  “You’ve made up your mind. You don’t need me, Olivia.”

  There was a lump that formed in her throat that prevented her from talking. She had promised herself after Dario that no other man would ever see her cry, so she held on to that lump until Nick disappeared through the door, leaving her all alone.

  Did they just break up?

  Then, she realized it wasn’t even her place.

  There is something to be said about the light, how it can seep through the smallest cracks. Even when you believe it’s not possible, the tiniest of light can brighten the sourest of souls. When it’s gone, the lack of its presence is so visible, you wonder where it could have gone or how you were able to let it slip away, Mr. Universe wrote.

  Olivia sat in the shadows, haggard in her chair with a cup of coffee at hand, her eyes fixed on the morning light filtering through her drapes. The light made her think of Nick. Then again, everything these days made her think of him.

  “The most important thing you need to know about art is the light and shadow; you need to know the value. It’s what gives the composition depth and movement,” he’d told her one afternoon while a hauntingly beautiful Peruvian folk tune played on the old radio. He looked directly at her. Under his gaze was where she desired to thrive forever. She felt something undeniable stir within her; there was something more going on than she liked to admit. She was aware of the easy way he moved his body, the way his heather gray T-shirt fit in all the right places. The way his expressive eyes wandered all over her when he thought she wasn’t looking. She never felt so alive and content than she did sitting across from him in his white studio, under the natural light. This was what Nick Montgomery had done to her.

  “Are you even listening?”

  She liked it when he was serious with her, how she missed the lines that formed just above his eyebrows.

  “Light and shadow … got it.” Olivia smiled shyly. If Nick only knew she had this desire to eliminate the space between them and let her barriers fall. The unsettling way she wanted him surprised herself.

  But Olivia never considered herself forward. She was never the kind of girl that went for it, just throwing caution to the wind and playing it where it lay. She believed there were real consequences for everything she did. After all, hadn’t she learned enough from her past mistakes?

  “What’s the matter with you?”

  “What?” She coolly diverted her eyes elsewhere.

  He studied her for a moment before continuing mixing the paint.

  “I don’t know … you seem a little distracted?”

  “No.” Her voice went up a notch.

  He brushed his hair out of his eyes. “Is there something you wanted to say to me?” Nick Montgomery had a way of seeing right through her when others simply saw around her.

  “I … I was wondering … when can I start to paint?”

  He smiled, but she detected there might be a hint of sadness behind it. “Patience, little grasshopper.”

  He placed his hand under the natural light coming in from the window above them.

  “Now pay attention. Before you begin any work, you need to know the basics. You need to understand light or lack thereof. See where the light hits my hand?” His soulful eyes found hers. “The closer to the light my skin is lighter, and further away my skin is darker.”

  Olivia was an illustrator, but never painted before. Watching Nick, she suddenly had the urge to do so. Luckily, she had a reluctant teacher to show her. She didn’t know what it was at that moment she found so endearing. Maybe she saw something in him that she recognized in herself. That gleam of some joy of finally having an undeniable connection with another human being, having someone to share what you passionately loved. It made her wonder if Nick had been lonely too.

  Nick had made a space for her in every which way of his life, even in his studio. He had prepared a corner with a new easel and paint brushes, including her very own set of keys. Nick said it was a healthy alternative to indulging in her nicotine urges. He once explained that painting for him was very therapeutic, that was when he was at complete peace within himself. She wondered what he would say if he knew she sparked that pack of cigarettes she carried with her and smoked each and every one of them on the last day she saw him.

  It was difficult to forget a man like Nick, especially when he was always there when she needed him. Olivia once told him that she was so scared for her father, and she remembered how he held her quietly before whispering, “I know, love.” Only three simple words, but it was comforting to have someone to understand and be there when life regularly caused her to fall.

  He did everything to prove himself, gave her every reason to trust him. When she didn’t get the designing position, Nick was the first to show up at her front door with a container of Hägaan Daz. He had built her up, gave her a shoulder to cry on, and yet she kept a safe distance from him. It was a shame her heart got startled so easily.

  She marveled at the way Nick Montgomery came into her life, so close with ease. He came through the holes, turning everything cold and bleak into something bright and beautiful. She never thought it would be possible, the boy who grew up in Griffin town and wore a lame T-shirt and Converse high-tops in the snow; who worked at a bar at night so he could paint during the day; who got excited about light and darkness; who came into her life unexpected and quietly and was gone before she had time to recognize what exactly she fe
lt for him.

  Last time Olivia saw Nick was over a month ago when he left her in the dust, drowning in her pride. She would never have thought she would miss him so profusely … but now she understood the significance of light and darkness. Nick Montgomery shone his light her way. Without him she was living in the absence of light.

  Olivia got up to open the drapes, allowing the glow begging to be let in to shine over her. Below, she watched the people come and go, cars and trucks driving by, but it was a gray truck that caught her eye. A smile crossed her face. Nick was parked outside her apartment. At first she watched him fiddle with something in his truck bed. With one swift movement, he pulled out a red bicycle. She frowned.

  “What is he up to?” she whispered to herself.

  She quickly pulled on a sweater from her closet, slid on her shoes, and took a quick glance in the mirror before going. When she got down to the street level, she found Nick standing by his truck, surprised to see her outside of the building.

  “Hey,” he said as if nothing had passed between them, closing the door of his truck.

  “What are you doing here, Nick?” She swaddled her sweater tightly around her body and stepped onto the sidewalk to where he stood balancing a bike in each hand.

  He diverted his eyes across the street then quickly turned back to meet hers. “I was going to tell you I was across the street pawning my stuff, but as you can see there isn’t one to speak of.” He flashed her a knowing smile, referencing that time she sought him out at the gallery. She rolled her eyes. Nick looked her over. “I missed you,” he said matter-of-factly.

  Olivia was bothered by her heart’s betrayal, allowing his words to affect her in some way. She could have declared she missed him too but decided to stay silent, letting him to squirm a bit longer. After all, it was Nick who walked out on her, refused to take her calls or see her. She was still very much hurt and angry with him.

  “I hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time?”

  “No, I was packing.”

  “Still?”

  “Yeah, well, you know I come with a lot of baggage.” Olivia moved to allow the pedestrians through, but when she stepped forward, she almost tripped over herself, but Nick’s hand steadied her. She was too close for comfort, close enough to see his expression twinge with pain, like he wasn’t sure what to do next: pull her in or walk away. Either way, her feelings were battered, so she decided for them both and took a step back, creating a decent space between them.

  “So I guess you finally sold the apartment?”

  “No, but I got another reasonable offer.”

  “Have you accepted it?”

  “I would have, but Dario is purposely holding out.”

  “You mean purposely holding on to you?”

  She shrugged coolly, knowing he had a point.

  “I wanted to call you … many times. I’m sorry I was such an ass …”

  “Oh, you were more than an asshole, Montgomery, you’re a pompous prick.”

  “I guess I earned that.”

  She shrugged and brushed the hair from her face. “What’s this?” Her eyes fell on the bike, particularly on the gold-colored one.

  “Call it a peace offering. It’s not new, but it does the job. I cleaned it up, gave it a new coat of paint, and greased up the chains. She’s all yours and ready to go.” He said as his eyes met hers.

  “You did this for me?”

  He cleared his throat. “You once told me about your gold bike. I know how bummed out you were about losing it. I can’t get that one back, so I got you this one instead.”

  “But that was so long ago.” She smiled.

  There was an overwhelming warm spot near her heart. Over the years during her time with Dario, he had surprised her with beautiful gifts, expensive gifts, but nothing ever moved her like this. Because it was more than just a piece of metal, more than a romantic jester. Nick had taken his time to listen, to figure her out.

  She examined the bike and climbed onto the seat. “Thank you. That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.” Olivia was deeply touched, and he smiled.

  “Like I said, it’s not new, and it’s probably not exactly what you used to have, but I thought it might do the trick.”

  There was no doubt that Nick Montgomery had found his way to her heart.

  Her eyes gleamed at him. “It’s perfect. Where did you find it?”

  “I found this darling at Notre Dame. I spotted it through a glass window and it made me think of you.”

  Olivia laughed. “I’m glad a rusty old bike reminds you of me.”

  “That’s not the only thing that reminds me of you.”

  “Well, Mr. Montgomery, I should hope not.” She beamed the brightest smile, her eyes fixed on him.

  “Look it even has a working bell,” he said, ringing it twice.

  “Like I said, it’s not new.”

  “It’s just perfect … I love it. I can’t believe you went through the trouble. I mean, I didn’t think you were listening.”

  He frowned. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “Because no one ever really cares what I have to say.” She laughed.

  “I care.” He brushed another strand of hair from her eyes.

  All her life Olivia felt nobody cared to take the time to know the real Olivia Montiano. The people Olivia surrounded herself were only friends with her because her father was rich, and then came Dario. He never made her feel like she had anything valuable to say, tuning her out when she wanted to share a part of herself. Nick came into her life and changed all that. That was the thing about Nick Montgomery: he was always listening.

  “So, what do you say, Monti? Wanna test her out?” He got on the red bike and weaved onto the road and came back, creating circles around her. “Let’s get lost …”

  “Now?” She said, looking up at the dark clouds rolling in overhead. “But it’s supposed to rain.”

  “What are you afraid of? It’s just a bit of water, darling.” He smiled.

  “But I haven’t ridden a bicycle in years.”

  “Nobody forgets how to ride a bike, Olivia, You’ll be okay, and we’ll go slow.”

  She wondered if he meant something more.

  “Come on, Monti. Let’s hope you can ride a bike better then you drive a car,” he said as he zoomed past her on his own bike.

  They headed toward the park of Mount Royal and rode their bikes past Beaver Lake, past the Heritage building, the Smith house, and all the way up to the summit.

  “I think it’s safe to say it would be safer for you if you took your bike to work.”

  He winked at her.

  “Ha, funny.” She looks at the people who gathered around, some were locals and some were tourists. What she enjoyed the most was the view of downtown Montreal.

  Nick waited for her to get settled on the steps of the Chalet du Mont Royal before handing her back a vanilla ice-cream cone.

  “Wasn’t that fun?”

  “Yes, it was. But I don’t know how I’m going to get back. My legs are so tired.”

  “What’s the rush?”

  Olivia shrugged and smiled at him.

  “Is there somewhere you have to be?”

  “Do you?” She acted nonchalant, not wanting to give Nick the satisfaction that she was easily available.

  He smiled appreciatively. “Great, we both have nowhere to be. So there’s no rush.”

  He glanced down and frowned. “You better start working on that ice cream before it drips.”

  Olivia licked her ice cream, making more of a mess of herself. She laughed and Nick handed her more napkins to help her clean off her sweater.

  “You know what else I haven’t done in ages?” She looked up at Nick, who sat one step above her.

  “What’s that?”

  “Ping pong.”

  He made a funny face, like she said something revolting.

  “Come on, who doesn’t like ping pong?”

  “Just to let you know, I’m
silently judging you.”

  Olivia glanced at his gray polo shirt with a happy faces scattered all over it.

  “Don’t you dare be judging me, Montgomery. Where did you find this lame top?” She playfully ran her hand across his chest, feeling him stiffen under her touch. His smile slowly faded and out of nowhere there was a particular affliction overshadowing his face.

  “Don’t worry, Montgomery, my hands are clean.” She put her hand up to show him.

  “No, it’s not that.” His voice had become heavier. “There something I’ve wanted to tell you.” Something in his tone caused for concern. Then she thought maybe he didn’t want things to go back to the way they were. Maybe he realized during their time apart that he’d rather be just friends. Or worse … there was someone else. She was afraid of what he was about to say. Whatever it was, it wasn’t good. She could feel the presence of it, this thick air hovering above them. Olivia didn’t know if it was the ice cream or this familiar feeling of complete disappointment, because the tugging in her stomach began to grow.

  Aware of his stare, she glanced up to find his eyes on her, and for a moment Olivia wished he would kiss her to make it all go away. She wasn’t ready to lose Nick again.

  Then, it started to rain … actually, it poured.

  Nick opened the door to his studio, and they both fumbled in, laughing, soaking wet from the rain.

  “Didn’t I call it?” Olivia smiled at him as she took the elastic out of her hair, allowing the damp strands to fall around her shoulders.

  He stood there watching for a moment, not able to move. Even with her mascara running down her face and her hair beginning to frizz, she was still by far the most beautiful girl he’d ever laid eyes on. It was quite simple, wasn’t it? This great affection he had for Olivia was so overwhelming he chose to walk away instead of being brutally honest with himself.

  He loved her.

  She was magic, a direct light—the kind that seeps through in places that didn’t exist inside him anymore. The light he thought he lost forever, but Nick realized we don’t lose the light, we absorb it, and with Olivia he wanted to absorb every small speck of it. He didn’t know how he did it … stayed away from her for so long. He managed to avoid her on the streets and at Café Orleans. He kept busy within the walls of his studio, putting her out of his thoughts, but it wasn’t easy to dismiss her.