Remember Us This Way

by C. R. Jane

  He happens to glance over, and I know when he sees me because his laugh stops abruptly. We stare at one another. “Princess?” he breathes, pushing a particularly handsy fan off of him and standing up as if he’s seen a ghost. One of the girls spills her drink all over him when he pushes past her. He doesn’t seem to notice. The whole room goes still as Tanner Crosby walks towards me like I’m an oasis in a desert.

  This whole time I’ve still been hovering by the entrance of the green room, too afraid to actually enter the room. He stalks towards me until he’s standing right in front of me and I feel like I’m literally about to faint. Before I can say anything, he peels off his sunglasses. I am instantly transported back five years as I stare once again into his silver eyes, still the most unique eyes that I’ve ever seen. His eyes are too intense and so I find myself averting my eyes down his body, to where his shirt is now plastered to his body from the spilled drink, showcasing those mouth-watering abs even more. I definitely haven’t forgotten them. They’ve only gotten more defined since then.

  I glance back up and I get stuck on his familiar roughly stubbled jaw. Although I avoid looking at him, I can literally feel the weight of his eyes on me. I will my mind to work. Hadn’t I thought of this scenario a thousand times? Granted, it was hard to really picture what this would feel like, but hadn’t I rehearsed what I would say, over and over, and pathetically, over again? But, nothing. Nothing comes to mind as he continues to stand in front of me. Time passes and I can hear people in the room start to murmur, their interest in who I am overcoming their shock that Tanner Crosby is showing interest in me at all. I still can’t look up. I just stand there.

  Part of me wants to look up and feast my eyes on the face I thought I would never see again in the real world. Of course, the other parts of me keep saying, don’t do it. So, I just stand there dumbly as the people start to stack up behind me, desperate for their chance to come in and mingle with the band. It’s funny because although I’ve seen Tanner in the last five years online and on the front of tabloids here and there, seeing him in person is a completely different experience.

  I finally look up and our eyes clash together so intensely that I feel winded for a moment. His hair’s longer, shaggier than he used to wear it. Looking closer at his chiseled face I can see that he looks … older. And bleak. And just as devastating to my soul as ever. As I continue to devour his face, I notice the emotions in his eyes for the first time—their hard, angry, and breathtaking. Then he stops, his expression easing slightly.

  “Ariana,” he says in that sexy, low growl of his. “I’ve been waiting a long, long time for this.”

  I bolt out of the room.

  I make it just around the corner before Tanner catches me. He stops me abruptly, pushing me through a doorway and then against a concrete wall as the door slams shut behind us. Reflexively, I brace myself in the momentum, feeling the abrasive cold coarseness against my heated fingertips. The intensity in his silver eyes sends a delicious shiver coursing through me. His body surrounds me, pinning me back against the wall, it’s cold concrete tantalizing my overheated skin. We’re surrounded by darkness.

  “Leaving again?” he says in an achingly pained voice. “What was the point of making an appearance at all? Why are you here?” he whispers to me. His questions shouldn’t make me feel a flash of joy, but they do. Tanner Crosby evidently has not forgotten me.

  Tanner

  My heart is pounding, and my breathing is choppy. Shame and humiliation pour through every fiber of my being as I stare into her eyes, at the conflicted emotions in their depths. Way. To. Go. Years spent trying to get over her and I’ve thrown away my pride in seven seconds. My skin flashes hot. She stares up at me with those caramel colored eyes, and I can’t look away. My body lunges towards her, my arm lifting her against my chest, I’m sure crushing the air out of her. She gives a sexy gasp as she tries to get her air back and I take a moment to breathe her in, just before my mouth crashes down on hers. My lips are hard and demanding against hers until she parts them, and I find my tongue licking into her mouth. I feel wounded, open, and … consumed. The feel of her mouth on mine is a shock of sensation. I’d only kissed her a few times all those years ago, and I’ve been reliving her kisses every day since the moment I’d first felt them. Even now I still crave them. I crave her. Her taste is exotic, extravagant, like something I shouldn’t have. The silky slide of her tongue. She parries against me even though she can barely move with the way my hand holds her head just so. I can feel the soft press of her perfect tits against my chest and my own chest rumbles with a barely suppressed groan.

  I’m madly clutching her silky hair, fisting long tufts of it, trying to hold her, to taste her. Inhaling her. When did my hands get up there? The tornado of long denied emotions and latent sexual frustration spins and tumbles and then touches down throughout my body. I’m dizzy, like we were simply sensation and emotion and had lost our bodies. Ari’s arms tighten, her chest heaving, the desperation that she’s leaking intoxicating me. My hands move to holding her face, my lips gentling and molding against hers. Our tongues slow and stroke, the pace becomes agonizingly sweet and infinitely more dangerous. She suddenly lets out a half-sob that slaps me in the face and I realize what the fuck I’m doing. I can’t do this. With everything I have, I pull away, pull my lips from hers, struggling not to sink back into her.

  She tilts her face up as I shake my head and I watch as her eyes flicker open to meet mine. Her sweet breath saws in and out, fanning across my skin. Confusion morphs into something indiscernible as her fathomless golden eyes focus on me. And then I’m cupping her face. She tries to turn her face away from me, closing her eyes, her mouth grim like she’s in pain. She drops her arms that had been clenching my body.

  “No,” I say harshly, through gritted teeth. Pulling her in, my hands wrap around her body, gathering her close, and holding her tight against me. “Don’t let go,” I whisper hoarsely.

  But she doesn’t hold me back. My arms fall limply to my sides, and I will the beat of desire to slowly ebb from my body. It wasn’t difficult now that the shame was winning out. Inhaling deeply, taking a last hit of her scent as my cheek presses against her soft hair, I steel myself to move away from her.

  “Come to finish the job, then?” I ask her.

  “What job?” she asks, her eyes unfocused from the severity of our kiss.

  “Killing me,” I growl. “Why don’t you just finish the job and dig my heart out of my chest for real this time?”

  I walk away, leaving her breathing heavily in the dark room behind me, the devastated look on her face tattooed into my mind.

  8

  Then

  I’m on cloud nine the entire car ride after Jensen’s kiss as we drive to the party. We sneak looks at each other the whole time and then smile every time we catch each other. Who knew Jensen Reid could act giddy? I quickly come back to earth however when we start up a long driveway that’s packed with what seems like three times as many cars as what I see in our school parking lot.

  “Is this the right place?” I ask as we drive right up to the garage and pull in beside what looks like Jesse’s truck. I don’t look too closely to see if I’m right that it’s his truck because all of my attention is focused on the biggest house that I’ve ever seen. It’s really more like a castle than anything else, complete with what looks like turrets on either side of it. There’s a large, foreboding gate that separates where we parked and the entry to the house. I can hear the rumble of a bass coming from inside the house every time people step in and out of the giant front doors that are complete with giant door knockers on them.

  “This is Tanner’s house,” says Jensen in an amused voice at the obvious look of wonder on my face. “His parents are never in town, so this is where we do most of our partying.”

  I nod like I know what he’s talking about. “Where are his parents?” I ask.

  Jensen’s quiet for a moment before he answers. “Most likely in Eng
land where Tanner’s dad’s export company is based. You might have noticed the little accent Tanner has that drives the ladies crazy.”

  I had in fact noticed that. And it did in fact drive me crazy.

  “His dad had wanted to expand the business here, so he moved the family and built this monstrosity of a house. Everything was going smoothly until his dad got caught with the live-in nanny. Tanner’s mom decided they needed to go back to England, but Tanner put up a fuss. We were just starting up the band and he didn’t want to leave. Tanner’s parents didn’t want to deal with it, so they left him here. They check in every once in a while and obviously give him money, but for the most part he’s left to whatever he wants to do.”

  I try to think about what it would be like to be alone with a bunch of money, and I can’t quite wrap my mind around it. I’m alone most of the time too, but without the money part, it hasn’t been an easy experience.

  Jensen distracts me from my thoughts by grabbing my hand while we walk to the door, almost like it’s becoming habit.

  As soon as the door to the house opens, I’m assaulted by a myriad of noises so loud that I’m already itching to run away before I take a step inside. The giant foyer right inside the door is packed with high school and college age guys and girls that are all dancing. At the top of the stairs a giant DJ booth is set up and spinning all the top hits. Jensen leads me through the room, and everyone stops to try and shake hands with him, or in all the girls’ cases, to touch him and try and get his attention. He says hello to a few people but doesn’t stop to talk to anyone. In the next room is a giant living room with tables set up filled with people playing beer pong and flip cup. I can see that there’s a giant bar set up in the kitchen across the way where people are lined up waiting for bartenders to make their drinks.

  Looking out the back windows, I see a giant pool that looks like something that would be at a resort. There’s at least a hundred people out there dancing, singing, and drinking. I can see ten girls in bathing suits standing on another bar set up outside. They are dancing with each other while a crowd of guys watches and cheers. Everything is so far from any party that I’ve been to that my eyes bounce all around as I gape at everything. Jensen keeps walking despite the increasingly large amount of people that are trying to get his attention. He leads me up another grand staircase, down a long hallway, and opens a door...just in time for us to see Tanner snorting a line of white powder off of a table with a couple of other people. He looks up as we walk in, his face a mixture of shock and shame even as his eyes start to dilate from the drugs. Jensen mutters a low curse and I try to bolt. Drugs are something I don’t do. Not after seeing how Terry and David act ...not after how touchy-feely David gets afterwards with me.

  I pull away from Jensen and try to leave the room before I’m caught against a broad chest. I look up to see Jesse’s gorgeous, concerned looking eyes.

  “Pretty girl, don’t run,” he murmurs. He leads me over to where a few sectional couches are set up around a movie theatre sized screen. There’s a group of extremely pretty people lounging on the couches, all looking at me interestedly, and in a lot of cases, with jealousy.

  I want to look over and find Tanner, but Jesse seems hell bent on keeping me occupied. Jesse makes me sit on his lap on the couch, which firmly tells everyone around that I’m his...at least for the moment. Accepting that I’m not going anywhere for the time being, the group returns back to their conversation. It’s a mix of who’s hooking up with who, who was at the show tonight, whose football team is going to win tonight...it’s interesting hearing the side of the pretty people for once. At my old school, I had been a loner, never really interacting with anyone besides a few dates.

  Someone turns on some music and a Justin Timberlake song comes on. Jesse has both of his arms around me and he’s cuddling up to me. He gets right up to my ear and then he starts singing the lyrics to me. His voice is low and rumbling and it vibrates all the way down to my toes, making the sweet spot between my legs tingle. It’s no wonder why the guy’s going to be a rockstar someday. Between the looks of a Greek god and the low, scratchy voice of an angel, he’s extraordinary. I’m sure he has millions of women throwing themselves at his feet, desperate to feel those exquisite lips on their bodies, lips that are currently brushing against my ear and down my neck. His fingers start to slide up my leg until their inching up under my skirt like Jensen’s fingers did in the car. Except Jesse shows no sign of stopping. I have enough sense about me that I’m not going to let him feel me up with twenty people watching us, so I jump off his lap and practically run to a bar that’s set up in the corner, because every high school party usually has at least three fully stocked bars complete with a bartender, right?

  I’m about to see if they have Diet Coke or something when I see Jensen and Tanner on the far side of the room, away from everyone else. Jensen seems to be lecturing an out of it looking Tanner. I remember the ashamed look in his eyes when I came in the room and saw him doing drugs. I wonder why he even cared what I thought. As I watch, Jensen gives him a little push and Tanner just takes it, looking down at the ground. Jensen throws up his hands and walks out a door on the far side of the room. Tanner stands there for a second, his fists clenching and unclenching. He finally stalks over to the bar and grabs one of the full bottles of whiskey. He’s just about to take a drink when I whisper his name. He freezes.

  “What are you doing here, Princess?” he asks in a cold voice.

  “You invited me,” I say quietly. “Believe me, I wouldn’t have come otherwise,” I add, thinking about everything I’ve seen so far just walking through the house.

  Tanner gets a hurt look in his eyes that’s gone when I take a closer look. He takes a giant swig out of the bottle that seems to be more about making a statement to me than anything else.

  “Try not to get too offended by people actually having fun,” he says with a false wave of bravado. He starts to walk away.

  “Tanner,” I say quickly, feeling like if I let him walk away right now something bad will happen.

  “What?” he says, his voice cracking a bit. I can see the tension in his shoulders as he waits to see what I’m about to say.

  In that moment I see the lonely boy that Jensen didn’t know he was describing. Tanner has demons...he’s lost. Just like me.

  “Will you watch a movie with me?” I ask, waiting nervously for his response.

  He turns around and looks at me incredulously. When he sees that my face is serious, he slowly nods. I walk over to him and grab his hand, leading him to the couch where Jesse is still sitting, watching us.

  “Get out,” Jesse says lazily to his group of worshipers, and they all leave quickly, chagrined about being sent away.

  I sit down on one side of Jesse, and Tanner sits on the other side of me after grabbing a few remotes. He dims the lights and then pulls up an app on the screen that shows a database of basically every movie that’s ever been created. After some debate we decide to start The Dark Knight since we all agree that Christian Bale and Heath Ledger are magic together.

  A few minutes into the movie, Tanner puts his head on my shoulder and drifts off to sleep. Jesse takes my hand in his and softly strokes it. The room must be sound proof because I can’t hear any signs of the party that I’m sure is still raging all around us. In the dark room, cuddled up between two of the most gorgeous and interesting guys that I’ve ever met, it feels like we’re in our own little world. The only thing that would make this better is if Jensen was here. It’s my last thought before I drift to sleep.

  When I wake up, I have no idea what time it is since the windows are all covered, and the room is dark with the exception of the soft light coming off the still on movie screen. Tanner has somehow managed to move his body so that his head is nestled in my lap with his arm wrapped around my waist. Jesse has his head on my shoulder, his hand still holding mine. I have a crick in my neck and I’m unable to say that sleeping sitting up is the way to go, but I don’t d
are move for fear that I will disturb them. In the soft light of the screen, Tanner looks peaceful and content. It’s a very different look from the cocky face he puts on for the world. I find that I very much prefer it.

  “You like to watch people when they don’t know you’re watching...don’t you baby?” comes a quiet voice that’s heavy with sleep. The appearance of the voice scares me so much that I jump in my seat. Tanner and Jesse both stir but don’t wake up. Looking towards one of the other couches I see that Jensen is stretched out on one of them, a blanket thrown over him. I feel a perverse sense of pleasure that he’s in the room with us instead of out with the party...or worse yet, out with another girl.

  “Just push them off of you and come over here,” he whispers in a gravelly voice. “They both sleep like the dead. You’ll probably get to watch them mistakenly cuddle with each other at some point, which I know is probably one of your fantasies.”

  I roll my eyes at him even though I’m not sure he can see my face. I’m beyond exhausted and the thought of actually laying down sounds good. I try not to think about the fact that I will be lying next to Jensen.

  Moving slowly, I ease out from under Tanner and Jesse’s heads. Jesse’s head falls back on the couch and Tanner curls up in a ball, but neither of them wake up. I grab a few blankets and put them over them before walking over to Jensen.

  I get on the couch, nestling into Jensen’s body in a way that appears much more familiar with him than I actually am. He’s so warm and he smells so good, kind of like a spicy cinnamon, that I just want to get closer.