Second Chance

by Shaun Dowdall

  She had hoped that maybe there was some truth in what she had seen, that maybe James had lived on somehow, but she knew it was just wishful thinking. The man had died saving her and, for that, she felt awful. If she had shown more care when stepping out into the road, he would still alive.

  Her clumsiness had led to his death, something she would never be able to forget. Every morning was the same—that same walk, that same routine. Her brother had always scolded her for playing her music too loud, warning her it would damage her hearing. The bitter irony was that it wasn’t her who had been hurt, but someone trying to protect her instead.

  The image of James still haunted her, the curve of his soft lips when he smiled, his perfectly groomed hair. Everything about him was immaculate. Again, she knew she was idolizing him, but she couldn’t help it.

  Since arriving at university in York, she had had little time to socialize, dedicating all of her energy towards her studies. Those brief smiles she had shared with James in the mornings had been the closest thing to a meaningful relationship she had experienced in years.

  Her mind had wandered on a few occasions, conjuring up foolish fantasies that involved talking to him, but she had never pushed herself to take that step. She knew it would be no use, that she didn’t have the time, even if he had given her a second glance.

  Sighing, Hannah walked across her living room and into the spacious kitchen beyond, pulling the fridge door open and grabbing a cold drink. She pulled the ring of the can, listening to the soft click, followed by the bubbling fizz.

  Turning back towards her living room, she took a swallow of the cold, fizzy drink, lost in thought as she made her way towards her sofa, savoring the taste of the refreshing drink.

  Before leaving the hospital, one of James’ colleagues had arrived, asking if Hannah would come to his funeral. She hadn’t known what to say at the time, struggling with her words. How could she go to his funeral when she was responsible for his death? The idea terrified her.

  She had thought about the invite repeatedly, considering what she should do. She wanted to go, to pay her respects, and get to know the man who had given his life for her, but at the same time, she was scared of how people would react. Would they hate her? Would they blame her?

  What she really wanted more than anything was to wake up from this nightmare, to put the past few days behind her and move on with her life, but she didn’t know how.

  “Hey,” a man’s voice said, waking her from her thoughts.

  Hannah’s eyes darted around the room, settling on the tall man who sat in the armchair opposite her. It was James.

  He looked identical to how he had appeared in the hospital. His clothes were the same, his hair in the exact same style, not a single strand out of place. He smiled across the room at Hannah, chuckling at a joke only he understood.

  Hannah clenched her eyes shut, trying to force the madness away. She knew that when she opened her eyes again, James would be gone, just another figment of her imagination.

  Slowly, she opened her eyes, expecting to find the room empty once again. To her surprise, James was still there, watching her, a look of curiosity on his face.

  “How did you get in here?” she demanded, immediately regretting the question. She knew exactly how he had gotten in. He was stuck in her head after all, a hallucination of her disturbed imagination.

  “Dead, remember?” James replied, his lips curving into a mischievous smile, causing Hannah to blush.

  “This isn’t possible!” she shot back, starring daggers at the man who sat smirking at her.

  She was clearly more unhinged than she had first thought. She knew that trauma could bring on visions and hallucinations, but this was getting ridiculous. This wasn’t real.

  “You’re not real; you’re just something in my head. Something that won’t go away.”

  “Oh, I’m real all right,” he replied. “It’s just that you’re the only one who can see me. I don’t know why this is happening, and I don’t know how it’s possible, but there has to be a reason.”

  Hannah watched as James stood up, walking towards her. He sat down beside her, turning slowly to face her.

  He sat in silence for a short time, clearly considering what to say. “Please, I know that you don’t believe this is possible, but I need you to at least consider the possibility. I need your help,” he said, finally breaking the silence. “No one else can see or hear me. I’m lost, and I have no idea what I’m meant to do. I need your help.”

  She nodded, giving in to her deluded imagination. The least she could do was try to help him, even if he was just a piece of her tortured mind. She needed to help him move on, and she had just the thing.

  “There is something happening tomorrow,” she said. “I’ll take you there. Maybe it will help you to move on.”

  The smile that spread across his face tore at her heartstrings. She felt as though she were leading him into a trap, but if there was one thing that could help him to move on, maybe that was seeing his own funeral.

  Chapter Five

  ~James~

  James sat beside Hannah in her car, watching the world pass by his window. The gentle hum of the vehicle’s engine helped him to relax as the pair sat in silence, an art Hannah had mastered.

  He had asked her where she was taking him, but every time, she refused to give him an answer, simply explaining she was helping him move on. The tone of her voice suggested she wasn’t willing to argue, but he could tell by the slight tremble of her hands that she was clearly uncomfortable with what was happening.

  He had stayed awake all night, thinking about what he had become. He hated the idea of existing indefinitely, unable to affect anything in the world, but the thought of just disappearing terrified him. Never before had he considered life beyond death, but now he found himself face to face with the reality.

  There was so much left that he wanted to do, so much he wanted to see. If he were torn from life so soon, he would never have a chance to do those things.

  James had dreamed of meeting a girl, settling down, and having a family one day, but now that was out of reach, along with all of his dreams. His future was gone, lost within the blink of an eye.

  Hannah seemed so sure that if he were real, and she wasn’t going mad, that where she was taking him would help him crossover to whatever it was that awaited him. Now he sat waiting for her plan to unravel, concerned by what would happen.

  If he was given the choice to move on, he wasn’t sure if he would. He wasn’t ready to go, not yet anyway.

  Tilting his head, he looked at Hannah, noticing the sheer determination on her pretty face. She was too young to deal with this situation; he could see how much she was struggling. He had discovered that she was twenty-one, studying medicine in university miles away from her home in London.

  The time they spent talking the previous evening had filled him with an excitement he hadn’t felt in years, something he thought was long lost. He had drifted through life for the past four years, failing to take in its beauty, realizing too late how much joy it had to offer.

  Now it was almost over, fate taunting him on his way out.

  “Are you really not going to tell me where we are going?” he asked again, hoping Hannah may have finally changed her mind.

  She shook her head in response, her long, dark hair free from the ponytail she usually wore it in, her curls tumbling over her shoulders. Her outfit hadn’t escaped his notice, smart dark trousers with a white, lace shirt and a pair of dark heels. The moment she had stepped into her living room, he had been shocked by how elegant she looked.

  “Come on, you have to tell me eventually,” he said, trying to break her silence.

  It was no use. Hannah’s lips were a thin line, pressed together as though she had to force them shut, or else risk spilling her plan.

  Finally, the car slowed to a crawl, pulling up alongside the sidewalk. James tore his eyes away from Hannah, for the first time taking in their surroundings
.

  The area was vaguely familiar to him, somewhere he had been once before. He looked at the houses across the road, and then to the church a few yards down. Confusion struck him as his eyes scanned the surroundings.

  “You’re not going to get the priest to perform an exorcism, are you?” James asked, only half joking.

  He looked back at Hannah, her knuckles white from her grip on the steering wheel. He could see the tears streaming down her cheeks just before she turned her face away from him, releasing her grip, and climbing from the car.

  He quickly followed, not wanting to be left behind, but fearing what lay ahead. He half expected to feel the thundering of his heartbeat, but once again, he was reminded of his mortality. The silence in his chest was a bitter reminder of what had happened to him. Hannah had brought him here for a reason, and the only way to find out was to follow her.

  “Seriously, why are we here?” he asked again, panic edging into his voice.

  Hannah stormed ahead, her heels clicking as they struck the pavement. James kept pace, walking a few steps behind the girl, his head darting from side to side as he looked around.

  The sky above was grey, threatening to spill its contents at any moment. The soft rumble of thunder sounded somewhere in the distance, the sound of a storm drawing closer.

  The pair walked through the dull, metal gates and into the churchyard. James couldn’t help but shudder as his eyes fell on the graveyard to his right, a mismatch of headstones marking the final resting place of the deceased.

  He stopped dead in his tracks as he looked to the looming church doors ahead. For the first time, he noticed one of his closest friends and colleagues, Ben, waiting outside, dressed in a stylish suit.

  The man was in his early thirties, receding blond hair cut short, and his green eyes red from emotion. He was medium height and stocky, but today, he stood as though he held the weight of the world on his shoulders.

  As James watched Hannah approach his friend, he finally realized where the girl had taken him—to his own funeral.

  The whirlwind of emotions that struck him were overwhelming. He staggered towards the church doors, not wanting to enter the building, scared that if he did he would be forced to move on. He watched as Ben embraced Hannah, thanking her for attending, begging her not to blame herself. For the first time ever, James saw Ben cry, his barriers breaking down under the strain.

  James stood by helplessly, wanting nothing more than to tell his friend he was okay, that everything would work out for the best, but he couldn’t. All he could do was watch, unable to partake in the world around him.

  Hannah broke away from Ben, entering through the dark oak doors of the church and into the cold, stone building beyond. James was quick to follow her, stopping for a brief moment in front of his friend to place a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

  For a moment, he could have sworn that Ben saw him, his friend’s eyes fixing on his own, but that moment had been over as fast as it had come.

  Entering the church, James found Hannah seated as far away from the front as possible, nestled in one of the left-hand pews. As he moved to sit beside her, he looked out over the mass that had gathered, crowding in the front rows, talking to one another. Some remained silent while others openly sobbed.

  “I’m sorry,” Hannah whispered as James sat beside her. “I feel awful for bringing you here.”

  James looked at the girl and saw that she was still crying, her makeup smudged by her tears. Even in her sorrow, the girl still looked beautiful, her freckles standing out against her pale skin, her deep brown eyes staring at him.

  James smiled, trying to force away the fear he felt. “It’s ok,” he choked. “Ben’s right you know? This isn’t your fault.”

  Hannah nodded, not truly believing what he said, but clearly refusing to argue with him.

  The pair sat in silence, watching as the last few people joined the congregation, waiting until the priest took his position. James watched the man, dreading his words, fighting the urge to scream. No matter what he did, he couldn’t change what had already happened. All he could do was wait, watching as the crowd fell silent when the priest said his first words…

  “Let us begin.”

  Chapter Six

  ~Hannah~

  The pair stood beside each other, staring down at the headstone that marked James’ final resting place. Well, at least, his body’s final resting place. The silence was eerie as they stood together, his friends having left thirty minutes earlier.

  Now they were alone, with nothing but the occasional rumble of thunder for company. Hannah looked up into the tumultuous sky, staring at the dark clouds that raced towards them. She could smell the rain, the cold blast of air washing over her as the storm approached. In the distance, she saw a flash of brilliant white light as the sky split, followed by a roar of thunder.

  She had always loved storms, enjoying the patter of rain against her window growing up. She remembered staring out into the night, watching as the clouds crashed together, unleashing their contents onto the world below.

  Turning to look at James, she, for the first time, saw his true emotions. The man had been so casual ever since he appeared, refusing to show her how he really felt, but now, everything had clearly caught up with him.

  He stood as still as a statue, his hand pressed against the cold stone where his name was engraved. Since arriving at the church, he had hardly said a word, watching in horror as the coffin was carried down the aisle and finally lowered into the ground.

  James had been stunned into silence, unable to find the words to express himself. He had watched through haunted eyes as those he had once known mourned his passing, unable to make even the slightest impact.

  As she watched him, she had desperately longed to hold his hand in hers, to squeeze his fingers, to let him know that she was there for him, but she couldn’t. Nothing she could do would help him. Either he was a figment of her deluded mind, or he was something else, something unexplainable.

  She had hoped by attending the funeral that she could begin to come to terms with what had happened, helping her to move on and forget these visions. If she wasn’t crazy, then she had hoped the funeral would help James to move on, but he was still here.

  She was out of her depth. She had always been so logical, clinging to science to give her the answers she so desperately craved, but there were no facts to help her now.

  Whatever was happening to her was unexplainable. She didn’t want to accept the truth, but deep down, she was beginning to believe that the man who stood before her was somehow real.

  There was something about him, an energy, a sensation she felt that screamed at her he existed, despite what common sense told her.

  The first drops of rain began to fall, splashing against the grass. Hannah looked up into the foreboding clouds, feeling the cold water spray against her soft cheeks. All around her, the torrent began to fall, drenching her white top, and soaking her to the skin. Her dark hair was soon dripping wet, plastered to her face.

  Her breath misted before her eyes as she stared up into the heavens, letting the rain run over her, hoping the water would disguise the tears that escaped. Emotion wracked her body, causing her to shiver. Her skin broke out in goose bumps, a slight jolt of electricity running down her spine.

  “I can’t even feel that,” she heard James say, glad to hear his voice for the first time in over an hour. “Something as simple as rain and it passes right through me.”

  Hannah looked at James, blinking the drops from her eyes. She could see him as clear as day, but the rain passed straight through him, as though he wasn’t even there.

  “I don’t understand how this is possible,” Hannah said. “I’ll admit—I still don’t even know if you’re real or if I’m just imagining things.”

  James smiled, clearly taking some kind of bizarre comfort in her words. As she looked at him, she found herself wondering how she had passed him by almost every day without ever summoni
ng the courage to talk to him. He was tall, well built, and extremely attractive, his eyes so deep that she felt she could drown in them.

  She had been so engrossed in her studies that she had never taken the time to just stop and notice everything around her. She had been so intent on preparing for her future, to save lives, that she hadn’t taken the time to save her own. Now that she could finally see him, it was already too late.

  “I’m here,” he said, his voice hardly louder than a whisper. “But I don’t understand why.”

  “You need to move on,” Hannah said. “Maybe there’s a light? They always talk about going into the light in films.”

  She felt foolish as she looked at James, seeing how he looked at her. Once again, he wore his mischievous smile, laughing as though she had told the funniest joke in the world. She had missed that smile, a feeling that troubled her even more than anything else did.

  “There is no light,” James explained. “But there is a lot of rain and if we don’t get you someplace dry, you’re going to catch a cold.”

  Hannah smiled, warmed by the concern James felt for her. For the first time in years, she felt as though she weren’t alone.

  As the pair walked from the graveyard, Hannah found herself hoping she wasn’t losing her mind. As selfish as it was, she desperately wanted James to be real, knowing that the emotions she felt were dangerous, risking nothing but heartache and pain.

  Chapter Seven

  ~Hannah~

  The pair sat together in the corner of a warm cafe, hidden away from the storm outside. Hannah held the burning cup in her hands, letting the scent of the coffee fill her nostrils as she sat looking at James.

  The man was dry, from head to toe, not a single drop of water on him, unlike her. She was soaked, her clothes clinging to her body, her dark hair a disheveled mess. As she shivered, the bite of the cold making its way through her, she took a sip, the coffee doing little to chase away the feeling.