The Meddler

by Donna Maria McCarthy

‘But, Reuben, it is nothing peculiar to us. He is wicked, yes, but funnily holds no fascination for me. His purpose is apparent and dull and wilfully detests everyone. He will destroy this, Reuben, and with help. If I could meddle I would but it is hopeless, as all those connected to him are equally poisonous and he has an appetite for it. I would waste my time, as do you.’

  ‘I shall find that out for myself. There is still chance in this world, Meddler, and I do not believe one so tiny can know everything.’

  ‘I agree, Reub, and for sure I do not know everything, as I discover lately. You may well be right, for this pattern of events is abnormal and I cannot piece it together. Let us hope we are surprised together!’

  ‘On with you then.’ And he hoisted wee Meddler aboard the cart.

  ‘For someone with no invite you seem determined, Reuben. Surely punctuality is unnecessary?’

  ‘I need no invite for what I am to say. Sides, they invited me in when they decided to decide without us!’ Reuben urged the old cobb on.

  ‘If you will put up with her farts, I am sure she would give more, Reub?’

  ‘I am not in so much of a hurry, thank you, Creature!’

  ‘I felt sure this was pressing?’

  ‘No, not so!’ He warned but could not hide his amusement.

  Chapter 11

  ‘Fricking, fracking, fat ole fart! Fart with an art!’ A tangled tinker barred their way, a bad path they trod, in a way he would say.

  ‘I could not agree more!’ Meddler cheekily concurred.

  ‘Gold? Gold! He wipes his arse with your gold!’

  ‘Absolutely, though it would pain him I am sure.’

  ‘What the blasted hell you going on about? He’s insulting me isn’t he, Creature?’

  ‘This is Tink Madrigal, Reuben, and his tongue is as coherent as yours to myself. And you would know if he insulted you! Without my help!’

  ‘Well, how do you do, Tink? I have got no gold to give. I am sure that is what you said?’

  ‘Pay him with a visit you will, and he will see it as a begging. That from a man such as you, well that’s gold and I will have some too if you please! Gold! Gold! It is all around! Can’t you see?’ Flinging his trousers off and bending over, he shouted, ‘Gold! Gold you see!’

  ‘Well he is slightly off sometimes, but in essence he speaks truths. It is gold like in colour at least! But, Reub, he is another farter!’

  A pungent gust hit the air.

  ‘I am trying to remain serious this day of all, Creature!’ He gave way to laughter, bent double and wheezed, ‘Lord though let us be gone! I would say you planned this but can see you are as bemused as I!’

  ‘But of course, I know everything, Reuben but can still be amazed. I truly hadn’t expected as much as he gave! I feel it was deliberate, out of disdain and am quite overcome! The smell on its own, and that you were presented with gold and left it? So much of it too. Why to this day, do Meddlers not evolve themselves out of a sense of smell is most distressing. Surely the process of obtaining one is flawed? Are we not so then? Surely in a day we are subjected to some of the worse bouquets and with only a smattering of good, therefore?’

  ‘My life, Meddler, I never met one who tickled me more than you.’

  ‘And you, Reuben, none ever confused me so or fascinated me more. I feel as though we are bound?’

  ‘Aye seems so. What would you do, Creature, if it was not for myself and the rest? Can you make your own future? Or are you restricted by magic?’

  ‘No surprises , Reuben, just things I find no pleasure in at the moment and cannot understand them.’

  ‘So it is set then?’

  ‘All things are, Reuben, even this pretty day was made thousands or years ago. Do you see the mathematics of it now? I must say it has never been put so well, even if I am a little vain.’

  ‘And surprises?’

  ‘Still the same, yes. Do you see where everything is a sum?’

  ‘No, and never shall!’

  A grumpy journey then ensued, until arriving at Farmer Lickspittle’s gate.

  Reuben rattled the door.

  ‘What bloody now? I am trying to eat!’ his daughter Hephzibah, answered. A rude and hefty looking girl with features squashed into a quarter inch, and a mouthful of ham which she attacked and dealt with quickly. Such manners. ‘Yeah? What you want?’

  ‘Good morning to you, I have come to talk with your father. I am Reuben, and partly rent his field over yonder.’

  ‘You are a weird looking one!’ She poked Meddle’s shoulder and he whimpered, ‘Ouch! So strong.’

  ‘What you got, baubies or a flower?’

  ‘None I think, thank you. And you?’

  ‘Is he alright? I mean, you know – alright ?’

  ‘I am shocked at his inability to not know that your baubies are plain, at least from where I see.’

  ‘You can shut your facking trap, you silly old fool! And my father isn’t here. I will hear what you have to say! I dare say you beg for a reduction in rent? You can just forget that!’

  ‘Excuse me, miss? I was sure you wasn’t so but am happy to be mistaken and am sure your father puts good use to that powerful arm of yours. And I do not come here to beg for cheaper rent and would rather wait on for himself.’

  ‘Well you will not!’ She slammed the door and screamed at the dog, who caught his tail.

  ‘Right about now, Creature, would be a good time to meddle if such a thing exists.’

  ‘And is how it goes, allow me old friend,’ he mumbled to himself that meddling had got entirely predictable and boring, and that he was beginning to envy Reuben.

  Hephzibah opened the door. ‘Well after all, I might have been a bit rude. Reuben is it? Perhaps you and that thing , can wait on my Pa after all. Outside though, you are lucky the weather’s fine.’ And once again she slammed the door, though strangely looked less than ugly this time, which had Reuben wonder,

  ‘And how did you meddle?’

  ‘I secured our fine arrangements with little effort, and am sure you could have done so just as effectively.’ As they sat on a bale outside the stables he proudly went on, ‘The neighbouring farmer’s son talks of her constantly, even if it is only of her obliging ways. For such a girl as Hephzibah, is a compliment, – almost a declaration of love!’

  ‘Hephzibah? That is Hebrew I am sure, little one.’

  ‘Yes, Reuben, clever enough to change their last name from the old language, but when it comes to naming their children? Vanity, Reub!’

  ‘Farmer Lickspittle, good choice! I wonder if the meaning ever occurred to him.’

  ‘It perhaps was his plan? Sycophant!’

  ‘Whatever that means, never call me it, Creature.’

  ‘I guarantee, Reub, you will never own the name, and never would breathe yours in the same breath. I might draw an analogy for you?’

  ‘Enough! I have no room for analogies or drawings of any sort, less it be in my notebook.’

  ‘Enough! Enough it is to be sure, to only draw analogies in notebooks. Surely a more profound statement was never uttered!’

  ‘Aye but gets me thinking, surely some of us hail from the same world? I know of at least five, not including myself. No upon reflection this looks more favourable, Creature.’

  Perhaps, but these people grovel for the very reason you speak of, Reuben. They are accepted only through compliance, and will give you and yours up so as to not know a similar fate. I am sorry to not have better tidings, old friend, truly I am.’

  ‘We will see, Creature, we will see. I come from a proud people who have known hardship more than any. He will come round, you will see.’

  ‘If he comes round, Reuben, it is a contrivance to trap you. I am sorry that this all reveals itself to me so slowly. I cannot give you time, just advice as we realise this all together. Both of us know, if you are honest, that this does not bode well for you.’

  ‘You grow wise, Creature. Now that is some of my magic and will say that I am
responsible for it.’

  ‘Absolutely you are! And though I feel as though we grow closer, I worry it is only to make the parting bitter. I wonder that you might know more than you say, Reuben?’

  ‘That I go to my ends, Meddler? I am a fighter, a dragon some say – never enjoyed anything as much as I did a good fight!’

  ‘But perhaps you are right. I may be novice at this magic of yours but still nobody is so ignorant that you cannot learn something from them, ay old friend? Would you consider the odds with me?’

  ‘If you wish, Meddler, I cannot see the harm.’

  ‘Very well. Firstly we have you, and indeed you are a dragon! Then there is Harry, our giant.You see where I am going with this?’

  ‘Not really, no, but is amusing enough.’

  ‘Then we have little Elspeth, a great thinker and apprentice wizard with her calculus, you see. Kane of course, a wise man who sees into souls where I can only discover sums. And lastly, Bell Baker, a holy man who has influence and magic in that. Now for the negative, if you are ready?’

  ‘But all this is not news, Creature? Though pleasant, so please go on.’

  ‘Two Witches in Niamh and Willy, Reub. One of great beauty but with no soul and one so ill with her malevolence that she is infectious to those who prod her out of fear or un-knowing. A town full of people I will have you know, bar the aforementioned, will soon find a purpose for her; and she will become revered, briefly, but with devastating effect. The nephew has no magic but is equally dangerous, for you see the Witch Niamh is magnificent to him.’

  ‘More than he?’

  ‘Absolutely, she has crushed him.’

  ‘Hey up, what do you all want?’ Farmer Lickspittle caught the two by surprise.

  ‘You caught us resting, friend, we have had no time of late you see. I am Reuben from the field, and would beg a word with you?’

  ‘No time for beggars!’ He moved away.

  ‘It is just a saying, your first name please? Surely you are not above that?’

  ‘Archibald, and no, I am not yet above such pleasantries, what can I help you with?’

  ‘If you will sit a while with me? I cannot shout it all, Archie!’

  ‘ Archibald , and no time for tomes – not with such a hunger, but you can wait on me.’

  Reuben flushed with a rage. ‘No Sir, I will not wait and you can please who you like, and it will empty your pockets! I am a proud man from a proud nation and say I do not recognise any of it in you! Good day, Sir!’

  ‘And a Good day to you, though I would say you have known none!’

  ‘Is that right? I would say that I know better my position and that we will all be a deal richer. There will be no rent for you this time and we will be gone by next moon. You are a trade-off man!’

  ‘You’ve not heard me out have you?’

  ‘Oh I hears you alright, come on, Creature.’ Reuben tapped Meddler who, though confused at human error and vanity, still managed to stick his ridiculous tongue out at the cur Farmer Lickspittle, who kicked him, adding, ‘Up your arse, you weasel!’

  Meddler, in all honesty, was not caught by surprise though still fell to the floor. Reuben lashed out and grabbed the Farmer, ‘You will not touch one of mine again, unless you fancy your chances?’ Lickspittle shrank from his grip. ‘There, you know it now!’ And he pushed the farmer to the ground.

  ‘You know the Proctor Forsythe nephew?’ Meddler didn’t need bravery to confront the cur that struggled to his feet, just his superior knowledge of all that would pass at that moment.

  ‘He has an eye on this place and you have gained no support this day with your ignorance.’

  ‘And what do you know of it, ay? Reuben grabbed him again.

  ‘Enough, and I do not feel obliged to tell it, am enjoying the fact that you will not be prepared.’

  Reuben pushed him to the floor again as he lashed out for little Meddler.

  ‘You’re a big man, Reuben that’s for sure – and strong. But with no place to call home, with so many to look after, you may be wanting help. Let me tell you, you will find none in these parts!’

  ‘Won’t he? I think I know better!’ Meddler stood at his feet with fist raised, he had practised it and was longing to use it. The timing was perfect! Reuben pushed Lickspittle to the ground again, more so to amuse his little friend who grew dearer to him every moment, and the two left him to his curious chickens and incredibly odd daughter.

  ‘Now what?’

  ‘You ask me, Reuben, and I so wish I could annoy you with more illumination – but am on a voyage of discovery mysef. I do not enjoy it, Reub. I say, if you will not listen to a warning, to know that I do not like this, then what?’

  ‘I just ask what to tell The Heart? You have a mind that thinks, surely, Meddler?’

  He blushed again, though Reuben did not see. So sad.

  ‘But of course, though you already have my answer. There is nothing to be done.’

  Spiteful maybe, of Meddler? or is it that we all credit him with too much? So sad.

  ‘What would you do, Creature?’ Reuben bellowed, which shook Meddler who stayed quiet for all of a minute,

  ‘I would ask that you take me home, is all.’ He choked on the words and attributed it to a hot and dusty road. Reuben lashed at Bess, who cried too and would never bless him with such an informal greeting as a fart again.

  ***

  Midday saw them home and little Meddler could not be rid of Reuben’s company quicker. The now quite fierce dragon had no mind for shame and no time, summoning all respected elders to a dry fire, for the day was still warm and an empty glass for clear thinking was required. Fear brought them rushing to his side.

  ‘Patience man! You are not psychic, and Meddler has foretold none of this future.’

  ‘That’s because he does not know it, isn’t that right, Creature? Come here and tell how you lose your magic!’

  ‘I am busy!’ he yelled, still choked at Reuben’s words and blaming the feeling on a lengthening of his tongue.

  ‘Will you come for your Nella?’ And she went to where he conspicuously hid behind the wheel to her cart.

  ‘I sees your silly feet poking through, come here, little one.’ She looked at him with concern and worry to see him so confused. ‘You can’t be hurting ay? That isn’t you?’

  ‘It is just my tongue, Nella, it grows more I think! Will you look?’

  She put her hand to his chin and he opened for her.

  ‘It is definitely growing, Creature, you are right. But do not worry, you are not yet human!’

  ‘And yet, I think I will be!’

  ‘What silly notions have filled your head? No, you will never be human, take no notice of that silly old fool! Ay Reuben? What nonsense do you teach him whilst you preens your vanity? He sees no future for you, because you are a bore and cannot inspire him! That is all there is to it!’

  Meddler crept beside her, where others sat and who seemed less worried that he did not think so clearly. ‘I shall sit here.’ And took a seat as far away from the old dragon as possible, ‘I have very sensitive ears, no need for shouting.’

  ‘You do not need me to say the words to know that I am sorry, Creature!’ Reuben was as soft as he could be fierce.

  ‘Oh quit this business, Reuben! You are too serious. He plays like the little ones, so why must you treat him different?’

  ‘He has a use.’

  ‘Oh, you vicious old man!’

  ‘Hurtful.’ Meddler whimpered, though was truly playing and had not yet come to know emotions with authority.

  ‘Stop!’ Reuben warned, as some of the elders fussed over Meddler, ‘we spoil him! Do you see? He has a use, I will say it again; but will have no more than a court room jester if you smother his instincts and gifts with silly nurture!’

  Meddler burst from within the heap of good will. ‘He is right! He is right! Reuben, you genius! Of course, of course – now perhaps I shall see. I have nothing to tell that your own wisdom does not.
I am confused where you attribute more to me than I can see, do you see? Your words are nonsensical to me, hence I am muddled where I should meddle . If you will excuse me, I must study this effect. Truly, evolution is tasking, confusing and fearsome.’

  And he fell out of a tangle so it would seem, as did the others, who for a while through indulgence of such a creature, had ignored instinct and wisdom for love of his magic. Now both sides stood free and perhaps in less danger.

  ‘What do you do there, Oaky?’ Reuben asked as he rooted about in others’ carts and as was permitted. There were no secrets amongst these people, they caused anger and bitterness and lead to persecution – an indulgence of the deluded, believing themselves to be psychic.

  ‘Surely at some point, we had arms?’ And was as frustrated at being caught as he was from his fruitless search.

  ‘Come here, my boy.’

  ‘No, Reub, I cannot take another dismissing! I am a man, at least all that my ma has got; and I will act so!’

  ‘It might not come to all this, Oaky; what do you see, boy?’

  ‘Be honest with me, Reub, you are not the same of late – you wander and are distant.’

  ‘Aye, for my ends I search and for a reason why, but not when. I do not worry for you or the others. I will leave yes, but will bring about a change for the good I think..’

  ‘And why so, Reub? Why would that of all things be good?’

  ‘That I cannot, nay will not answer. I have too much pride and this thing must run its course.’

  ‘If you will not tell me the truth, Reuben, I shall go looking for it in Hares Folly!’

  ‘No, you will not boy, you look to protect your ma in my absence, this I can see in you. My time is short, Oaky, my feet sink deeper and my shadow is oddly long. Meddler would have it that I return to a lost world where I breathe fire and provoke wizards. Still it fills a void and is as pleasant a way to think as you go to your ends, that I can think of!’

  ‘No, Reuben! We cannot manage without you. Damn creature filling your head with dreams instead of a future. I will swing for him!’

  ‘And then you will not,’ he said as Oaky stopped, struck by the answer. But as we all are aware, was really Meddler who struck.