The House of Roses

by Holden Robinson

  “Okay. Mom, can I smoke? Can I just have one?”

  “Jeez, is there a Smokers Anonymous?” Maria asked.

  “Ask my mother, she'd know.”

  “Do you want this or not?” Rita said.

  “Thanks,” Caitlin said, reaching for the cigarette before heading to the porch. “Chicken,” she whispered to herself, as she took a seat in her mother's chair.

  She dialed the numbers to Colin's cell phone. It rang once, then again, and Caitlin exhaled and prepared to leave a message. He answered on the third ring. Shit!

  “Dr. Thomas,” Colin said, and Caitlin inhaled sharply.

  “Hi,” Caitlin said. “It's Caitlin.”

  “Cate? Hi. Hello. How are you?”

  “I'm okay. How are you?”

  “Tough day. Rosario died this morning.”

  “Oh, Colin. I'm sorry. How is her little girl?”

  “She's doing pretty well. She's watching Finding Nemo with our nanny.”

  “You have a nanny?” Caitlin asked incredulously.

  “I do. I planned for this as well as I could. I'm sorry about your friend, Cate. Rita told me what happened.”

  “Thank you, Colin. Are you okay?”

  “I'm doing as well as I can.” I can't tell her I know. Not like this. “Caitlin, I'd really like to see you. Can I see you?” Colin asked, and Caitlin was surprised to hear something that sounded like desperation in his voice.

  “I'd like that. It's a hard week.”

  “It's been rough here, too.”

  “I wish you were here, Colin.”

  “I wish I was too, Cate. God, I've missed you. I made a mistake. I shouldn't have left.”

  “I made mistakes, too,” she admitted.

  “Can we fix them?” he asked gently.

  “I'd like to try.”

  “I'd like that, too,” he said.

  Caitlin lit the cigarette with a shaking hand.

  “What was that?” he asked.

  “A lighter. I lit a candle on the porch,” she lied. No more lies. “And a cigarette.”

  “You smoke?”

  “No. I took one from Rita. I was scared to call you.”

  “I was scared you wouldn't.”

  “I'm glad I did.”

  “So am I. Call me again soon?” Colin asked.

  “I will.”

  “Good. I love you, Caitlin, and I'm not saying that because I'd sad, or scared, which I'm both. I really do love you. I never stopped.”

  “Me either.”

  “Say it.”

  “Say it?”

  “Say you love me. I need to hear it, Cate.”

  “I love you, Colin.”

  “Thank you. Keep your chin up. I'll talk to you soon.”

  “Bye.”

  “Bye, Cate.”

  “I said it,” Caitlin whispered. “I said it, Ella. I'm keeping my promise.”

  ***

  “Who was that, Papa?” Mia asked, and Colin jumped. He hadn't heard her come into the kitchen.

  “The lady we met at the festival.”

  “The blond haired lady?”

  “That's her.”

  “She likes you.”

  “You think so?” Colin asked, amazed to be having the conversation with a six year old child.

  “Yeah. Girls know stuff like this.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Yeah. I liked a boy.”

  “How'd that go, Mia?” Colin asked. Caren had come into the kitchen, and stood smiling at them from the doorway.

  “He barfed in the lunchroom one day. That was gross.”

  “I'll bet.”

  “I'm hungry,” Mia said, changing the subject, for which Colin was grateful. He hardly knew how to be a father, but he was confident he shouldn't be discussing his love life with such a young child. “Papa, I'm hungry!” Mia repeated.

  “Oh, right. Sorry, pumpkin,” Colin stammered. “What would you like to eat?”

  “Pizza. I'll ask........,” Mia trailed off, and started to cry. “I forgot,” she whimpered, and Colin knelt and took her in his arms.

  “It's okay.”

  “I miss Mama.”

  “I know, sweetheart.”

  “You're sure she's okay?” Mia asked, as tears welled in her beautiful eyes.

  “She's okay now,” Colin reassured her.

  “Can I still have pizza?”

  “Sure. Want to go out?”

  “No. Can we have pizza here and watch the talking fish again?”

  “More fish?” Colin groaned, and Mia giggled. She was going to be okay. They would get her through this, one moment at a time, and then one day at a time. Whatever it took, whatever she needed, they would do it. It was about Mia now.

  “I like that movie. Papa, are you listening?” Mia asked, interrupting Colin's thoughts.

  “Yes, I was just thinking. We have other movies, sweetheart. Do you want to try a different one?” Colin asked.

  “No. I like that one.”

  “I guess we're eating fish and watching pizza,” Colin said playfully, having successfully survived another difficult moment.

  “Papa, that's wrong!” Mia said, giggling, and whispering loudly in his ear. “We're not eating the fish, we're eating the pizza!”

  “Works out nicer for the fish,” Caren said, looking impressed.

  Fifty-three

  The lobby of the funeral parlor was dimly lit. The first thing Caitlin noticed was the ugly carpet, and then the depressing music.

  “No wonder people cry here,” Rita said, mirroring her daughter's thoughts.

  Liz and Howie Parker had already arrived, and Liz hugged Rita, while Howie walked toward Caitlin.

  “Cate,” he said, taking her into an embrace. Caitlin smiled into his shoulder. He was predictable, and it was comforting.

  “Hi, Howie. How are you guys doing?”

  “Fair,” he said, stepping back and kissing Caitlin's cheek. He glanced at the twins. “Precious,” he whispered, and Caitlin smiled again.

  “Thank you,” Caitlin said.

  “Cate?” Rita said, and Caitlin turned. “It's time.”

  “I'll stay out here with the twins,” Maria said. Caitlin noticed that Nathan held tightly to Maria's hand. They had become what one might consider a couple. They had yet to have their first date.

  “How's Erica?” Caitlin whispered.

  “She's not doing well. She's coming with Becca and her mom. I said it was okay. ”

  “I'm sorry, Nathan.”

  “Yeah, Caitlin. So am I.”

  “Cate!” Rita said. “Honey, please.”

  “Okay, Mom.”

  Nathan leaned over to kiss Maria's cheek, and he whispered something in her ear. Maria didn't smile, she simply touched his cheek, and nodded.

  “Come on, Cate,” Nathan said, taking her hand in his.

  Rita stood in front of them, and when she reached her hand back, Caitlin took it and squeezed it warmly. They had each distanced themselves from grief in the past couple of days, but the time to face their heartbreak had come. The funeral director opened the double doors, and slowly the family of Ella Simons padded into the room toward her coffin.

  The first ten seconds went well, until Liz began to sob. Her husband held her against his side, and she seemed to stumble as she stared into the face of her sister.

  “I kept telling myself it wasn't real. I kept thinking they got it wrong,” Liz said through her tears. The only response was soft whimpers, and Caitlin was grateful when Nathan moved to Rita's side, and put his arm around her. In all her life, Caitlin had never seen her mother more broken.

  “Oh, my sweet Ella,” Rita wailed.

  Caitlin said nothing, she just stood, shaking, the tears streaming down her face. Nathan wept openly, and made no effort to conceal his sorrow. It was horrible, gut wrenching, and Caitlin played the words over and over in her mind. How would a writer describe such a scene?

  The family was broken. No words were spoken, and the quie
t room became a symphony of sorrow.

  The family of Ella Simons stood weeping for ten minutes. No one spoke. They were each lost in their thoughts, in the recesses of their minds, as they alternately remembered Ella Simons, and contemplated a life without her.

  Caitlin looked at her mother, who stood demurely in a plain black dress. The old trench coat had been passed off to the attendant, and now hung on a wooden hanger, hidden behind a sliding door, in the lobby. Rita had even done her hair, and Caitlin wondered if Ella suddenly came to life, sat up in the cherry box and looked around, would she even recognize her best friend? Caitlin laughed, without meaning to, and everyone looked at her. “I'm sorry,” she whispered, feeling shame and guilt.

  “It's quite all right,” Nathan said, coming to her rescue, and her side. “Care to share this memory or thought that made you laugh through your tears?” Nathan asked, as everyone waited.

  “I don't know if I should.”

  “Please. I'm sick of crying. I'm a grown man, and I've carried on like a sad little boy for days. If you've come up with something funny, please tell me,” Nathan nearly begged.

  “I was just thinking that Ella wouldn't recognize my mother. You look beautiful, Mom.”

  “Thank you, Cate......., I think.”

  “I could see her coming toward me with a wad of Kleenex saying, 'Noonie, your nose is running,” Nathan said, and his mother smiled.

  “It is,” Liz whispered, and Nathan wiped it on the tissue he held in his fist.

  “I could hear her voice in my head saying, 'Rita, look at you, you've combed your hair,” Rita added, with a weak smile.

  They heard a sound near the door, and everyone turned. The funeral director had opened the doors, and Caitlin saw the stroller and heard Rogan fussing.

  “I wasn't sure what to do with him. He's pretty upset,” Maria said, looking guilty.

  “It's okay. Bring them in,” Liz said, and her husband nodded at her side.

  “Come here, sweetheart,” Rita said, lifting the baby from the stroller. Caitlin was inclined to take him, but she knew Rita needed the comfort of her grandson. They all needed reminders of life, of its miracles, and the babies were a welcome distraction.

  “Caitlin,” Liz said softly, and Caitlin turned. “I want you to know how much it meant to Ella that you brought the twins to see her. She told me it would remain one of the greatest moments of her life. Thank you for doing that for her.”

  “You're welcome, Liz,” Caitlin said.

  “Rita, did you do all this?” Maria asked, and Caitlin looked around. She had been so lost in her grief she hadn't noticed anything around her.

  “Mom?” Caitlin said, awestruck.

  “I did this on Sunday,” Rita said, walking toward a collage of photos, surrounded by rose petals. “Liz and Howie brought everything this afternoon.”

  “The painting!” Caitlin said. The painting stood on an easel in the corner, surrounded by arrangements of roses.

  “I've never seen that,” Liz said, looking at her sister, who stared back at her from the canvas. “It's beautiful”

  “My mother painted that,” Caitlin said, and everyone looked at Rita in amazement.

  “You did that?” Nathan asked incredulously.

  “Yes.”

  “You just picked up a paintbrush and did that?” Nathan asked

  “I did. I painted it from a picture, an old picture of my best friend.”

  “You painted it from you heart, Rita,” Liz said, and everyone agreed.

  “I did,” Rita said, smiling at the painting. “That's where Ella lives now. She lives in our hearts.”

  “Can we go back to the funny stuff?” Nathan asked, as he brushed fresh tears from his face.

  “The flowers are beautiful, Mom. Ella would be thrilled,” Caitlin said.

  “I didn't do that one,” Rita said, pointing to a spray of wild flowers in the corner.

  “Who did?”

  “Look at the card.”

  Caitlin did. Gently she pushed the flowers aside, and read the card.

  My dearest Caitlin. I am sorry for your loss and for your sadness. Such a beautiful heart should never be broken. All my love, Colin.

  “They're from Colin,” Caitlin whispered to her mother, who stood at her side. “Colin sent these.”

  “I know. Promise me something, Cate?”

  “Okay,” Caitlin whispered.

  “When this is over, when we go back to thinking about life again, go to that man and let him love you. He wants to, Caitlin. I can tell.”

  “I know,” Caitlin said. She did know. He loved her, and she loved him. Maybe it was that simple.

  The remainder of the evening passed in a blur. The mourners came, in droves, and they were reminded of what a beautiful person Ella was, of how much she was loved. Just before the calling hours came to a close, Caitlin recognized the doctor who had treated her in the tent at the festival. He walked to her mother's side, kissed Rita's cheek, and held both of her hands in his. He lingered there, speaking softly, and before he walked away, he kissed her cheek again, and Rita whispered something in his ear.

  Caitlin asked her mother about it in the car as they drove home.

  “Was that the doctor, Mom?”

  “Yes, Caitlin. His name is Stan Fields. He's a good friend.”

  “I saw you talking to him.”

  “I asked him to come tomorrow. I told him I would really like him to be there.”

  “What did he say?”

  “He told me there wasn't any place else he'd rather be.”

  “That's nice, Mom.”

  “It is.”

  “Ella would be pleased.”

  “I know. I heard her voice in my head when he was walking toward me. She is always the voice in my head.”

  “What is it telling you now?” Caitlin asked.

  “She wants us to be happy, Caitlin. That's what she loved about our shop. We made things that brought joy to people. She always said she could picture the smiles, the happiness. That's what she'd want for us, Caitlin. She'd want us to be happy.”

  “Then we should do that for her. We should be happy.”

  “Yes. For Ella.”

  “For Ella.”

  Fifty-four

  Colin Thomas watched the credits for Finding Nemo. They had watched the movie twice, and he was fairly sure he had memorized every line, the name of every actor and every crew member, including the guy who did the catering. He'd watched it, and he'd laughed, and Mia had laughed beside him. What amazed him most is they'd survived. Rosario had been dead for almost a day, and miraculously, they had all survived.

  Mia slept in his lap, with her head on his chest. He couldn't believe how much he already loved her, this little girl, his little girl. He thought of Caitlin, and wondered how she was. He knew where she'd been that evening, and he had thought of her often, as the fish had fought their way through the ocean.

  Caren slept in the recliner, and carefully Colin stood, with Mia in his arms. He nudged Caren as he passed.

  “Did I miss it?” Caren asked, opening her eyes with a start.

  “It's okay. There's another showing in the morning over cereal.”

  Caren chuckled, and Colin smiled. Mia slept soundly in his arms.

  “How are you?” Caren asked.

  “I don't know. I think I'm okay. How am I doing, chief?”

  “You're doing fine.”

  “I'm scared shitless.”

  “Colin!”

  “I know. I slipped........, again.”

  “I'll let it go this time.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Where are you going with her?” Caren asked, and Colin wasn't sure.

  “I don't know. We slept in the den the last two nights. The mattress is still there, but I don't want her in there, not tonight. Is it okay if she sleeps upstairs in my room, with me? Just for tonight?”

  “I think that would be okay.”

  “I'm afraid she'll wake up and look for Ros
ario.” Colin said, as he gently stroked Mia's hair. “I don't want her to be afraid.”

  “She may be. It will take her a while.”

  “I think I'm her anchor now.”

  “Is she yours?” Caren asked, and Colin was amazed at her intuition.

  “Maybe a little.”

  “I thought so. Take her up with you, but not without Marvin.”

  “Oh, jeez. I forgot Marvin. Do you see him?”

  “Did she leave him in the den?”

  “I don't know.”

  Colin walked toward the den with Mia in his arms, and Caren beside him. His hand found the light switch, and the tiny lamp on the table in the corner bathed the room in soft light.

  “He's here,” Caren said, and Colin nodded, feeling his stomach tighten.

  Mia had folded her mother's old comforter, and Marvin was lying on top of it. The bear wore the scarf Rosario had bought at the festival in New Hope. Colin watched as Caren picked up the bear, and the comforter.

  “Should I bring this, too?” she asked, holding the blanket to her chest.

  “Yes.”

  Fifty-five

  Wednesday's weather was fitting. The sky was gray, mirroring their sadness, and rain poured down as they stood together, saying their final goodbyes to the woman they had all loved.

  Caitlin stood under a green tent beside the tiny stone that bore the name of Ella's first and only love. The minister spoke softly, but most would never remember what he had said. Ella was gone, and Caitlin stood weeping softly. She listened to the tap, tap, tap of the rain on the tent above their heads, and she knew when her time came, she would miss the rain. She would miss the wind, the smell of the ocean, the sound of laughter. She thought of heaven. Surely if such an amazing place existed, and she believed it did, there would be rain, a gentle breeze, laughter, and for Ella, there would be roses.

  Rita stood by her daughter's side, holding tightly to the hand of her friend, Stan Fields. She said nothing, and like Caitlin, she looked lost in thought, and stood quietly sobbing for the friend she had lost.

  Caitlin held Hannah tightly to her chest. Nathan stood at her side with Rogan in his arm. Maria stood at his side, weeping softly, and holding tightly to his hand.