Helios

by Marian Tee

  “And I would do it. I used to think I was doing it out of fear.”

  Helios had whitened at her words. He knew that MJ likely thought he didn’t understand her, but Dio, he did. He fucking understood her now, and he would pay for what he had done to her for the rest of his life.

  “MJ, don’t—”

  She shook her head.

  Relax. Lie down. And keep your eyes open.

  That was how she had survived.

  She would survive this, too.

  So slowly, she made herself turn to Helios and meet his gaze. “I used to think…it was only because I was afraid of him. But I realized…it wasn’t that at all. I kept doing it because I wanted to show him I loved him—” Her voice broke at the last word.

  She looked at Helios, and unshed tears choked her voice. “I wanted to prove to you that I love you, but that’s wrong.”

  “No, dammit, no.” Helios grabbed her hand and pressed it to his lips. He felt so fucking scared by how she was talking. It couldn’t be the end. She had to understand he had only been afraid, but now he knew the truth. It wouldn’t be like that ever again.

  “MJ, listen—”

  But the pain in her eyes made him feel like he no longer deserved to speak.

  She whispered, “I’m so tired of trying to earn someone’s love. I don’t want to do it anymore.” She forced a smile. It was so hard to smile when she felt like her heart had just died. But she had to. “So President—”

  That last term felt like a knife stab. He whitened even more, and he gritted out, “Don’t call me that—”

  “Could you let Astrid know I’m relinquishing the fight for you?”

  Burn

  PROLOGUE

  “You were supposed to come here with a woman,” one of the heavily armed men guarding the doorway said brusquely, his gaze suspicious as he gave James a swift but expert body check. The man opposite him didn’t speak, the bored expression on his face unchanging even as he pulled out his gun from his holster and cocked it, aiming for the side of James’ temple.

  James straightened to his full height, reminding himself that he had nothing to be scared of. “That’s what I’m here to talk about.” Asshole. But he only added the last part silently, knowing that he would be an idiot to risk saying it. These goons wouldn’t give a fuck that they had racing royalty in their presence. All they knew was that James was supposed to be with his daughter – and he wasn’t.

  Goddamn you, MJ, where the fuck are you? Stupid girl had always been a disappointment. He should’ve just sold the brat to her real dad. James knew he would have probably earned himself an easy one mil if he had done that. Maybe even five mil. Madeline’s ex-lover had always been a sentimental fool. But in the end, James’ desire for vengeance had won. Every time he made MJ suffer, it was like making that man pay a thousand times.

  “I suppose you have an explanation for this?”

  The oily voice coming from the man seated on the cushion, smoking a tobacco cigar, caused James’ thoughts to come to an abrupt halt. All thoughts of talking his way out of trouble fled, too. Even with the notorious crime lord hidden in the shadows, being in the presence of Manolito Chavez served as an effective reminder of what his ego had tried to make him forget.

  This man killed for pleasure, but he also liked to kill when he was disappointed.

  James started to babble. “I’m sorry. My daughter was supposed to be in town, but she just seemed to have disappeared. But she doesn’t have any other family. I can ask around, use my rights as her father to find out where she is. I just need some time.”

  “You have one month.”

  The time limit had him swallowing, but James knew better than to complain. “A month then.”

  When James Cartwright left the room, Manolito came to his feet. When he stepped into the light, his entire visage was revealed, the scarred disfigurement of his face so grotesque it had been known to have women faint.

  Walking to his desk, he pulled one drawer open to take out the full-length photo of the car racer’s daughter.

  MJ Cartwright.

  Long hair that would be great to use to strangle her own neck. Lovely fair skin that he could use as his own easel, and his knife would be his paint brush. She had everything he wanted in a woman, and what made her perfect was the fact that her only living relative was willing to sell her off.

  Where was she now? he mused. Was she still a virgin? If she was, he just might give her father a bonus. If she wasn’t, it didn’t matter. He knew of a good doctor who could reconstruct her hymen. One quick surgery, and he would be able to give MJ an unforgettable first time.

  No one deflowered like Manolito Chavez did.

  Just thinking about MJ Cartwright had him hard. Oh, how she would fight him. She would not be like those women he had been gifted with of late. All of them had been so easily broken that they left him cold and bored. But MJ? According to his research, she had survived countless injuries and was even smart enough to get paid for it.

  Oh, yeeeeeees.

  Manolito’s breath caught as he started rubbing his dick.

  She would be very, very strong. She would surely last him for weeks. Maybe if he was lucky, if he managed not to lose his temper or lose himself in lust and break her neck while he had his orgasm, maybe…she would even last for more than a year.

  One could always hope—

  His hand moved faster, and then his body stiffened as his seed burst out of his dick. His eyes closed, his mind fantasizing about having his hands wrapped around MJ’s neck and preventing her from breathing. She would not breathe until he did not finish coming.

  Chapter One

  Deeeeeeym, MJ Cartwright thought as she huffed and puffed her way to her morning class, ponytail bouncing with each step. Why did she always end up living in far flung places? First, there was the club. Then now, the dorm. Maybe the head of Christopoulos University secretly held a grudge against her?

  “Wait up,” a familiar voice called out to her from behind.

  She stopped walking, not even needing to look around to know it was Yuri Athanas. A tall, dark-haired Greek hunk with startlingly blue eyes, he was the most quiet among the officers of the Afxisi, the university’s bike racing club. He had become her closest friend and recently, he had also become her unofficial babysitter for some reason, with Yuri taking the time to walk her to her classes every morning.

  “Good morning, MJ.” A small yawn escaped Yuri after the words.

  MJ shook her head in exasperation. “Yuri, go back to bed.”

  He shook his head back. “I’m good. That person would kill me if I didn’t get you to school safely.”

  She didn’t ask who that person was. She and the others had come to an agreement about that person’s name not being mentioned. It was the only way she could move on. Rolling her eyes, she told Yuri, “The worst that could happen to me is embarrassing myself when everyone learns I got cramps because of walking to class.”

  Falling into step next to her, he replied pleasantly, “Even so. Just humor me and that person.”

  MJ didn’t say anything after that.

  Stealing a look at his companion, Yuri observed the dark bags circling MJ’s violet eyes. It had been over two weeks since she had been discharged from the hospital and had moved out of the club’s headquarters. Two weeks of MJ determinedly distancing herself from everything that had to do with Afxisi…and two weeks of Helios Andreadis struggling to give his ex-girlfriend the space she needed.

  As they came nearer and nearer to her school building, they passed by more people, and all of them had curious looks on their faces. News about Helios and MJ’s breakup had broken out like wildfire, and Yuri knew that rumors about him going after MJ had also started to spread.

  Was MJ aware of it? Yuri wondered. He stole another look at his companion. Dressed in her usual plaid shirt, tank top, jeans, and Chucks, she looked more like a tomboyish rookie about to try out for a spot in the varsity team rather than the girl who
had captured the heart of one of the most sought-after bikers in the entire world.

  MJ caught him looking, and blinking in confusion, she asked, “What?”

  “Do you know that people have been talking about us?”

  “Us?” she echoed blankly.

  He said easily, “They think we’re dating.”

  MJ tripped, and Yuri automatically reached out for her. Somewhere around them, a girl gasped out, “Oh my God.” This time, MJ heard it and now knowing what it meant, she blushed and quickly freed herself from Yuri’s hold.

  Face burning as she looked up at Yuri, she said guiltily, “I didn’t know.”

  “They also think you dumped that person for me, and people have been making jokes about it.” MJ didn’t say anything, but the way she paled told Yuki she was far from being unaffected. But when he started to speak again, MJ shook her head.

  “Yuri…it’s really over.” She managed a smile. “I don’t know why you want me to believe that person cares about me the way…the way I thought he did, but he doesn’t. And I…I can’t afford to keep running after him.”

  “You’re wrong about him, MJ. If you just gave him the chance—”

  “I’ve moved on. That person’s part of the past.” MJ spoke in a robotic tone. It was all she could do to talk about that person without remembering. She had to do it this way because remembering hurt. Too much so.

  The pain underlining her voice silenced him, and when she changed the subject by talking about mundane stuff in a determinedly bright voice, Yuri let her. He knew when a person was close to breaking down, and MJ was a textbook case for it.

  By the time they reached her class, Yuri could see that MJ had completely relaxed, the shadow of her past with Helios having faded almost completely. It left him uneasy. What if what MJ said was indeed true? What if his friend had hurt her so much she had found it easier to forget about him? If MJ found another guy to love, it would cripple Helios – but would she care about that?

  Upon reaching the back door of her classroom, she turned to Yuri to say goodbye. That was when she caught sight of the poster behind him. It was for a free therapy session for those suffering from mood swings, and it made her smile. She turned sideways, intending to tease—

  Her lips parted in shock and then she snapped her mouth shut.

  Following MJ’s gaze, Yuri had no trouble interpreting the stunned look that appeared on her face afterwards. Between the two of them, he could only think of one person who had a need for therapy on mood swings.

  He said quietly, “You see?”

  She said in a low, desperate voice, “It doesn’t mean anything.”

  “You are not as over him as you hope you are.”

  MJ shook her head fiercely. If there was a way to make herself forget Yuri’s words, she would have gone for it, even if it meant sacrificing half of her life. “I have to go,” she said without looking at Yuri. “Thank you for your time.” She turned around right after, no longer able to afford waiting for him to speak. It would hurt too much this time. He was Helios’ friend, and anything that had to do with Helios would kill her right now.

  When she had her back to Yuri completely, that was when she saw…

  That person.

  He stood at the end of the hallway, taller than everyone, more gorgeous than everyone, his presence so strikingly powerful it was difficult to look away. His golden hair was tied back, his eyes hidden behind dark glasses. He only had on a shirt and jeans, nothing fancy at all, but somehow the clothes looked elegant and glamorous on him.

  Mr. Sunshine, MJ thought dully.

  And he was inescapable.

  Looking at Helios, every painful little second of the time she spent with him flooded MJ’s mind.

  Helios looking down on her when she skidded into the club on the first day of auditions—

  Helios kissing her for the very first time in the club’s kitchen—

  Helios making love to her in his bedroom—

  Helios saying, “If you want to prove that you want me, then ride a bike.”

  Because like James, Helios thought she was someone worthless, someone who needed to earn his love by spilling blood.

  A little cry escaped her.

  Swish.

  Chapter Two

  Helios Andreadis was waiting outside her classroom when she came out. For a second, MJ remained rooted in her spot next to the door, hyperventilating silently as she tried to figure out what was the best thing to do. Ignore him? Greet him like everything could be normal between them?

  But then Helios started to move, and in the next second, the power to decide was taken from her. Suddenly he was there, looming over her and dominating her world like an eclipse. He used to be the sun, but now he was the darkness.

  Over her head, MJ heard Helios ask in an unusually strained voice, “Can we talk?”

  Helios held his breath as he waited for MJ’s answer, and the tension that held his body captive only left at her tiny nod. Every cell in his being was hyper-aware of her proximity. She was like an addictive and incurable drug to his senses, and it took inhuman willpower not to reach out to her and make sure she was indeed real.

  Theo, how he had missed her.

  Helios walked slowly, making sure that MJ was with him every step of the way. A part of him was wary and vigilant, knowing that MJ had every reason to change her mind about wasting her time on him. She could bolt any moment, and he wanted to be ready if that happened.

  He would not let her go this time, or at least not without putting up the best goddamn fight of his life. He was done waiting. He was at the end of his tether, and even if it was fucking selfish of him, Helios knew he would still do his damnedest to win MJ back. He had to. If there was one thing the two-week separation from MJ had taught him, it was that loving MJ was the only way for him to live.

  When Helios stopped in front of a bench under one of the leafy trees lining the sidewalk, MJ awkwardly took a seat. She automatically scooted to the other end of the bench when she realized that Helios was going to sit next to her. Her childish reaction made her grimace, but she didn’t regret doing it. Any closer to Helios would be emotional suicide.

  Around them, she could feel innumerable pairs of eyes darting towards her and Helios, could sense the way people tended to slow down when passing in front of them. The realization made MJ wince. She had a good idea about what they were thinking, especially after what Yuri had told her. Who the hell did she think she was, playing around with two of the hottest bikers in the racing world?

  If only, she thought hysterically, that was true. If only she could play that kind of game, she would not be hurting so much now.

  “My…my next class will start in ten minutes.” She could feel her cheeks flaming as she uttered the lie, but it was the only thing she could think of to keep things short between her and Helios.

  His lips twisted as MJ mumbled the words without looking at him, her head bent down, her gaze trained on her sneakers with keen concentration. He knew MJ’s class schedule by heart, and because of that, he knew she was lying. Was it because she hated being with him that much?

  He said abruptly, “I miss you.”

  MJ’s teeth slowly sank into her lower lip.

  Helios continued doggedly, “I’ve done my best to give you space, but I…I can’t stay away any longer.” Silence dragged on between them after his words, and a part of him wondered if MJ meant to ignore him completely. He said roughly, “Please look at me.”

  He lifted his hand, intending to touch her—

  MJ flinched.

  At the sight of it, a vivid memory flashed through his mind.

  MJ’s body twisted on the ground, blood running down the side of her forehead.

  His hand fell to his side as guilt flamed his insides.

  Knowing he had no right to touch MJ against her will, all he could say hoarsely was, “Please.” He knew that people around them might be able to hear him begging, but he didn’t give a fuck. Pride had lost
its meaning to him in the face of losing MJ forever.

  “Please look at me.”

  The fact that he was begging her in public, that he was making no attempt to hide the fact that he was the one wanting to talk and not her…it hurt. Making it impossible for her to lie. She said in a small voice, “I can’t.”

  Pain exploded in his chest. “Why not?”

  “Because…” A choked, teary laugh escaped her. Oh God, there went her promise not to cry another tear for what she thought but never had. “My stupid heart…” Her hand moved, clutching her chest, an unconscious movement to protect herself from more hurt. “It doesn’t know how to stop racing when you’re around.”

  It took a moment for Helios to understand what MJ was saying, a moment to appreciate how the girl he loved had not changed. She was still as disarmingly honest as ever, and the fact only served to prove how much he did not deserve to have someone like MJ in his life.

  When his head snapped towards her, Helios was stunned to find that MJ was now looking at him.

  And she was crying.

  Theo, she was crying.

  When the fuck would he stop making her cry?

  He started to speak, but she shook her head, tears still running down her face.

  She said unevenly, ““I know…it wasn’t your intention to hurt me. It wasn’t your fault I thought I was…different. I also know you’re not a bad guy…President.”

  The catch in her voice made Helios flinch. He knew what it meant, knew she had been about to call him by his name, knew that this time she didn’t think she had any business using it.

  “…which is why, I know you won’t say no if I ask you to…” Her voice broke.

  “MJ—”

  Her heart ripped into pieces at hearing his beautiful voice say her name. She choked out, “Please help me get over you? I just want a normal life. A normal guy to love me and for me to love back. Could you…could you help me do that, President?”