by Laura Pavlov
“Jack has the attention span of a Labrador. A drive to the neighbor’s house is a long journey for him,” he said, and my head fell back in laughter.
This was the problem, right? It was easy when I was with Harrison. We’d always just sort of fit and that hadn’t changed. I’d never shared a comfort with another person like I had with him. Like I belonged there beside him. And that fact alone terrified me.
“Very true. Do you guys still go to Tahoe often? I know Jack said you go every year on your dad’s birthday. Do you still spend summers there?”
“We go up more often in the summer, but not for long periods of time anymore. We’re all busy with work these days. I go up on my own occasionally, when I need a break from the city. It’s always been one of my favorite places, you know that.”
There was more to his words than he let on. I’d always been an expert in reading him. He liked to put on a front like everything was fine—even when it wasn’t.
“I used to love spending summers up here with your family. Those were some of my favorite memories.”
He nodded. “Yep. We had some good times, right?”
“I haven’t been since the last time I went with you. And you know we’re going to have to stop and get snacks, right?”
He laughed. “It’s nine in the morning. You want flaming hot Cheetos now?”
“Ah, good memory, Montgomery. And yes, I do. And a cola Slurpee.”
“Don’t forget the peach rings, or have you outgrown those?” He looked over at me and smiled, and my stomach did little flips.
How was that possible? After all these years? He’d always had that effect on me. Did Charlie make my stomach flip? No. Not even in the beginning. I felt content with him, and there was something to be said about that.
“Of course, I haven’t outgrown peach rings. Pull over at the next exit.”
He shook his head and clicked his turn signal to get off the highway.
Once we loaded up on snacks and got back on the road, I checked in on Mom before dropping my phone in my purse.
“Is she doing all right?” he asked, taking a sip from his water bottle and setting it down in the center console.
“Yeah. She’s doing really well, considering all she’s going through. She thought it was great that I was driving with you to Tahoe.” I rolled my eyes. My mother wanted us to find some closure, so of course she thought the road trip was a good idea.
He chuckled. “And how do you feel about it? I mean, we’re friends, right? We can spend a few hours in the car together.”
He looked over and winked, and I turned away quickly to glance out the window.
“Sure. It’s harmless.” I popped a few hot Cheetos in my mouth and handed him one. “Come on. One Cheeto is not going to kill you.”
He rolled his eyes and held out his hand. Harrison always ate healthier than I did, but he’d occasionally indulge. “I don’t even like these. Why do you force me to eat them?”
“Because they grow on you over time.” I laughed.
He popped one in his mouth and I was mesmerized as I watched him chew, making a face as if it were the worst thing he’d ever tasted. I popped a few more in my mouth and turned back to him, just as he dipped his finger in his mouth and sucked off the orange remnants. I could still remember how he tasted. The way his lips felt pressed against mine. The way he always took control when he kissed me. And damn, was it hot in here?
I tried to shake off the feeling just as a chunk of Cheeto lodged itself in my throat. I coughed hard, but I couldn’t get it out. I reached for my Slurpee but couldn’t stop coughing long enough to take a sip.
“Jesus, are you okay?” he asked, his arm reaching for my back.
I leaned forward trying to force it out. I needed air. I couldn’t stop coughing. The car swerved violently and before I could process what was happening, Harrison was out of his seat and unbuckling me. He climbed over, pushed the door open, and leaned me forward. There were no notable sounds. My coughing ceased. One strong arm wrapped around me and the other pounded on my back.
Harder and harder.
“Breathe, Laney.”
A piece of hard Cheeto shot out of my mouth and onto the ground, as tears streamed down my face.
Harrison wrapped both arms around me and held me close. “You’re okay. How many times have I told you that processed food will kill you?”
I laughed as tears continued to fall. I mean, here was this sexy man holding me close, and I’d just puked up a piece of orange crap right in front of him. Yet I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want this moment to end. I leaned back to look up at him and pressed my cheek to his chest.
“It might be worth an early death though, right?” I asked.
He smiled, using his thumb to swipe the moisture from my cheek. “You okay?”
I nodded. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I was so mesmerized watching him suck his finger that I forgot to chew.
“Can you hand me my Slurpee?” I asked, as one hand wrapped around his forearm, keeping him there.
“No. Drink this water,” he said, opening the bottle and handing it to me. “You don’t wash down crap with more crap.”
“So bossy.”
“I did just save your life. I think you have to listen to me now.” His voice was gruff, as his fingers grazed my collarbone.
What was I doing? Playing with fire, that’s what.
I pushed forward and moved to stand. We were on the side of the highway, and a car sped by, looking over as it passed.
“You reacted awfully quick. I’m sure I would have coughed it up on my own, if you hadn’t climbed on top of me like a crazy person.” I placed my hands on my hips and studied him.
He laughed and stepped out of the car to stretch his legs. “What can I say? I have bat-like reflexes.”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay, Batman. Let’s get back on the road. Show’s over.”
I moved past him and slipped into the car. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. The closeness. He was everywhere. Surrounding me. His scent. His presence. It was too much.
“Do you want me to go around the car to get in or climb back over you? It may be safer to get in on this side,” he said with a smirk, as he held the handle to the passenger door. His heated gaze took me in as his tongue swiped out to wet his bottom lip.
I shook my head. “Don’t even think about it, Montgomery.”
“Okay. I guess I’ll just have to risk my life getting in.” He laughed before leaning over me and tugging my seat belt across my body.
I slapped his hand away. “I can buckle myself.”
“Were you waiting for an invitation?” he asked, before clicking it in beside my waist. I breathed him in before he pulled away. Cedar and jasmine filled my senses, and I closed my eyes for a minute and remembered how familiar it was. How familiar he was.
He got in the driver’s seat and pulled out on the highway.
“Thanks, Har,” I said, after a long stretch of silence.
“Don’t be silly. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.” His eyes were trained on the road, but I didn’t miss the tick of his jaw.
“I’m glad we were able to put everything behind us.”
“Me too.”
“So, how do you feel about your dad’s birthday coming up? Are you doing okay with everything?” I asked.
“Yeah. I just miss him.”
So honest. I’d always loved that he’d tell me how he felt. He kept a mask on for others, but never with me. I was glad that hadn’t changed.
“I get that. I was so scared when Mom called and told me she had cancer. The thought of losing her—it terrified me. And I know how close you and your father were. Grieving sucks.”
He smiled and nodded. “Glad to see you still just say what you think, Laney.”
It had bee
n a while since I’d felt like myself, but these past few weeks had been good for me. Being home—it was good for me.
“Always.”
We continued our conversation for hours. It was easy. It’d always been easy. My phone buzzed with a text from Charlie.
Charlie ~ How’s work going?
I gazed out the window wondering if I should tell him. But why would I hide it? I wasn’t doing anything wrong, and God knows, Charlie never seemed to be the slightest bit concerned.
Me ~ Hey. Actually, on my way to Tahoe to get something for Monica Montgomery. It’s a quick trip there and back. I’ll be home tonight. How’s your day?
Charlie ~ Well, aren’t you just living the life? My day is not nearly as exciting as yours. Meetings. Nothing exciting. Certainly, no trip to the lake.
Me ~ LOL. I’ll call you tonight.
Charlie ~ Love you.
Me ~ Love you, too.
I dropped my phone in my purse again.
“Was that your mom again? Is she okay?” Harrison asked.
“No. It was Charlie.”
“Ah.” He paused before glancing over at me. “Does he know about our, uh, history?”
I intertwined my fingers and squeezed. “Um. Not everything. I mean, he knows you and I used to date. That’s all he really needs to know, right?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know? I mean, I’d want to know everything about my fiancée, I guess. But that’s just me.”
I huffed. I wasn’t in the mood to be judged. “We aren’t like that. We don’t need to tell one another everything. We have a mature relationship. We trust one another.”
He nodded and stared out at the road in front of us. Large green pine trees on one side, and yellow flowers scattered across tall peaks on the other. “Who are you convincing, Laney? Me or you?”
“I’m not convincing anyone. It’s the truth.”
“All right. We can agree to disagree. Tell me about Chicago. Do you like living there?”
I was thankful for a safe topic. “I love it there. Nat’s there, so that’s a plus.”
I paused to think about my life in Chicago. I had Nat and Charlie, a few friends from work, Taco Tuesdays up the street. That was about it. It didn’t sound like much of a life when I said it aloud.
He nodded. “Nice. Do you ever miss home?”
“Honestly, I really never thought about it. But being home now, I realize how much I miss it.”
“Yeah?”
I bit down hard on the inside of my cheek. The way he looked at me when he glanced over had my stomach doing all sorts of twists and turns. I lowered my window to let some air in, and my hair blew around wildly.
He chuckled and turned the air up. “You warm?”
His tone was all tease and I tried to keep it together before I put my window back up. “You know I always get a little carsick.”
“Well, maybe if you didn’t eat all that orange crap, you’d feel better.”
“Do you still want to get married and have a family someday?” I asked, suddenly desperate to know what his plans were for the future. Friends talked about that stuff, right?
“That was quite a segue.” He chuckled, and his gaze stayed on the road. “I don’t really know, Laney.”
“What do you mean, you don’t know? You’ve always known what you wanted, Har.”
He shrugged and glanced over at me. “I guess I changed too.”
“How so?” I pressed.
“You want to do this? Because if you want me to share, then you have to do the same. Wasn’t that always your rule?”
I rolled my eyes. “This is not truth or dare. It’s conversation.”
“And it works both ways. I’ll tell you something if you tell me something.”
“That’s very juvenile.” I folded my arms over my chest. “But fine. How have you changed?”
“I don’t know that I changed, per se, but what I want changed.”
“Go on.”
“I used to want all those things, because I wanted them with you. Without you, none of those things sound appealing.” His tone remained even, but I didn’t miss the tick in his jaw. Nor did I miss the sound of my frantically beating heart. I took a moment to process his words. They were honest.
Raw.
And heartbreaking.
“Okay,” I whispered, before shaking my head and looking out the window. It wasn’t the answer I expected. “So, just because my parents thought I should go back to school, you decided that meant you needed to break up with me? Why?”
I’d been dying to ask this ever since he’d opened up about hearing that conversation with my parents all those years ago. But I hadn’t worked up the nerve.
“Well, think about it, Laney. Would you have left if I hadn’t?”
“I don’t know. I wasn’t given the opportunity,” I said, turning to face him.
“You wouldn’t have, and we both know it. There was a lot of truth to what your parents said that night. Hell, my mom said the same thing. They all knew you would stay for me. You’d always done what was best for me. And it hit home. I thought I was doing the right thing, I really did. And I wasn’t much good for anyone at that time. I was drowning in grief and didn’t need to bring you down.”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek as I processed his words.
“You never brought me down, Har.” My voice cracked, and he glanced over and looked at me before returning his gaze to the road.
“Okay. I gave you an answer. Tell me more about this big change of yours,” he said.
“I told you…I’m less trusting.”
“That’s your big change? You’re less trusting? Bullshit, Laney. Tell me how you’ve changed.”
I leaned back and thought about it. “I don’t know. Mom says I lost some of my light, and maybe she’s right.”
“I don’t think so. I see it there. It’s always shining.”
I fought back the tears that threatened to burst. I had lost my light. But maybe he was right. Maybe I was getting it back after all this time.
“Thanks for telling me the reason why you broke up with me. Even all these years later, it helps to know what happened.”
“Yeah, I never told anyone about it. It was one of those secrets I thought I’d take to the grave. But you deserved to know.”
“How does it feel, getting it off your chest?” I asked.
“Pretty good, actually.” He laughed. “At least it helps me explain to you what I was thinking back then. But hell, after Dad’s accident, I don’t think anything made sense to me.”
I nodded. “Yeah. I get that. Sometimes things happen that change you forever.”
“Forever is a long time, Laney. Nothing, not even grief, lasts forever. It just takes time. I’ll never stop missing him, but I’ve learned how to live without him.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
“You got any secrets you want to unload on me?” he teased, and my chest squeezed. Because if I could say the words aloud to anyone, it would be Harrison.
“Nope. Nothing juicy to share.” I laughed.
We continued to talk all the way to Tahoe. And for the first time in forever, I was exactly where I wanted to be.
Chapter Twelve
Harrison
I hated this day, almost as much as the day Dad died. His birthday had always been a huge celebration at our house. Mom liked to plan these elaborate surprises for him. My father was social and loved by many, and I still felt the loss of him every single day. But his birthday was a reminder of a life taken way too soon. We still had more to do together.
Jack had spent the night in Napa last night at our family home, as he usually stayed at his apartment in the city, but he didn’t want Mom to be alone. Mom asked me to come over for breakfast, and Ford and Harley surprised us all when they
walked in.
“Hey,” Ford said, walking straight for our mother and wrapping his arms around her. It was a rarity for my brother to miss a morning at the office in the city, but Harley was good for him. I’m sure this was her doing, as he’d been spending a lot more time with all of us since he’d met her.
“This is such a nice surprise,” Mom said, and Lorena came out with two more place settings.
“Harls, thanks for coming and making this one show his face during work hours.” Jack pointed at Ford, and everyone chuckled.
“How do you know it wasn’t my idea?” Ford raised a brow in challenge.
“Because you’re an asshole by nature,” our younger brother said.
“Are you really going to start with me?” Ford moved in Jack’s face. These two liked to set one another off every chance they got, and I wasn’t in the mood today.
“Was it your idea?” I stepped between them, forcing them to each take a step back.
“Hell, no. My better half is far more thoughtful than I am. I just didn’t know you all knew it too.” Ford moved toward Harley and took his seat.
“We are all very aware.” Jack smirked.
“Come on, brother. It’s not the day to start shit with him,” I said, steering him toward the other side of the table.
“Got it,” he mumbled.
I wasn’t in the mood to babysit these two. I’d been doing it my entire life, and my patience was running thin today.
“Well, now that we’ve established that I’m the wiser half, and Ford’s just my arm candy, let’s eat,” Harley said.
Laughter filled the room, and it was nice to escape the doom and gloom of the day, if even for just a moment. We passed the platters around, scooping waffles and bacon and fresh fruit onto our plates.
“So, Harrison, how did things go with Laney Mae in Tahoe?” Ford asked.
“It went well, actually. It was nice to have uninterrupted time to catch up.” Laney and I were making progress. We’d spent the entire day together, and even took the boat for a spin up at the lake before we drove back. We caught up on years of conversations that we’d lost and I was surprised when I pulled into her driveway that I wasn’t ready for our trip to be over yet. I don’t think she was either.