by Laura Pavlov
Jack moaned and buried his face in his hands. “Catch up? This wasn’t a girls’ night out, Har. You were supposed to take the shot.”
“You have to set the shot up before you take it,” I grumbled and scooped fruit onto my plate.
“What shot? When were you in Tahoe?” Mom asked, and we all looked at one another before Jack answered her.
“It was nothing. Just helping Har-bear out with Laney Mae.” Jack spoke around a mouthful of food.
She shook her head. “Finish chewing before you speak, Jackie boy. Is something wrong with Laney?”
“Nothing is wrong with Laney. Can we please change the subject?” I hissed. My mood was darkening by the minute.
“Don’t wait too long. You need to do something about it before she marries someone else.” Ford dabbed the corner of his mouth with his napkin. “This is not the time to play peacekeeper, brother.”
I scoffed at the mention of the nickname Dad gave me years ago. Yeah, I was the peacekeeper amongst this group of crazy. Neither of my brothers had a patient bone in their body, nor did they think before they acted most of the time. I played it safe, sure. But it had gotten me far in life. Unlike the two hotheaded guys at the table.
“And what is it you think I should do?” I set my fork down and stared at my older brother.
“Something. Anything. Tell her how you feel,” he said.
“There’s obviously still feelings there. Even I see it, and I’ve only just met Laney. By the way, I like her. A lot. She’s good peeps. You need to make that happen, Har-bear.” Harley cocked her head and met my gaze, and a big smile spread across her pretty face.
I tended to listen to her much more than I did my brothers. They acted first, thought later. Harley was more rational. Even-keeled. Wise.
“Yeah, I think that ship has sailed.” My chest tightened as the words left my mouth. The truth was—Laney was marrying someone else. I’d put myself out there, and she hadn’t given me anything back.
“That ship hasn’t sailed. Blow that shit up. Tell her how you feel. Make some fucking noise,” Jack said, turning to face our mother and opening his mouth wide to show her that he had swallowed his food.
This is the guy I’m supposed to take advice from?
“Language, sweetheart,” Mom whispered, and we all chuckled again. She’d never stop trying to keep Jack in check. He was her wild card.
“She’s happy. I’m not a selfish prick. I’m not going to complicate things for her.”
“Do you still love her?” Mom asked, surprising everyone with her question. I didn’t think she’d be chiming in on this too.
I leaned back in my chair. “I’ll always love her. Doesn’t mean I’m supposed to mess her life up.”
“Yes, it does, honey. It may complicate things, but she has a right to know.”
“She told me she’s happy. Multiple times. I’m just glad she finally stopped hating me. We’re friends,” I said, scrubbing a hand over my coarse scruff.
“Why did she hate you all this time?” Harley asked, scooping some fruit onto her plate.
“I broke her heart.”
“But didn’t you try to reach out a few months later? She never spoke to you again?”
“Not until now. She was angry. I get it.”
“You can’t be that angry unless there’s real feelings there, right?” Harley and my mom shared a glance.
“Shake shit up, man. Stop being the good guy for once in your goddamned life. Make some waves. Make some noise. Break the rules.” Once again, Jack spoke around a mouthful of bacon.
Mom threw her hands in the air in defeat and we all chuckled.
“Dude, I did that once. Remember? I broke up with her. That definitely shook shit up.” I tossed my napkin on the table because I was done with this conversation. It was Dad’s birthday. They were agitating me. I needed space.
“That was you trying to do the right thing,” Ford said to my back as I left the room.
I didn’t need them to psychoanalyze me or try to figure this out. I didn’t need advice. Laney Mae Landers was the center of my universe throughout my adolescence, and I’d grieved that loss just as I’d grieved the death of my father. But some things weren’t in our control. Dad’s accident. Laney’s engagement. What was I supposed to do? Tell her not to marry Charlie? She loved him. I was her past. He was her future. And me having a temper tantrum wasn’t going to change that.
I made my way to the office. Every muscle in my body tensed. I walked because I was fairly certain I wasn’t going to remain sober past noon today. Mom was going into the city to have dinner with Jack, Ford, and Harley. I had already declined and said I’d be busy at the winery. I didn’t want to drag this out. I’d have a few shots of whiskey and sleep it off. Tomorrow would be a better day.
I sat behind my desk taking care of payroll, orders, and looking over the events scheduled for the next few months. I had a com call with our marketing director about a few ads we were running, and lunch had come and gone. The knock on the door startled me as I stared at my monitor reading an email.
“Yeah. It’s open,” I grumbled.
Laney stood on the other side of the door. Her hand gripped the knob as she spoke. “Hey. Haven’t seen you today. How are you doing? I know it’s a tough day.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine, Har.” She stood there awkwardly, as I didn’t respond. I didn’t have the energy to convince one more person that I was okay. “Do you, um, have anything fun planned for your birthday?”
She remembered my birthday. Three days after Dad’s. This girl knew me. Knew everything. Every secret. Every fear. Every dream.
“Yeah. I don’t celebrate my birthday all that much these days.”
“You know I loved your dad, too. I say a little prayer and talk to him every year on his special day.”
My father adored Laney. He hadn’t been close with Ford’s ex-girlfriend, Madison, at the time of his passing, and Jack always had a slew of girls he’d introduced to him—but Laney—she was his favorite. She’d been part of the family ever since we were kids.
“I’m sure he loves that.” I chuckled. “He loved to mess with Laney Mae Landers.”
He always called her by her full name, and he teased the hell out of her every chance he got. My heart ached. I missed him.
She laughed. A full-bodied, deep soulful sound moved around the room. “You know, he wouldn’t like you moping around and skipping your own birthday, right?”
I nodded.
“Yeah, I’ll keep that in mind. So, what are you up to?” I asked because she appeared nervous as she moved to sit in the chair across from me.
“Um, nothing. I just wanted to let you know I’m not working tomorrow. I already spoke to your mom. I meant to tell you when we went to Tahoe, but I just, I don’t know. I forgot to mention it.”
I studied her. She avoided my gaze and messed with her skirt as she sat there quietly. Laney wasn’t ever at a loss for words.
“Does your mom have an appointment?”
“I’m flying home in the morning. To Chicago. Charlie has a work event he wants me to go to, so I’m taking a long weekend.”
Of course, she fucking was. Because just when I thought this day couldn’t get worse, it did. This was a slow painful torture—spending all this time with the girl I loved, only to watch her walk away and marry someone else. What the fuck was I even doing?
I pushed to my feet and stormed toward the door. “This is your fucking home, Laney. You’re the only one that doesn’t know it.”
“What are you talking about?” she said from behind me, and I turned around to see her on her feet, huffing behind me.
This time she didn’t get to be upset. Sure, I’d fucked up five years ago. I’d ended things for the wrong reasons. But none of that mattered now. She was marry
ing someone else, and I was living in the past. And I was fucking sick of being haunted by the ghosts of my past.
“You heard me. Go run to Charlie and keep pretending you don’t belong here. I don’t give a shit anymore.”
I slammed my office door behind me, which made no sense because I’d just left her alone in there. But I needed space.
Distance.
Quiet.
Whiskey.
I walked to my house and grabbed the bottle of liquor and slammed back two shots before I dropped to sit on the couch and calmed the fuck down.
Dad was dead.
Laney was marrying someone else.
And fuck if the pain wasn’t overwhelming. My phone continued to vibrate on the coffee table, and I threw it up against the wall. I grabbed the bottle of whiskey and cut through my backyard, leading to the winery. I trudged all the way to the barn where I knew no one would bother me. This had always been a place of comfort for me since I was a kid. Memories of Dad and memories of Laney filled my head as I tipped the bottle back and let the cool liquid make its way down my throat and through my body. Numbing and warming all the places that needed it most. Yeah, call it what you will—my own pity party—but fuck it, I needed it. I yanked off my tie and my dress shirt and tossed them on the hay barrel, leaving me in just a T-shirt and dress slacks. I stumbled to sit down and take off my shoes. This was as good of a place as any to sleep it off. Hell, the horses weren’t half as annoying as my nosy ass brothers. If Mom saw me, she’d worry. It would be better if I was out of sight tonight. And Laney, well, she was packing for her trip home. To her new home. Her home wasn’t with me anymore, and it was time I realized that. I dropped to sit on the filthy floor and leaned my back against the hay bale.
The horses moved around in their stalls, and I heard a few grunts, and the sound of hay crushing against the floor. I tipped my head back and took a few more long pulls.
My father had always praised me for keeping my cool under pressure. I’d been proud of the nickname he’d given me. But where did that get me now? Alone in a barn.
A drunk, numb, peacekeeper.
Sorry, Dad.
Someone shook me, and I jerked up to see who it was. I was lying facedown on the cool floor covered in hay and dirt. My head pounded. My mouth was dry. A bit of light from the moon came through the opening of the doors in the barn. And that’s when I saw her.
Laney.
She pulled me up and dropped to sit beside me so I could lean against her. “Jesus, Har. What are you doing here? Your mom is frantic. Jack called me in a panic. Your mom found your phone smashed at your house, and no one knew where you were.”
“But you knew where I was, didn’t you?” My slurred words were barely comprehendible, which made me laugh, so I continued. “Yeah, you knew, Maney Lae Manders.”
Holy shit. I butchered her name, which made me laugh even harder and caused me to fall forward. She leaned over and pulled me up to sit again, wrapping her arms around me. She brushed something from my face, and her warm hand rested on my cheek. I put my hand over hers, needing to touch her. I turned a little, and my face rested on her chest.
“God, you have perfect tits,” I said before laughing again. I didn’t give a fuck. She was leaving tomorrow to go see her fiancé, so what did I have to lose?
“Okay, drunkard. Let’s get you to your feet. Do you think you can walk?” Her voice was my favorite sound. I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want this to end.
“No. Stay here with me.” I turned so I could breathe in her lavender scent, nestling my face in her cleavage.
“Oh my god, Harrison. Stop.” She turned my face away, so my cheek was resting against her chest.
“What, Laney? You don’t like me to tell you how I feel?”
“You can tell me whatever you want. You can’t put your face in my boobs. Fair?”
I laughed so hard tears sprang from my eyes. I didn’t know if I was laughing or crying anymore. I held her hand against my cheek, needing her more than I wanted to admit.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for hurting you. Can’t you forgive me this one time? Come back to me. I want you back, Laney. I want you back so bad I can’t see straight.”
“Harrison,” she whispered, and two tear drops landed on my forearm, so I knew they’d come from her.
“I made a mistake. A stupid mistake that ruined my life,” I mumbled, as I closed my eyes and drifted off in her arms.
“It’s okay. I forgive you,” she whispered, and I kept hold of her hand on my cheek and reached for the other one resting in my lap. I held both her hands, as if I could keep her there forever if I held on tight enough.
“I love you, Laney. I’ll love you forever. Come back to me.” I swiped my tongue out to wet my bottom lip and tasted the salty tears that had rolled down my face. Both mine and Laney’s.
I drifted away after I’d confessed everything to her. I was at peace.
Always the peacekeeper.
I jolted awake as the sun hit my face. I squinted through the obscene amount of light as cars honked in the distance. It was ridiculously loud. My god, was someone setting off fireworks? My head pounded, and I turned my face to see my brother. Jack. He was carrying me.
What the actual fuck?
“Put me down,” I shouted, before my ass hit the seat of his truck.
“No problem, asshole. You’re not all that light to lug around.”
I pulled the door closed and waited for him to get in the driver’s seat. “Why the fuck are you carrying me?”
“Well, let’s see…you had Mom in a panic, convinced that something happened to you. We had to call Laney Mae because Ford and I were in the city last night. She found you around 1:00 a.m. and stayed with you until I could get there this morning to pick your drunk ass up. She had a plane to catch and barely made it to the airport.” He pulled out on the road and drove toward my house.
“Shit. She stayed there till this morning?”
“Yep. She wouldn’t leave. Ford and I were going to get on the helicopter last night, and she insisted she’d just sleep in the barn till morning. But I doubt she got any sleep with your drunk ass lying in her lap and clinging to her the way you were.” He had an evil grin on his face, and I rolled my eyes.
“Jesus. How was she this morning?”
“She didn’t say much. Poor thing had to sleep sitting up. Once I got there, she hurried to her car and said she had to get to the airport.”
My head fell back against the seat and I closed my eyes.
“Oh, fuck.”
“What?” he asked, pulling into my driveway.
“I think I told her I loved her.”
He turned to face me, letting his seat belt slap back toward the door. “Well, that’s one way to set shit on fire.”
I pushed the door open and nearly lost my balance getting out of the truck. Jack hurried around to the passenger side and hooked my arm over his shoulder. He helped me through the door and dropped me on the sofa. He walked to the kitchen and clanked a few cabinets before starting the coffee.
“Remind me to never take your advice again,” I called out.
“No one told you to drink a bottle of whiskey before you told her.”
“Now she probably hates me again. I think I begged her to take me back. Fuck. Why’d I have to drink so much?” I asked, rubbing my temples, as he set a mug of black brew in front of me.
“Maybe it’s the smartest thing you’ve done in a long time.” He dropped to sit beside me, taking a sip of coffee and nodding.
“How do you figure?”
“You finally put it out there. You told her how you felt, Har-bear. Now let’s see what she does with it.”
“I was drunk.”
“You were honest.”
“She’s going to run, trust me.” I set my mug down on the coffee
table and leaned back against the sofa.
“I don’t know. She looked pretty concerned about you this morning. Not sure how many engaged women spend the night with their drunk ex-boyfriend on the floor of a barn.”
I let out a long, slow breath. “Jack?”
“Yeah, brother.”
“I miss Dad and I miss Laney.”
“There you go. Was that so fucking hard? I know you do. Now you’ve got to fight if you really want her. Because Dad’s gone, brother. We can’t change that. But Laney—she’s alive and well.”
“What should I do?”
“Well, I think when she comes back from Chicago, you need to tell her the same things you said last night when you’re sober.”
“Okay,” I said, sliding down to lie on the couch. I was fucking tired. But I’d slept in Laney Landers’ arms, and I’d sure as fuck give up sleep any day of the week to do that again.
I’d give up everything.
Chapter Thirteen
Laney
“Girl, spill it. I can tell there’s something on your mind,” Natalie said, as she glanced over to see Charlie and Jared standing at the bar with a few of their coworkers. Jared worked at the same company as Charlie, which made their work events all the more fun.
“What? I told you my mom is doing really well, and all is good back in Napa.”
“Mm-hmm. Right. So, you got in this afternoon? I never heard back from you last night.” Nat worked in marketing, but I’d always teased her that she would have made a great CIA agent. She had a gift of prying information out of me.
“Yeah, I got in this afternoon. We grabbed a late lunch and then it was time to get ready for tonight.”
“You’re avoiding my question about last night. Where were you? I texted you a couple times.”
My gaze moved to Charlie, who was still standing at the bar talking. I leaned in close to her. “I ended up sleeping at the Montgomery barn because Harrison got plastered and his family was worried about him.”
Her brows cinched together. “And they called you to find him?”
Nat knew about my history with Harrison as she’d known us as a couple our first two years at Columbia. She’d seen me fall apart after our breakup, and she’d always been there for me. And she’d help put me back together when she introduced me to Charlie.