by Laura Pavlov
“It is. You brought me back to life.”
He smiled, and my heart threatened to explode. “You’ve always been there, Laney.”
“Only with you,” I said.
“Always with you.”
“I don’t want to stop,” I whispered, my fingers running over his muscled chest and dropping between us to grip him.
“Tell me what you need,” he said, and his words were strained.
“Just you. And I don’t want to wait another minute. We’ve waited too long.”
“You’ve got me, baby.” He pushed back and reached in his nightstand for a condom, tearing the wrapper with his teeth and covering himself as I gaped in awe of him.
Everything was better with Harrison in my life.
He settled above me and his dark gaze locked with mine. “I love you, Laney Landers.”
“I love you, too,” I smiled up at him, overcome with emotion.
He moved forward, filling me inch by glorious inch and nothing had ever felt so good. We moved together in perfect sync, just like we always had. I tangled my fingers in his hair and his mouth covered mine. Connected in every way. We moved slowly until the building pressure was too much to take.
The sensation so overpowering, I called out his name as waves of pleasure racked my body. Harrison went right over the edge with me as a moan left his throat and his body shook and quaked.
He fell to his back and we both gasped for air. But when he turned to face me, he reached for my hand and interlaced our fingers.
“No more time apart. Promise me,” he whispered.
“I promise.”
Because this was where I belonged.
And I was never leaving.
Chapter Eighteen
Harrison
“So where are we with the party?” Ford asked, as we settled at the table of one of our favorite restaurants in the city.
“Things are set. Laney’s sending the invites out this week.”
“You two seem to be picking up where you left off,” Jack said, tearing off a piece of bread and popping it in his mouth.
“Yeah, we’re figuring it out.”
Ford narrowed his gaze. “What is there to figure out? She called off her engagement and you’re together.”
“And the attraction is obviously still there. I’ve walked in on you two too many times to count. I’ve been flashed a little tit, caught you with your drawers down—and that can never be unseen,” Jack said, shaking his head as Ford and I both laughed.
“Well, if you could just stay in your own goddamn lane, it wouldn’t keep happening. Stop opening doors that are closed.”
“Or you could put a tie on the door. Something to give me a heads-up.”
“I’m a grown ass man, I’m not putting a tie on my door when I’m with my girl. This is not a fraternity house. That’s insane. Just try knocking on a door before you enter.” I rolled my eyes and thanked the waiter as he set our food down in front of us.
“That’s not really my style.” Jack reached for his burger and took a bite.
“You don’t fucking say,” Ford said with a smirk. “So, what’s the deal? Sounds like everything’s great? What’s there to figure out?”
I finished chewing and took a sip of water. “Things are great. I just feel like she’s holding back a little. She hasn’t given up her place in Chicago yet, and I think she’s keeping something from me. But I could be reading into it.”
“Why don’t you tell her to give up her place in Chicago? Take charge. Be a dick. Girls love that,” Jack said, turning his gaze to follow a blonde woman as she strode past our table. She stopped, turned around, and waved at the asshole. “Excuse me, boys. I’ll be right back.”
“Jesus,” I said under my breath. “He can’t make it through lunch without hitting on someone.”
Ford set his fork down. “Why don’t you just talk to her? You’ve known her your whole damn life.”
“I don’t want to pressure her to give up her place. Hell, we just got back together. The last thing I want to do is fuck it up.”
“Sometimes you’ve got to fuck things up. I didn’t handle things perfectly with Harley, but we figured it out. I pissed her off more times than I can count but look where we are. Sometimes you’ve got to ruffle some feathers to get what you want,” Ford said.
“Yeah, that’s not really my style.”
He chuckled. “I’m quite aware. I know there’s a badass under that exterior. The day I took your bike without asking—I got a little preview.”
“Dude, that bike was brand new. You rode it before I did.”
“I recall you diving on top of me and tackling me on the driveway. Remember? Dad laughed his ass off because we’d never seen you lose your shit. And brother, you lost your shit that day. What did Dad say? I remember afterward you felt really bad and he said something about it being all right to go a little crazy sometimes.”
I leaned back in my seat as I thought about it. My father was so even-keeled, and I always admired it. I’d felt pretty shitty because Ford and I had rolled around on the ground and thrown punches. Mom was screaming and shouting. “He bent down and got eye level with me—you know like he always did. Made you feel like an equal when he spoke to you. I can still remember it like it was yesterday,” I said, pausing to take a sip of water. “He said, ‘Harrison, a strong man knows when to walk away and a strong man knows when to fight. You just showed me that you’re a strong man, Son.’ And then he went on to tell me something about how you would probably never fuck with me again.”
Ford chuckled. “I hope I have half his wisdom someday. And he was right. I never touched that fucking bike again. Not sure I can say I never fucked with you again, though.”
I nodded. “You’re right about that.”
“Got the digits.” Jack set his phone down on the table and reached for his burger. “What did I miss?”
“Just reminiscing about that time I pissed ole Har-bear off and stole his bike.”
“Dude. You lost your shit, big-time. I remember standing there with my jaw on the ground,” Jack said, and then he pointed his finger at Ford. “It was a lame thing to do. You took the Ninja Six Ghost Rider before he got to ride it. That was a dick move.”
We all laughed now. I’d not only worshipped that bike, I’d named it.
“No doubt. And if memory serves, Laney punched me in the stomach for it later. What were you guys, in third grade?”
I nodded, trying to hide the smile on my face. Laney had lost her shit on Ford when I told her what happened. She was this little blonde in pigtails, but she always had my back. She never backed down. Not then, and not now. “That was badass. How many third-grade girls walk up and punch a fifth-grade boy?”
“That’s Laney Mae for you. She’s punched me, kicked me, and bit me a few times over the years. Let me warn you…do not mess with the Har-bear. She won’t tolerate it.” Jack fell back in laughter. “It’s been really nice having her home. So, don’t fuck it up. I’d really like to keep her. It wasn’t the same when she was gone.”
“She’s not a dog, you dumbass. She’s a human being. You can’t keep her,” I hissed, and a big grin spread across Jack’s face.
“No. But you can. So, don’t fuck it up.” He waved over the waiter and asked for dessert menus and Ford and I both groaned because we were ready to leave.
“Let me do this my way. She’s not going anywhere. She just needs some time to figure out her plan.”
“Mom said Melanie isn’t coming back from maternity leave. So, you know there’s a spot for her at the winery if she wants it. Not that it would matter if Melanie came back. We’d always make a spot for Laney Mae.” Ford tossed his dessert menu on the table when the waiter brought them out.
“Yeah, Mom already talked to her about it. She’s interested. She’s been putting in a lo
t of hours working on this party. Wait till you see how she’s transforming the outdoor space. She drew up some sketches to help me get a visual for it, and Mom is going to love it.”
“And we have everyone flying in the night before or the day of, right?” Jack asked.
“Yes. Laney arranged all the travel and the hotel accommodations as well.”
“Good. Sounds like she has it all under control,” Ford said.
We waited for Jack to finish his crème brûlée. The guy could eat ten pounds of sugar a day and not put on an ounce, unbelievable. I took the helicopter back to Napa. I thought about what my brothers had said, and I contemplated how to bring it up with her. Something was nagging at me. Something she wasn’t telling me. I’d seen the internal struggle beneath her blue gaze more than once.
I stopped by her office and paused in the doorway. “Hey, how’s your day going?”
She looked up from where she sat behind her desk and pushed to her feet. She lunged at me and I caught her, wrapping my arms around her.
“What’s this? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, of course,” she said, pausing to look up at me. “I just missed you.”
“I missed you, too.”
I moved to sit in the chair across from her desk and pulled her onto my lap. “Tell me about your day.”
“I was just going through all those boxes of photos you guys got out of storage for me to make the slideshow for your mom. Seeing us on our first day of kindergarten, and through the awkward days of middle school, and every high school dance…it just gave me all the feels, I guess.”
“Yeah, we’ve been through a lot together, huh?”
She nodded and ran her fingers over my scruff. “We have.”
“How was your mom’s appointment today?” I asked as I pulled her closer and her head nestled just under my chin.
“It went really well. Everything is looking good. She’ll have to go back often this first year, but everything came back clear. She asked me what my plans were, you know, for the future.”
“What did you tell her?”
“I said I didn’t know, I was just taking it one day at a time,” Laney said, pushing back to look at me. “But that you and I are together, no matter what.”
“What does that mean, baby? We’re together, but you’re keeping an apartment back in Chicago, too? Sounds like you’re still one foot out the door, if you ask me.” It came out with more bite than I intended. I didn’t understand what the hesitation was about.
She pushed to her feet. “Of course not.”
“Is that what you told Charlie?”
I knew I shouldn’t have said it the minute the words left my mouth. What she and Charlie had was different, and I knew that. Knew it in my gut. But I needed to press her on this because I didn’t understand what the problem was.
She gasped and huffed around the room. “Seriously? Did you really just say that?”
“I did. I need to understand this.”
She moved over to the window. “I love you more than anything, there’s nothing to understand. I’m going to get rid of the apartment, I just think we need time to get to know one another again before we move in together and jump all in.”
“Get to know one another? Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Don’t raise your voice at me. I’m just telling you how I feel.” She placed her hands on her hips and glared at me.
“I didn’t raise my voice. The only one doing that is you. Listen, Laney, I know you. You know me. I have no secrets. Can you say the same?”
At that, she rolled her eyes and her face flushed. “Sure. But I don’t know everything you did while we were apart.”
“I don’t know everything you did. And I don’t give a shit about it. What matters is now. We’ve lost enough time already. What do you want to know? You want a list of everyone I slept with? Is that what this is about?” I pushed to my feet and moved over to where she stood, crowding her space.
She reared her head back. “There’s a list? How many were there? This is what I’m talking about, Harrison. I don’t even know who you’ve been with, and who I need to hate moving forward.”
“Twelve. Twelve women in five years. And only two were repeat customers. How about you?”
“I’m not doing this with you.” She stormed past me and walked right out the door, slamming it behind her.
What the hell is going on with her?
I glanced out the window and saw her get in her car and drive off.
“Hey.” Mom peeked her head inside. “I saw Laney run out of here. Is everything okay?”
I let out a long breath. “I don’t know. I mean, everything is great, but there’s something she’s afraid of. And she won’t fucking tell me. Maybe it’s just that she doesn’t fully trust me yet. I don’t know.”
“You guys seem like you’re getting along great. What brought this on?”
“I don’t really know. It’s any time I talk about the future. She claims it’s because she doesn’t know what I’ve done the past five years. But who cares? We’re together now.”
Mom dropped in the chair next to mine. “Women don’t really work that way, sweetheart. Of course, she wants to know what you’ve done, who you’ve dated. That’s fair. So just sit down and talk about it.”
“I will. She just overreacted. It’ll be fine. Just a lot of change for her pretty quickly with her mom getting sick, finding out why I broke up with her, and ending her engagement.”
“You’re the most patient man I know, next to your father.” She chuckled. “Just give her time.”
“I will.”
“How were the boys today?” she asked.
“Good. Jack managed to get two phone numbers between our walk to the restaurant and lunch. Ford and Harley seem to be doing well. I dropped a box of Harley’s pastries in the kitchen for you.”
She pushed to her feet and patted my cheek with her hand. “So thoughtful. I love you. I’ll see you later.”
I walked over to Laney’s desk to turn off her computer and saw the box of photos tucked underneath. I pulled it out and placed it on the desk. I went over to shut the door so Mom wouldn’t catch me by surprise.
She was right. Laney had been a part of our family from the very beginning. She was in as many of these photos as I was. In fact, there were very few of me without her. If I wasn’t with Laney, I was with my brothers.
I realized the photos stopped after Dad died. Or maybe we just settled for pictures on our phones after that. The Christmas card photos we took every year when Dad was alive had stopped, and so had all the family photo shoots. I sat back in Laney’s chair thinking about all that Mom had lost. At least Ford, Jack, and I would marry and start our own families. She’d lost her best friend. Her soulmate.
Her Laney Landers.
I flipped through a few more photographs and laughed at the one from our senior prom. Laney was in a formal gown but somehow managed to take a picture riding piggyback. I ran my thumb over the print as I studied it. Our smiles were larger than life. We were getting ready to leave for college. We had a plan. A future. And I’d fucked it all up.
I’d be damned if I’d allow that to happen again.
Chapter Nineteen
Laney
“Laney, hi, come on in,” Jenny said, leading me back to her office.
“Thanks for squeezing me in.”
“Of course. You sounded upset. What’s going on?” she asked as she dropped in her chair and I settled on the couch across from her.
“Harrison and I just had a fight.”
“Okay. Do you want to tell me about it?”
Tears sprung from my eyes. “I’m really not normally such a baby. I don’t know why I’m crying all the time these days. Most of the time they’re happy tears anyway.”
I hated being a blubbering wu
ss. That was not my style at all.
She laughed. “You’re not being a baby. I think a lot of things you’ve avoided were waiting for you here. And you came back home to face them.”
I shook my head. “But I didn’t. I came back home to help my mom. I didn’t want to dredge everything up.”
She set her notebook on the side table beside her. “Listen, Laney, for whatever reason, you’re here. And sometimes the things we don’t want to face are the things holding us back. Maybe if you just talk about it, you’ll feel better. Get it all off your chest.”
“I’ll lose him,” I whispered. “He won’t look at me the same.”
“I thought you said he loves you more than anyone ever has.”
“He does.” I chewed the inside of my cheek and swallowed down the taste of metal as the blood broke free.
“When you love someone, you love them regardless of their mistakes, Laney. We’re all human. And you forgave him for pushing you to go back to school and breaking up with you. Why can’t you give him the same opportunity?”
“It’ll hurt him too much. I know him.”
She nodded. “Okay. Then find a way to tell him that will hurt him the least. Because it sounds like you’re going to lose him if you don’t get this off your chest. Secrets always surface. And if you keep them in, they’ll eat you alive. You need to just tear off that bandage. I’m here if you want to unload on me. You know that, right?”
“I do.” I said, tears streaming down my face. “I’ve never said it aloud. Not to anyone. Because when I do, it’s going to be real.”
“You know that just because you haven’t said it, it’s still real, Laney. And it’s hurting you in a different way. What are you going to do?”
“The only thing I can. I’m going to tell him,” I said, pushing to my feet.
It was a long time ago. He deserved to know. I’d never told a soul. I’d buried this secret for so long, I didn’t know how to even say it. I thought I’d take it to the grave with me. But Jenny was right. I had to tell him because this was the reason I was still holding back. I’d have to find a way to tell him without devastating him. There’d been enough of that for a lifetime.