by Toni Aleo
Erik looked over at her. “You have?”
She nodded. “Yeah.”
“Like what?” he found himself asking. He had been thinking so much about when he was leaving and how he was going to protect his son, along with trying to figure out ways to stop wanting Piper, that he hadn’t even thought of a name for the baby.
Piper grinned as she pulled out her phone. A few seconds went by and then she said, “Grayson?”
Erik shook his head, “No.”
“Bennett?”
“No.”
Alla giggled as Cooper shook his head.
“Jaxon! That’s cute!” she said reading from her phone.
“No.”
“It is cute,” Alla said, “Jaxon Blake, I like it.”
“I don’t,” Erik said with another shake of his head. “Keep going.”
Piper gave him a pouty look before saying, “Elijah?”
“No, I don’t like ‘Ja’ in names.”
Piper was really pouting now. “But I like Jason!”
“No.”
“Eriiiiiikkkkk,” she whined as Cooper’s laughter filled the room.
“No. Jason Blake? That’s stupid.”
“Blah,” she said. “What about Darcy?”
“Hell, Piper, let’s name him Voldemort while we’re at it! Real names here, real names.”
Piper giggled as Alla asked, “Who is Voldemort?”
“I have no clue,” Cooper answered as Piper said, “Fine.”
She spat off a few more as Erik shot them all down. At this point he figured she was getting mad, but instead of throwing her phone at him, she continued with her list of names while Alla and Cooper added in their commentary. Erik couldn’t believe it, but he was having a blast.
“Thatcher?”
Erik blanched as he threw his hands up in the air, “Thatcher? What the hell, Piper?!”
“What? It’s cute!” she protested with her hands on her hips.
“No, it is not. Thatcher sucks as a name. Come on, you are basically making our son a serial killer with that name: Thatcher the hatcher.”
Piper rolled her eyes as a giggle escaped her lips. “You’re dumb.”
“I’m smart! You’re crazy,” he said with a chuckle.
“What would you name him then?” she asked with a little sassy shake of her head. Erik shrugged his shoulders. “I have no freaking clue; that’s why I haven’t said anything.”
Piper puckered her lips and then nodded. “Fine, when you think of something, we will discuss it, but until then, his name will be Thatcher Blake.”
“Over my dead body!” he yelled to her quickly as she walked into the kitchen, giggling along the way. It made no sense how much he didn’t want to be anywhere but with his family, while at the same time, his body wanted to flee. These mixed emotions made no damn sense, and he was starting to think he needed some serious therapy.
“You know,” Alla said, drawing his attention to her, “when we were trying for a baby, before we were blessed with you and your brother, we had our names picked out, didn’t we, Cooper?”
Cooper smiled as he nodded. “Yeah, we didn’t even have a baby yet, but we had our names.”
Piper smiled as she leaned against the kitchen counter, listening to the ongoing conversation. The kitchen and living room were partially connected, so having conversation from room to room was easy to do; in fact, the whole house was designed like that except for the bedrooms. “What were they?” Piper inquired.
Alla shared a small haunted smile with Cooper before turning herself on the couch to look over at Piper. “If it was a girl, she would have been Victoria.”
“Oh, that is beautiful,” Piper exclaimed.
Alla nodded as she smiled back at Cooper. “We thought so. Cooper picked it out.” Piper shot him a grin as Alla went on. “And if it was a boy, he would have been Dimitri. I picked that one,” she said with a wink.
Erik smiled as Alla got off the couch and fell into Cooper’s lap, kissing him on the cheek. Her eyes were filled with the sadness of never being able to have a child of her own, but when she looked over at Erik, he knew that she was glad he was hers.
“You know, ‘Dimitri Blake’ sounds really good together,” Piper said softly. Everyone looked over at her as she approached the living room, cradling her belly. “Don’t you think so, Erik?”
Erik nodded as his eyes met hers. “It does.”
“Alla, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d love to use the name you chose for our son.”
Erik looked over at his mother to see that she was fighting back tears.
Alla put her hand on her heart as she got up, closing the distance between her and Piper to smother her in a hug. “I would like that very much,” she said.
Erik was about to go over to Alla and Piper but Cooper stopped him.
“Women stuff. Come take a walk with me.”
The two men left and walked in silence; the only noise was Stanley’s snorting as he tried to keep up with them. Poor guy needed to go on a diet, plus those short little legs weren’t made for speed, not that they were walking that fast.
It was nice outside, calm and quiet, still hot but bearable. Reaching the end of the dock, Cooper sat in one of the beach chairs as Erik did the same; he was both anxious and dreading his father’s talk.
Thinking back on the baby name they chose, Dimitri, he decided he really liked it, a lot. It was a good strong name.
Cooper looked out at the lake and smiled. “We tried for fifteen years to have a baby, before you came to us. The whole time Jakob lived with us while he was playing hockey, we loved him, but never as our son, because he wasn’t ours. Not yet at least.” Cooper paused before going on. “I remember how hard it was for Alla. She wanted a baby so bad, and so did I, but I was fine because I had her, and Jakob, too, but I hurt for her.”
Erik leaned against his knees with his elbow. He had never known any of this. He knew they had tried for a baby, but never for so long. “I would, too.”
“We were almost ready to adopt, but then Jakob came into our room at two thirty in the morning crying about you. You could imagine how we all felt, but Alla, she was ready. She left without even packing and next thing I knew, I had a son. That’s how she told me; she was coming home with our thirteen-year-old son.” Cooper glanced over at Erik and cupped his shoulder with a smile on his face. “We never tried to adopt again since that day. We didn’t need to since we had two boys who needed us, and we needed them.”
Erik nodded as he looked out at the lake. Those were rough, dark times and he hated to think back on them. The only good thing was that he was given two parents who ultimately loved him no matter what. “I tell you this not to upset you—I see the look on your face, son—but to help you realize how much the name Dimitri means to us. For fifteen years I hoped for Dimitri to be placed in my arms so I could love him for the rest of my life, and now, in what, three more months, he will be. As my grandson. That is a blessing, son, and let me tell you, I can’t wait.”
Erik nodded as his head dropped so that he could look down at his pup. Stanley was looking at him expectantly and Erik petted him as his father’s words sunk in. He didn’t realize how much it meant to them, and for some reason he had a feeling that Piper didn’t know, either.
“Erik, you’re not him, son. You know that, right?”
Erik shook his head as he scratched his neck. “Actually, I am thinking the opposite.”
“Why?”
He couldn’t look at his father as he shrugged his shoulders. “You don’t know what it was like, no one does. It was bad, and I am scared that the love you and Alla provided me won’t matter when I’m standing there looking down at my son.”
“It will.” Cooper tried to reassure him, but Erik shook his head.
“Dad, I don’t even love the baby. Shouldn’t I love him?”
Cooper’s hand rested on his shoulder as he said, “He isn’t here yet. It’s different for men; they don’t connect until the
moment they hold their child.”
“But you loved me.”
Cooper chuckled. “Because I knew you, I held you after Katria had you; you were my nephew. But my love for you as my son didn’t come until that day out in the garage. When you called me a ‘no good son of a bitch’ and said that you hated me because I wouldn’t leave you alone.”
Erik shook his head as he chuckled at his stupidity. He was such a knucklehead back then; hell, he probably still was. “Why would you love some asshole kid when they said that to you?”
“Because you didn’t mean it. I saw it in your eyes. You were scared and sad. Do you remember what I said?”
Erik nodded, his chest constricting with the memory as he glanced over at his father. “ ‘Do you know who my best friend is?’ ”
“And what did you say?” Cooper asked.
Erik laughed. “ ‘Who the fuck cares?’ ”
He nodded. “And then I said ‘you are,’ didn’t I?”
Erik’s eyes itched as he thought back to that moment. Cooper had always been there, even when Erik didn’t want him to be and Erik did nothing but push him away. It took that moment for him to realize that Cooper wasn’t going anywhere. Sitting there on the dock, he realized that he was having the same problem with Piper.
“I then asked you who was your best friend and you said?” Cooper prompted.
Erik swallowed back his tears as he said, “ ‘I don’t have one.’ ”
“Yeah, but I reassured you that wasn’t true, that I was your best friend, right?”
“Right.”
“So why would you think that you are going to be anything like that vile man when you have me as your best friend? Do you think I would let that happen? Do you think your mom would?”
Erik closed his eyes. “No.”
“Good, so shake that feeling out; you know that will never happen.”
Cooper could put everything in perspective; he didn’t realize how much Erik needed him.
“Tell me what really is bothering you. Is it Piper?” he asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Okay, what are you thinking? Are you scared she’ll keep the kid away from you? I don’t think that, son. She’s a good girl, and with what she is naming the baby, I doubt she has any intention of keeping him from you when you leave.”
Erik glanced up, shocked by Cooper’s statement. “What?”
“Come on, I know that this isn’t a real marriage.”
“How?”
“Because I know you. I knew there had to be an ulterior motive. You wouldn’t just marry some girl because you knocked her up. That’s not you.”
“You’ve known?”
“Yeah, but I figured you knew what you were doing, and Piper is a good girl. I knew it wasn’t her doing, so what happened?”
Erik explained the situation with his job and with Elli. Afterward, Cooper nodded and said, “Okay, again, she is a good girl, she didn’t have to help you out, so I don’t know why you are all messed up in the head. You have a good situation. She is going to be a great mom and it will be an easy break.”
Erik found himself shaking his head. “I’m falling for her.”
Looking over at his father, he saw that Cooper was speechless. “Excuse me?” his father said.
“I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to be like Jasha, and he was the way he was because of Katria.”
Cooper ran his hands through his hair. “I’m sorry, I’m still stuck on the falling for Piper thing. You’ve never brought a girl home for us to meet, so this is something new for you. In the past, it always seemed as though you’ve kept your relationships at arm’s length. What makes Piper different?” Looking as if Erik had just said he was flying to the moon, Cooper said with a laugh, “So what you are saying is very confusing to me. What is it you are feeling?”
“I don’t understand my feelings, Dad. I don’t know what to do because I am worried that if I stay here with Piper I won’t leave after the baby is born and then I’ll turn out like him.”
Cooper shook his head. “First, Jasha was a sick man, as was your mother. They had no right to be with each other, or anyone else for that matter, and they never deserved their children. Fortunately, however, for Alla and I, we benefited from that. Know this, Erik: You are not that man or that woman.”
“Sometimes I want to leave this behind, but then at the same time, I also want to stay, and be with Piper and the baby—that was what Katria was like.”
“Maybe so, but for you it is your reaction to being terrified,” Cooper said. “You wanted to leave us, didn’t you?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, and you didn’t and look how it all worked out. If Piper has the ability to make you feel something more than lust for her, then I think she is a keeper. She is a great girl, beautiful to boot, so if you feel it, why fight it?”
“Because I don’t want to hurt her. I already hurt her when I left before, and what if I go on the road and cheat on her?”
“Do you think you would?”
Erik shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. Sometimes I think I would, but then she gives me that little smile of hers and I don’t want anyone else. Still, that is easy to say when I don’t have the temptation right there. You know?” Erik shook his head. “I watched Jasha love Katria so much that it ruined him and he took it out on me. What if I fall so hard for her and then she leaves me and Dimitri suffers because of it? How can I trust that Piper will always be there?”
“I trust Alla, completely, and she has never done anything to violate my trust.”
“I know, Dad, but I don’t know how to fully give myself to someone, and I am scared that I am going to hurt her, and Dad, it kills me to do that. She is such a good person, so sweet, and I feel like every day I stay here it gets harder for her. I think she loves me and I don’t know what to do. Do I try to love her back, trust her? Or do I run when our time is up? We both know it is coming, she says she understands that I am leaving, so what do I do?”
Cooper let out a long breath as he ran his fingers through his thick blond hair. “Oh, Erik, that’s a hard question.”
“I know, and I’ve been dealing with these feelings for the last couple weeks and with every day that passes I get more nervous. I thought about staying, trying to make it work, but I promised I’d never cheat on her and it has been easy because I don’t go anywhere without her, but preseason is coming and I’ll be traveling. What’s going to happen when I’m lying there lonely and wanting some female company?”
“You stay true to that person who is at home, Erik. You won’t cheat if you really love her.”
“That’s the thing: I don’t know if I want to love her. I don’t know if that is what’s in the cards for me. I never wanted this.”
“But you got it and now you need to be a man and make the right decision.”
Erik nodded. “But how do I know what that is? How do I completely trust someone who scares the living shit out of me? She makes me feel things I never even knew I could feel.”
Cooper shook his head. “I don’t know, son, and I’m sorry that I don’t have the answer you need.” He paused, taking Erik’s shoulder and squeezing it. “Only you know what your heart wants. I can’t tell you, Alla can’t, and neither can Piper. Only you can decide. Is she worth the risk? That is the question.”
And Erik didn’t know the answer.
* * *
Piper stood by the back door watching Cooper and Erik on the dock. Placing her hand on Dimitri, she smiled. Man, she loved that name and she was so thankful that Alla and Cooper suggested it. Even though she prayed Erik wouldn’t leave, she knew he was still leaning that way, despite the fact that she knew he was feeling something for her. He was a hard man to love but she wasn’t giving up.
“They are very close.”
Piper looked over to see Alla standing next to her. “I love that they are. Cooper is an amazing man.”
Alla smiled. “That he is, and so is Eri
k, when he isn’t being a punk.”
Piper nodded. “That is very true.”
Alla reached over, taking Piper’s hand in hers. “Take care of him, Piper, he hasn’t had it easy.”
“I will.”
“He’ll pull away, he’ll probably hurt you, but he is a good man, with a big heart; he just needs the right person to love him. I believe that’s you, honey.”
Piper’s heart rate sped up as she gasped for breath. How did Alla know that was what she needed to hear? How did she know that she needed that reassurance?
She squeezed Alla’s hand as she declared, “I love him, with all my heart, and I always will.”
Alla nodded. “I know you will and I hope that he sticks around long enough to realize it.”
“Me too,” Piper whispered as she looked down at her belly. “He’s going to be a great dad.”
“Yes, the best.”
“He is worried,” Piper said. “Afraid he’ll be like Jasha and his wife.”
“I’ve been reassuring him since he came to me, Piper. He was truly hurt by those people. I miss the woman who was my sister, but Jasha poisoned her. When they got involved in drugs, everything went to hell and the kids suffered. Jakob got out before it got too bad but Erik, my poor baby, I could kill that man ten times over for the things he did. We tried to get custody of them both, but Jasha would have none of that. It was a terrible time.”
Piper could see the hurt in Alla’s eyes and she knew it was wrong for her to push, but she couldn’t help it. She wanted to know what had happened, what Erik had gone through.
“Erik doesn’t talk about it much.”
“Would you when you were brutally beaten by a man you call your father and then watched as he killed your mother and then himself? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound bitter but old wounds are slow to heal and I know Erik still feels the pain. He’s never thought he was good enough for anyone, which is ridiculous. We tried therapy for him but he was angry about going and if someone is not open to that type of treatment there is no benefit from it.”
Piper’s chest seized as pain ripped through her. She covered her mouth, a cry escaping her lips as she stayed in Alla’s painful gaze.
“I just wish there was something I could do,” she whispered.