Blue Lines: The Assassins Series: A Loveswept Contemporary Romance

by Toni Aleo

  “And neither do you. Give me a chance, let me in. Don’t you want to give us a try? Isn’t that what you said last night?”

  “I said I don’t know what I want,” he countered, causing her to release a frustrated breath.

  “I’d think that after last night, you’d want me,” she said softly. “I mean was I that delusional to think that maybe things are changing between us?”

  Erik was slow to answer. “I don’t know, Piper. I want to think things are changing, but I just don’t know.”

  She grabbed his hand, startling him as she demanded his attention. Looking up at him, she asked, “Do you care for me?”

  Erik didn’t want to lie, but he didn’t want to give her hope for something he couldn’t guarantee. Not able to help it, he answered, “I do.”

  “I care for you, too,” she said with a small smile pulling at her lips. He could tell she had liked his answer. As they continued to look at each other, she said, “I want to be here for you; allow me to be. Let me in.”

  “I can’t,” he said, taking his hand from hers. Her hands fell into her lap as her shoulders slumped forward. She was offering him everything he wanted. Why couldn’t he trust her?

  Standing slowly, he watched as she made her way toward the front door. Before she pulled the door open, she glanced back at him, her eyes filled with tears as she said, “Your parents don’t define you, Erik. You do. You have got to be the man that you want to be. If you want to be the abusive asshole your father was, then that is who you will be. If you want to be fearful like your mother was, then more power to you. But I know you are different. I trust you, and I care for you so deeply that it hurts.”

  She wiped a stray tear with the back of her hand before she continued: “You are a good man. A man that came from the love of Cooper and Alla, your real parents. Stop letting Jasha and Katria ruin your life, because if you don’t, you’ll end up just like them.”

  She slammed the door and it felt like she had slapped him across the face. She might be mad, and he might not know how to fix it, but he’d be damned if that was the end of their argument. Jumping up, he followed her into the house, slamming the front door to let her know that he was right behind her. She turned around, wiping her face as she pinned him with a look.

  “You don’t know anything about my parents, or me, for that matter, so stop putting me on a pedestal. It’ll do nothing but hurt you in the long run.”

  “I believe in you. I believe in the person that your parents raised. Jasha and Katria are not your parents; they don’t deserve that title,” she spat back at him, making his blood boil.

  “You don’t know what you are talking about,” he said, his heart pounding against his chest. Why didn’t he walk away? Why was he pursuing this argument?

  “I know that your dad beat you, that he killed your mom and then himself.”

  It was like the world stopped. Rage filled him and he soon found himself backing her into the wall. “How the hell do you know that?”

  “Alla told me,” she said, and he could see that she was nervous. He took a step back. How dare Alla tell his business, especially to the one person he didn’t want to know?

  Shaking his head, he said, “That was none of your business.”

  “Well, I know and I don’t believe you are that man.”

  “I may not be now but I could become him.”

  “You won’t.”

  “Really?” he asked, his hands coming up to hold her in place. He wanted her to look right into his eyes. He wanted to make sure she heard what he said next. “You don’t know what it is like to be beaten by a man just because you can play hockey and he can’t. To be beaten to a bloody pulp because your brother got a scholarship to play hockey in America, or to have someone break your arm because your mother left him all of the time. You grew up with good people, people who loved you. I bet they hardly ever spanked you.”

  Piper shook her head, her mouth in a straight line as she took in deep breaths. Her eyes were wide. He didn’t want to make her cry, and it killed him to see those tears roll down her face, but he wasn’t done. Taking a step back, he lowered his voice. “You don’t know what it is like to have a gun held to your head and to have the trigger pulled. To hear the click on the gun go off, but not die. To watch your so-called mother get shot in the throat when she tries to stop the beatings; her blood splattering all over you. Hearing the cries and rage come from a man that beat you for so many years, before he turned the gun around and blew his own brains all over the wall. You don’t know what that feels like, or what that does to a person. I know.”

  Tears started to rush down her cheeks, but her eyes never left his. He felt like crying himself, which was weird, because he hadn’t cried about what had happened since he was a teenager. He could see the sympathy in her eyes and he hated that she felt sorry for him. He had never told anyone because he didn’t want that look. Especially from Piper; he didn’t want to seem weak in front of her. Taking another step back, he let out a long, frustrated breath before softy saying, “Is this the man you want to be there for? A potential monster? A man so fucked-up that there is no fixing him?”

  Piper wiped away her tears, her chest rising and falling in time with his heart. “Erik, you are no monster, not even a potential one. You are a good man, and I believe that. I want to be there for you, and I’m not going anywhere until you walk out that door and tell me you don’t want me. You need someone to love you and you need to know that you deserve that love, and I want you to let me be that someone.”

  Erik scoffed as he shook his head. Had she even been listening to him?

  “You are delusional.”

  “No,” she said with a shake of her head. “You are just terrified, and until the moment you are ready to take what I’m offering, you’ll never feel complete.”

  With that, she turned and walked away. Erik watched until she shut the bedroom door and then he collapsed against the wall. He wasn’t used to someone fighting for him like that and believing in him. Cooper had been the only person to ever do that, and he didn’t understand why Piper was. He was worthless, not the man she needed. So why did she care so much?

  And why did he want to believe everything she said?

  Chapter 18

  It was almost one in the morning when Piper heard her door creak open. She didn’t have to look to know that it was Stanley. The dog was louder than a freight train. As she dangled her hand off the bed, Stanley came over and rubbed his head along it before giving her a loving lick. Smiling down at him, she watched as he lay down on the floor. Jeez, she loved this dog something fierce. She was about to close her own eyes and try to sleep, but she felt her bed dip and the warmth of a body beside her.

  Piper didn’t move.

  After their blowup they had spoken very little all day. Every time she thought of Erik as a scared thirteen-year-old with a gun held to his head, her heart broke and tears fell in heaps. Why would someone do that to a child? Piper had no doubt that his horrible upbringing had affected him. But now she was in love with someone who was frightened and fought against what they could have together. Dimitri needed his daddy and Piper had to reassure Erik that he could not only love someone, but also be loved in return, and that he was deserving of this family.

  He moved closer to her. She held her breath when he took her hips in his hands and squeezed. Not saying anything, Piper waited as he held her. When she felt his forehead on her back, she closed her eyes, begging her tears not to come. She could feel his breath on her spine as his hands massaged her hips.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered faintly.

  She didn’t say anything; she didn’t know what to say. She wanted to turn around, wrap her arms around his neck, and just hold him but she needed to wait. She needed to see what else he would say.

  “I’m sorry that I can’t commit to you, Piper. A part of me wants to, but not all of me is ready yet. You deserve a man who wants to fully commit to you and I don’t know if I’m that man.�
��

  He paused. Was he leaving now? Was this the last time she would be able to feel him like this? Closing her eyes tight to hold back her tears, she let out a long breath. He went on: “I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t expect you to stay around and deal with my shit, but I just want you to know that I want to try, but I don’t know how. I’m afraid that if I fuck up I’ll lose you.”

  God, he was the most confusing man on earth.

  Turning over and pulling herself out of his arms, she placed her hands under her face and looked at him. His hair was a mess, his eyes looked bloodshot, and she could tell he was really upset. She didn’t like seeing him this way; she wanted to make it better. The fixer in her was begging to fix him, but how? Reaching over, she placed her hand on his cheek, watching as he moved into her hand, closing his eyes as his hand came to rest upon hers.

  “Do you want to leave?”

  He looked up at her and shook his head. “No.”

  “I don’t want you to leave, either. I’m scared, too, Erik, but I want to try.”

  He shook his head, taking in a deep breath before opening his eyes to look at her. “I don’t know how.”

  Piper’s lip curled into a little smile as she looked deep into his eyes. “I’m not saying that we have to declare love and promise we will stay together forever, Erik. I just want you to give me a chance. Let the walls down; let us see if it is worth staying together.”

  Erik swallowed loudly as he rolled onto his back and looked up at the ceiling. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You won’t,” she said simply.

  “You have so much faith in me,” he said, glancing over at her. “I don’t deserve it.”

  She smiled. “I think you do.”

  He reached over and, taking hold of her arm, pulled her to him. He kissed her temple and left his nose there as he took a deep breath. “I want to try, but I can’t guarantee you anything.”

  Piper nodded. A part of her warned her that this might blow up in her face and break her heart, while the other part of her said there was no other way. She had to try because she loved him and she wasn’t ready to give up on him yet.

  She nodded and said, “So we’re gonna try.”

  Erik nodded against her temple. “Under two conditions.”

  Conditions?

  “And they are?” she asked.

  Piper felt his lips turn up in a smile as he said, “I get to sleep in this bed.”

  A smiled pulled at her lips as she nodded. “We can work that out.”

  “Good,” he said, placing a kiss right beside her eye, “and I want to take you out tomorrow, like a date.”

  “A date, huh?”

  He moved his hand across her belly to her hip and pulled her close before resting his hand on her belly. “Yes, let’s go shopping for the little man, just the two of us, and then we’ll go to lunch.”

  She smiled as she nodded, leaning up to look at him. “I’ll be there.”

  Happy with her answer, Erik leaned down to her, stopping only inches from her mouth. “Or you’ll be square.”

  Piper giggled as his lips came down on hers, and as she kissed Erik, she couldn’t help but feel like she was flying. Nothing was certain but they were going to try, and that was good enough for her.

  * * *

  “I like the black sleigh one.”

  Erik looked from the white crib that had a really nice backboard that would be the headboard once Dimitri got old enough for a twin bed, to the black sleigh crib that Piper was standing next to. He hadn’t realized that choosing baby furniture was so difficult.

  “Okay, I don’t like that crib. How about this crib but in black?”

  “It looks girlie to me,” she said, coming over to him and running her hand along the backboard. “See? Romantic detail,” she informed him while pointing to the sign. “It’s a girl bed.”

  “Okay, but that one is so plain.”

  Piper nodded. “But we’ll get awesome bedding to dress it up.”

  Erik looked around the store and shrugged his shoulders.

  “Where’s the bedding?”

  “Over here,” she said, pulling him across the store. “I’ll even let you pick it out since I’m getting my crib.”

  She grinned up at him as her fingers laced with his. He shook his head as he looked away. She was so damn cute that if he kept looking at her, he’d end up ravishing her in public and he knew there were laws against that. Looking up at the wall of bedding, Erik didn’t see anything he liked until he saw a cute little whale.

  He loved whales.

  “I like the whale set,” he said, pointing to the display.

  “Whales? I was thinking hockey something.”

  He pinned her with a look. “I thought I was picking.”

  She nodded as she said, “But how am I supposed to make a whale play hockey?”

  “The same way you made an owl drink tea and eat cupcakes; it’s doable. I like whales.”

  “You like whales?” she asked as she glanced up at him, skeptically.

  “Yes, I used to have a whale when I was little because the team I played for in Russia was the Wild Whales. Jakob and I were the best on the team. Those were some of my favorite childhood memories.”

  Piper smiled. “Then whales it is. I’ll think of something.”

  “Awesome.”

  He wrapped his arm around her shoulders as they walked around the store, picking out other things. It had been a nice morning, an expensive one, but Dimitri was worth it and so was Piper. She really was one of a kind, and he was glad that he stayed. After their talk, they had spent the whole night cuddling and holding each other. It was so weird to sleep with a woman without having sex first, but it wasn’t awkward with Piper. He enjoyed it and he definitely enjoyed her.

  “I can’t decide if I want to paint his name over the bed, or get the really pretty wooden letters,” she said as they stood in front of a wood letters display. “What do you think?”

  Erik shrugged his shoulders. A part of him wanted to say he didn’t care, that it was her choice, but the other part wanted to do this, to help with the process. “I like the wooden letters.”

  “Me, too. I think it’ll add more dimension.”

  “Yeah.”

  He helped pick out the letters they needed and put them in the shopping basket he held in one hand, while his other hand held hers. They had a lot of stuff and Erik dreaded carrying it through the mall. He knew Piper wasn’t done. Shea told him all the pregnant women go to Carter’s for baby clothes. Erik was pretty sure he wasn’t looking forward to that. But he knew it would make Piper happy, and after the way he had acted the day before, he intended to make her happy.

  Laying the wood letters on the counter, Piper glanced up at him. “If I pay for the crib can you get everything else?”

  Erik raised an eyebrow at her as the cashier started ringing up their merchandise. “I’m buying everything.”

  She shook her head as she said, “No, I’ll buy the crib. I would buy everything but my check hasn’t come in yet, so can you pay and I’ll pay you back?”

  “No,” he said, looking at the cash register, watching it total up their purchases.

  “Erik.”

  “Piper,” he said, turning to look at her. “You are not paying, so just put your card back in your purse and hush.”

  “Do you want me to beat you with this stuffed whale?”

  Erik glanced over and smiled. “Not really. How about we get that for Dimitri instead.”

  She glared as he added it to the order and waited for the total. Thousands of dollars later, they were walking out with ten bags and a slip with the date the crib would be delivered. Piper looked mad, but he didn’t care. He might not be the greatest guy but if he learned one thing, it was that a woman never paid for anything.

  “I don’t know why you are upset,” he muttered as they entered Carter’s.

  “I’m pretty sure I made my reason clear.”

  Erik shoo
k his head as she held up a little blue outfit that she grinned at, then dropped it in her basket. “I’d think by now, you would know that when you’re with me, you pay for nothing. That’s how I roll.”

  “Well, it’s not how I roll. I can pay for my own things.”

  “I don’t doubt that, sweetheart, but you won’t when you’re with me.”

  Piper rolled her eyes as she picked out a few more little blue things and threw them in the cart. He loved when she got feisty like this. Dropping his bags in the middle of the aisle, he said, “Come here.”

  Piper glanced back at him and then scoffed, “No.”

  Erik’s dick pressed hard against the zipper of his jeans as he watched her pick up another outfit. Groaning inwardly, he said, “Mrs. Titov, I asked for you to come here.”

  Shaking her head rebelliously, she said, “No, you said, ‘Come here’ like you are demanding me to, and I’m busy.”

  Erik chuckled as he took a step toward her and said, “Sweetheart, please come here, I want to kiss that naughty little mouth of yours.”

  She glanced up at him, her blues eyes bursting with lust as she pinned him with a look. “It’s not naughty.”

  “Oh yes it is; now come here,” he said again, pulling her to him.

  She melted in his arms as his lips met hers. His want for her was frightening but at the same time he craved it. He had said that he couldn’t commit but sometimes he felt like he had already. Moments like this, being wrapped up in her arms, her sweet little mouth on his—there was nowhere else he wanted to be. So what was the big deal? What was holding him back?

  Pulling away, Piper smiled before moving out of his arms. “You will not ravish me in the middle of a baby store, Mr. Titov.”

  “Why not?” he asked playfully, smacking her sweet ass.

  She jumped in surprise before turning to look at him and in a mock whisper said, “Because people can see us.”

  Erik laughed as he looked around. “They probably encourage it. If I didn’t ravish you, you wouldn’t be pregnant, and without babies they wouldn’t be in business.”

  Piper rolled her eyes as she laughed. “You’re impossible.”