by Toni Aleo
“Are you ready for the season?” one of them asked.
Erik nodded as he signed the paraphernalia they held out for him. “I am; are you guys ready?”
“So ready,” one of them cooed. “Can I take my picture with you?”
Erik glanced up as his heartbeat quickened. The girl was gorgeous, slutty gorgeous, the way he used to like his females. Pinning her with a grin, he said, “Through the fence?”
She nodded, bringing one of her lips between a set of perfectly, straight, white teeth.
“Yeah, unless you want to climb over, I promise, we’ll take good care of you.”
Erik chuckled, his cock straining against the zipper of his jeans. He tried to ignore it, tried to ignore the girls, but it was hard. Closing his eyes, trying to get his head straight, he took in a deep breath when someone called his name.
“Titov, come on.”
Erik looked over his shoulder to see Phillip calling after him. Thankful for the distraction, he waved goodbye to the bunnies and walked over to Phillip. Reaching his best friend, he saw that he was upset.
“What’s wrong?” Erik asked as they entered the back entrance.
“My sister has been calling me all week,” he said, moving his hand through his hair. Like him, Phillip didn’t have a great childhood, but unlike Erik, Phillip wasn’t fucked-up from it. His dad left when he was young and his mom turned to drugs. She died soon after he joined the Assassins, leaving behind Phillip and his older sister and her daughter. He thought that when his mother died all the crap would have stopped, but apparently his sister followed down the same path as their mother and was deep into drugs, too. One would think that no one could overcome such a crap-ass family, but Phillip had.
With a shake of his head, Phillip said, “She wants money, says my niece is starving.”
Erik nodded. “Do you believe it?”
“No, I know she just wants money for God knows what, but I was thinking of sending the money to Claire myself, but then I know how she is; she does anything for her mom.”
Erik shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t think you should send it. I’m pretty sure Claire is okay; if not, she would call you.”
Phillip nodded. “Yeah, I didn’t think of that. Thanks.”
“No problem,” Erik said, trying to walk away, but Phillip stopped him.
“What were you doing?”
Erik shook his head. “Nothing.”
“I saw your face. You were flirting with those girls.”
Erik made a face. “I was not, I was signing autographs. Don’t worry, it was nothing.”
But it was everything.
What was he thinking?
Phillip shook his head as he started to walk away, but Erik stopped him. “Okay, maybe it is something.” Phillip turned with a knowing grin as Erik went on: “I don’t really know if I love her or not. I thought I might but I’m not sure.”
“What? What happened? You told me you guys were solid only a couple of days ago,” Phillip said with a frustrated look on his face as they entered the locker room. “They are just whores; don’t let them fuck with your head.”
“No, I got hard, Phillip. I wanted to put my dick so far down that girl’s throat and get lost in the pleasure,” Erik confessed, shaking his head. “If I loved Piper, why would I want that?”
“Dude, we are men. We all want sex all the time. It’s okay. It’s not like you did it.”
“But I could have.”
“But would you?” Phillip asked.
Erik shook his head. “I don’t know.”
Phillip paused as he shook his head. “Hey, Shea,” he called, causing Erik to whip his head around. “Does your dick get stiff when you see other girls?”
Shea made a face of disgust as he shook his head. “What kind of question is that, Anderson?”
“It’s a good one. You are a married man. I need to know if when I get married, I’ll still have that problem.”
The guys all laughed as Shea shook his head. “No, I love my wife; she is enough for me.”
“Liar,” Lucas said, throwing a sock at Shea. “We are men, and we live, breathe, and think sex every chance we get. If you don’t get hot when you see a hot piece of ass, then you aren’t a man.”
“I don’t agree. I think that my fiancée is enough. I don’t even have to look at another female,” Tate answered.
“There is a difference from not having to look, to having a pair of perfect tits in your face,” Karson King, a defenseman, said. “No man can look away from that; if he can, then his woman has him pussy-whipped and I commend them.”
“Yup,” Lucas said with a nod. “I have the finest wife ever. Nice tight ass, great tits, and man, a mouth that can bring me to my knees, but when I pick my son up from school and his teacher gives me this look, I swear my cock goes so hard, man,” he said with his eyes closed, making some of the guys laugh while others shook their head. “Ah! I just want to smash something, but it goes away before I even get home. I don’t want her; I want my wife. It’s not a big deal as long as you don’t act on it.”
Erik didn’t know who to believe. All he knew was that he was in trouble because he was worried that he was on the brink of fucking up and hurting Piper, which was the last thing he wanted. He thought he loved her, he thought they were moving forward, but with one glance down a girl’s dress he suddenly didn’t know what to do.
With a heavy heart, Erik started to suit up. He had no clue what he was going to do but he knew that he needed to figure it out. The baby was coming soon and it wasn’t fair to anyone if he couldn’t get his shit straight.
Man, he was fucked.
* * *
Piper threw her pencil down as she leaned back, stretching her back out as her little man kicked and moved through her. She loved these moments, treasured them, but she did not like the moments when she was cringing with pain from those stupid Braxton Hicks. The night before was horrible; she had been hurting all night and didn’t get much sleep. She was so scared that the Braxton Hicks pains were actually more. She was afraid that she was starting labor and was going to have her baby on the living room floor, because everyone told her not to worry, those pains were not a big deal. She had even called Harper and then Elli to ask them, and they said the same thing, that it happens and Piper was fine.
Something was off, though, something didn’t feel right, and that made her nervous. Moving through the house, she made her way to the back room, where Dimitri would sleep. The walls were a beautiful teal color with black trim. All Dimitri’s furniture had been set up, his crib looking pristine in the middle of the room because she hadn’t hung his letters yet.
Looking at the mural she had been working on since they had come up with a theme she had to admire how perfectly it was coming along. A team of whales playing a team of dolphins in a backyard game of ice hockey; under the ice were schools of fish and sharks cheering them on. It made no sense and was totally unrealistic but Erik had loved it. It was sweet and each of the little whales had all of their friends’ jersey numbers, including a number for Dimitri.
Even though she would love to have Dimitri in her arms, she needed him to wait. Hopefully, he wasn’t like his daddy, impatient as hell. She wanted him healthy and perfect. When she brought him home from the hospital she would rock him to sleep in the beautiful black rocking chair that Alla had sent her. She needed her body to be strong and to hold her baby just a few more weeks. She prayed for that, because things weren’t ready yet.
* * *
Letting out a pent-up breath, she reached for Dimitri’s letters. She was going to glue bright teal and black ribbons on them before Erik got home to hang them.
Piper was putting a ribbon on the second i in Dimitri’s name when she heard the front door open, which got Stanley barking. She smiled as she hollered out, “Hey, babe, I’m in the baby’s room!”
“Okay,” she heard him say.
She listened as he moved through the house and was surprised that he did
n’t come straight back to the nursery. After a while, he finally did and she could tell he had had a hard day. Leaning against the door he looked over at her as she continued to glue.
“How was camp?”
He shrugged, looking extremely tired. She felt horrible for him, wanted to come over and hug him, hoping to make it better.
Taking in a deep breath before blowing it out, he said, “Fine.”
“That’s good. Was it nice to see everyone?”
He gave her a quick nod. “Yeah.”
Well, doesn’t he have a lot to say? she thought with a smile. He must have been more tired than she thought and who could blame him? She was exhausted and she hadn’t skated all morning like he had.
Looking up at him, she asked, “Do you still want to help me hang these letters?”
“Sure,” he said as he moved into the room, grabbing the hammer and nails before getting started. Since he obviously didn’t want to talk, Piper didn’t say anything either, as they hung the letters. She could tell that he was upset about something or maybe just worn-out. Did he not have a good day? Did something happen?
“Is everything okay?”
He nodded, not looking at her. “Yeah, I have a lot on my mind.”
“Wanna talk about it?” she asked.
He looked down at her, his eyes sad as he shook his head.
“No, I’m fine. How are you? Have you had any of those Hicks?”
She shook her head. “I’ve been okay, nothing like last night.”
“That’s good,” he said with a nod before hammering another nail into the wall.
“I have been thinking about something, though,” she said, eyeing him, seeing if he wanted to talk anymore.
He turned to look at her. “Yeah?”
She bit her lip before looking up at him. She wasn’t sure if she should bring it up but she kind of already had. “I think after I get done with Emmaline’s book, I want to do something else.”
He was emotionless in a way; he just continued to stare at her. “Oh?”
She nodded as the idea became more real to her. She’d been thinking about this last night as she lay in bed fighting the false contractions and really, it was a great idea. She hated what she was doing, she was ready to quit, and if Erik was going to back her up that was all she needed. “Yeah, I think I want to do murals for a living. I know I could get Elli to hire me for stuff and I was thinking about calling that girl who painted Audrey’s stuff to join me, like go into business with me.”
Excitement was written all over her face as Erik continued to stare at her. When his head started to move from side to side, her smile fell.
“How long have you been doing the books?”
She shrugged her shoulder, not knowing why that mattered, but she answered anyway, “A year and a half.”
“Okay, so you don’t think that you should give it a little bit longer than that before you give up? I mean you can’t keep doing this Piper; you have to settle down, be an adult.”
Whoa.
“I am an adult, Erik.”
“No,” he snapped. “You are acting like a child; you can’t keep doing this. You have to settle down. What are you going to do, get tired of being a mom and give the baby to Harper or something? I mean shit, Piper.”
He threw the hammer down, pushing it away as he looked up at the ceiling. Piper was speechless as she blinked up at him.
“What the hell, Erik? That’s a little harsh, don’t you think? I wouldn’t do that.”
Erik shook his head, running his hand through his hair as he started to pace the room. Something was seriously wrong and she had no clue what it was.
“What is your problem?” she asked.
He stopped, pinning her with a dirty look. “Maybe that was harsh, but Piper, it is ridiculous. You can’t make your mind up about anything and you change your mind constantly and it drives me insane,” he said, letting out an exasperated breath. “I can’t help but think about myself. Are you going to get tired of me? Leave me?”
Her eyes widened as she shook her head quickly. “No, Erik, why would I do that?”
“Because I’m a fuckup. I can’t commit and I fucking can’t keep it in my pants. I told you I wasn’t the guy for you and instead you convinced me to stay around, that maybe I was worth it, but I know I’m not.”
Piper’s heart kicked up in speed. She felt like her limbs were going numb as she took in deep breaths. “Erik, you are not a fuckup. What is wrong with you? Where in the world is this all coming from?”
He let out a long breath as he shook his head. “Piper, I don’t know, I’m freaking out because you are so fucking indecisive and all I see is you leaving me once I give you my heart.”
“Erik, no, I wouldn’t do that. I love you.”
He scoffed, shaking his head once more. “How can you say that? How can I believe you when you say you used to love drawing for authors but now you don’t, or dancing, or whatever else you used to do?” Piper was already shaking her head.
“Those are careers, and you are my husband—yes, I say husband because when I said ‘I do,’ I meant it. You are the man I want for forever,” she said as he looked away, shaking his head. “Erik, I love you, I have for years, and you are the only thing I’m sure of. I know that it is supposed to be me, you, and Dimitri for the rest of my life. How can you think that I would think anything differently?”
“I don’t know.”
Piper dropped the ribbon she was holding, coming to stand in front of him. When she reached for him he immediately pulled away “Erik, I am not Katria; I am not going to hurt you.”
He shook his head, taking a step back. “I don’t know if I can believe you, Piper.”
He moved his hands down his face, letting out a strangled breath as he looked everywhere but at her.
“It’s not only that, though.”
“What is it? What are you talking about?” she asked, desperately confused.
“I don’t know if I can do this. I’ve been fine for the last couple months because it’s been you and me. You are the only woman I saw, the only one I was around, the only one I wanted and then the first day I go back to my hockey life, I find myself surrounded by three gorgeous women who wanted me.”
Her heart dropped. No, he didn’t cheat on her. No, she wouldn’t believe that. He loved her; she had to keep believing that. Shaking her head she said, “Okay? What does that mean to me?”
“It means that I’m not sure if I would have tried to go home with those women if Phillip hadn’t distracted me. I saw tits and ass and I felt like I was back to the guy I used to be, not the guy that I’ve been with you.”
She blinked, trying to hold back her tears as she looked away. Her heart was pounding against her chest, her mouth dry as she tried to breathe, but this was okay, he didn’t cheat, they could move forward from this. Looking up at him, she asked, “Okay, but you didn’t cheat on me, right?”
“No, I didn’t, but I don’t know if I would have, is what I’m telling you.”
“But you didn’t,” she pointed out. “So what is the problem?”
“The problem is you scare me, and I don’t know if I want a life full of fear of what I might do to you or if you will leave me. I don’t want to hurt you, Piper.”
“I understand that, you’ve said it a billion times, so why don’t we just agree that you are not going to do it and move on. You are starting a fight with me when you don’t need to. I’m not leaving you. I love you and I believe that you won’t hurt me because you love me.”
He shook his head, moving away from her as he ran his hands through his hair again, “I don’t know if I agree.”
“What?” she asked, tears welling up in her eyes as she realized that he was basically saying he didn’t love her. How did this happen? She was convinced that they were good, that they were going to be together forever. What the hell happened? How could some slutty-ass bitches come between them when he didn’t even do anything? She was so confus
ed and when the next words left his lips, she knew that everything was about to come crashing down around her.
“I can’t do this.”
“What?” she gasped, her hand resting on her chest as she watched him pace the room. “I think I should leave. This isn’t working. Thank you for trying to help me with Elli, but I’ll figure out what to do. Hopefully I can stay in Tennessee to help with the baby.”
“What?”
“I think we are wasting our time here.”
“Are you serious? You want to leave?”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said slowly.
“But you are! My heart is breaking, Erik!” she screamed at him, the tears falling down her cheeks as she took in shuddering breaths. “For the last couple of months I’ve been sitting here, trying to make you believe that you are a good man, while you’ve had one foot out the door! Why are you doing this? I believed in us, so why are you hurting me?”
“I’m sorry, Piper, but I can’t do this.”
Rage filled her as her heart continued to break. She felt lightheaded, as if all this were a dream. Looking up at him, she could see in his eyes that he was leaving and he wasn’t going to look back. If she hadn’t experienced the last couple months with him, she wouldn’t have believed that he had truly changed. But the man who stood in front of her now had his fortress back up and it was strong. This wasn’t her Erik, this wasn’t her husband. Shaking her head, she said, “So you are leaving because you don’t know if you can keep it in your pants.”
He nodded slowly. “That’s part of it.”
She shook her head again, tears falling so fast that she was surprised she was able to talk through her uncontrollable sobbing. “Fine, I can’t make you stay, Erik, but know that I love you, and when Dimitri gets here, he will, too. We will love you for the rest of our lives, and I’m sorry that I’m not worth giving up all those women for, but you better believe that Dimitri is. So before you even think about coming into his life, you better be ready and remember that he comes first.”
“Piper it isn’t that you’re—”
“No, I don’t want to hear it. You’ve broken me for the second time, and believe me, Erik Titov, I won’t let you do it again. The only thing we need to discuss is our son, and I hope that you know what you are doing. I’ve let you hurt me, but you won’t hurt Dimitri. So go, if you are going.”