by Sara Allen
“Give me your hand, Row,” Ash urged, “let me put it where it needs to be.”
My fingers uncurled slowly and I stretched my fingers towards him. Ash took a deep breath and held on to my ring finger. The slow way he put that ring in place felt like a seal as though he’d married me all over again. I watched as he pushed it slowly into place before he raised my finger to his lips and kissed it, locking the ring into place.
That ring was perfect, so were the weeks after we bought it. Despite trying not to, it seemed we’d settled back into the same routine that had existed before and I felt the walls going up around Ash again. Or maybe the walls had never come down. I couldn’t tell. There was something going on with him and I felt left out, again.
My intercom buzzed, and I looked at my watch, wondering what Mags wanted.
“Yes?”
“You have a lady here to see you.” The tone Mags used was a little hostile, and I wondered what was wrong.
“But I don’t have any appointments?” I replied.
“That’s what I told her.” I could hear Mags grinding her teeth. “But she insisted she had to see you.”
“Okay.” I shrugged. “Do I have some time free?”
“Yes, sure,” Mags responded. “I’ll bring her to you.” For some reason she didn’t sound happy and I let it pass.
The knock on my office door came a little too soon, and the door swung open before I could call out.
Behind Mags stood Kelley, the woman who’d followed Ash and I the day of Andrew Sherwin’s wedding. I remembered her as being the best friend of the woman he’d married and couldn’t understand why she’d come to see me.
“Thanks, Mags.” I turned to my friend and gave her a questioning look. She shrugged and closed the door behind her.
“Please take a seat.” I waved her to the seat opposite. “How can I help you?”
She silently scrutinized my office with a sneer across her perfect face as she settled herself in the seat.
“Well, you aren’t here to have me design a house for you,” I remarked. “So, why are you here?”
“I thought that would be obvious.”
I snorted. “I’m sorry, I don’t know you, so how would you visiting me be obvious?”
“Ash.”
My heart stilled. “What about him?”
She leaned back, a sly grin settling her lips. “Whatever it is between you, just know it won’t last long.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, Ash isn’t the type for long-term relationships.” She examined her nails. “I said that a few months back. But it seems you’re holding out for something more.” Her pale eyes held me. “You won’t get it. Ash doesn’t have that in him. I should know.” She threw me a look that spoke volumes.
“I don’t think my relationship with Ash has anything to do with you,” I said defensively, “and I don’t know why you think that coming to my office gives you the right to say things like this.”
She smirked. “It won’t last,” Her eyes narrowed, “because it didn’t last for me. Ash and I are more alike than the two of you.”
“What?”
“You heard me,” she replied. “I was there before you, and he couldn’t stick around, so what makes you think he’s gonna stick around for you?”
“You’re lying.”
“Ask him yourself if you don’t believe me.” She laid manicured hands in her lap and stared at me. “He won’t even tell you anything about me.”
I was speechless. Somehow, that truth hurt because I knew if I asked he’d say nothing. We never discussed anything that concerned him, and past relationships would definitely be off limits. That was the one thing that bothered me about our relationship, and this spiteful woman was defeating me with it. I had nothing to defend myself against this bitter bitch.
“How long?” I asked.
“Long enough.”
“Are you still seeing him?”
That pause before she answered broke my heart, and the fact she didn’t answer sealed the coffin.
“I think you need to leave,” I told her. “I have another appointment in ten minutes.”
The smile on her face was feral, vicious, and spiteful. “Don’t take this the wrong way,” she said, knowing full well that I would. “But Ash deserves to be with someone who understands him. I’m just saying that it would be better for you to clear my space, if you know what I mean.”
I remained silent.
“And that little rock on your finger,” She pointed to my ring, “doesn’t mean a damn thing if his heart isn’t in it. That makes it no more than a trinket.”
I looked up at her and she waved her hand, her ring finger sported a jewel encrusted eternity band that seemed to have been there for a long time. If she’d wanted to pass on a message, I’d read her loud and clear.
“Well, don’t let me keep you.” She looked smug. “Bye for now.”
The door closed, but I couldn’t move. It wasn’t what she’d said, but what she’d implied that chilled my heart. There would be no way to confirm or dismiss what I’d heard because there was no point asking Ash about it. He never tell me. He hid his past along with all the other skeletons that rattled in his closet. There was no argument I could make to convince myself she’d lied to me.
Ash had history that I wasn’t aware of. Whether they were still a couple had me considering all the days and nights when I didn’t see him. Who was he spending those hours with if he wasn’t with me?
20
Him
There was something off about Rowanne the last few weeks and I couldn’t put my finger on just what the problem was. Perhaps, I’d spent too long away, and we needed some time alone to get back into the loving that we’d always had. It felt like every time I brought up the subject of her mood change, she’d ignore me or leave me alone to watch her back as she disappeared into another room or just disappeared altogether. It was pissing me off.
I looked at my phone on the desk and made a decision.
“Dave, get me flights for two to…” Where could I take her that she’d enjoy? “Hmm… Somewhere, anywhere, just so long as it’s more than an hour away.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Make it for the weekend.” I thought about it and changed my mind. “Better yet, Dave, charter me a private jet to Gran Canary.”
If the jet was private, I could keep the occupants private too.
“Sir?”
“Book me accommodation out there too,” I confirmed, “and email me the details.”
“Yes, sir,”
My property business was running smoothly and had been for the last few months. Now that October had rolled around, it was time to ease back and concentrate on the wife I’d neglected for too long. I just hoped that with a weekend away she’d loosen up and tell me what was wrong, so I could fix it.
I slipped my jacket over my shoulders and left the office, my mind filled with a pair of deep brown eyes and a pout that still gave me butterflies even after meeting her a year ago. It didn’t bear thinking about that I’d ever grow tired of looking at Rowanne. Whatever the problem, I needed to find out so I could mend it before it broke us apart.
Not one for romantic gestures like flowers or perfume, those acts of affection were beyond my comprehension. I didn’t even know what her favorite flowers were, let alone what perfume she preferred, and that saddened me a little that after all this time together. It seemed that some of the basics in a relationship, I was clueless about and needed to correct.
It took me a full hour to drive to her office building with traffic in London being what it was at that time of the day. As I entered the underground parking area, it brought back memories of earlier in the year when I’d tempted her into this very space after being away for two weeks. I wasn’t interested in repeating that ruse this time, but I wanted to get her out of her office so I could hold her against me and fill that space within my heart that was missing her.
An empty bay offer
ed itself and I parked, exiting the vehicle. Just as I was about to lock the car and go up to her office to find her, I saw her car pass by, aiming for another bay a ways down. Intrigued, I stepped back into the shadows and decided to surprise her.
Her doors opened, spilling her and another man into the car park. It wasn’t that she was with a guy, a good-looking guy, but that she was smiling. I hadn’t seen Rowanne smile at me in weeks. Even making love to her, she’d cling to me with desperation until I wondered if she was in pain more than pleasure. I’d wake up hearing her crying quietly into her pillow and wonder what I’d done wrong and never be the wiser despite asking her.
But with this guy, she laughed, a genuine show of enjoyment that glowed on her face. Surely, I was missing something if a stranger could make my woman laugh like that when all I did was make her cry? That look of delight had been absent from Rowanne’s face for so long I couldn’t remember the last time she’d smiled for me or because of me.
My mind screamed in pain at the thought of what I was doing to her. I wasn’t making her happy. I knew that without being told. My eyes saw clearly how miserable she was.
My body slipped further back into the shadows as they passed, which made me wonder would she have seen me if I’d been standing out in plain sight. I didn’t want to contemplate that or even give it a try. Perhaps now wasn’t the right time to see her?
My car offered me the perfect escape, and I drove out of the car park, heading back to my sanctuary to console myself of the deep regrets that weighed on my mind. The only thing I could think to do was bury myself in work and wait until the next day to see Rowanne.
The ringing in the speakers drowned out my thoughts. “Dave, cancel the jet and the hotel. I won’t be needing either.”
Without waiting for confirmation or denial, I pressed the disconnect key on the steering wheel. Whatever was wrong with my beautiful wife, and me, I needed to fix before we broke apart, and my life became unbearable. I could only hope there was something left to mend if it were possible to do so.
Her
“Thank you again, Mr. Jackson,” I said, holding out my hand to shake his. “I’ll get on it right away. I’m looking forward to designing something for you and your family. Your wife gave me plenty of ideas.”
Mr. Jackson laughed. “Yes, she’s full of ideas. You were lucky to escape with your ears intact.”
I chuckled again. “No, honestly, the more input I have from my clients, the better my design can be.”
“Well,” He straightened the edges his jacket, hefting the briefcase he’d left in my office. “My driver should have arrived by now to take me back. Thanks for bringing me with you. That was more than you had to do.”
“It was nothing,” I replied, hiding my embarrassment. “I was going this way anyway.”
“Ha!” He grinned at my joke. “Funny lady. I want to know why someone hasn’t snapped you up already.”
I smiled but said nothing.
He studied me. “Can I set you up on a blind date?”
“Huh?”
“He’s a great guy, he’s just a little shy.” Mr. Jackson flicked through his phone and showed me a picture of a clean-cut guy with glasses. “I think you’d be great together. What do you say?”
“Wow! Thanks.” I was flattered that he thought so highly of me. “But I’m not dating at the moment.”
“Holding out for Mr. Right?” He laughed.
“You could say that.”
“I don’t blame you.” He looked at his watch. “Right, I’ll be in touch, Ms. Wilson.”
I watched him leave and felt relief.
It was one thing interacting with a client and this client was very easy to get along with, but being offered a blind date was something new. Single clients usually offered themselves while married clients looked on in contemplation. I wasn’t interested in any of them and I never had been. There was only one man that had caught my attention and held it. With just the thought of him, my mind circled around to wonder where he was and what he was doing.
I decided to reach out and sent him a text.
:What are you doing tonight?
It took him ages to reply as though he did so reluctantly.
:I have some work to finish up.
:Will I see you this weekend?
:Maybe.
And there it was. Just like that I felt let down and left out. What were we really doing if we couldn’t make time to spend together? What married couple was comfortable staying in separate houses and didn’t even plan to stay together for the weekend? I needed more. I had to have more or I didn’t want any of this.
21
Her
It was the night of the annual Architect’s Gala dinner and dance, and even though I hadn’t wanted to attend, I had no choice. Our firm was the host for this year, and as I’d been a previous year’s award winner, I was obliged to hand out the same award to the new recipient. It was an honor for me to be chosen for such a prestigious act, but boy, if I could be anywhere else that night, I’d have gone.
I knew it was a long shot, and true to form, Ash turned down my request to escort me. That left me with no other option but to call on my one and only friend, Simon, to accompany me. It hurt deep that the man I was in love with couldn’t see that I needed him by my side. It hurt deeper that he couldn’t or maybe wouldn’t give me a reason for not wanting to escort me at all. Whatever his problem was, it was getting old.
We’d drifted so far apart as to be at opposite poles and it seemed there was no way to find our way back to each other. Too often over the last weeks, I’d wondered if there was even a reason to try. What was I doing wrong if the man found every excuse to avoid me? All too often I slept alone only to wake with eyes sealed shut from tears.
My reflection in the floor-length mirror stared back at me. A brooding crease between my brows asked questions I didn’t care to answer. Here I stood, a twenty-seven-year-old woman with so much going for her that I could have had my pick of companies to work for with a salary of my choosing. Being the down-to-earth individual that I was, money and status had never moved me all that much.
What I’d seen in Ash the first day I’d met him or even the day he’d driven me to view Andrew’s plot, had left such a striking memory of him that those recollections were hard to reconcile with the man I now knew. The way he was; quiet, confident, and stunningly handsome meant nothing to me now. The untapped beauty of an individual soul had attracted me to him. I’d wanted to be held by those large, tattooed hands, and I had been. But now, I was at a loss as to where we’d crossed paths in the night and lost our footing.
I felt Ash no longer loved me or needed me as he once had, and frankly, I was tired of fighting for him any longer. It felt like I’d overstayed my welcome, and it was time to move on. I was a visitor who’d lost her way to the exit and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to suffer the indignity of being shown the door. Surely, it was only a matter of time before he dropped the hatchet on our relationship.
My buzzer went off, and I shook myself from the reverie, grabbing my clutch and the velvet jacket off the bed. I ran on tiptoes to get the door before Simon rang it again and left it open slightly so he could enter without me waiting for him.
“Row!” Simon called out.
“In here,” I hollered back. Pulling the jacket over my shoulders, I surveyed my attire. The ball gown that my boss had suggested hadn’t interested me with its formal lines and classic ladylike persona. Instead, I’d chosen a two-piece suit. If a suit and tie was good enough for the men attending, it was good enough for me.
The velvet smoker’s jacket’s satin lapels opened to the waist and a ribbon tie rather than buttons held the two sides closed. I’d added a big bow tie to my white shirt and silver bangles that clanged at my wrists. Large hooped earrings pulled the jewelry accents together and highlighted the shimmer against my cheeks.
The trousers were made in a form-fitting satin that spoke as I walked. With each movement of my legs, t
he material murmured with a sigh of delight. I loved them! The red soled, suede pumps pushed me two inches taller than my five-eight height and the only thing that bothered me was that my exceptionally tall husband wouldn’t be the one walking me in tonight.
As I slicked on dark cherry lipstick, I heard a low whistle from the entrance hall.
“Stop that, Simon,” I warned him.
“Girl, you’re rocking that suit,” he teased. “I think I need to go home and put on a dress.”
“I have my moments.” I checked my face and popped my lips. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”
Our driver set us down outside of the hotel where the gala dinner was being held, and I let Simon exit first, so I could catch my breath. The industry bigwigs who were going to be in attendance would be watching me. Not only for who I was, but also because of the direction I was taking my architectural designs.
Some of my recent plans had been submitted, without my knowledge, to the board. Judging by what my boss had said, the designs were inspiring and visionary enough to have people talking. When they’d asked how I found my inspiration, I’d told them honestly that it wasn’t my vision. It was and always would be, the clients wants and needs that I’d interpreted and drew onto the paper. That was the driving force that had me front and center stage, handing out awards to up-and-coming, new graduates and an future interview with one of the top ten architectural magazines, Dwell.
That in itself was a dream come true for me. It was the acceptance of my struggle for the last five years for recognition and a place amongst the elitists who saw building design as functional, a space to live in, rather than a space that could exist on its own terms.
I let Simon lead me around the room, greeting and conversing with people I knew and those who were introduced to me by my boss and to my surprise, Simon.
“I didn’t tell you I knew so many people.” He waved at a portly gentleman with red cheeks and a leering grin. “Because then I’d have to come clean that I don’t need to work with you.”