A Season For Hope (A Fairhope Christmas Novella)

by Cannon, Sarra

  But I want so much more tonight.

  All I can think about is exploring him, tasting him, feeling his hands all over me.

  I grab his shirt into my fist and kneed his back, pulling him closer. I pull the shirt up and slide my other hand under, moaning at the warmth of his skin on my palm. He mirrors my movements, slipping his hand beneath the edge of my sweater and running his hands up and down across my back.

  It’s nowhere near enough.

  I push him away and cross my arms over my body, reaching for the bottom of my sweater. In one swift motion, I pull the sweater over my head, our eyes locked the entire time. Slowly, hungrily, he lets his eyes travel downward. His breath is fast and shallow as he takes in my barely-covered breasts.

  I step forward and tug at the edge of his shirt, pulling it upward. He finishes the task, in a crossing and uncrossing of his arms, his face disappearing only for a brief moment as his shirt disappears, revealing the rock solid cut of muscles underneath.

  His stomach and chest move with the force of his breath and when I reach out to run my finger along the trail of fine blond hair leading downward, his breath hitches and his stomach trembles.

  He grips my hand tightly and pulls me toward the bedroom. We leave a trail of clothing as we kiss our way down the hall. My skirt. His jeans. Boots. Shoes. Socks.

  By the time we are standing beside the bed, we’re down to nothing more than underwear.

  I reach for the light switch, but he shakes his head.

  “I want to see you,” he says.

  I bite my lower lip. I definitely want to see him, too, but I’m nervous about feeling so vulnerable in front of him. Now that we’ve reached the point where the more intimate touching naturally begins, I’m drawing back, scared of these feelings swelling within me.

  My legs tremble and no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to draw in a complete breath.

  He approaches me slowly, tenderly. He pushes my hair back from my face and with a touch as soft as a whisper, he runs his fingertips down my cheeks, my neck, and over the swell of my breasts. He navigates to my back and unhooks my bra, then brings his hands to my shoulders, slowly pushing the straps down and off until my chest is bare.

  My nipples harden as his eyes flash with desire.

  He continues his soft exploration, moving his hands up and around my breasts, then over the top of my nipples. I moan and let my lips fall apart. My chest thumps with every beat of my pounding heart.

  I stand there, still on the outside but pulsing with need on the inside, as he moves his hands lower. My head falls back as he drags his fingers across my hips and down my thighs.

  He pulls my underwear down and my body shivers.

  He steps closer and the warmth of his body radiates toward me. Parts of him touch me, but he doesn’t press. He leaves enough space for his hands to continue caressing me.

  I can’t keep mine still any longer, so I lift them up to his body, touching him with the same tenderness he’s shown me.

  Desire grows between us, swelling like a giant wave headed toward the shore.

  And when his fingers finally, mercifully, slide between my thighs and slip into the wetness there, the wave breaks over us and we are lost to it.

  His mouth finds mine and as he presses his body against me, I’m overwhelmed with a thousand beautiful sensations. His hands rubbing me. My breasts pressing against his chest. Our lips tasting each other. The length of him expanding against me, growing harder with every touch.

  I have lost control and inhibition. I am reduced to want and need and the beautiful ache between my legs. I slip my fingers inside the waist of his boxers and tug them downward.

  I bring my trembling hand up to stroke him and he breaths in, his body tensing. A low sound forms deep in his chest and he drives his fingers inside of me.

  When he lays me down across the bed, I swallow hard, my eyes drinking in the sight of his body as he stands there naked in front of me.

  He reaches into the top drawer of the nightstand beside the bed and pulls out a condom. My breath is heavy and my legs writhe against the sheets as I watch him stretch it over the length of him. He looks up and our eyes meet. There’s a thrilling charge in the air between us. A magnetic pull that draws us together.

  He moves onto the bed, his hands resting on my knees, then slowly spreading my thighs to give him access. His eyes devour me and I lift my hand to my face, embarrassed and aroused at the same time.

  He opens me wider, then positions himself above me. He takes my hand in his and moves it away from my face. Up and over my head.

  “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he says. His voice is gruff and I realize this is the first we’ve talked since we walked in the door of his apartment.

  He takes my mouth with his, passion surging with each new kiss.

  I hook my legs around his hips and lift up toward him, wanting him more than I ever knew was possible.

  I feel the tip of him at the edge of my wetness and I moan. I bury my hands in his hair and pull him closer, filled with something beyond need. Something more. As if my survival depended on it.

  When he enters me, he moves slowly. I open my mouth against his, inhaling as my body stretches to accommodate him. He teases me, moving in and out at the edge of my sex, never quite giving me his entire length until I cry out and bite his shoulder, my mind spinning.

  Finally, he reaches the end of his restraint and thrusts deeper, our bodies becoming one. We move in unison, finding a rhythm that quickens and becomes more desperate with each push.

  Pleasure builds within me as he enters me and I dig my fingers into his back. I feel him tense and together, we tumble over the edge in a moment of complete surrender and release.

  We hold each other long after we’ve climaxed, letting our breathing slow and our heartbeats pulse against each other’s skin. He showers me with soft kisses and I trace lazy circles along his glistening skin.

  We fall asleep in each other’s arms, our bodies spent and trembling.

  Our hearts completely open.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  I wake and stretch, elongating my body until the tips of my toes curl and a yawn begins. Then I open my eyes and remember where I am.

  My body tingles as I remember last night’s love making. I’ve never had sex like that before. It was so beautiful. A true give and take. I wasn’t worried about whether I would please him or if he wanted me. I knew it without him having to say a word.

  I pull the covers close against my body and study the empty spot beside me in the bed. I sit up and listen. I smell coffee brewing and in the kitchen, I can hear Judd stirring things and…humming?

  I smile and search the floor for my clothes. I wish I’d anticipated spending the night with him. I would have at least thrown a change of clothes and some basic makeup into my bag. My purse must be somewhere in the living room, but I think the only thing I have in there is lipgloss anyway.

  I breathe into my hand and sniff. Ugh. Morning breath. And my hair is probably atrocious. I can’t let him see me like this.

  I briefly consider trying to sneak out the front door, but I know that’s ridiculous. I close my eyes and collapse back onto the pillows.

  God, I had such an amazing time last night. It almost doesn’t seem real. I keep waiting for the bad news. No one’s this perfect.

  I snuggle into the covers and catch a whiff of his cologne. I bring his pillow to my face and bury my head in it, my legs shaking at the familiar scent that is now closely tied to the memory of an earth-shattering orgasm.

  Judd’s laughter carries across the room and I practically throw his pillow.

  “Were you just smelling my pillow?” he asks.

  I cut my eyes over to him and nearly have the breath knocked out of me. He’s wearing nothing but a pair of pj bottoms that hang low on his waist. A trail of blond hair runs down his chest and I follow it down to his waistband, my mouth going dry at the sight of his perfect, hard body in
the light of day.

  He pushes his hair back behind his ear on one side and smiles. “Totally busted,” he says. He walks to the end of the bed and climbs up toward me.

  I giggle and hide myself inside the covers.

  He yanks them from me and lays down on top of me. I’m completely naked except for my panties. I have almost zero makeup on and my long hair is knotted to hell.

  But the way he looks at me takes my breath away.

  There is no judgment in his eyes. No criticism. Only adoration.

  “How is it possible you look even more beautiful this morning than ever?” he says, running his finger along my jawline.

  I turn my head, wanting to hide under something. But there’s nowhere to hide. I’m completely exposed. “I look gross and my breath stinks,” I say.

  He shakes his head. “You’re stunning.”

  I swallow hard, my heart pounding against his arm draped across my chest.

  He lowers his lips to mine. I pull away, suddenly feeling more vulnerable than ever. There’s something stirring between us that’s deeper than just a fling or a casual relationship. This is way more. My stomach twists, and I’m not sure I’m ready for this.

  I panic, feeling like I can't breathe all of a sudden.

  I try to climb off the bed, but he doesn’t let me run away. “Hey,” he says. “What’s wrong?”

  I shrug and push him off so I can sit up. My throat feels like it’s closing up all of a sudden. I feel claustrophobic and enclosed in this room.

  “I should probably get dressed and head home so I can shower and get ready for work.”

  He sits up and watches me as I scramble to pick up my scattered clothing. “It’s only eight in the morning,” he says. “You’ve got hours before you have to be at work.”

  I shake my head so my hair will drape over my face. I feel like I can’t breathe.

  “I know, but I have to shower and I really should try to get some studying in before.”

  He doesn’t say anything, but I feel the atmosphere in the room shift. I look up and see nothing but pure disappointment in his expression. Maybe the small hint of fear.

  He moves to the edge of the bed and stands up. He takes my hand. “Did I do something wrong?”

  “No,” I say, meeting his eyes so he’ll know I mean it. “Last night was amazing. I’m just…”

  I don’t finish that thought. I can’t explain how I’m feeling. It’s uncomfortable. Uncertain.

  Fucking terrified.

  “So stay,” he says. “I’m making breakfast. I thought we could hang out for a while this morning, then tonight I could come by The Cup when you get off work.”

  I step away, not even sure why I’m doing it. But suddenly I’m scared. I’m a cornered rabbit and I just need to run. This room feels very small and hot and oh god, I seriously can’t catch my breath.

  “I’m sorry,” I say, backing toward the bathroom.

  I dress as fast as I can, my heart going back and forth between the bravery I felt last night and the fear I’ve lived with the other 21 years of my life.

  I know I’m stupid for not melting into his kisses this morning, but something about the way he told me I was beautiful scared the shit out of me. The way he looked at me. The way he touched me. Like he could see the deepest parts of me.

  Like he loved me.

  I’m used to having a safe buffer between me and my emotions. I’m used to being able to sit back and think about how I want things to go. With Judd, it’s all instinct and in the moment. It’s raw. And it’s real. There’s no time to think and I’m not sure I can do this. It feels dangerous.

  I brush my hair with his brush, throw my clothes on, and head back out. He’s in the kitchen leaning against the counter with a cup of coffee in his hand. He put on a t-shirt and it feels like just another layer between us. My heart aches for the freedom I felt last night. I wish I could be that person for him now.

  “I can’t even talk you into a cup of coffee?” he asks.

  I frown and shake my head. “No thanks,” I say. “I had a really great time last night, though.”

  “Did you?” he asks.

  My head snaps up. Oh god, he’s going to do that honesty thing again. I glance toward the door, wondering how fast I could get there from here. I need time to think through what I’m feeling before I can talk about it.

  “Yes,” I say, brightening my tone, trying to fake him out. “Of course I did.”

  He narrows his eyes. “Because last night didn’t feel like this,” he says. “Last night was…really you and really me, you know? Then all of a sudden, there’s this wall here between us. What happened?”

  I swallow. “I’m sorry. I’m used to a relationship with walls,” I say. “This is new for me and I need for you to give me some time.”

  “Okay,” he says.

  Tears spring to my eyes. “I’m sorry,” I say. There’s so much more in my heart that I want to tell him, but I’m scared he’ll think I’m crazy. I’m scared it won’t make any different and will just open myself up to more pain. “I’ll talk to you later.”

  I walk over and lift up on my toes to give him a soft kiss on the cheek.

  He’s tense and doesn’t smile or move to kiss me back.

  I turn, a familiar heaviness in the pit of my stomach as I walk through the front door, putting yet another wall between us. It doesn’t hit me until I’m pulling into the parking lot at my apartment that somewhere along the way last night, I stopped comparing him to Preston.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  All day at work I watch the door, waiting to see Judd walk in with that smile on his face. Wanting him to appear as if I hadn’t acted like a complete and total bitch to him this morning.

  But as the hours stretch on, I start to lose hope. On a break, I check my phone. No messages or texts.

  I want to punch myself in the face. What the hell did I do?

  I freaked out, that’s what.

  I knew I’d made a huge mistake by the time I got to my apartment this morning, but I couldn’t work up the nerve to turn back and knock on his door to apologize. He was nothing but amazing last night and this morning, and I treated him like crap.

  I wouldn’t be surprised if he never wants to talk to me again.

  I bite my lip and start a text to him.

  I’m sorry about this morning. Are you still coming by The Cup?

  I stare at it for a full minute before I send it. My hands are trembling. What if he says no? Or is distant from now on? What if I’ve ruined everything and have to spend the rest of my life haunted by how perfect last night was for us?

  I knew I shouldn’t have slept with him. It was just too soon for me. I wasn’t expecting it to mean so much. I thought I was more closed off. More protected.

  But Judd has brought down more of my barriers than I thought.

  In the dark of night, it felt great. But in the light of day, I just felt exposed and vulnerable.

  Please don’t let it be too late to fix it.

  It’s close to the end of my shift and I’ve pretty much given up on Judd showing up to hang out when the bell over the door sounds. I breathe in, my heart racing as I turn.

  My mouth falls open and my breath catches in my throat.

  Preston’s eyes meet mine across the small cafe. Seeing him right now is like a punch to my gut. What is he doing here? From the way he’s looking at me, I know he’s here to see me, but why? It’s like guys have this sixth sense about things like this. It’s like they know the moment you’ve started to move on so they swoop in and surprise you, hoping to sweep your feet out from under you. Ex-boyfriends seem to know just how to hit you when you’re down.

  I wipe my sweaty hands on my apron and force a smile as he walks over.

  He kisses my cheek. “Hey,” he says. “It’s been a while.”

  I nod and smile, holding it together by a thread. “Yeah,” I say. “What brings you in here?”

  “Oh,” he says, pulling his han
ds from his pockets. “The Christmas Memories Charity Ball this coming weekend. You didn’t forget, did you? I kept meaning to call, but things have been crazy busy.”

  My heart stops and dizziness washes over me. What is he saying?

  “I just stopped by to give you the details on the plan,” he says, as if it’s just completely normal that he’s talking to me about this for the first time in weeks.

  “O-of course,” I stutter, completely caught off guard. I grab the side of the table to steady myself. My ears are ringing and huge warning sirens are going off in my brain.

  “There will be six of us in the limo,” he says. “Penny and Mason were going to join us, but she wants to get there ahead of time, so it’ll just be us, Summer and Ben, and Krystal and Park.”

  I’m in shock. I can’t speak, so he just keeps rattling off details like it’s no big deal.

  “Would you rather come by my place before or should I have the limo swing by your place to pick you up? Or did you have plans to meet up with Summer and Krystal first?”

  My mouth is just hanging open. I have no words.

  “Is everything okay?” he asks. His face goes white and his eyes widen. “You were still planning to go, right? We made these plans ages ago.”

  I shake my head, finally finding my voice. “Preston, I don’t know what to say.” My heart is urging me to tell him I can’t go, that I’ve met someone else, but I can’t seem to form the words in my mouth. I’m trapped. “I didn’t realize you were still planning on taking me. I figured—”

  “Shit,” he says, running a hand through his dark brown hair, which is a little longer on top than normal. It looks really good on him, and I hate myself for even thinking it. “I’m sorry Bailey, I should have called or something, but I just assumed we were still on for this. I’m really counting on you coming with me.”

  I breathe in and out through my nose, unable to think clearly.

  “Sure,” I say. “Of course I’m still going. What time again?”

  He smiles, but I want to cry. I never could say no to anything he asked of me. It’s a sickness, really. I have no idea how I’m going to tell Judd. If he even talks to me again.