"We need to talk." There's urgency in his words.
I glance at the clock on the wall behind his head. It's after six. I can leave any time after four but on this Monday, the mindless haze of doing anything but sitting in my apartment has been my goal. I have to face my reality, in the form of Noah, now. "I can leave now."
"Let's go downstairs to the diner." He motions towards my office door. "I'll buy you an early dinner."
The thought of food itself is enough to make my stomach recoil. I haven't eaten more than a few bites of an apple since I woke up yesterday. Food, sleep and functioning normally are all out of my reach. "I'll just watch you eat."
"You'll eat." His hand grazes over my shoulder as I walk next to him towards the bank of elevators. The offices are silent. Vivian and everyone else left for the day with quiet goodbyes hours ago. I know they could sense I wasn't in the mood for idle chitchat.
"I'm not hungry." Arguing such an unimportant point seems futile. I know Noah well enough to know that it's easier to acquiesce to what he wants, especially if it's something this mundane.
He looks down at me, his eyes raking over my face. "You look tired. Did you sleep last night?"
Normally if a man made a remark like that, I'd be offended but I've seen what I look like in the mirror. I hadn't slept. I had replayed my time in Parker's apartment over and over again in my mind all last night. I haven't spoken to him or Ben since. I'm not sure I ever will again. "I didn't sleep much."
"You'll sleep better tonight." His hand is on my lower back as he steers me into the elevator car. "We have a lot to talk about."
He's right. We do. I have to tell him that even though I've spent weeks trying to convince him that Ben is a good person, that I was wrong. I have to tell him that I gave him false hope right before his wedding to Alexa. I have to confess that I was blinded by Ben's charm and sensual persuasion. To put it simply, I have to admit that I fucked up royally and pulled both him and Alexa right into the heart of the mess.
We ride the elevator in silence before I follow him through the lobby of the building and out into the streets of lower Manhattan. Working in a building on Wall Street fueled me when I first came to this city months ago, but now, since I've returned post Parker break-up, I've felt out of place. The people who work here are in control of their lives. I don't belong here. I don't belong in Boston anymore either.
"There's a place down the street we can eat at." He motions to the left and I nod.
I feel as though I'm a pirate walking the plank for stealing a bounty that never belonged to her. I took things from Noah that I shouldn't have. I exposed fragments of him that he wanted hidden. I saw the vulnerable parts of his heart that are only reserved for Alexa.
We enter the bustling eatery and instantly I'm assaulted with the rumbling din of the crowd in the small space. I wish I had insisted on Noah taking me home. At least there, I can find my center enough that I can confess without having to raise my voice just to be heard.
"Over there." He gestures towards an empty table near the back of the eatery. It's small and pushed into a corner but at the very least it will offer some solace from the noise. I follow him, running the first words that I want to say to him through my mind. I want to soften the blow if that's even possible.
"I've never been here," I say quietly as we sit next to each other. I haven't. I typically don't eat more for lunch than a piece of fruit or a salad I've brought from home. I've heard about the homemade soup here from Vivian. I know, without a doubt, that if they didn't deliver, I'd be racing down here on a daily basis to grab her lunch for her.
"You only sent me back one text when you were in Boston." His eyes search the expansive menu. "I was worried about you."
I'm touched by his concern. Before I left for Boston he'd confided that he liked hanging out with me. I felt as though we were finding our way into a trusted friendship. It meant a lot at the time because of our combined connections of Alexa and Ben. Now, I feel like a fraud for still wanting that. I don't have any close friends beyond Alexa. Having Noah in my corner too meant more than I was willing to admit to him or to myself.
The waitress appears out of nowhere rattling off an impressive list of daily specials. I opt for the soup of the day and Noah settles on a fish and chips platter. After taking our orders, she's gone back into the crowd in a flash.
"Your ex-boyfriend is an asshole."
My eyes jump from the worn and chipped wooden table to his face. "What did you just say?"
"That guy, Parker, he's an ass." He cocks a brow as if he's waiting for confirmation.
Alexa must have told him about my break up and now he's assuming that I saw Parker when I was in Boston. It's an assumption anyone would leap to. I can't deny that if Ben wasn't in the picture, and I wasn't in search of my long lost damage deposit, that I wouldn't have wanted to meet up with Parker. I needed the closure last Saturday had given me. I just hadn't realized it until I walked out of his apartment.
"He's an ass, yes," I confirm with a sly smile. "I'm not sure what I ever saw in him."
"Happiness," he offers as he takes a sip of the water in front of him. "You moved back to Boston to be with him a few months ago. You must have cared a lot about him."
"I did." There's a bite of pleasure as I use the past tense. "I don't care about him anymore."
His eyes waft over the table next to us before they settle back on my face. "I'm glad. He really hurt you."
"Alexa told you how he left me." I can't meet his eyes. I'm afraid I'll cry. I thought I was over the pain of Saturday, but now, talking about Parker again has brought everything that I heard between him and Ben back to the surface.
I sense him moving forward as I hear the table creak beneath the weight of his elbows. "Alexa didn't tell me, Kayla. Ben did."
Chapter 6
I opened my mouth to respond just as the waitress showed up with our food. It's a diner. I should have expected that it wouldn't take more than a couple of minutes for her to return. The entire philosophy of the place is fast food. I take one look at the murky darkness of my soup and decide that my stomach will thank me later if I don't indulge. Noah dives into his food with full force, taking mouthful after mouthful with barely a chew in between. His mannerisms almost match Ben's each movement, as he ate lunch in front of me in a bistro not more than a few weeks ago.
"I saw Ben yesterday," he says as he swallows. "He asked Ron to arrange it."
I take a deep breath to rein in my crumbling emotions. I had no idea. There's no way I could have known that Noah and Ben spoke. The last I heard Noah was open to giving Ben another chance. I was actually in route to arrange a meeting between them when I'd been sidetracked by the overheard confessions of Ben and Parker. "Your father arranged it?" I ask in a quiet voice.
"He said Ben called him from Boston on Saturday night. He was torn up about you and about me." He cocks a brow. "He told Ron it was urgent that he speak to me."
"That's why you texted me so many times," I whisper as much into the air between us as at Noah.
"I texted you more than twenty times, Kayla." He sighs audibly. "I wanted to know what happened in Boston. I wanted to know what you told Ben about me before I saw him."
The answer to that is simple. "Nothing, Noah. We never got around to talking about you other than…" my voice trails. This is where I'm supposed to tell Noah that Ben was following me to watch our secret meetings.
"Other than what?" He leans forward waiting for me to respond.
"I heard him say something to Parker about you," I begin because it's where I need to start emotionally. I'm not going to throw Ben's devious behavior in Noah's face without some warning to soften it.
He motions towards me with his fork. "Ben told me about that. Christ, that's fucked up, Kayla."
It's all fucked up. All of it is. Even this part of it where I'm sitting in a diner listening to Noah tell me that he knows more about my situation than I ever wanted him to. I'm humiliated that I cared
for Ben. I'm ashamed that I gave my heart to Parker and I'm hopeful that I can escape this dinner with some of my dignity still in place.
I only nod in response because trying to find words to express how I've messed up my life isn't possible right now.
He wipes the paper napkin over his lips before he places his large hands on the table. "Ben followed you twice when you and I met."
"I know." My eyes dart from his face to his hands. I didn't know that it was only twice but considering the fact that Noah and I only met a few times, it makes perfect sense.
He smiles but it's fleeting and within a blink of my eye it's vanished. "So you know why he followed you?"
I know that Noah likes to draw people out of their shells without revealing too much of himself. Whether he's consciously aware of it or not, he's doing that to me now. I just want him to tell me what he discussed with Ben. "He wanted to see whether I was getting through to you, I guess," I say it stiffly. "He was using me to try and reconnect with you."
"Who told you that? Ben or Parker?" His head tilts to the right. "Which one told you that?"
"Ben said it when I heard them talking," I begin and then stop to take a drink of water. I dart my tongue over my bottom lip before I continue, "I heard Ben say that he followed me and that he could tell I was getting through to you and…" I stop again because confessing to Noah that Ben was going to hand me back to Parker on a silver platter once he and Noah were on better terms, stings too much.
"Ben told Parker you were his again when he got me back." Noah's eyes meet mine and I see a soft understanding there. He knows so much more than I thought he did. Judging by what he's told me so far, Ben has shared almost every detail of the exchange in Parker's apartment with him. "He only said those things to keep that asshole away from you. He knew Parker was a son-of-bitch."
I catch my breath to hold back an unexpected sob. I shouldn't be surprised that I'm this emotional. I've been holding everything in for two days. I wanted to cry when I'd checked myself into the small hotel room in Boston but as I sat in the bathtub there for more than an hour, nothing came. I was numb. I am numb. I've been that way since I heard Ben and Parker talking about me.
Noah reaches across the table to grab my hand. "You should have called me, Kayla. I would have come there. Alexa and I would have been on the next flight to come get you."
The words touch me so deeply that I weep aloud. "I didn't know that."
"We are your family." His large hand cradles mine tenderly. "We will always be your family. Tell me you know that."
I nod without raising my gaze from my lap. "I do know that, Noah."
"We need to talk about Ben, Kayla." His tone is smooth and direct. "I need to explain what's really going on."
I want someone to. I need someone to and if that someone is Noah Foster, I'm all ears.
Chapter 7
"I didn't choose Sadie to be my matron-of-honor because I love her more than you." Alexa sits down on the edge of the bed in the guestroom of the apartment she shares with Noah.
He'd brought me back here in a cab after we'd finished our dinner. It was important to him that Alexa be part of our conversation. She'd insisted that I spend the night at their place after he called to tell her he was bringing me over. I was grateful for the chance to sleep in this bed again. I feel safe here and a part of something that matters. I feel truly as though I'm with family.
"Sadie and you are so different," she continues without waiting for me to respond. "She needs me in ways you don't, Kayla."
"I know that she does, Lex." I reach for her hand. "You've known her a lot longer than you've known me."
"That's part of it, I guess." She twirls her index finger over the fingernail of my thumb. "It's more about how strong you are. I admire that about you."
She's never shared that with me. We've complimented each other the way close friends do when one is feeling battered by the world. I did it when she had her heart broken in Paris by Beck, an artist who had swept her off her feet and into his bed. She'd done it for me when I was passed over for an internship during my junior year of college. She was ready to march down to the office of the company I wanted a placement with to give them a speech about why they were making a mistake they'd regret. We've always had each other's backs. It goes without saying.
"Noah told me about what happened at your apartment in Boston the other day." Her hands leap in unison to her chest. "Kayla…" her voice stalls as tears fill her eyes.
"No, Lex, don't." I reach up to cover her hands with my own. "I was okay. I handled it."
She shakes her head from side-to-side so violently her earrings crash softly against her neck. "You were there all alone after that. I would have come. You should have called me."
"I needed time to process it all," I say quietly. I really did. I needed the silent solace that my own company brought me. I needed that yesterday too. That's why I turned off my phone before I headed back to the airport and I didn't turn it back on until this morning. I wanted my own selfish way to escape the overwhelming pain I was feeling after listening to Parker and Ben talk about me.
"Noah is waiting for us in the other room." She stands and runs her hands over the smooth lines of her pencil skirt. "We'll help you through this together."
I take her outstretched hand in mine, pull myself off the bed and follow her towards the understanding I need.
***
"Ben told you that?" I inch forward on the edge of the comfortable leather chair I sat in when Alexa and I joined Noah in their expansive living room.
Noah leans back, his arm resting on the back of the couch behind Alexa. "He said it."
"Do you think he meant it?" I'm not sure where the question comes from other than a curious need to know. Noah isn't the person to ask about the intention behind Ben's words. The two haven't spoken more than a few times in the past decade. The fact that they spent more than an hour together yesterday isn't helping me in my belief that Noah doesn't know Ben much better than I do.
He looks at Alexa before he pulls his gaze back to my face. "I think he meant it."
"Ben actually told you he cared that much about me?" I'm mincing words because repeating back what Noah just said to me is overwhelming.
He moves Alexa's hair back from her face before he runs his finger over her cheek. "Ben told me that he's never been in love, Kayla. He told me that he's feeling things for you he's never felt for any woman before."
It's impacting me in a way I don't want it to. "Noah…I mean, Alexa…" I stammer, trying to find a starting point. "When you found out that I was seeing Ben, you told me he wasn't good for me."
"Noah did say that," Alexa jumps in as she rests her hand on his thigh. "Things have changed since then."
"I've only ever been in love once," I offer as much to remind myself as them. "Parker's love was toxic. I never really mattered to him. I think I was just filling in his time. I was his go-to when no one else wanted him."
Alexa's bottom lip quivers as she listens intently to what I'm saying. Sympathy isn't my end goal. I don't want that from either of them. I'm done feeling sorry for myself too, but I'm cautious. I have to be. If I jump off the cliff of uncertainty that I'm perched on and fall into the belief that Ben is feeling intense things for me, I'm just setting myself up for another emotional fall. I can't do that. I'm still nursing the wounds Parker gave me.
"I think Parker loved you, Kayla." Alexa leans forward a bit to make her point. "I think he really wanted you back when he asked you to move back to Boston."
"It doesn't matter anymore," I say it with a small smile. "I know that Parker is my past. I also know that I heard things that he said to Ben and I still don't understand it all."
"Kayla." Noah grabs tightly to Alexa's hand, pulling it into his lap. "Ben explained all of that to me."
"Tell me," I push quickly. "I want to understand it, Noah. I need to."
He nods before his eyes dart to Alexa's. "Parker was caught up in something with some g
irl named, Elsie."
It's still only been two days since I first heard Parker share her name with me. Hearing it come from Noah's lips is surreal. "Ben told you that?"
His jaws tenses. "He said that Parker talked about her non-stop for hours the first night they met. They hung out at a bar by your place getting wasted together."
"I still can't believe they met on the street in front of my place." I don't mention it for any reason other than to reiterate what I've been feeling internally. "Ben didn't come over to my place a lot."
"Ben said he left your place that night because you wanted to tell Alexa about him and he freaked. He thought he'd lose you right then."
"It was that night?" I cock a brow. "That was the night Ben and Parker met?" I remember the night vividly. We'd made love in my bed and then I'd pushed him to tell Noah about us. He'd refused and in my desperate need to stop hiding my relationship with him, I'd told him that unless he did it, I was going to Alexa to tell her everything. He'd run out of my apartment after that and apparently right into Parker.
"He said he needed a drink and Parker looked like he could use a friend so they went to the bar together." Noah crosses his long legs. "That's when Parker started talking about Elsie."
"I'm sorry, Kayla." Alexa leans forward. "We don't have to talk about her if it's too much."
"It's fine," I say with my eyes closed. It has to be fine. It's my reality. "Parker told me all about her."
"I can't believe he asked her to marry him."
My eyes pop open at Alexa's words. In the big picture of my messed up life, there's very little reason to correct her but my need to hold onto any lingering bit of pride that I have wins out. "Parker told me that there was some confusion about that. Apparently Ben thought Parker wanted to marry Elsie, but it was me he wanted to marry."
RUIN - Part Three (The RUIN Series Book 3) Page 3