Her eyes shoot so quickly to Noah's face that I don't get a chance to see anything within her expression. He nods slowly at her as if to encourage her to share something that she's unwilling to let go of.
"Alexa?" I whisper her name wanting her to turn and look at me again. "Lex, what's wrong?"
"Parker didn't buy that ring for you, Kayla." She pushes a puff of air out between her lips to curb her emotions. "He bought it for Elsie but she turned him down."
Chapter 8
It was inevitable that I'd end up back here. It's the third time today that I've stood on the street in front of his building. I should have gone to the hospital but I don't trust myself to keep it together when I see him. The things I want to say to him aren't meant for others to hear.
"Kayla?" His voice is behind me. It rises above the noise of the pedestrian traffic that is filling the late afternoon air. "Is that you?"
I turn quickly to face him. It's only been a few days since I saw him in Boston but he looks different. He hasn't shaved and the beard that covers his jaw makes him look less polished and put together. He actually looks more like Noah today.
"You look flushed." His hand leaps to my cheek. "Are you feeling okay?"
I nod slowly even though the gesture itself is a lie. I'm not okay. I haven't been okay since Noah told me about all the text messages that Ben had shown him on his phone. Text messages that he'd shared with Parker about me, and about Elsie. They emphasized everything Noah and Alexa had told me.
"You've spoken to Noah, haven't you?" His hand moves to my shoulder. "Do you want to come up to talk?"
I only nod again because I'm fearful that if I open my mouth at this point, the only thing that will escape it is a whimper.
He guides me through the lobby of his building before he jabs his index finger into the elevator call button. He makes small talk with a couple who exit the lift when it pops open. I dart around them wanting to avoid the meaningless chatter.
He reaches to cup my hand in his after he presses the button for his floor. He doesn't say a word to the man who raced to get into the elevator before the doors closed. I'm grateful for the silence. It's helping me sort through my tangled thoughts. I watch the lights on the control panel bounce around as the car starts and stops on three floors before we reach our destination.
"I just need to call the hospital once we're inside." He fumbles with his keys as he holds firmly to my hand. "I'll make it quick."
"Take your time," I offer back as we step over the threshold into his apartment. My chest tightens as I take in the now familiar place. I didn't think I'd ever be back here after hearing him school Parker on the details of their supposed agreement. Now, I'm staring at the desk where he fucked me senseless within moments of my arrival one night. This is the place where I started to fall for him.
"I just need to check on a patient I admitted a couple of hours ago." He kisses my hand before he lets it fall to my side. "She wasn't being cooperative when I left. I want to make certain she's doing better."
Of course he does. It's who he is inside. It's that natural need of his to take care of everyone in the world but himself. "I'll wait in the other room for you."
"This won't take long," he calls over his shoulder as he dashes down the hallway.
I walk through the foyer into the large living room. I settle down on the couch and pull my phone from my purse. I run my thumb over the screen, reading a brief text message Alexa sent me earlier about the final fitting on my bridesmaid dress. With my own life being in freefall mode the past few days, I'd forgotten her wedding. The barrage of short text messages she's been sending me all day reminding me to help her with the ever present details of her to-do list, have jarred me back to the reality of honoring my commitment to help make her special day with Noah as perfect as it can possibly be.
I tap out a response telling her I'll be at the dress shop on time tomorrow after I'm done at work. I scroll through my other messages before noticing one from Parker. I delete it without reading it. I won't open myself up to him again. Parker's promises hold no weight for me.
"I'm sorry I had to do that." Ben's voice calls to me from the edge of the hallway. "Work is never ending for me."
I stare at him as he enters the space. The arms of his dress shirt are rolled unevenly and pushed up above his elbows, showing off the firmness of his forearms. His navy pants are wrinkled and the belt's end hangs loose. At first glance he looks disheveled and careless but I know it's only a reflection of his commitment to his patients. He's worked hard today. The evidence is there in the tightness of his jaw and the wrinkle of his brow. He's concerned and he's anxious and his need to call the hospital so soon after leaving there is proof that being a doctor is more than his job. It's an integral part of him, just as much as being Noah's brother is.
"Sit with me," I whisper as I pat the cushion next to me. "Please, Ben."
He's there in an instant, tossing his phone on the table as he lowers himself next to me. He pulls my hand back into his before he closes his eyes and brings it to his mouth. "Thank you for coming here, Kayla. Thank you."
Chapter 9
"There are so many of them." I can't pull my eyes from the screen of his smartphone. "Noah told me a little about it, but he didn't say it was like this."
One of Ben's hands rests on my thigh while the other is cast behind me across the back of the sofa. He's leaning so close to me that I can smell the intoxicating scent of his skin. "Noah scrolled through a bunch of them."
I nod slowly. "Why did you keep them all?"
"I kept the first one because I'm bad at clearing out my phone." A small chuckle moves his chest forward a touch. "Once Parker mentioned your name I wanted to have them just in case I ever needed to show you."
I drop the phone to my lap. "You really didn't know who he was when you gave him the money for the ring, did you?" It's a question that I've already found the answer to in the saved messages on his phone. I read Parker's text thanking Ben for the gift.
His brow cocks. "He was just a random guy I had a few drinks with. He seemed down on his luck. I wanted to help him out."
"He's an ass," I mutter beneath my breath. It's an accurate description given the fact that I've just read more than three dozen messages on Ben's phone from Parker. Messages where he tells Ben that he's unsure if he's in love with me or Elsie and messages where he confesses to a split second decision to ask Elsie to marry him the day after he returned to Boston after meeting Ben.
He reaches to take the phone from me. "He's confused. He's not worthy of someone like you."
At any other moment in my life I'd find the words cheesy, but now they are anything but that. "Why didn't you tell me right away? You should have told me you knew Parker."
He places the phone on the cushion next to him before he raises his hand to his brow. He slowly runs it over his forehead. "You're the most amazing person I've ever known."
It's not an answer to my question. I want to push but I can sense from the tension in his shoulders that I need to let him set the pace.
He closes his eyes briefly before his hand juts back to mine. "I've been close to one person in my life."
"Your mother," I offer. It's not a question. It's a fact. I know that is his truth.
"Yes." He tilts his chin down. "When she died I stopped feeling anything."
I've never dealt with a death that profound so the emotional compass I'm operating with in terms of grief is very different than Ben's. I've imagined loss but I don't believe that's the same thing. I know it's not. Since meeting Ben, I've seen the devastating impact that death can have on someone. "I'm sorry you lost her."
"I am too," he says through a heavy sigh. "I went into medicine to heal people. It gave me a focus that I really needed. I can help a lot of people without getting too emotionally attached."
"You care for your patients." I still as I stare at his handsome face.
"I try to stay objective with them." He pops his brows up as he lo
oks at me. "It's not always easy."
I want to know more about that because it's the very essence of who he is. Today is a perfect example of that. When I first turned towards him on the street, I could see the concern in his face. Part of that was directed towards me, but there was more beneath the surface. It's not possible for him to walk away from his work when the clock strikes four the way I do. He carries it with him. It's always there, pulling at him in ways I'll never truly grasp.
"I've only ever really cared for my mother." His eyes soften. "I mean I love my dad and Noah, but it's not the same."
I've never heard him speak openly of his feelings for his brother. It reassures me in some abstract way that I'm doing the right thing by coming to see him. "You've never been in love with a woman?"
The corner of his mouth jets up into a small smile. "No. I've cared for women but it was mostly related to sex. I'd keep my feelings out of it."
I admire the emotional control he has. I'm the exact opposite. Although I haven't ever loved anyone beyond Parker, I've cared deeply for two other men. I felt I could have fallen desperately in love with either but the circumstances never worked out that way. What I feel now, for Ben, is different. I want to express that but it's so jumbled together with the confusion that still lingers from the weekend and our encounter in Boston. I'm not ready to pour my heart out.
"Do you remember when we met on the airplane?"
My eyes dart over his face when he asks the question. "Of course I do, Ben."
"I was sitting in first class when you boarded." He scrubs the back of his neck with his hand. "You walked right past me."
"What?" I tap my hand against his knee. "You were not."
"I was," he confesses with a blush. "You stepped on to the plane and…" He blows a heavy gust of air out between his lips.
"How did you end up sitting next to me in coach?" I interrupt whatever it was he was going to say.
His finger traces a line over the seam of my jeans. "I asked the flight attendant to check if anyone was sitting next to you. She said you had the window seat, the middle seat was vacant and a woman was sitting in the aisle seat."
I never saw that woman. After I sat down in my seat I don't remember anything until Ben came up the aisle and sat down. "What woman? I never saw her."
"That's because she took my seat in first class after I offered it to her in exchange for your seat in coach when she boarded the plane."
"I thought that broke some rule or something." I tilt my head towards him. "Don't you have to stay in the seat assigned to you in case something happens?"
"The flight attendant called the gate. They made a note of the change and I took the seat in coach that was beside you."
"Why?" I glance at him with a grin. "Why would you do that?"
"You have the most beautiful face I've ever seen." His finger jumps to my chin. "When I saw you walk past me, I knew I had to know you."
Chapter 10
"Ah, Kayla." His hands run down the bare skin of my back. "Please. I need to. Please."
I push my wetness into his crotch. "Just hold me like this."
"Yes," he whispers the word into my neck. "I'll hold you like this forever."
I want that. I'd kissed him after he told me he arranged to sit next to me on the airplane. It wasn't because the gesture demanded a reward. It was because I saw within him the same need that I felt that night. When I'd first looked at his face as the flight attendants ran through the finer details of what to do in case of an emergency, my eyes had locked with his. There was a mirrored reflection in his face of my want and desire. We both knew, before either of us said the cursory and expected hello, that we'd be sharing our bodies.
"Your body is perfect." His lips graze over my chin. "Do you know how perfect it is?"
He's sitting against the thick wooden headboard of his bed, his back pushing it into it, while I straddle his lap. My breasts are splayed against his chest. My hands cup his cheeks. "I like that you think it's perfect."
"Everything about you is."
I push my lips into his, running the edge of my tongue along the lush full lines of his mouth. He groans slightly, his arms tightening on my back, one hand racing down to cup my ass cheek, pulling my core over his swollen erection.
"I've missed this," I whisper into his mouth. "I've missed you."
He pulls back just enough that his lips hover next to mine as he speaks. "Tell me you trust me, Kayla. I can't do this if you don’t trust me."
"I…" I edge forward wanting to feel his kiss again.
"Kayla." His hands bolt to my face. "I have so many things to tell you. I can't fuck you if you doubt me. I feel too much when I fuck you."
The growl that comes out of him with the words only arouses me more. "I want you to fuck me, Ben."
"Jesus, please." His thumb runs a path over my bottom lip. "I want to taste you. I've been craving you for days. Tell me this is okay."
"I want it." I push my breasts into his chest, pressing my core into his hard cock. "I want you so much."
"Fuck." His hands are back on my body, pushing me down. "I have to lick you."
I throw my legs open not caring that I'm on total display. He moves his tall frame with a single glide until his hands are on my ass and his head is resting against my thigh.
"Ben." I weave my hand through his hair. "Please."
He runs his finger over the lips of my slick sex. "Your cunt is so beautiful."
I push my hips back into the bed and arch my back. "I'm so close already. Do it, Ben. Please."
"You want me to lick this." His tongue spears hot over my swollen clit. "You want that, don't you?"
It's pure torture. I've never been with a man who knew exactly how to push me to the very edge of my desire with such a gentle touch. I pull on his hair, trying to guide his head back to my core. "I want it," I purr. "Do it."
"After you come on my face, I'm going to fuck you." He traces the tip of his tongue over my folds. "I'm going to fuck you so hard."
My hands jump to the bed linens, bunching the sheets in my fists. "I have to come."
"You will." He blows a puff of air over my flesh. "You're going to come for me now."
I scream out in pleasure as he scoops my ass into his hands, and dives into my pussy. His tongue expertly pulls at my clit, tracing a circle of pressure around it. I come quickly and hard. My hips buck beneath him but he doesn't stop. He only eats me harder, moaning into my flesh as I grind myself into his face.
His name falls from my lips over and over again as I ride the crest of pleasure into a deep orgasm. I cling to his head, pulling hard on his hair as he licks me softly until I finally rest my back into the bed again.
"Kayla." His lips are fluttering over mine now, the taste of my own desire mixed with his breath. "I feel so much."
I open my eyes slowly. His face is close to mine. I can sense his arms on either side of me, his hands holding up the weight of his body as they push into the bed. I stare into his face. "Ben," I whisper back.
"I would never hurt you." A tear falls from his face onto my chin. "Tell me you know I wouldn’t hurt you."
"I know." I cup his cheek in my hand.
He turns his head towards my hand, pushing the gruff edge of his beard into my palm. "I kept him from you because I wanted you. You loved him for so long. I didn't want to give you back to him."
I feel all of my own emotions crashing to the surface. "I wouldn't have gone back to him."
"I lied to him to keep you." He sobs into my hand. "I lied to Parker to keep you two apart."
Chapter 11
"I followed you a few times." His hands pull my body into his chest. He's behind me now. The dusk of the evening has taken over the city and his bedroom. The only light illuminating us is the faint lights from the buildings surrounding his.
"You saw me with Noah." I trace my fingernails over my bottom lip. "I heard that when you told Parker."
"I felt empty inside when my mother died.
" His breath is on my bare shoulder. "It took me years to forget how brutal the pain of losing her was."
I rub my brow. "I know, Ben."
"I felt it again." He exhales audibly. "I felt it when Parker told me he loved you."
I should turn over and face him but I know that I can't keep myself together if I do that. I'd almost fallen apart when he told me he had lied to Parker to keep us apart. It didn't really matter in the big picture of my life. I knew I'd never get back together with Parker once I met Ben, but still, hearing him tell me that he'd consciously manipulated the situation, it jarred me in ways I didn't expect.
"I didn't follow you because of Noah." He runs his hand over my hair, pulling it behind my back. "I followed you because Parker kept telling me he was coming back here to see you."
"What?" I lurch forward. "Parker told you that?"
His hands guide me back into his embrace. "He'd send me messages about how lonely he was and that he wanted you back and he was getting on the next train. Then he wouldn't respond to me for hours."
I'd read those messages on his phone but I hadn't thought much of them. Whether or not Parker tried to contact me the last few weeks didn't matter anymore. It likely wouldn't have mattered then either. I was so into Ben. I was so immersed in helping him and Noah that Parker was the last thing on my mind. "So you followed me because you thought I was going to see him?"
"It's stupid," he says the words in barely more than a whisper. "It happened twice and both times just as I was walking up the street to your place, I saw you leaving. I walked behind you and when I saw you meet up with Noah, I'd leave. I was so grateful Parker wasn't in New York trying to get you back."
"You should have stopped me. You should have just talked to me, Ben."
RUIN - Part Three (The RUIN Series Book 3) Page 4