by Silla Webb
“You could have come to me.” She snarls defensively.
“Sis, you’ve been home for nearly a year and you’re just now picking up the pieces of your own life. You were at my house the very day that Josh beat me into unconsciousness and you were oblivious to the abuse then.” My breathing rushes through my chest as the anxiety grips me tighter, but I have to tell her the truth. “You were blinded by your own impasse, Carly. If it weren’t for Luke, you’d still see through rose colored glasses. To be honest, I wish he’d kept his damn mouth shut. The look of pity you’re giving me right now just adds to the shame I carry.”
“Savannah, I’m so sorry!”
“Just please, if anything ever happens to me Carly,” my lip quivers as my voice cracks, “take care of my babies.”
“Savannah, you can’t go back there. Please, please just come home with me.” She begs, but her plea falls on deaf ears.
“I can’t, Carly. The only promise Josh Moore has ever made that I know he’ll keep is that he will kill me if I leave him. I can’t turn my back on Brailee and Braden like that. They are just kids and although he has never touched a hair on their head, who would he release his anger on if I weren’t there?”
She throws her arms over my shoulders, hugging me tight as we cry together. “Carly, promise me my secret is safe with you.”
“I promise, Savannah.” She mutters through the tears.
And just as quickly as the emotions consumed me I wash them away, covering my face with my mask, hiding away all the scars. I wish I had a savior to save me from my imprisonment, but death will save me soon enough I’m sure. I tell Carly I love her and head to my car to pick the kids up from school.
I take the kids for ice cream before going home. Josh is out of town again, so I relax, breathing a little easier in his absence. I tread lightly on egg shells, always worried that the slightest misspoken word will set him off. Our only communication anymore is when he’s barking out orders at me or when his fist is pummeling the side of my face.
The only medium Josh and I have is the kids. Brailee and Braden are little pieces of Josh and me, even though they are as different as night and day. Brailee has a bold Simon attitude ready to conquer the world, never giving in to defeat. Braden is quiet and shy, but has a fascination for coal mining just like his daddy does. Braden soaks up every opportunity to spend a day at the mines with Josh.
Josh works out of town a lot, thankfully, but he takes Braden to the mines a couple times a month. When they finally come home at the end of the day with soot dusting their hair and coal smeared across their cheeks, Braden is rambling with excitement about all that he learned that day at the mines. From getting to sit in the seat with his daddy while he operates the enloader, to the destination each load of coal is heading to as they load it into train cars. It’s these small moments that you can see a glimpse of happiness and pride in Josh’s eyes, and I briefly recognize the man I fell in love with.
I honestly can’t remember the last time I told him I loved him. After telling him so many times and only receiving a cocky sneer in reply, I eventually stopped saying the three little words all together. It didn’t take long for me to realize that I had been lying to myself all this time anyways. How can I love a man who hates me so fiercely?
Never…not once has he ever hit me in front of the kids. He’s never so much as spanked them even. The only love Josh carries in his heart is for our children, but he often seems to forget that without the love we once shared, Brailee and Braden wouldn’t exist. I wish he could see that eventually, hurting me will only cause them pain and heartache.
After helping the kids with homework, I cook dinner and we fall into our usual evening routine of board games, bath time and bed time stories. Since Josh is gone tonight I put the kids in bed with me, wanting to feel the happiness they fill me with just a little longer. Brailee and Braden take turns reading before I finish the story. When the sounds of light snoring fills the room I close the book, placing it on the nightstand. I brush Braden’s bangs out of his eyes and watch as their chests rise and fall in synchronization. These kids are my world and I can’t imagine not waking up each morning to their smiles and bubbling laughter filling my heart with joy.
Braden twitches in his sleep and quickly reaches for me. I lace my hand in his and he rolls to his side nestling his head against my chest. Holding my sweet boy close, I watch my babies sleep peacefully and in this exact moment all is right in my world.
I drive back to Williamstown in a cloudy haze. After picking Heidi Jo up from school I stop by Gianni’s to pick up pizza for dinner then head home. I fix Heidi Jo a plate and sit with her while she eats and rambles on endlessly about her day. I nod, pretending to listen but not a word she speaks registers to my brain. Every thought is filled with Savannah and the fear fixed in her dimly lit hazel eyes. She appears so empty, almost lifeless and my heart breaks not knowing how to help her.
After cleaning up her mess, I send Heidi Jo to Emma’s for the evening before pulling one of Colton’s old UK t-shirts on and crawling in the bed. He’s working late again and I need the comfort of his scent just to pull me through this night. Pulling the blanket up high on my neck, I melt into the mattress and sleep finds me quickly.
The peaceful state of sleep quickly turns nightmarish as heavy sobs fill the silence. Visions of Savannah being beaten and battered, reaching out for help haunt me. I want to save her, but I don’t know how. I feel helpless. The nightmare progresses as Josh’s fist smashes across her cheek and tears gush down my cheeks in anguish for my sister. My shoulder is gripped tightly, jolting me from my sleep causing me to raise straight up out of bed in a panic. Colton hovers over me, black and covered in soot. Seeing the terror in my eyes, he sits on the side of the bed, scooping me up in his arms without hesitation. The sulfur scent that invades my senses causes my nose to curl up, but I need his comfort right now.
“Shh, it’s just a bad dream, darlin’. You’re safe.” He whispers but I melt into him, clinging like he’s my lifeline as I cry my heart out. He holds me in a steel encased grip, comforting me silently. He brushes the back of his hand down my face, wiping the tears away. “Baby, you gotta calm down now. Ain’t good for the baby, you gettin’ so tore up like this.” But the cries come harder and faster.
He gently sets me on the bed then walks in the bathroom turning the shower on. Coming back into the bedroom he scoops me up in his arms, carrying me to the bathroom where he undresses me first, then undresses himself. He’s filthy. Coal dust blankets his dark skin and rims his dark as night eyes like black eye liner. He steps into the shower, pulling me in behind him as he wraps his arms around me tightly. The hot, steamy water cascades around us and he holds me quietly, with his forehead pressed to mine watching me cry. He reaches up with the pads of his thumbs and dries my tears as he presses a swift, sweet kiss to my lips. My chest heaves rapidly as I suck in a short breath that catches in my throat. Being wrapped in his arms, a feeling of protection washes over me and I find a peaceful solace. Colton washes my hair and my sobbing slowly deduces to silent cries. He washes my body, slowly caressing the loofa over my shoulders and back, trying to ease the tension that I carry.
After he scrubs the coal dust from his skin, he turns the water off before wrapping a towel around my shoulders then one around his hips. We dry off and get dressed without speaking a word. The tears have stopped but my breathing hiccups in my chest as my nerves steady. He pulls me behind him into the living room, placing me in his lap as he sits in the recliner. I snuggle my face into his chest and shudder as I inhale his fresh ocean scent. He grips his arms around me tighter and a soothing calm blankets me. I thank God in this moment for Colton. We’ve been through so much together but he always proves his love for me and anchors me when I need him the most.
“You wanna tell me what has you so upset, darlin’?” Colton asks quietly. I look into his eyes, sadly and shake my head as I bite down on my lip. His lips form a hard line and he cocks his eyebrow up
at me, “darlin’, talk to me. I’m not askin’ ya, but demandin’ ya tell me what’s got you so damn tore up,” he kisses me softly again, “please. Just talk to me. Don’t shut me out. I hurt when you hurt, baby.” His voice grows deeper with anger. His body warms beneath me and I know he won’t relent until he knows why I’m so distraught. I promised Savannah I wouldn’t tell her secret, but I don’t know that I can keep that promise.
I pinch my eyes together and try to find the words to tell Colton about Savannah, but all that falls from my mouth is, “Luke was right,” before the sobs return. I clutch onto his chest harder, burying my face as I cry. Colton’s body goes rigid and the warmth of his body blazes to a smoldering heat. He kicks the bottom of the recliner down and places me on the couch as he begins to pace the floor.
“Where is she?” He barks through clenched teeth.
“She’s at home.”
He stops mid step, turning an icy cold glare at me. “Darlin’, why?”
“I-I begged her to leave him, Colton. She refused. It took me a while to get it out of her that he was abusing her and when the dam finally broke all she could do was scream and cry.” He continues to pace briskly across the floor, raking his fingers through his hair in frustration.
“Get dressed, we’re goin’ to get her and the kids. They can stay at your house.”
“We can’t!” I shrill, and notice immediately that I’ve overreacted to his statement.
“Darlin’, I can’t stand by knowin’ that he’s hurtin’ her and do nothin’ ‘bout it.”
“I promised that her secret would stay safe with me, Colton. I can’t break my trust with Savannah. Josh is out of town, so she’s safe tonight. I just have to open her eyes to the monster that he is and hope she’ll listen.”
“So she still don’t know about Drew?” I shake my head shamefully, looking down at my hands as they twist nervously in my lap.
He takes two steps towards me, sitting down on the coffee table in front of me. He frames my face with his hands and pulls me closer to him. Looking deep in my eyes he caresses my cheeks as he speaks. “Baby, I know you don’t want to cause Savannah any pain. But how are you protectin’ her by keepin’ this secret?”
I pull away from his hands and sigh in frustration. I’m not mad at him for pointing out the truth, I’m pissed at myself for being a coward. I’m pissed because I’m only hurting her more by hiding the truth from her.
“I don’t know!” I yell, scrubbing my hands over my face. “You should have seen her, Colton. Savannah acts strong, like she has it all together perfectly, when in reality she’s shredding at the seams. I’m scared that if I tell her about Drew, she’ll completely flip.”
Colton releases a deep pent up breath, and he throws his hands up in defeat. “Darlin’ you know your sister better than anyone. You know what she can handle and what she can’t. I’ll do whatever you want me to do, even though it takes everything in me not to hunt his ass down and beat that pathetic bastard to a frickin’ pulp. Ain’t no woman deserves to be treated as a punchin’ bag.” He shakes his head, clenching his fist together tightly at the top of his thighs. “But I’m tellin’ you now, Carly Jo, you need to tell her the truth. It may just open her eyes to the life around her. The truth may just save her.”
Chapter 26
The trees rustle quietly through the mild, spring breeze. The sun casts down rays of warmth over my face as I lay on the blanket in the grass reading on my Kindle, lazily caressing my belly. She’s so active, making her presence known with her tiny feet pressing into my side. I revel in each sensation of feeling her move within my womb. As her tiny body develops and progresses with each passing day, her home becomes tighter, making any movement she makes more uncomfortable for the both of us.
Colton has been working crazy hours this last month and we haven’t had much family time. He woke up this morning in the mood to fish. Once he mentioned muddin’ and fishin’ to his little princess she tossed the tutu aside for some cut off blue jean shorts and polka dotted rain boots. I put together a picnic and within an hour we were climbing the hills to our favorite pond.
“Daddy, the only dang thing bitin’ out here is the bugs. Where’s the fishies?” I look up to see Heidi Jo impatiently watching the bobber dance across the pond, her hand firmly on her hip as she toes tap the ground. They’ve been fishing for about two hours now and judging by the frustration laced in her voice, they haven’t had much luck.
“Patience, princess.” Colton whispers as he eases toward his line, watching with a trained eye. He jerks the line out of the water, reeling it vigorously. As the bass flops up out of the water Heidi Jo shrieks, jumping up and down in excitement over Colton’s big catch of the day.
“Yeah! Way to go daddy!” Heidi Jo yells, wrapping her arms around Colton’s waist. “I wanna hold it.” She says, reaching out for the squirmy bass. “Ewww, why’s it so slimy? Gross!” She prances on the balls of her feet holding the bass loosely in her hands. I cover my mouth with my hand to hide my laughter. I remember the very first time Daddy ever placed a fish in my hand and I nearly dropped the scaly critter in a fit of panic.
“It’s just a little fish, baby girl. He lives in the pond, he’s supposed to be slimy.” Colton laughs, taking the fish from Heidi Jo’s hands. He walks to the bank of water and releases the fish into the water.
“Hey! What’d you do that for? I wanted to take the fishy home with me.” She pouts, planting her hands on her hips firmly.
“Take it home? It wouldn’t survive there, princess. We fish for fun.” Colton tells her as he swoops her up in his arms and carries over to the blanket where I’m propped up on my elbows. I pull myself up and squirt hand sanitizer on their hands before pulling the food from the cooler to make their lunch. Leaning against Colton’s chest, I sneak a grape from his plate when he’s not looking.
“Don’t you like to fish, Carly Jo?” Heidi Jo asks with a full mouth.
“I love it, sweets. Your daddy and me used to fish in this same pond when we were younger.” I say rubbing my belly lovingly.
“Well whatcha doin’ layin’ on the blanket readin’ a book for? The fish are just startin’ to bite! You ain’t scared to bait your hook are ya? Daddy always makes me put the worm on the hook.” She shudders, looking down at the sandwich in her hands.
“Who do ya think taught your daddy how to bait a hook?” Her eyes grow wild with bewilderment and she begins to snicker.
“Don’t let her lie to ya, princess. She’s worried your daddy would out fish her like all the times before.” Colton says and without looking I know that cocky ass grin that I love so much is without a doubt splayed across his tanned face.
I scoot up against him nudging him in the side playfully and whisper “smart ass” against his neck. He pecks my nose with a kiss. When we dated, so many of our weekends were spent up in these hills, muddin’ and fishin’. I think the moment Colton Weston fell head over heels in love with me was when he saw me sitting on a rock, baitin’ my own hook. I guess he assumed that he’d have to coddle me, putting the worm on the hook and show me how to cast my line into the water. Before he had the chance to pick his chin up from the ground, I had cast my line and within minutes hooked a four pound bass. A smile tips up my lips remembering the look of shock in his eyes when I released my catch. Colton Weston learned two very valuable lessons that day.
One-never underestimate me.
Two- a woman who hooks her own worm is a keeper.
After they finish eating, I lay on the blanket watching Heidi Jo and Colton plunder the bank of the pond for tadpoles. The sound of their laughter fills my ears and my heart nearly burst with contentment. It’s the cutest sight to behold, the love my sweet man has for his little girl. Colton hung the moon in Heidi Jo’s eyes and they have an inseparable bond that can’t be broken. A love so unconditional and pure that it is perfected. Colton is more than just Heidi Jo’s daddy; he’s her hero, her best friend, her safety net. Becoming a daddy at such a young age, y
ou could almost say the two of them have grown together, teaching each other along the way. Yes-a child can teach an adult so many things without ever knowing so or even meaning to. When you open your eyes to love, true love, you open your heart to possibilities you never knew existed.
“We’re goin’ muddin’, Carly Jo. You gonna come with us?” Heidi Jo asks, popping her hip to the side.
“No sweets, the trails just a bit too rough for me and your little sister. You and Daddy go have fun.”
“Oh brother, I don’t never wanna baby in my belly if I can’t go fishin’ or muddin’. This is just too much.” She mutters, throwing her arms up in the air as she stomps off towards the side-by-side. My goodness she has more spunk than any seven year old little girl should ever have.
“You sure you wanna stay here all by yourself? I’ll go easy.” Colton whispers in my ear, gripping my hips in his strong hands.
“Go have fun. I want to finish this book and it’s so peaceful up here.”
“We’ll be back in half an hour, then we’ll head home.”
He adjusts Heidi Jo’s helmet before climbing in the side-by-side and roaring the engine to life. With a short wave, he guns the gas and I can hear Heidi Jo’s muffled laughter from beneath the helmet.
I lay back down on the blanket, and pick up my Kindle to finish reading Unforeseen Heartbeat by Maureen Mayer. I love reading about hot alpha males that protect their woman to the ends of the earth, fighting through the depths of Hell to save the love of their life; the kind of man that reminds me of Colton. But Hunter Bryant is unlike any other book boyfriend I’ve ever fell for. He’s sweet, sensual and caring. He’s a lot like Luke. Colton always laughs at me for getting all caught up with fictional characters, swooning over men who live only in my head. I think it’s a bit of jealousy on his end, although none of these book boyfriends could ever hold a light to him.
I read until my eyes feel heavy and the warmth of the sun soothes me to sleep. I don’t know how long I nap for, but the rumbling motor of the side-by-side approaching pulls me from my slumber. Colton leaves the engine running and climbs out of the ATV stalking towards me. I stand up gathering the cooler and blanket meeting him half way. He takes the cooler, lacing his hands in mine and pulls me beside him without saying a word. He walks quickly to the side-by-side and his hand trembles nervously in mine. His demeanor has shifted completely from what it was when he left here.