by Changelings
Despite needing the money, with the holidays around the corner, I’d be happy just to land a couple fast-paying gigs. But at twenty-eight, my choices were limited. This was ridiculous. I was ridiculous to keep up the quest. Seeking spot after spot, whether I was interested in the product or not, and for what? Pocket change? Lately, that’s all my efforts had afforded. If I didn’t land something soon, I’d promised to hit the help-wanted section for a nine-to-five or a three-to-eleven. Hell, I’d concede and work third shift if I must. Jeremy had been forced to accept a pay cut. I could no longer afford to be choosy.
Our money problems weren’t Jeremy’s fault, though, don’t get me wrong. Over the last couple of years, most companies handed their employees two choices: we downsize your salary or we downsize you. Period. Jeremy opted for the former. He’s a smart man. That’s one reason I married him… before the Prop8 bullshit. I so didn’t need to go there. Just thinking about irrational mob mentality got me --
Santa jiggled me on his knee, awakening me to the present and to the director’s yelling.
“What in the hell’s wrong this time? It’s a thirty-second spot, for Chrissake. Desire. Ecstasy. Satisfaction. In that order! What haven’t I made clear?”
Hal. Cal. Oh, hell, I couldn’t for the life of me remember his name. I’d titled him Stubby. Short fingers never did do the trick for me. He glanced at his watch. His eyes widened -- he jerked his wrist closer to his face. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
I heard the words, no matter how silent he thought he’d kept them. Maybe his exasperation showed in the furrow of his brow, the crude scrunch to one side of his nose caused by one side of his upper lip arching into a snarl, while the other side remained pencil-thin. I didn’t know for sure, and right now, I was too tired to give a shit.
He threw his arms high in the air -- as high as he could reach -- accompanied by a huff.
I jumped to my feet, fumbling for papers that’d slipped from his down turned clipboard and, gathering them together without inflicting too many crinkles, pushed them his way. “I think I have it. Just one more --”
“No. No more takes. Not today.” He rubbed an open hand over his face as he shook his head… and a second later, he peered out at me from between spread fingers. “What?” He lowered his hand. “What? If you got something to say, Parker, spit it out. If not, go home and get some fucking rest. We’ll pick this up tomorrow. Ten sharp.”
Belaying any argument, he turned and waddle-marched away.
Ten minutes later, washed and changed, I headed for home. The perv-wannabe-Santa chuckled behind me as I walked toward the exit dragging my bag and my sorry ass.
No biggy. Stubby had a point. The director’s always right; a rule I’d learned far too late in my career, obviously. I did need rest, though. I was beat; seven hours of takes and retakes on a horndog’s lap for thirty seconds of me pretending to thoroughly enjoy candy I detested was at least six hours too fucking long in my book.
In anyone’s book, now that I thought about it. Why these idiots chose to waste their time on an actor with a rating so low it might as well be non-existent, no recommendation, and obviously, no further career in sight, I didn’t know. I did know I was going nowhere much too fast.
Something had to give.
But I’d be damned if I gave the topic my attention. I hoisted my bag over my shoulder. I couldn’t afford to let things bring me down. Five years ago, I’d been there, done that… didn’t buy the bullshit T-shirt. Of all things, who in his right mind would want a vestige of that? I trudged to my car.
Besides, it was my night to cook. I paused to check the time before zipping off the lot. “Fuck. I’m late.”
Again.
* * *
I’d be damned if I let Jeremy know about today; the man worked too hard for his money to be troubled with my -- Well, I just wouldn’t mention my day. Truly, what was there to tell? I’m a total wash-up; I couldn’t get a thirty-second spot down in seven hours? What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. As long as I pulled it off tomorrow, I’d still bring home the money.
I stumbled in through the front door, two grease-soaked paper sacks from the nearest Chinese takeout under one arm, my one-page script between my lips, and struggling to shove my keys back inside my pocket. What few lingering shards of life I’d managed to reserve for the journey home left me as soon as I kicked the door shut and fell against it. “Jere?”
“In the kitchen.”
Fuck. I laid my script on the table by the door, kicked off my shoes, and crossed the living room, flipping off the ceiling fan switch and clicking off lamps on my way toward my final shot at dignity. Even with the load I carried, I was able to wrestle the remote from the sofa cushions and cut the power to the TV and the satellite.
Jeremy met me in the kitchen doorway. “You all right, baby?”
“Here.” I thrust the Chinese takeout at him. At least, it felt as though I’d thrust those two bags. At that point, exasperation ruled, as a heavenly aroma from Jeremy’s making wafted past him and around me, wrapping me in its warmth -- and shooting my remaining dignity to hell.
He gave me that head cock, the one Jeremy inflicted often along with one of his mother-knows-best speeches. “Come here, baby.”
Cold Chinese and dishtowel deposited on the kitchen island, he drew me into his arms. My head found his shoulder, and despite knowing I’d regret my next actions, I melted into his touch, wrapped my arms around him, and exhaled my last ounce of pride, which I was certain was a myth, if not fast becoming so, anyway.
“I brought Chinese…” Mind-numbed rambling left my mouth as he strengthened his embrace. Not fighting the hug or the continual pats inflicted on my back, I let him set a tempo of mindless swaying. My self-confidence be damned. Jeremy was good to me and good for me… and my ego. I’d never admit that last part; it didn’t need voicing.
Jeremy knew me. He’d known me for ten years -- well, it’d be ten years, come March -- and he loved me, for me. At least, he used those words. Even when he knew he wasn’t wired like I was. He never mentioned that part, though. That knowledge gurgled up from somewhere deep inside me, the same part of me that hurt like hell whenever I was afraid. No, Jeremy loved me, and he had brains; thinking, discerning, smarts that I’d realized long ago I admired even if a part of me would remain forever envious.
“Don’t think, baby…”
His whisper soothed the burning in the pit of my stomach, but at the same time, made my mind race faster. Surest way to get me to do anything was to tell me not to do it, always had been. “Sorry.” Seemed appropriate to say now.
And in that moment, Jeremy moved his hands lower, taking in every inch of me as he went, pulling me closer, his sway slowing to a more definitive grind of just his hips.
I recognized the second my body disengaged from my head; I did, even when I tried to deny it. Every great feeling in the world existed under the man’s touch. Maybe because he cared -- maybe because I didn’t, not as much. I didn’t know, but I raised my head from his shoulder, pulled away enough to meet his gaze, and managed one of my thoughts into a complete sentence. “It was my turn to cook.”
When Jeremy looked at me, I knew he was accessing the reason behind my remark. I looked away. For God’s sake, bad enough my words happened to come with a whine tonight. He didn’t have to stare at me as if hell had indeed frozen over.
“What? So, I’m a little disappointed. So what?”
“Jimmy…”
I closed my eyes and shook my head as he tugged me back into his arms. “You just need to relax.”
“Relax? Don’t start in on that again!” I wrestled free of his hold and stepped around him and to the fridge.
He seemed a bit startled. Maybe I’d stormed around him; I didn’t know. I sure as hell didn’t care as I yanked open the fridge and grabbed…
… an apple.
Yeah, I’d eat an apple for dinner. Fuck shrimp egg rolls or beef and broccoli or fried dumplings or w
hatever the hell he’d thrown together. I tried not to say anything further, but the harder I tried… “Slacking off isn’t going to pay the fucking bills and you know it.”
“Don’t take that tone with me,” he said, propped against the counter, arms crossed in front of his chest.
He may have moved toward me even, but I ignored everything except the heat surging through my head that screamed, How dare he!
“Whatever.” I took a huge bite of my dinner and left the kitchen.
If he thought for one second I was going to sit idly by and listen to his bullshit-disguised-as-encouragement again, he -- I’d plopped into my favorite chair, before I realized -- Jeremy was neither an idiot nor a part of my anatomy I chose rarely to speak of.
Tucked in the far corner of the living room next to the den was a tree no taller than my chest. A scant dusting of lights blinked, reflections sparkling off a handful of keepsake ornaments hanging here and there. I had trouble swallowing my one bite of apple.
Getting up and out of that chair took an exorbitant amount of effort. Energy my body seemed unable to conjure, for from the back of my neck to the tips of my hands and feet, I felt numb. Asleep? Sick? Somewhere in the back of my mind, I think I registered Jeremy’s footsteps behind me before I felt his touch on my arm.
“I don’t want to fight,” was all he said as he pulled me against him. “Tough day? Hmm?”
Strange, how resting his chin atop my shoulder as he smothered me with another body hug didn’t feel like any weight at all. I struggled not to let his words egg on the part of me that itched to fight. Take me anywhere but back to today, and I wouldn’t have a problem.
“If you don’t --”
“I don’t.” I closed my eyes and let myself relax into his touch, sure I’d have as much trouble talking about today as I had thinking about it. Jeremy smelled good; he felt good pressed against my back. His lips worked magic along one side of my neck. I didn’t want to think about jobs or money or -- his stomach rumbled -- or dinner…
“Ignore that.” He breathed the words against my skin.
“I brought Chinese…”
His chuckle tickled my neck. “Follow me,” he said, removing the half-eaten apple from my hand and setting it on the end table.
Chapter Two
As he led me through the living room and into our bedroom, I started to think. Actually, I wasn’t sure what to think. I mean, we hadn’t eaten dinner yet. Anybody who knew Jeremy knew also that the man never retired on an empty stomach. “Jere?”
He turned with one finger to his lips, the universal sign for “be quiet” or “shut the fuck up” depending on how you took things. Either way, I got the hint. He released my hand but stood there hesitant, maybe pensive, apparently waiting for me to show my compliance. When I nodded, he stepped past me.
I glanced over my shoulder at the sound of the closing door. He shook his head and, with a wave of his hand, motioned for me to turn and face the bed. My heart pounded in my ears, but I did as instructed.
“We’re going to try something new.” His whisper echoed inside our room, or maybe only inside my head did his words sound like a shout.
In the ten years we’d been together, I thought we’d tried it all and wasn’t sure what “something new” Jeremy had in mind. He leaned over my shoulder as he wrapped his arms around my waist from behind. I turned to meet his gaze. He shook his head. “No talking. No sounds.”
I know I looked surprised because Jeremy hurried and pressed his face into my shoulder, stifling a laugh.
“But I --”
In a flash, his hand covered my mouth and my words. “Deal with it --” He motioned toward the closet with his head. “-- or else.”
I shook my head a definite no. He nodded a definite yes.
No way in hell did I want the gag. One time was one time too many with that thing. At least for me. From my one experience, I’d determined I did not like nor did I want to be held down, tied up, or controlled in any way. Only reason I’d agreed to keeping that damned thing in our home was because Jeremy loved wearing it. I swiped at a trickle of sweat beside my ear as I studied Jeremy’s face. He winked.
Fuck. I knew what that meant…
Jeremy’s winks came laced with secrecy, a certain code between the two of us that we’d tested and perfected over the years. Nobody without insider intel would understand. But I knew. His one simple movement meant he was dead serious about our little game tonight.
No problem. I liked games. One thing I could say about our relationship, I’ve never been bored. But not to be able to express myself vocally? Worse yet, Jeremy wouldn’t make a sound, either. How in the hell was I supposed to know how he felt if he didn’t grunt my name or cry out to let me know I was doing it right?
Breaking into my thoughts, Jeremy’s fingers moved anxiously to unfasten my jeans. Blood surged through my veins, rushing south, and I moaned -- I stopped myself from moaning, as I pressed back and writhed against him. Fuck, he was hard. He expected the impossible tonight.
I brought my hands up and behind his head and laced my fingers behind his neck as he scrunched my shirt to my chest and tugged my open jeans to just past my ass. He lifted my balls carefully in one of his hands and shoved my boxers out of the way with the other. No way could I watch that and not comment. I closed my eyes…
When he traced my arms to my hands, removed them from around his neck, and backed away, I opened my eyes, realizing I’d been holding my breath.
What the fuck? I whirled around, eager to ask him just that question, too. He shook his finger at me like a mother telling her kid, “No-no-no.” If I hadn’t been half-naked, half-hard, and fully ready to go, I would’ve left with a slam of the door and a “Fuck off” as my farewell.
Of course, I didn’t. Not when I saw his hands unsnapping his pants and my brain registered his hips moving apparently to a beat only he could hear. When he ran his tongue under that wisp of a mustache he’d been trying to fill in since forever, I lost the battle I’d never really put my heart into in the first place. My dick hardened accordingly, as if the damned thing mindlessly honed in on that sweeping movement of Jeremy’s tongue. He grinned and repeated the motion, languidly… gliding toward me, his eyes holding such purpose -- his mouth, such promise.
Our gazes locked. I wrapped my hand around my dick and gave myself a quick pump. Can you see how bad I want you?
Pants pooled at his feet, he broke his rhythm only to shake free of the offensive material. I looked at that heavy cock as it bobbed in the air. Commando, eh? Fine by me, different for Jeremy, but… just… fine. I let my eyes close, my hand slide back and forth along my dick, my thoughts on nothing but his mouth, anticipating the feel of his lips around me. “Fuck, yeah --”
Jeremy’s kiss swallowed my words. He nudged my hand away from my dick and maneuvered me backward as he continued to devour my mouth. When the bed met the back of my legs and he pulled away, I gasped for air.
“Don’t make a sound,” he said, making quick work of whipping his shirt off over his head. “No words.”
He proceeded to remove my T-shirt.
“No pleas for more.”
His next kiss guided me willingly to the mattress.
“Nor grunts,” he said, breaking away long enough to follow me onto the bed, settle between my legs, and lift them up and over his shoulders, removing my socks as he went. “Nothing louder than a gasp.”
“But --”
His mouth a hairsbreadth away from my left calf, Jeremy hesitated.
So did I.
The seriousness in his eyes advertised his desire. Yet his chastising had done nothing but conjure one hell of a twisted The Night Before Christmas rendition in my head.
“You’ll like tonight’s specialty. Don’t worry.” He rested on his heels, tossing me a wink.
I worried.
Seconds later, he tongued a wet trail to just inside my foot.
Fuck. Again, I closed my eyes, only to snap them open at his co
mmand.
“Watch,” he said, licking across the ball of my foot to my big toe.
Ecstasy. That’s what I felt and what I recognized in Jeremy’s face as he progressed to sucking on each toe in turn. In rapid response, my dick went bone stiff. My pulse drummed in my ears. I gripped the sheets beneath me, trying my best to keep from shouting as my chest pumped, in and out, faster than an accordion at a polka. With me on the verge of deciding to fuck it all and let the rumble threatening to burst forth have its way, Jeremy finished his journey with his wet lips lingering at the base of my big toe and that wicked tongue of his giving my toe one hot bath.
I’d died and gone to hell; there was no doubt in my mind.
Who in his right mind agreed to such nonsense? Jeremy flicked his tongue under my toe, and I jumped. He must’ve assumed I was about to speak. Maybe he was right. I didn’t dwell, for he dropped my foot like the damned thing had burned him or something.
“What?” I pushed up on my elbows, compelled to ask as he moved from what I considered a rather cozy position.
One knee between my legs and one foot on the floor, he hesitated, turned… met my gaze. The crease in his forehead seemed to follow his shrug. “What, what? A simple fucking request. That’s all I asked. What?” His weight shifted to the leg already off the bed as he shook his head, pushed to stand. “I can’t even expect --”
“Oh, hell, no.” In a combination move, I had him around the waist and his back planted firmly on the mattress. I scrambled over top of him, stopping only when I’d straddled his legs and had his arms secured at his sides. “I’ve gotta have sound. Damn it. You know that, Jere.”
His Adam’s apple dipped as he stared up at me. “It’s your crutch,” he said without as much as blinking.
My wh-? “A crutch!”
He attempted another shrug. I tightened my hold on his wrists. He glared. “Either let me up or agree to do this my way tonight,” he said from his position. On bottom. Right.