by Rinyu, Beth
“I’m so sorry. I can’t do this.” I backed away.
“What the fuck?” she snapped.
“I just…” I shook my head, wishing I could. Wishing I could erase the memory of Emmeline from my mind completely so I could move on.
“Look, if you got a girlfriend back home or even a wife, I couldn’t bloody give two shits less.”
“No.” I shook my head. “That’s not it.” She let out a frustrated breath. “It was nice to have met you, Gemma.”
“Yeah, fuck off!” she shouted.
I walked out the door and into the night. The misty evening from earlier had turned into a torrential downpour. I stood in place, looking up at the lamppost, seeing Emmeline’s face in the dimly lit light, remembering the last time we were together. A time that shouldn’t have happened. She was so hurt by the way I behaved, and I was as cold as the rain falling down on my face. I was so angry, wanting to humiliate her in the same way she had humiliated me, and I had succeeded. I hated myself that day, and if I was being honest, I still hated myself now for it. I almost used that girl just a few seconds ago to help me get over Emmeline, but the fact of the matter was, I was the only one who could help myself get over her, but I hadn’t a clue as to how to go about it.
Chapter 37
Emme
MY FATHER AND Connor sat in Bridgette’s living room, screaming at the football game while I helped Bridgette prepare for Thanksgiving dinner. It was so hard to believe she was already five months pregnant. Thankfully, she caved and found out the sex…a girl! I had so much to look forward to in the coming months. The invites for the grand opening of the boutique had gone out, and I had strategically planned it on the same day as my birthday to have double the celebration. Then a few months after that, my beautiful niece would be making an appearance. So much to be happy about, yet I still felt a sense of emptiness tugging at my heart.
“Thanks for teasing me with that glass of wine,” Bridgette complained as I mixed the mashed potatoes.
“Sorry…it’s so delicious!” I joked as I overenthusiastically took another sip. She swatted me with the dishtowel and looked into the oven to check on her pie. “So, did you tell your job you’re not coming back?”
Bridgette and Connor had come to the mutual decision that she was going to stay at home with the baby. I was so happy when she told me the news. I knew how much I loved having my mother there for us every day, and I was glad to see my sister was following in her footsteps with her own child. “My last day is actually next month.”
“Oh.” I raised an eyebrow, not expecting it to be so soon.
“Yeah, I want to thoroughly enjoy Christmas this year, and then have a few months to myself before she arrives. Plus, I figured I could give you a hand at the boutique if you want me to, while you get yourself started up.”
“I’d love for that.” I smiled. Funny how just a short time ago she was stressed beyond words about losing her job. Now here she was voluntarily leaving it. A pain shot through my heart, wondering if everything had all been in vain. One good thing did come out of it. My sister paid off my father’s debt with the bonus she received. He never knew exactly where that money came from. He never even knew she was the one who actually paid for the longest time for that matter. I felt a little uneasy about the whole situation and knowing how the basis of that money came to be, but then I finally reached contentment in knowing Bridgette had earned it fair and square by working her ass off. It had nothing to do with my relationship with Lukas.
Lukas. A random thought of him would still pop into my mind from time to time, causing me to smile. Okay, maybe more like every day, and not just from time to time. I’d pass by a place we had gone to together and was instantly transported back to that moment, always feeling my eyes well up with tears because of it. But I was managing. Managing in this new life without him in it. Finally coming to terms that it was over, the same way I had to come to terms that my relationship with David was over. I had survived that, and I was certain I’d survive this, even though it seemed so much harder this time around.
If one good thing had come out of this whole mess, it was that Bridgette and I had grown even closer. Even though she’d never admit it, I think Lukas helped her see her flaws, and my sister being the perfectionist she was, fixed them. She was more attentive to my father and didn’t make everything always about her. I would always be thankful to Lukas for that. The same way I’d always be thankful to him for about a million other things.
_______________
Thanksgiving had come and gone, and December was upon us. Three weeks until Christmas and only two until the grand opening. I ran around the boutique like a crazy lady, working on the finishing touches. I smiled every time I’d look up at the bittersweet mural that Myra’s nephew, an art major at Pratt University, had done on the wall. He was beyond talented, and I knew one day people would be paying a lot of money to have his name on the bottom of their artwork. I’d be lucky enough to say I was one of his very first customers. My head was buried in paperwork when the bells on the door rang. I wasn’t officially open for business but kept the doors unlocked for the many deliveries and the workers coming in to finish up the minor fixes that still needed to be done.
“I’ll be right with you.” I put the paper down on the counter and looked toward the person who had just entered. My stomach dropped, and I swallowed hard. Monica. My ex-best friend. My ex’s now girlfriend. I was at a loss for words and was so glad when she began the conversation instead.
“Hi, Emme.” She smiled.
“Hi.” I posed it more as a question, still in disbelief that she was standing only a few feet away.
She drew a deep breath and blinked heavily. “I ran into Alison the other day and she was telling me about your new place here. This is so great, and I know you’ll do well with it.”
“Thanks,” I whispered.
“I think it’s so awesome that you’re calling it Emmeline’s. I remember how mad you’d get when people would call you that name. I never knew why…I always thought that was such a pretty name.”
I laughed. “Yeah, well, that name has come to have some special meaning to me over time.”
“Look, Emme, I don’t expect your forgiveness for what I did. I really don’t, but I just need you to know I truly am sorry. I loved you like a sister…I still love you, and—” She shook her head, her voice cracking with emotion.
“Don’t. I’m fine. Really, I am.” I smiled.
She remained wary as I took a step closer.
“I really do hope you and David are happy together. I spent too much time, too much energy hating you guys.” I took a deep breath and shrugged. “And you know what? Life’s too short for that. If there’s anything I realized in these past few months, it’s that life goes on. Whether we want it to or not, it does. We can spend it being angry and pining over what could’ve been or we pick ourselves up and move on the best way we know how.” None of my newfound logic had anything to do with Monica and David, and I was certain she sensed it. I had been over the two of them for a while now.
“Does this have anything to do with that guy Alison told me you were seeing?”
I nodded, feeling a tad of annoyance toward Alison for keeping her abreast on my situation.
“I’m so sorry, Emme.” She took a step forward like she wanted to hug me but then thought better of it. I was glad she didn’t. I could handle talking to her, but I wasn’t ready for hugging.
“Nah, it’s okay, you know.” I shook my head. “I’m gonna be okay. My new relationship is with this place, and that’s what I’m concentrating on.” I realized how pathetic I sounded. It had been nearly six months since Lukas had left, and I still choked up talking about him. Guess there wasn’t an expiration date on heartache.
“Well, I know you must be really busy. I just wanted to say very good luck with your new endeavor.”
“Thanks. I really do appreciate it.” I really did mean it.
“Okay, then.” S
he nodded, seeming like she wanted to say so much more, but there was no more to be said. We’d never get back to that place we once were, laughing until our stomachs ached, crying on each other’s shoulders, being brutally honest with one another in the way only best friends were allowed to be, and that was okay. She turned on her heels and headed toward the door.
“Monica!” I shouted. She turned around, looking relieved, like a prisoner who had just been pardoned. “If you’re not busy on the seventeenth, stop by with Alison for the grand opening.”
“That’s your birthday too.” She smiled.
“Yeah, well, I kinda wanted to keep that low-key this year, so instead of celebrating turning another year older, I’m going to celebrate this.”
“I will definitely be there.” She grinned.
“Cool.” I smiled back.
Chapter 38
Lukas
I SAT IN the conference room waiting for Mr. Möller, wondering why I had been summoned here so early in the morning.
“Good morning, Lukas.” He entered, seeming a bit disheveled, which was so unlike him. The only thought racing through my mind was that the company was in trouble and I’d be out of a job soon. He took a deep breath, and I prepped myself for what was about to come. The perfect way to end a shitty year. “I really hate to do this to you on such short notice, but we’re going to need you to take over the New York office temporarily.”
“What?” I shook my head, knowing I should’ve been thankful that he hadn’t called me here for the reason I was thinking, but the thought of going back to New York wasn’t that much better.
“Bridgette Clark is leaving the company.”
“Why?”
“She’s having a baby and decided she wants to be a full-time mother. We interviewed and had someone lined up, but they backed out at the last minute. You’re the only one who could go there on such short notice and run that place like Bridgette did.”
“Ah…man.” I raked my hand through my hair, knowing I really didn’t have much of a choice in that matter.
“I promise it will only be temporary until we find a suitable replacement, and then of course we would need you to train them. I promise you will be compensated very well for stepping up to the plate like this.” Little did he know, it had nothing to do with the money and everything to do with the memories just being there would conjure up. Memories I had been trying so desperately to forget.
“When do you need me to go?” I muttered.
“Next week.”
Sure. It wasn’t like I had a life or anything here…for real, I didn’t. No one to spend Christmas with or the New Year, so I may as well spend it working than going back to a lonely hotel and drinking myself into oblivion to chase away old ghosts.
“I guess I should go pack.” I relented.
He placed his hand on my shoulder and smiled. “I knew we could count on you to come through in a pinch.”
_______________
Walking into that office was like a grade school kid walking into a classroom of kids he didn’t know for the very first time. I didn’t know why. It wasn’t like I didn’t know anyone there. But I couldn’t help but wonder how many of them knew about Bridgette and Emmeline’s little ploy to save all their jobs. How many of them thought me to be a sucker for a pretty face? I just kept reminding myself it was only temporary, and it would all be over soon.
“Lukas! It’s so good to see you!” Katie greeted me warmly when I stepped off the elevator.
“You too.” I appreciated her sincere enthusiasm.
“Oh, Lukas, honey…it’s so nice to see your face again!” Doris, one of the older women from HR, who always insisted on bringing food in for me, pulled me into a hug. “You look too thin. I’m gonna have to fatten you up a little.” She placed her hands on my shoulders, examining me. “I just can’t help myself,” she said. “You remind me so much of my son, and I’d like to think if he was so far away from home, he’d have some crazy woman doing the same for him.” In all fairness, maybe I had misjudged these people. That was until I saw Bridgette coming out of her office, gazing at me the way she had on the day I walked out of here six months ago. Perfectly poised and put together as always, displaying just a hint of a pregnant belly.
“Lukas, how are you?” Up until now, the extent of my contact with her regarding this transition had been through emails. Very short, businesslike ones.
“I’m well.” I gave her a curt nod, barely even able to look at her.
“That’s really good to hear. I guess you’re in charge now. I’ll be available by email if you have any questions, and—”
“I’m sure I’ll manage.” I cut her off.
“Right.” She nodded. “I’m sure you will. My desk is cleared out, but you just may want to double check the drawers to make sure I didn’t leave anything behind.” She raised an eyebrow. “Good luck!” She smiled and was on her way.
Just the sight of her made my blood boil. So smug and self-assured. One good thing was she was gone, and I wouldn’t be dealing with her any longer. I went into her office that now looked like a barren wasteland. All the pictures removed from the walls and her desk was completely empty with the exception of her laptop. I walked over to the window and pressed my head against the cold glass. Staring at the light snow that had just begun to fall onto the busy sidewalk below, my mind began to drift in an all too familiar direction. Emmeline was now just a cab ride away. We no longer had all those miles as a buffer between us. I had wondered if Bridgette had told her I was back in town, and if she had, did Emmeline even care?
“Lukas?” The sound of Katie’s voice broke me from my daydream.
“Yeah?” I turned around, snapping out of it.
“Just let me know once you get settled, so we can go over some things that Bridgette has in her pending file.”
I nodded. “Will do.”
“Can…I get you anything? Coffee?”
“No, I’m good.”
She smiled at me sympathetically. I wondered if she knew I was still pining over Bridgette’s sister after she deceived me big-time. I needed to snap out of it. Get focused on what needed to be done here until they could find a replacement and then get back home where I belonged.
I took a seat, remembering the way Bridgette had mentioned her desk, almost like she wanted me to look inside. I stretched my neck to make sure she was gone. I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing I was doing what she had cryptically asked me to do.
I pulled open the drawer to the left of me only to find two small paper clips, then made my way to the one on the right. There it was. The secret message she had left behind. The bait she wanted me to take. An invitation to the grand opening of Emmeline’s boutique, tomorrow at 7:00 p.m. I held it out in front of me, staring at the words with a bout of mixed emotions coursing through me. My hand dipped to the trash can, but something stopped me before I could drop it in. The same thing that had stopped me from disposing of her driver’s license that day. This piece of paper in my hand was my second chance, my ticket to forgiving her. A chance to put an end to the torturous state my heart had been in since I last saw her. A chance to move on and start over with the one person I wanted to be with the most in this world. I couldn’t forget about her so easily like I had thought. These past few months had proven that. My heart was begging me to go, to put an end to the ache inside of it. My head…that was the thing that was telling me otherwise.
Chapter 39
Emme
TO SAY THAT my grand opening was a success was an understatement. It was more than I could have ever hoped for, even getting a small write-up in the New York Times. I didn’t feel it often, but tonight I was proud of myself and what I had accomplished. Myra had flown up to be there, and Monica showed up with Alison. Tom Jenkins, my one I let get away, did as well, along with a date. A perky little redhead who suited him well. It was hard to believe I had over a hundred people in and out the door over a two-hour period. My father and Myra stayed
behind and helped me clean up, and I was just finishing up a few odds and ends before heading upstairs to hit the sack. I was exhausted, and it was times like these that I appreciated only having to travel upstairs to get to my bed. I had been a little worried about Bridgette. She didn’t seem herself all night. She was on edge, and when she and Connor left, it was apparent she was upset over something. I was hoping it was just her pregnancy hormones and not something else. I’d send her a text to check on her once I got upstairs. I ran into the back room and put the broom away, when the bells on the door jingled. It had suddenly dawned on me that I had forgotten to put the lock on when Myra and my father had left.
“I’m sorry, we’re—” I started as I walked out of the back, freezing when I reached the front and saw him there, standing under the mural of the lavender field, a symbol that only had meaning to him and me.
For the past six months I had imagined this day. All in different ways. One of them being throwing my arms around him and swallowing him up in a kiss. Another being smacking the other side of his face—the side I’d missed that day in his hotel room after he had treated me like a paid prostitute. Then there was the “too late, I’ve moved on from you” scenario. But as it was happening live in front of me, I wasn’t quite sure how to react. I was a gamut of emotions, each one fighting with the other to come to the surface. He was looking just as handsome as the last time I had laid eyes on him on one of the worst days of my life. He was dressed casually in jeans and a black wool pea coat with his hair grown back into the same wavy brown locks as when we first met. Suddenly reality set in, and it was as if the months that had passed in that time were more like years, decades for that matter.
I pinched the inside of my hand as I wrung them together just to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. Six long, agonizing months. No phone calls. No texts. No contact whatsoever. It had been as if I was mourning a death all over again, but worse because I knew there was a way to get in touch with him, but he didn’t want to hear from me…and not without good reason. We both fell silent as we reacquainted ourselves with each other, not with words, but with our eyes. I wanted to move forward, throw my arms around him, tell him how much I missed him, and how much he meant to me, but I stopped myself. What if he didn’t feel the same? What if he was totally over me and was just here to salvage some type of weird friendship of the colossal mess I had created, letting me know he had forgiven me for what I had done to him? After all I was the one who had given him the lesson on forgiveness.