by Carrie Elks
His stomach twisted again as reality washed over him. That baby would grow up either way. Go from an infant to a toddler, then a child who’d learn to call him ‘Dad’. Maybe they’d look at him the way he’d seen Marley and Presley look at Gray. As though he was the king of the goddamned world.
Or maybe they’d look at him the way he saw his dad. As a disappointment. Somebody who was never there for him.
As the person who always let them down.
“This is your room,” Gray said opening the door to the guest room. Like the rest of the house, it was huge, with an oversized divan and expensive bedspread, the walls a soft gray, with a darker, thick carpet.
Logan nodded. “Thanks, man. I’ll just take a shower then come out and say hi to everybody. You need any help with dinner?”
“That’d be great.” Gray gave him a smile. “I have a feeling bedtime’s gonna be a battle tonight. Pres and Marl have been going crazy all day with all the attention they’ve been getting. They’re going to hate having to sleep.” He lifted an eyebrow. “I’ll tell ya, nobody ever prepares you to be a parent. It’s harder than anything I’ve ever done.”
Logan’s mouth turned dry. Presley started to grumble, arching his back to try to get out of Gray’s hold.
“You okay, man?” Gray asked. “You just went white as a sheet. You sure you’re not coming down with something?”
Logan opened his mouth to say he was fine, then closed it again, because fine was so far away from what he was feeling right now.
He was terrified. Confused. And already feeling like he’d failed before he even began.
“No,” he said, his voice rough. “I’m not.” He lifted his gaze to Gray’s, taking in the concern etched on his brother’s face. “Can we talk about it later?”
“Take this.” Gray tossed him a bottle of beer, then pulled a cap off the other and took a long gulp. “Okay,” he said once he’d swallowed it down. “Spill. Who’s the lucky lady? Is it someone from the restaurant?”
The two of them were alone in the kitchen, loading the dishes into the huge stainless steel washer that wouldn’t look out of place in one of Logan’s restaurants. He’d helped Maddie and Gray design this kitchen, and had worked with his contacts in Boston to supply the best appliances money could buy. Maddie and Becca were bathing the twins before their bedtime, and Dad and Aunt Gina were in the living room, waiting for Becca to drive them home. Tanner and Van had left after dinner. They had a week before the holiday season began at the drive-in they owned, and they needed to work in the morning.
Logan’s brows knit together. “Why do you think it’s someone from the restaurant?” he asked.
Gray made a face at him. “Because you’re never anywhere else.”
“Yeah, well Courtney lives about a mile away from here.”
Gray blinked. “The mom’s from Hartson’s Creek?”
Logan nodded. “You know Creek Edge Farm? On Main?”
“Yeah, I know it.” His eyes widened in recognition.
“I didn’t know her until this year,” Logan admitted. “We’ve only saw each other a few times, really.” He leaned his arms on the counter, clasping his hands together. “We met by accident when one of her hens ran in front of my car. Then things got a little out of hand.”
“Wow.” Gray raked his hand through his hair. “I had no idea.”
“Nobody did. It was a casual thing. She didn’t want anything serious, and neither did I.”
Gray chuckled. “Getting pregnant sounds pretty damn serious to me.”
Logan sighed, staring out of the glass doors. Night had fallen, and the sky was dark. And he still hadn’t gotten his head around what Courtney had told him. “It was an accident.” He shook his head. “My fucking fault. I forgot to use a condom.”
“You forgot?” Gray gave a low whistle. “Oh boy. It’s not like forgetting to turn the light off or something. You only had one damn job.”
Logan dropped his head into his hands. “I know. I fucked up. And I have no idea what to do about it.”
Gray was silent for a moment. Logan swallowed hard, the reality of his situation pressing down on him like a dead weight. “She’s having my baby,” he said, lifting his gaze to his brother’s. “I’m gonna be a dad and I’m not ready for it.”
“Nobody’s ready for it. I know I wasn’t.” Gray wiped his hands on a towel and took another mouthful of beer. “But really, that doesn’t matter because the baby’s coming whether you like it or not. So what are you gonna do?”
Logan blinked like a deer in headlights. “I’ve no idea.”
“It’s a long way between here and Boston,” Gray said, his voice even. “You planning on being a part-time dad?”
The question felt loaded. Logan lifted his hands up. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “My business is there. My baby is gonna be here. I have no fucking idea how to make this work.”
“How far along is she?”
“Ten weeks.”
The corner of Gray’s mouth quirked up. “Then you have around six and a half months to figure it all out.”
Six months. Damn. That didn’t feel like very long at all. “I’m gonna mess this up. The way I mess everything up.” He shook his head. “This poor kid is doomed from the start.”
Gray threw the towel at him. It brushed against Logan’s hair before landing on the floor. “Shut up,” Gray told him. “You’re not gonna mess it up. And you’re not gonna be a bad dad. Not unless you really work hard at failing.” He walked around the counter, and pulled out two stools, sitting on one and offering the other to Logan. “You’re gonna be there for your kid, right?”
Logan frowned. “Of course I am.” He was as surprised as Gray by the vehemence in his voice. “I mean, I’m going to fuck it up. We both know that. But I’ll try to be there anyway.”
“What about the mom? You said it was casual. Does that mean you’re not a thing?”
Logan shook his head. “I asked her to marry me. She said no.”
Gray started to laugh.
“What?” Logan asked, his jaw twitching.
“One minute you’re telling me you don’t know what to do, that this thing was casual. The next minute you’re saying you asked her to marry you. I’m getting whiplash, bro.”
“Join the club,” Logan muttered. “It felt like the right thing to do.” He swallowed. “She’s a widow. People are gonna talk. And it’s my fault she’s in this situation.”
“You can’t marry her because you feel guilty.”
“Yeah, well your point is moot, because she told me no.”
“She sounds like a wise woman.”
Logan swallowed, thinking of the way she’d looked as she’d walked away from him. Her hair tumbling over her back, her hips swinging. “She’s good people.”
“You told anybody else about the pregnancy?” Gray asked him.
“Just you. And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell anybody else apart from Maddie.”
“Your secret is safe with us.” Gray propped his chin on his hand. “And just try to slow down for a minute, okay? Stop making grand gestures and really think about how you’re gonna make this work. You’re gonna be a dad, and it’s the most amazing, frightening, and overwhelming thing you’ll ever do.” Gray’s lips twitched. “Apart from falling in love.”
Logan finished his beer, putting the brown bottle back onto the counter, and let his head fall back until he was staring at the ceiling. It was overwhelming. And frightening. Amazing? Well that remained to be seen.
“You’re gonna be a good dad,” Gray told him. “I know you are.”
Logan tried to smile, but it came out as a grimace. Because they both knew Gray was lying. He was going to be shit at this relationship, the same way he was with all his others. Except this time, a little piece of him was gonna get hurt.
Yet, he wanted to try. Because that little baby growing inside Courtney Roberts was his. It had half his genes, half his history. And he owed it to that child to
be the best father he could possibly be.
“Yeah, well I’m gonna do my best.”
Gray slapped his back. “Well, congratulations. This time next year, Pres and Marley will have a little cousin hanging around.” Gray grinned. “And if you’re lucky, there’ll only be one of them.”
“Twins?” Logan’s eyes widened. “Shit, no. No thank you.”
“Sorry to tell you, but you don’t get a choice about that either. Ask me how I know.”
“Yeah, well Cam and I thank you for taking one for the team. Two sets of twins is enough for any family.”
“I’ll keep my fingers crossed there’s just one heartbeat.”
“Are you trying to get my blood pressure up?” Logan asked him.
Gray grinned. “Nope. I think you’re doing just fine with that all on your own.”
Later that night, Logan lay in the guest room, tossing and turning in the strange bed as he fruitlessly tried to fall asleep.
Maybe this whole thing could actually work out.
Yeah, there were complications. He and Courtney would have to work out a custody schedule where the baby could spend time with him in Boston as well as here in Hartson’s Creek. But Logan thrived on solving complicated situations. It was how he’d built his restaurant empire. He saw them as problems to be solved, and there was always a solution, even if he had to search to find it.
This was no different.
Yeah, at first he’d felt afraid and completely out of whack. But that was because he hadn’t expected anything like this at all. He’d never even considered having a family. Hadn’t met the right woman.
But he had met Courtney. And maybe, just maybe, this was always meant to be.
He turned onto his side, his eyes closed as he remembered her pale face when she’d told him about her pregnancy. It had probably reflected his own. He’d felt anxious and scared, as though his life was being tipped on its head without his permission.
But now he felt more relaxed. Talking to Gray and being with his family had made him that way. And knowing that he was back in control of his life.
He’d make this work. And he’d be a better father than his own dad had ever been. After their mom died, their dad had barely paid them any attention. Too mired up in his own grief and hurt to realize his children were in pain, too. He was selfish in his grief, and he’d never recovered from the loss.
Thank god they’d had Aunt Gina to take care of them. His mother’s sister had moved into the house as soon as she could, hugging and taking care of her nephews and niece the best way she could.
And that’s how Logan knew that families didn’t have to be perfect. They didn’t have to be whole, even. A child just needed to be loved, taken care of. That was something he could do. Even at a distance.
If that meant spending more time with Courtney? He wasn’t sure if that was a bonus or a penance. The blood shooting through his veins told him it was probably a bit of both.
Chapter Twelve
Courtney tossed and turned for most of that night. She wasn’t sure if it was due to the pregnancy hormones surging through her veins, or the last vestiges of the adrenaline still making its way through her veins after telling Logan. By the time she’d fed the animals and prepared the cottage for the Roberts to join her for dinner, she was exhausted.
She’d asked them over to eat along with Carl, who’d been working on Thanksgiving day. It seemed like the perfect time to tell them all about her pregnancy.
Not that there was anything perfect about this.
Rolling her shoulders to brace herself, she carried the country ham she’d been baking all day to the table. It felt like it weighed a ton. Carl must have noticed, because he immediately stood and took the platter from her and placed it in the center, next to the mashed potatoes and carrots.
“Thank you.”
“No problem. I was worried you were gonna drop it for a minute there.” He grinned at her. “And I’m starving.”
“This looks delicious, Courtney,” Mary said, the corners of her eyes wrinkling. “And it smells wonderful.”
“How about we all stop talking about how it looks and start tasting it?” Ellis suggested, leaning forward to carve a slice. “One slice or two, sweetheart?” he asked his wife.
“Just one.”
“I’ll have two,” Carl said. “I haven’t eaten since this morning.”
Once the food was served, Carl lifted his glass of red wine. “We should have a toast,” he said. “To absent loved ones. My brother.”
“To Shaun,” Ellis lifted his glass, then Mary did, too.
All three of them gazed at Courtney. She hadn’t found the words to say no when Carl had poured wine into her glass. It wasn’t as though she needed to drive home, after all. And they all knew Cabernet Sauvignon was her favorite wine. She’d let it sit there, planning to pour it down the sink when nobody was looking.
“To Shaun,” she said, curling her fingers around the stem.
Thanksgiving had been his favorite holiday. He always said there was something so simple about it. Good food, family, and none of the gifts and overindulgence that Christmas seemed to bring. Just time to rest and to think about the past year.
“The ham is lovely, dear,” Mary said from across the table. “You really are a wonderful cook.”
“Thank you. It’s nice to have people to cook for.” Courtney smiled at her. “And I owed you one after you cooked on Thursday.”
“I’m glad we’re able to all celebrate together,” Ellis said, spooning more mashed potatoes onto his plate. “It’s a shame you couldn’t be with us on Thursday, son.”
“I tried to rearrange the roster.” Carl shrugged. “But you know what it’s like. Those with families get first pick of the holidays.”
“Maybe you’ll get first pick one day,” Mary said, smiling at him. “When you settle down with a wife and have some children.”
Courtney felt her cheeks flame up. She slowly looked up from her plate. Carl was staring right at her. His gaze was firm. Intent. And it made her mouth go dry. She reached for her wine glass before she realized what she was doing.
And immediately pulled her hand away again.
“You’re not drinking,” Carl said. A statement, not a question. It made her fingers tremble.
“Oh, you should try it,” Mary said, taking another sip. “It’s delicious.”
Courtney glanced at the wine, then back at Carl. “I can’t drink,” she said, her voice low.
This was it. Time to tell them. Her breath caught in her throat.
“Why can’t you?” Carl asked.
She looked up at him. His brows were knitted together, his gaze set on her face. Mary was looking at her, too. Her expression was full of concern. Ellis was the only one still eating.
“I have some news,” Courtney said, trying to find the right words. “And I have no idea how to tell you this, but you need to know. I’m having a baby.”
Ellis dropped his fork, the metal clanging against the tiled floor.
“You’re pregnant?” Mary asked, her voice tremulous.
Courtney nodded. Her eyes stung as she met Mary’s confused stare. “I’m due in June. I don’t have an exact due date yet, but I will after I have my first appointment next week.”
“I don’t understand.” Mary shook her head. “Who’s the father? I didn’t know you were seeing anybody.”
“It’s not important,” Courtney said softly. She wasn’t ready for that bit yet.
Carl slammed his fist on the table, making the silverware clatter against the wood. Courtney’s wine sloshed over the side. “Of course it’s fucking important,” he said, standing, his face stained red. “You’ve been fooling around with somebody and I want to know who it is.”
“Carl!” Mary looked up at him, her voice tremulous. “Be kind.”
“Who is he?” Carl’s jaw was tight.
Courtney curled her hands into fists beneath the table, resting them on her thighs. Ellis was staring d
own at his half-eaten plate, while Mary’s watery eyes were set on Courtney. Carl walked around the table, putting his hand on Courtney’s shoulder, making a shiver wrack down her spine.
“Who’s the father, Courtney?” he asked again.
“Stop asking her,” Ellis finally spoke. “It’s none of our business.”
Courtney shot him a grateful look.
“Of course it’s our business. She was married to my brother. Your son. She still lives in his house.” Carl blinked, tipping his head to the side. “The car I saw outside that time? Is it the father’s?”
“Sit down, Carl, and eat your dinner,” Mary urged. “You’re upsetting her.”
“I can’t sit down,” he said, his voice low. “And I can’t eat another damn thing.” He inhaled sharply. “I need to get out of here before I do something I’ll regret.”
Courtney reached for his arm, but he jerked it away. “Carl, this doesn’t mean I didn’t love Shaun.”
“You told me you weren’t over him.” His voice was sharp.
“I’m not.” She let out a ragged breath. “Or I wasn’t. I don’t know.” She wasn’t sure how she’d envisaged this going down, but this wasn’t it. “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice gentle. “I know this must be a shock for you all.”
“I imagine it was a shock for you, too,” Ellis said, his eyes sparkling. “Now are you sitting down, Carl, or are you going? Because I want to eat this ham.”
“I’m leaving.” Carl shrugged on the jacket he’d slung over the back of his kitchen chair.
“Please stay,” Courtney said to him. “I’d like us to enjoy dinner together.”
Carl shook his head. “You all go ahead and eat at my brother’s table, while the woman he loved is knocked up with another guy’s baby. But I can’t eat another damn thing.” He pulled his keys from his pocket, and stalked out of the kitchen and through the living area, wrenching the front door open. He didn’t look back as he stepped outside before he slammed it behind him.