by Carrie Elks
But first he needed to work on himself.
Needed to accept that he couldn’t control everything the way he’d always tried to do. He wasn’t perfect, his life wasn’t perfect, and no amount of pushing himself to the extreme was going to make it that way.
Courtney and the baby though, were everything. And he felt blessed that they’d always have this connection between them. Even if she decided she didn’t want to be with him, they’d both be with their child.
Yeah, thinking like that hurt like hell. He wanted to be with her, for Christ’s sake. But he couldn’t make her want to be with him, and he wouldn’t want to. If they were going to be together, it had to be because they both wanted it.
She had a past. One that had pain and happiness in it. It was what made her who she was. This amazingly beautiful, clever, funny woman who ran into his life when he’d least expected it. She’d made everything seem more real, more focused. It was as though he’d been waiting for her all this time and hadn’t realized it.
He pushed himself off the window, his hand leaving an outline on the glass. He’d agreed to give her space, but that didn’t mean he had to sit around doing nothing. First of all, he’d go for a run. An easy one, because his knee would never be what it used to be. And then he’d sit down and make a list.
Not because he wanted to control the outcome, but because he had things he needed to do. A business to withdraw from. A house in his hometown to find. People he needed to get to know.
And a baby to prepare for.
That wasn’t controlling anything. It was being a good father and co-parent.
She’d asked for space and he’d give it to her. But in five days he hoped like hell she’d give him some time for them to talk.
Maybe then the ache in his chest would start to fade away.
He grabbed his phone and quickly pulled up the contact he was looking for, swiping to connect the call. He lifted the phone to his ear, his heart in his mouth as he waited for her to answer.
“The I Can Make You Beautiful salon. Lainey speaking.”
“Hey, Lainey. This is Logan. I need your advice on something.”
It was unseasonably warm for January. Courtney didn’t need to wear a coat – thank goodness, because she still using her way-too-small for her bump jacket.
She needed to go shopping. Everything was too small for her now. Her belly felt round. Prominent. It made her wonder how huge she’d feel once she got to forty weeks.
She’d be exploding by then.
Pulling on an oversized cardigan, she slipped her feet into her boots and walked out to the chicken coop. Hester was the first to greet her, squawking loudly as Courtney opened the door. The hen walked out, her head proud, her eyes beady, shooting Courtney a disdainful look.
Shaking her head at Hester’s antics, Courtney lifted her basket and walked inside, placing it in the center as she slowly filled it with eggs.
As she lifted the basket back up, there was a little kick to her stomach. Not from the hens, but from the inside, as the baby reminded her he or she was here. “Hey,” Courtney murmured. “You finally woken up?” Another kick, followed by a rumble in her stomach. “I guess we’re both hungry for breakfast, huh?”
Since she’d felt the first kick on Saturday, the movements had become more regular. Every time she felt a tiny nudge against her, it made her smile.
She’d finally be able to tell Logan about the kicking the following afternoon, at her twenty-week appointment.
It had been a long few days without him. In her heart she knew they needed this time. To think. To breathe, even. Everything between them had been a whirlwind, from the moment they met in the middle of the road as she ran after the hens, to their first kiss, their first touch, then the pregnancy test that changed everything.
She felt a little tap. This time not from inside her belly, but on her leg. She looked down to see Harriet standing there.
“I’m okay,” she told the hen. “I really am.”
She was in love with Logan Hartson. She’d known it for some time. It had dripped inside her, like rain seeping through a gap in the roof. Slow, at first, but then the weight of it had pushed down, caved the roof in, and filled her until she couldn’t ignore it any longer.
But it needed more than love for them to make this work. And much more than the intense attraction that drew them together whenever their eyes met. It needed communication and compromise. That was something they’d need to work on no matter what happened to the two of them. For their child’s sake they’d need to listen, to talk, to work things through. To be aware that they both weren’t going to get their own way every time.
“How are the birds?” Ellis called out, as he walked down the lane toward her. She hadn’t even heard his car. Courtney took the last of the eggs and walked out of the coop, her lips lifting into a smile.
“Same as always. Hester’s feeling aggrieved, Harriet’s looking for attention. The rest of them are falling in line behind them.”
Ellis lifted his eyebrows. “Good thing they have you to keep them under control. How are the new ones settling in?”
“They’ve started to lay,” Courtney told him, lifting up the basket. “There’s plenty for the restaurant, and then some. I’m thinking an omelet tonight sounds good.”
“Talking of food, I have something for you.” Ellis lifted his arms. She hadn’t noticed he was carrying a white cardboard box. The kind you got at a bakery. “Mary asked me to bring them over. There are too many for her. She thought you might like them.”
“What are they?”
“Cookies and cakes,” Ellis said, shaking his head as though it was a stupid question. “Your man Logan sent them over to us. He sent some to Carl, too, by the sounds of it. Though Carl didn’t sound too happy.”
Carl had been released from the hospital the day after the shooting, heading straight home to recuperate. Mary had slept in his apartment the first night, but after that he’d refused any help. Courtney had called him to check on how he was feeling, but they’d both been cold with each other.
She was okay with that. He’d always be family in one way or another, but nothing more. Either he accepted things or he didn’t.
“Logan sent you pastries?” She pulled her lip between her teeth, her eyes meeting Ellis’s.
“Yeah. The good ones, too. You want some?”
The last time they talked he hadn’t even met Ellis and Mary. And now they were on pastry terms? What had he been doing all week?
Courtney’s stomach grumbled again. “Yeah, I could eat one. Let me put these eggs in their trays and wash my hands. You want a drink and have one with me?”
“Just had one. I’m heading to the upper field to repair the fence up there.” He inclined his head. “That Logan, I think he’ll be okay.”
“You do?” Courtney blinked, trying to hide her surprise. “You’ve spoken to him?” She felt a desperate need to know more.
“Yeah. He called Mary last night to introduce himself and make sure she was okay. Apparently your friend Lainey gave him our number. Anyway, he is a good man. Told her to take care, that your baby needs all its grandparents safe and sound.” He nodded, looking away. “That made her smile, you know?”
Unexpected tears stung at Courtney’s eyes. “I didn’t know.”
“Yeah, well, if he makes Mary smile, then he’s okay with me.” He followed Courtney to the house, carrying the box into the kitchen. “I know it hasn’t been easy for you. None of this. But I appreciate all you do for us. Mary does, too. Since we lost Shaun it’s been tough on the farm.” He cleared his throat. “We couldn’t have done this without you.”
“I love the farm.” Courtney met his gaze. “You know that.”
“I do. But eventually we’ll need to think about selling. Me and Mary aren’t getting any younger, and farming isn’t an old man’s job.”
“You don’t need to sell. I can help.”
He gave her the softest of smiles. “I know you can.
But you have your baby to think about. A family of your own.”
She opened her mouth to protest, but her words dissolved on her tongue. He was right. She had a future to think about.
“Right,” Ellis said, clapping his hands together. “I’d best get off. I’ll catch you when you’re back from the restaurant.”
She nodded. “Sure.” But she was still busy thinking about Logan. The way he treated Mary and Ellis had touched her heart.
Maybe it wasn’t frozen solid after all.
Thank you for being so kind to Mary and Ellis. I appreciate it.
Logan stared at the message, his mouth dry. It was the first thing he’d heard from Courtney all week. It was crazy, but his hand was shaking as he held his phone and read the words over and over again.
Taking a deep breath, he tapped out a reply.
It’s a pleasure. Are you okay? The baby doing fine?
It only took a minute for her to reply, but it felt like hours.
We’re good. Maybe we can talk tomorrow? Are we meeting at the doctor’s office for the scan?
The ghost of a smile passed his lips as he lifted his head and looked around Gray and Maddie’s kitchen. The four of them were out – Gray at a meeting somewhere, and Maddie and the twins were at some kind of mom and toddler class. He’d have to ask her about it. Maybe it was something he and the baby could do some time, assuming dads were also allowed.
He’d flown in a few hours earlier, unable to stay away any longer, and had dropped his bags at Gray’s house – at Maddie’s insistence. He’d just grabbed himself a coffee and sat down to decide what to say to Courtney when his phone had beeped.
I flew in earlier. I’m at Gray’s place. Maybe I can come over now if that works?
Was that too much? Not enough? Would she think he was being too forward.
He sighed at his own overthinking. Let go of the outcome, bro.
Yes please.
He’d barely read her response before he was in his rental and driving through the large iron gates that led out to the road. The farm was only a ten minute drive away, and it killed him, but he kept to the speed limit. Even if every second away from her was too long.
She was outside when he pulled up at the cottage, her dark curls tied back, wearing a pair of denim overalls and a black, long-sleeved top. Even from the car he could see the curve of her stomach, and it made his heart clench. He was going to have to get close to her without touching, and it was going to kill him.
As he climbed out of the car, she looked up from the porch. She touched the soft swell of her bump, and it sent a shot of warmth through him. How long had it been since they’d seen each other? Weeks? It felt like years.
“Hey.” His lips lifted as he walked toward her. She smiled in response.
“Hey. How long have you been here?”
“I flew in this morning.” He lifted an eyebrow. “I guess I couldn’t stay away anymore.”
She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again.
“Can I come up?” he asked, glancing at the steps. She nodded and he climbed the three risers, his muscles tensing as he stopped a few feet from where she was standing.
God, she was beautiful. Her eyes lifted to meet his, and for a moment he was breathless. He wanted to walk forward, wrap his arms around her, and carry her into the cottage and right to bed.
To feel her soft lips as he kissed her. To hear her soft sighs as he touched her in all the places he knew drove her crazy. To bury himself inside her until neither of them could breathe.
“Logan?”
He blinked. “Sorry. I was somewhere else for a minute.”
Her eyes crinkled as though she knew exactly where he’d been. “I was asking if you’d like a drink.”
“I’m good. I just had coffee.”
“No worries.” She smiled again. “Should we sit down?”
He was about to agree when she froze in front of him. Then she touched her stomach.
“Court? Are you okay?”
Her face lifted, her eyes meeting his. “It’s the baby,” she told him, her voice a whisper. “He or she just kicked me.”
It was his turn to freeze. Amazement washed over him, warm and sweet. “You can feel the baby moving?”
She nodded.
“Can I feel?” He couldn’t help but grin.
“I don’t think you’ll be able to feel it yet. But you can try.” She walked toward him, taking his hand with her own and placing it on her stomach. His brows dipped with concentration as his palm pressed against the denim covering her stomach, his fingers splaying out. “There,” she breathed. “Did you feel it?”
He shook his head. “Not yet. Maybe I need to get you naked.”
She laughed. “Nice try.”
He looked up from her stomach. “Court, I’m so damn sorry for asking you to stop seeing your family. I was being a jealous asshole. I never should have said the things I did.” He blew out a mouthful of air. “I’ve done nothing but think about everything you said since I hung up the phone on Saturday. And I need you to know something. I’m all in here. With you, with the baby. If you’ll have me.”
“Are you sure?” she asked. “You’re giving up a lot.”
“But I’m gaining so much more.” He couldn’t help but stroke his hand against her stomach. Just that simple connection grounded him. “I know that Mary and Ellis are important to you. Carl, too. Even if he is a dick sometimes.”
“Say what you really think.” Her eyes were warm. “And yeah, they’re important. But you and the baby, you’re the most important things in my life. I should have told you that on the phone.”
His chest felt tighter than ever. The pain he’d been feeling all week was joined by another, stronger emotion.
Hope.
“There’s room in your heart for all of us. I get that now,” he told her.
She nodded. “Love isn’t limited. Nor are hearts. They keep growing as more people are taken inside.” She took his hand, moving it up until it was pressed against her chest. “You feel this?” she asked him, as her heart beat strongly against his palm.
“Yeah, I feel it.”
“It’s yours,” she whispered. “You stole it months ago.”
Christ, he was going to cry. He blinked back the tears, letting out a ragged breath. “I don’t want to control you,” he told her. “I don’t want to tell you how to live or who to be with. I just want to be part of your life, however you’ll have me.”
Her own eyes were watering. She nodded.
“Whatever you decide, I’m still moving back here,” he told her. “We’ve already got a couple of people interested in investing in the restaurants. I’ll still have part ownership, but I’ll be a sleeping partner. I want to be here for the baby. And for you. But if you want us to only be co-parents, that’s okay, too.” It would kill him, but he’d do it.
“You’d still leave Boston?”
He nodded. “Yeah. I’m going to look at some houses this week. I’d like you to come with me if you can. Just for an opinion. Even if you don’t want to live with me, the baby will be spending lots of time there. I figure you should get a say in it, too.”
“Who says I don’t want to live with you?”
Another pulse of hope. “I don’t want to presume…”
She took his hand once more, this time lifting it to her lips. She kissed the center of his palm, then laid it against her cheek. “I love you,” she told him. “You’re my future. And I want it to start right now.”
He ran the pad of his thumb along her jaw then slid it up to trace the outline of her plump lips. She stared up at him, their gazes clashing in a way that sent desire right down to his groin.
“Will it always be like this?” Courtney said, her voice low. “Will I always want to tear your clothes off whenever you’re close?”
He smiled at her words. “God, I hope so.” He stepped closer, sliding his hand around to the small of her back. “Because that’s exactly the way
I feel. Every time I look at you I want you.”
“Show me,” she whispered.
A loud squawk came from the chicken coop. “Quick,” Courtney whispered urgently. “Before Hester notices you’re here.”
He dropped his brow until it was pressed against hers. “Has she missed me?”
“Like crazy. As in really crazy.” Her eyes sparkled.
He would have asked more, but he was too busy scooping his hands beneath her denim clad behind.
“Are you sure you want to do that?” she asked. “I’m heavier than ever.”
“I’m sure.” He told her, lifting her into his arms. “And you look perfect.”
By the time they’d made it inside, Courtney had already unfastened three of his buttons. He kicked the front door closed and turned around, pressing her against the wall to steady her. Then he kissed her, hard and firm, his lips warm against hers as he showed her exactly how much he wanted her.
She was his future, and he was hers. And the beautiful thing was, he had no idea what their future looked like.
But he knew he wanted it.
Courtney looked up at Logan, taking in his desire-filled eyes, open white shirt, and the expensive silver watch on his wrist. He’d barely touched her and she was writhing on the bed, needy as hell for him. She had a feeling that it was always going to be like this.
They’d sneak kisses where they could, when the children weren’t looking. Exchange hot glances during the baby’s bath time, counting down the hours until they’d be in bed again. It would be exhilarating, crazy-making, and everything she knew she wanted.
He completed her in every way.
Standing at the end of the bed, he shucked off his shirt, his eyes still trained on her as he unfastened his watch. He was only in dress pants, and she swallowed hard as her gaze dipped to his muscled chest, his ridged abdomen, then down further still.
He’d already taken her clothes off, kissing her neck, her shoulders, her chest as he removed every piece. Then he’d told her to lay on the bed and wait, his voice so sure it sent tingles to every nerve ending in her body.
In the bedroom he was bossy. Everywhere else? They were a team.