That was what he’d been missing.
She was what he’d been missing.
“Since the beginning, I’ve known I wanted you,” he stated boldly. The words made Vanessa smile as Zander went on. “But… I’ve since come to realize that… as badly as I want you… I need you even more.”
It was clumsy. It was maybe a little too transparent. But it was honest. He couldn’t hold it in anymore.
Vanessa’s cheeks burned hot. That wasn’t at all something she expected to come from the mouth of Zander Hale, the man she knew for a fact fed on the broken hearts of so many women. He’d come to her as little more than a hollow shell not so long ago, and now… now, as she stared, Zander was full of emotion, real emotion.
“Wow, I…” Words escaped her, but Zander expected as much.
Before the silence became too uncomfortable, he spoke up. “I’m not expecting anything. Honestly, I didn’t even plan on telling you any of this,” he confessed with a quiet laugh. “But I suppose since the cat is out of the bag, I should start by admitting that this isn’t just something that popped into my head today. I’ve given it quite a bit of thought.”
She, herself, had acknowledged the deepening, but didn’t expect Zander to be the one to speak on it. Not that she had intentions to do so, but… she definitely didn’t expect him to.
“I don’t… I don’t know what to say,” she admitted, feeling so many things all at once.
“You don’t have to say a word,” Zander replied, “I simply needed to get that off my chest.”
Vanessa glanced his way, surprised to find him so calm after saying so much in so few words. This was a lot to take in. She stared at Zander’s content expression and her heart did things inside her chest without permission—like skipping beats, fluttering like butterfly wings. His forthrightness had left her dumbfounded. Like he said, these were uncharted waters for him. Relationships, and the like, were not even on his radar.
Apparently, that was no longer true, though.
“I suppose what I’m saying is: I’d like for you to think about where we’re headed. Well, that’s if you want it to go anywhere at all,” he added, running a hand through his dark hair. There was an air of confidence to his tone that seemed to come out of nowhere. Only a moment ago, he nervously tripped over words as he second-guessed himself. Now, it was as if he’d never been more sure about anything in all his life.
Maybe he hadn’t been.
“And you don’t have to answer that right away,” he added. “Actually, I’d prefer for you to sleep on it a few days, weigh all the pros and cons, and then we can, perhaps, discuss it over dinner when you’re ready.”
The ball was officially in Vanessa’s court and she most certainly felt the pressure. Was he, the infamous, Dr. Zander Hale, sex addict, womanizer, seriously suggesting that they become exclusive? He could’ve had just about any woman he wanted, but, for reasons he hadn’t fully disclosed, he only wanted one.
Her.
Vanessa knew his history and yet, to her at least, it seemed like he’d become someone altogether different. So many thoughts bombarded her—she was flattered, kind of afraid, hopeful, happy.
It was true, she’d grown fond of him over the months, but the few days he suggested she take to think things over would definitely be put to good use. There was a lot to consider. For starters, there was the not-so-small fact that her divorce hadn’t been final for very long. Her heart had quite a bit of healing to do and she wasn’t sure Zander fully understood that.
He noticed her deep in thought and laughed quietly to himself. “I hope I haven’t scared you.”
She averted her eyes from the stream she’d been focused on and locked gazes with him. “Scared me?”
He shrugged and the arm that once rested along the back of the bench now eased around Vanessa’s shoulders in a loose embrace.
“With all this talk of ‘getting serious’,” he teased, using air quotes around the term.
In truth, yes, she was a little scared, but she didn’t think he needed to hear that. Not when she imagined how much courage it must’ve taken him to initiate this conversation. So, instead, she decided to take a page from his book and allowed herself to be transparent in the moment.
“This isn’t the first time I’ve considered the possibility of us being more,” she admitted.
Hearing that made Zander feel a little less exposed. He hadn’t let on, but it was killing him having been the only one to share his thoughts. He could speculate all day about how she felt, but hearing her say the words herself set both his mind and heart at ease.
“But, until recently, it never felt like the right time to discuss it,” Vanessa added.
Zander wondered whether she was insinuating that now was the right time, but he didn’t ask. Besides, he couldn’t have agreed more. No, he had, in no way, finished healing from his past, but, already, he’d grown leaps and bounds above where he started. Before now, he was completely broken on the inside and he would’ve been no good for her then. He could only hope she saw the potential in him now.
That was an unnerving thought, too—the possibility of her taking those days to think and then reject him.
“So, I’m guessing this therapist of yours is the truth,” Vanessa cut in, laughing a little. “Seems like you had quite the breakthrough in just your first session.”
Zander smiled. “You’d be surprised how effective a doctor can be when the patient cooperates,” he answered, taking the blame for how they struggled in the beginning. “If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think she’s got the cahoonas to put up with my foolishness for as long as you did.”
He laughed, remembering how brazenly he’d entered Vanessa’s office. If he thought it wasn’t already water under the bridge, he would apologize for his behavior. He turned to her, thinking he’d ask if she’d kept count of how many times she threatened to stop treating him. However, he hesitated when she appeared to be lost in a thought of her own.
“She?” Vanessa uttered, still clearly adrift inside her mind.
He hadn’t considered that this detail, the fact that his new doctor was a woman, might present a problem, but now he kind of wished he had. Of course it made a difference. Vanessa knew the issues he struggled with and he understood how that factor could make her uneasy.
She locked eyes with him. “I guess I just assumed that—”
“It bothers you,” Zander cut in. The next thought that crossed his mind was that, if Vanessa did in fact have a problem with him being seen by a woman, he wouldn’t go back. He’d call first thing Monday morning to cancel his next appointment and would then go on the hunt for an equally qualified, male doctor. That’s how much she meant to him. There wasn’t much he wouldn’t do to prove to her how serious he was.
A soft smile filled Vanessa’s expression and Zander didn’t know what to make of it at first.
“Relax,” she said with a laugh. “I was just surprised, but no, it doesn’t bother me.”
He studied her for a moment, looking for any sign that she might only be saying this out of obligation.
“You’re sure?” he asked pointedly. Hopefully, she knew she could speak her mind with him.
When she continued to smile he felt a little better, but when she leaned in and kissed him… he knew.
He’d never had a woman’s trust before, mostly because he never deserved it, but right then and there, he knew he had hers. For the first time in his life, he’d been faithful to just one woman. The irony of him finally achieving monogamy with a woman he’d never even verbally committed to was almost laughable, but there was just something about her; something that had stolen and held his heart captive since almost the very beginning.
He offered her a few days to think things over, but he felt deep down in his heart that he already knew what her answer would be. It was risky to get ahead of himself, risky to assume he knew she’d say she wanted more, too, but there was no fighting it. In that kiss, as her hand came to r
est gently against his cheek, as her lips moved with his, he imagined so many more kisses just like this one.
Kisses over the coming months and years.
Kisses as they grew into something neither could’ve ever imagined.
He saw all of that in her—a life he’d never even allowed himself to fathom for fear of the disappointment that would follow when it never came to pass. But now he thought that maybe, just maybe, there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
Even for him…
Chapter Twenty-Two
There was no pretending; last night’s talk with Zander had Vanessa waking up on the right side of the bed the next morning.
At first, she tossed around all the reasons they shouldn’t do this, but then she had a ‘why the hell not’ moment and ultimately decided she was ready to jump in headfirst with him.
It was reckless.
It was crazy.
But that was them.
She might even regret not giving it more thought later, but right now, she was head over heels for him and couldn’t find a good enough reason to deny herself. He wanted her; she wanted him. Case closed.
There was definitely more pep in her step than the day before. Even getting the ‘I’m on my way’ text from Simon didn’t sully her mood. Besides, she missed Ryan like crazy even though he’d only been gone one night. She thought they might hang out at the arcade for a couple hours before it was time to come home and get ready for the school and work week ahead of them.
Zander had been radio silent and she was sure it was because he was trying to give her time to think. That’s what they agreed on. If she had to guess, he was maybe even retreating a little because he felt a bit exposed after all he confessed. That actually swayed her decision in his favor even more. He had clearly stepped completely outside his comfort zone… just for her.
They drove back to Denver from Black Hawk in the dark. Hours passed as they sat talking—about everything. It was like, all of a sudden, nothing was off limits. Zander was so unbelievably open and Vanessa found herself being drawn in deeper the more she got to see the real him. Beneath the arrogance and sarcasm, he was kind-hearted, loyal, and surprisingly sweet.
At least he was sweet to her.
That made her smile—realizing she probably got a different side of Zander than the rest of the world. She counted it a privilege to be let in without him feeling the need to cast up walls. He could trust her, and now, she believed she could trust him, too.
A swift knock at the door pulled her out of her thoughts as she hopped up from the kitchen table where she sat, figuring the household bills. This was her Sunday routine. After grocery shopping for the week, it was bills, and then she and Ryan would do something fun together to close out the weekend.
The smile she’d been wearing as thoughts of Zander tumbled around inside her head carried over when she answered the door, but she played it off by swooping Ryan up in a tight bear hug.
“I missed you,” she said amidst a downpour of kisses to his cheeks and forehead.
She expected him to wipe them off, expected him to say he was too old to be picked up, but what she didn’t expect, was no response at all.
“I said I missed you, Knucklehead,” she said again, placing him back down on the floor.
Still, no answer came.
“Um… did you have fun?” she asked next, concern filling her expression as she evaluated the look he wore, one she couldn’t quite place. It wasn’t unusual for him to return from Simon’s kind of sad about having to leave his dad, but this was different. This felt like anger and she couldn’t help but to wonder if it was aimed toward her. She wouldn’t ask in front of Simon, but trust and believe, as soon as he was gone, she’d get to the bottom of things.
Simon hadn’t said a single word. Not one since crossing the threshold. Vanessa glanced up, but not to initiate conversation; only to observe. It looked as though he hadn’t slept at all the night before. Dark circles ringed his blue eyes and he clearly hadn’t shaven this morning. She couldn’t remember a time he’d looked so unkempt. For as long as she’d known him, he’d taken excessive pride in his appearance, making it a point to never leave the house without looking his best.
There had to be a connection between Ryan’s behavior and Simon’s current state.
She eased her hands into her back pockets. “Is uh… is everything okay?” she asked, this time aiming the question at her ex instead of Ryan.
Simon kept a hard stare trained on her, but spoke directly to their son. “Why don’t you go take your things upstairs, Ry. Your mother and I need to talk.”
Vanessa’s brow creased, but she didn’t speak. Instead, she watched Ryan head upstairs like he was told, still wearing the sadness she detected.
“What’s this about?” she whispered. “Did something happen with him?” She was on the verge of telling Simon to just leave so she could talk to her son herself, but when he breezed past her, headed for the kitchen, she was too outdone for words.
This hadn’t been his house for quite some time, so she was sure he knew he didn’t have the freedom to walk to and fro as he pleased. She was on his heels immediately.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Simon?” she hissed, being careful not to raise her voice.
She and her ex stared one another down from opposite sides of the counter as Vanessa waited for him to explain himself. Surely, he must have a really good reason for storming in like he’d just done.
And, as if he’d heard Vanessa’s thoughts, Simon reached into his back pocket, retrieving an envelope he then placed on the granite surface right after.
Vanessa froze—the dissolution papers had arrived early. This was not something she’d prepared herself to deal with this afternoon.
“Simon, you knew this was coming. I know it might seem sudden, but we talked about this already,” she sighed.
However, her statement wasn’t met with a response. Instead, Simon had reached into his pocket again, but this time to pull out his phone. His fingers moved quickly over the screen without a word.
And when he did finally speak, he hurled a statement Vanessa’s way—cold, stoic. “Check your phone,” he demanded.
As soon as the words left his mouth, Vanessa’s phone pinged.
For a fraction of a second, she hesitated, pausing when Simon leveled a hateful glare her way.
She grabbed her phone from the table where she’d been using its calculator while making out her bills. Unlocking it on her way back to the counter, the icon at the top of the screen indicated a text—the one Simon had apparently just sent a moment ago.
Vanessa exhaled sharply. She didn’t have time for whatever antics he had in mind. The most pressing thing was that she checked on Ryan. She didn’t want to argue with Simon about ending their partnership. Not today. Not ever, really, but definitely not today. Ryan could hear and…
All thoughts ceased the very next instant.
The images staring back from her phone’s screen left her absolutely speechless.
In the blink of an eye she went from feeling mildly annoyed to completely furious.
“How in the hell did you get these?” she whispered sharply, still very much confused as to why she was scrolling through picture after picture of her and Zander standing beside his bike in her driveway the night before.
She recalled the intimate moment before he left her for the evening. There were a few parting words exchanged, and then a deep kiss—one she was now reliving as she scrolled to a picture of that very moment.
“You were spying on me,” she seethed, feeling heat crawl up her spine.
“You know… I knew there was something about him,” Simon cut in, ignoring Vanessa’s question altogether. “I knew and every time I mentioned it…” he paused when a cynical laugh slipped out, one that never reached his eyes. “Every time I mentioned it, you defended the bastard. I suppose it all makes sense now.”
Vanessa’s eyes were still glued to the photos, fee
ling violated beyond belief. The idea of Simon spying on her, thinking he had a right to sit outside her home and clock her moves. It was… it was unthinkable.
“You’ve got some nerve,” she sneered, setting her phone down when she’d seen enough. At that moment, a thought occurred to her and she didn’t hesitate to ask. “Was Ryan with you when you did this?” Her voice had gone up an octave at the thought.
If he had… if Ryan had seen…
A sickening smile crossed Simon’s face and she knew. She knew without him saying a word.
“Of course he was with me,” he scoffed. “And I don’t regret that decision. Not for a single minute. He may as well know who his mother really is, what she’s capable of,” he added. “Because I sure as hell didn’t.”
Seeing her with Zander had truly brought out the ugliness in Simon, revealing a heart black as coal.
Vanessa was floored. Exposing their son to this? All because he wanted to maximize the hurt she’d feel? She couldn’t even begin to understand Simon’s logic. And then it hit her; there was no logic. He acted purely out of anger and frustration brought on by even the thought of her being with someone else.
Pure ego.
A hot tear streaked Vanessa’s cheek when the anger boiled over. Of all the things Ryan was already dealing with, now there was this. He’d never understand her feeling something for anyone other than his father, which was why, before this, she had plans to keep Zander out of the picture until she thought Ryan was ready. But now, thanks to Simon’s recklessness, she’d have so many questions to answer, so much to explain.
“I can’t believe you did this,” she hissed, letting her shoulder slam into Simon’s when she pushed past him, intent on getting away from him so she could breathe. It took everything in her not to unleash every ounce of rage on him, tearing at his eyes like she wanted to do, but she, unlike him, knew how to conduct herself when their son was present.
Overdose: A British Bad Boy Romance Page 32