“How is he?” she asked. “Your brother, I mean.”
Zander exhaled before answering. “Fine. I just,” he paused. “I just thought he’d be past this phase by now. I suppose there’s no one to blame but myself for how stunted he is. Paying all his bills, taking care of all his needs; why would he bother trying to find his own way?”
She could just about feel his disappointment through the phone.
“But that’s neither here nor there,” he said abruptly. “I didn’t call to talk about my brother.”
She smiled at that. “Then why did you call?”
“Because I’m dying to see you,” he admitted freely. “I’m assuming your ex has already come to get Ryan?”
Vanessa nodded. “He has.”
“Then, if you’re not busy, I thought we might go for that ride this afternoon.”
Opening her mouth to answer, she quickly closed it when she had second thoughts. “Now… when you say ‘go for a ride’ you mean in one of your cars… right?”
The sound of quiet laughter on the other end answered her question; he meant on his bike. “Well, if that’s what you’d prefer, but no. Not exactly.”
Being honest, she’d fantasized about riding with him a time or two, but had never been on a motorcycle a day in her life. The idea of it scared her a bit when he invited her weeks ago, but then again, at one point, the idea of Zander had scared her a bit, too, so…
“I promise not to let anything happen to you,” he added, hoping to convince her. “We’ll be perfectly safe.”
It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him. This was just something new.
“I tell you what,” he went on, “I’ll do something I’ve never done before.”
She was already smiling when she asked, “What’s that?”
“Because I’ll be carrying such precious cargo, I’ll even do the speed limit.”
That made her laugh, especially remembering how he’d taken off at light speed after following her home from the bar that night. She imagined staying within the limit would be a struggle for him.
“Ummm….”
He chuffed a breathy laugh into the phone when she hesitated. “For Pete’s sake, just say yes, Love. You know you want to,” he teased.
She chewed the side of her lip while thinking about it. Who was she kidding? Since when had she been able to resist his charm?
“…Okay. Fine. I’m in.”
She could hear him smiling when he spoke again. “Perfect. How much time do you need to get ready?”
Vanessa looked down at the oversized hoodie she wore and her bare legs. After Simon and Ryan left, she stripped down to just about nothing as was her usual routine.
“Half an hour,” she answered, knowing she could really use an hour, but she didn’t feel like waiting that long.
The call ended and she headed right up to put on her favorite pair of jeans, the ones with just enough stretch for them to hug her curvy figure without making her feel confined. She exchanged the gray, ill-fitting hoodie for a black, v-neck she picked up from the mall a couple months ago. Anticipating having to fit a helmet over her hair, she gathered it into a low ponytail after smoothing the front.
Already, her heart was racing just at the thought of riding with him. If it had been anyone else who asked, she would have answered with a swift ‘no’, but she trusted Zander.
Apparently, even with her life.
A knock hit the door.
“Coming,” she called out, rushing down the steps, feeling anxious.
Damn… she hadn’t had a rush like this since her teens—a bundle of nerves, excited, reckless… falling.
That last word made her miss a step and she nearly tumbled down the rest of the way.
Falling.
Falling?
Was that really how she felt? Was she truly falling for him?
That thought had been on her mind for a while now, even before they went away together, and it was a hard feeling to fight. It was true, though. She was falling for him and there wasn’t anything she could do about it. As a woman who’d just had her heart broken by a chronic cheater you’d think she would have set her sights on anyone but Zander, but, alas, he was the one.
When she opened the door her heart betrayed her yet again, thundering just a little harder than it already was, now because the man who laid claim to it was standing before her. And it didn’t help that he looked incredibly sexy this afternoon in dark jeans and a black tee beneath his riding jacket.
He did this to her every time, made her wish she could speak her mind, confessing all the things she’d been holding in for fear of what would happen if she just… let it all out.
The smile she offered was an awkward one. She could feel it—stiff, forced. Zander returned the gesture, but his came much easier than hers had.
“Ready?” he asked, clearly looking forward to this just as much as Vanessa, even if it no longer looked like she was.
She gave a nod and breathed a soft, “Sure,” before locking up.
Her eyes stayed trained on the helmet tucked beneath Zander’s arm as she followed him down her walkway to the sleek, black machine waiting out front. She’d seen it before, but now that she was expected to get on, it seemed bigger, kinda sinister.
Lost in thought, she didn’t realize Zander’s gaze had settled on her. When she looked up, a coy grin spread across his face.
“You’re scared,” he said flatly.
She let out a deep breath, but said nothing.
Zander doubled back a few feet to where she stood frozen in place. She lost her focus on his bike when warm, gentle fingers slipped between hers. This gesture had been meant to comfort her, but after her realization on the stairs—the one where she acknowledged her deepening feelings, the one that almost made her face-skate down to the bottom—it only unnerved her more.
Her anxiety was so pronounced Zander sensed it, although he had no idea where it all came from. She was indeed a ball of nervous energy, though.
“I’ve been riding for the better part of a decade and have never even had a close call,” he assured her, squeezing her delicate fingers tighter.
He had her full attention. She looked up into eyes she once thought held so many secrets—too many to trust. Now, there was a softness behind them that seemed to be present quite a bit lately. He looked at her differently than before and she felt it.
Her chin dipped with a slight nod. “I’m good. I’m not backing out,” she promised, finally forcing her nervousness into submission.
“Then this is for you,” Zander replied, handing over a helmet that matched his to a T—solid black exterior shell, red detail on the side plates. The only difference between the two was the lighter tint of Vanessa’s visor, while his was almost completely blacked out.
He climbed on first, straddling the seat. After starting the engine, he eased his helmet on. Vanessa spread her legs wide behind him when she climbed onto the back. The heat emanating from between her soft thighs was hard to ignore. He heard the ‘click’ of her visor when she closed it, and then she moved in even closer, wrapping her arms tight around his torso.
This afternoon was only about spending time together. That was something they hadn’t done nearly enough without there being fringe benefits of some sort. Today’s invitation came down to one, simple fact: he missed her company.
That was it.
The first inch he backed down the driveway, Vanessa squeezed his waist even tighter and he laughed, realizing she was much stronger than she looked. Once the bike was turned in the right direction, he took off.
The engine was far more powerful than Vanessa expected. Its deep vibration reverberated throughout her entire body. Zander changed lanes with confidence as images of their city whizzed past. Vanessa paid attention to how her body molded to his, how she curved wherever he curved, moved whenever he moved. Her breasts were locked against his back and even from beneath the visor of her helmet, she could smell him. Clean laundry and cologne�
�a blend of cedar and something sweet she never could place, but it was familiar. Despite being scared out of her mind, she definitely enjoyed this part, the closeness.
After a good forty minutes on the road, with the warmth of the sun at her back, she had all but forgotten how dangerous this was. It hadn’t even crossed her mind to ask where they were headed until now, but she knew the area; they were approaching Black Hawk.
Traffic thinned and the mountain ranges, deep violet against the blue sky, seemed to draw closer. The formidable buildings of Denver submitted to small boutiques, church steeples, and mom-and-pop restaurants with cute names and locals conversing out front. And of course the many, quaint casinos that lined the road—the one feature that set this small town apart from others that were otherwise identical to it.
She’d gotten comfortable, realizing how stable the bike was beneath them, taking in the old-world charm of the town as they rode its undulating streets. That initial concern of being on the verge of tipping had now faded and her grip loosened just slightly. She even rested her chin on Zander’s shoulder and watched the road coming toward them as he steered.
Feeling Vanessa change positions, Zander briefly glanced over and thought he caught a glimpse of a smile on her lips. Finally, she seemed to be enjoying this.
He veered off the main road and onto one that hugged the side of the mountain, winding around at a slow incline. On one of his long rides, the ones that cleared his head when nothing else could seem to, he ended up here. That excursion led to the discovery of a footbridge just off in the trees. A large, bristlecone spruce marked the area, so he spotted it easily.
Their speed slowed to a crawl, which piqued Vanessa’s interest. She’d never really been the outdoorsy type, but this place was stunning nonetheless. Several feet from the road, the roar of the engine died, being replaced by the sound of birds chirping and the distant murmur of rushing water.
“This way,” Zander said with a smile.
Vanessa’s hand was taken and she followed his footsteps as small twigs snapped beneath their soles. There was a trail and at the end of it, a stream. A short bridge made of large, wooden slats, arched over the water, allowing passage to the opposite embankment. The setting was so perfect someone even thought to place a wrought-iron bench near the water’s edge so visitors could admire the scenery.
“How on Earth did you find this place?” she asked, looking around as she took the seat beside Zander.
“Luck,” he answered, thinking it might bore her to hear of the long, uneventful ride that led him here that first time.
“It’s like something out of a storybook,” she added. And it was; right down to the canopy of trees that hung above, shading them from the sun.
While Vanessa took in the beauty surrounding them, it was her splendor that captured Zander’s attention; not nature’s.
He couldn’t believe he was here. Not physically here in this place, but… here… thinking things were possible for him that he wouldn’t have even considered in the past. Vanessa had no idea how much she changed him.
Caught staring, Zander offered a smile, but didn’t bother turning away. If she hadn’t, by this point, figured out how captivated he was by her, she had to be blind.
“Did you enjoy the ride?” he asked.
Her eyes lit up and he loved that.
“Actually? I did!” she laughed. “It was touch and go at first, but, yeah; I’d definitely do it again.”
Zander gave a nod and gazed out at the water.
He seemed so much calmer in her opinion, ever since their talk. Like getting those things off his chest, saying them all out loud, had freed him in some way. The fact that he trusted her enough to let her be the one he admitted them to wasn’t something she took lightly. This new, subdued side to Zander left her wondering how his counselling session with his new doctor had gone. They spoke about it briefly the other night, but she was admittedly curious as to whether Zander’s approach to treatment had changed.
There really was no way to approach the subject matter stealthily, so she just cut to the chase.
“So, I’ve been wondering something,” she said with a coy grin, one that garnered Zander’s full attention. “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but I’m dying to know something.”
He smiled back, settling his arm across the back of the bench. “And what might that something be?”
“Well, you seem… different,” she began. “More… I don’t know… level-headed than before. Which has me wondering if, for your new doctor, you’re—”
“Being less of a dick?” Zander cut in.
Vanessa smiled when he took the words right out of her mouth—not the ones she was actually going to say aloud, but definitely the ones floating around inside her head. She’d never told him this, but Zander was, by far, the most difficult case she’d ever taken on. Treating him made her question her effectiveness as a whole, not just when it came to him.
Offering a half-smile, Zander answered his own question. “I’ve made it a point to be easier to work with.”
“Do you think you’ll get more out of it now?” she added.
There was a moment of silence while Zander thought about that, but then he nodded, wordlessly answering her question.
He had no idea how pleased Vanessa was to hear he’d been receptive to this new doctor. She hadn’t told him this, but she was worried about him. After she explained she could no longer see him, she thought he might give up on therapy altogether, but when he told her he’d found someone, it gave her a ray of hope.
She placed a hand on his. “I’m so proud of you. I mean… seriously. I love that you’re not giving up on this.”
Immediately after the words left her mouth, she hoped they didn’t sound condescending. However, when Zander leaned in and kissed her forehead, she knew that wasn’t the case.
“Thanks, Love,” he added softly before leaning away.
While, yes, she was glad to hear his session had gone well, there were so many other questions she wished to have answered. However, she wouldn’t dare press Zander for details. It was, perhaps, the doctor in her that wanted to evaluate his new psychologists’ approach. So, when Zander started opening up on his own a moment later, Vanessa was all ears.
“Would you like to hear more?” he asked.
Vanessa nodded. “Of course.”
There was a lightheartedness to her tone that made one corner of his mouth tug upward. He remembered a time she wasn’t quite so sweet and he liked to think he had something to do with how easily she seemed to smile these days.
“We talked about my mother a bit. Not in depth, but I feel that coming,” he added with a sigh.
Vanessa watched intently as Zander went on.
“I told her of the.... abuse,” he forced out, “but, again, not in detail.”
“Still, that’s progress,” she cut in. “Already you’ve taken steps in one day it took you months to take with me.”
Zander glanced her way when those words left her mouth. The last thing he wanted her to think was that she had been the problem when she was treating him.
Was that what she took from that statement? That something about his new doctor made opening up easier?
Truth be told, Vanessa was the only reason he was going into this with such an open mind. However, before he could address the potential misunderstanding, Vanessa casually moved on.
“I think this is great,” she added warmly.
So maybe there was no misunderstanding. Realizing this, Zander relaxed again.
“What changed for you?” Vanessa asked. “You know, what’s made you decide to be more… cooperative?” she smiled.
He mirrored the expression. It was true; he’d given her hell.
“I suppose it’s just that, I’m seeing things through new eyes,” he said first, but then corrected himself. “Well, I’m seeing us, you and I, through new eyes.”
That phrase, ‘us’, set Vanessa’s heart to racing. She also wondered what
‘they’ had to do with her question.
Zander searched within himself for the right words. It didn’t take long to realize there were none. There was no easy way to tell the woman with whom he was only supposed to be having a casual, strictly sexual relationship with, that she had become one of the most important factors in his treatment. She deserved the best version of himself he could possibly give her and that meant he had some work to do.
Vanessa was more significant in his life than he was even comfortable admitting to himself most days. However, lately, the thought had crossed his mind once or twice that he ought to confess. The words he needed to say were just so heavy. While he was a firm believer in letting one’s actions speak for the heart, there were certain things that deserved to be stated plainly. Yes, he still wanted to take slow steps, but he was beginning to think he’d prefer it if those steps led toward something solid.
He couldn’t even believe he was considering it. He’d never been a fan of titles and cutesy nicknames or any of that, but he was a fan of moving forward with her—whatever that meant.
“Have you ever thought that, maybe—”
The words escaped him almost the moment he tried to force them out. The point was to get it out before he overthought it and changed his mind. Clearly, that didn’t work.
Vanessa tilted her head and eyed him, curious as to what the rest of his question might’ve been.
Zander blew out a breath and reevaluated his approach. Instead of trying to make sure he said the right thing or kept his cool, he decided to worry a little less about presentation. For all he cared, she could think he’d gone over the deep end, lost his mind completely because, in many ways he had.
Lust he knew. In fact, he and lust had been the best of friends since so far back he wasn’t sure they hadn’t always been acquainted. But what she brought into his life was passion and that’s when his eyes were opened.
Overdose: A British Bad Boy Romance Page 31