Anathema (Sojourner Series Book 4)

by Maria Rachel Hooley

  “Are you all right?” he whispers.

  “I don’t understand any of this. I never meant for it to happen.” As he embraces me, I feel his warmth begin to suffuse through me, and I’m grateful for it—anything to drive away the wind.

  “I know,” he finally replies, taking a cursory glance around us. It’s nice to know that angels have to check their bearings from time to time to get to their destinations. “It’s not exactly your fault, Elizabeth. Sometimes things just happen.”

  “I’m scared.”

  His hands tighten their hold, but we both know the fear has nothing to do with the sensation of being dropped. I trust Lev with my life; I just don’t trust myself with his.

  “It will get better.” He leans close and gives me a soft kiss on my temple. “You have to believe that.”

  “What if it doesn’t? What if you can’t teach me how to control these powers?”

  “There’s no point worrying about the future, Elizabeth. We’ve got more than enough going on right now.”

  The angle of our bodies shifts slightly, telling me that we’re coming down. Lev’s feet touch the earth first, and I feel him carefully lower me until mine touch as well. Looking around, I realize that we’ve landed in the back yard, and that only the living room light blazes against the darkness.

  “Is anyone else up?”

  He nods . “Yeah. Evan wanted to come after you, but I persuaded him I could find you more easily. And Celia has had her hands full with Griffin. He must have seen everything in his dreams because he’s been screaming his head off for the last fifteen minutes. Celia’s had a difficult of a time getting him calm.

  My whole body stiffens, and I realize for the first time I might just have made things so much worse for my best friend. “I…I thought that if Jayzee wasn’t around, that would break her hold.”

  We walk up to the patio, and he opens the screen door for me. “In theory, it should have been the answer. Her hold has been broken but that act shattered Griffin. I’m not sure his affections for Jayzee were all forced; her sudden death has left him in pieces.”

  I inhale sharply. “You mean that I just made it worse.”

  He gently rubs a circle on my back. “I keep telling you this isn’t your fault, Elizabeth—you didn’t want to kill Jayzee, but the powers in your body didn’t leave you a choice. You know that.”

  “It doesn’t mean I’m okay with it.”

  As we slip into the living room, we almost run into Evan, who stands waiting. He looks at Lev, and then turns to me.

  “What happened?”

  I recognize the forced calm in Evan’s tone, and I know he’s not taking all of this in stride like he’s pretending. He knows there’s a whole lot at stake here, and I’m at the center of it.

  “I guess I went sleepwalking and wound up in the cemetery.” I pull away slightly from Lev, and he drops his arm from around me, but that doesn’t change the fact that Evan is still looking at me expectantly, monitoring my expression for the smallest changes.

  “And Jayzee?” Evan’s blue eyes peer at me.

  “She’s dead,” Lev offers.

  Evan nods but waves him to silence. “So what happened, Elizabeth?”

  “I just had a dream, and I woke up—”

  “What was the dream about?” Evan interrupts, folding his arms across his chest.

  I don’t know what to say; I sure don’t want to tell him about the angels. Maybe it will come back to haunt me in the not-so-distant future, but I don’t want to go there, and luckily, Lev steps between us, cutting off the conversation.

  “Evan, I know you want to question her, but Jayzee broke open the stitches, and we really need to attend to the bleeding.” The two of them exchange meaningful glances.

  “All right,” Evan finally agrees. “Take her to the kitchen table, and I’ll get the medical bag.”

  My stomach drops at the thought of what is coming, and my body freezes, even though Lev keeps trying to tug me forward. Yes, my hand is aching, but I think that’s only going to get worse, considering what Evan is about to do.

  “Come on, Elizabeth. We need to get the bleeding stopped.” Since trying to tug me isn’t getting him anywhere, Lev steps back and grabs my elbow to flat-out lead me toward the kitchen.

  “Did I mention I hate needles?” I mutter between clenched teeth.

  “It’s definitely better than bleeding to death, right?” He tries to usher me forward, but I refuse to go.

  “Maybe.” I know he’s right, but I’m being stubborn, like always. It’s in my nature, and it’s probably not about to change.

  “Elizabeth, we can do this the easy way, or we can do it the hard way, but we are going to do it—unless you really want me to carry you, you need to get a move on.”

  Glaring at him, I finally shake my head. “Fine. Whatever.” I amble into the kitchen, more than a little aware of the feel of his hand on my arm, guiding me. “At least I was unconscious during the first go-round,” I grumble.

  “You want me to help you with that?” he asks as I sit at the table and set my hand in front of me, my palm resting toward the ceiling.

  “Not if Evan has some kind of drug to make me numb.”

  “Yeah, I do.” Evan strides into the kitchen carrying a black bag he sets down on the other side of the table. “I wouldn’t stitch you up if I knew you could feel the pain.” He looks at my bandaged hand, where the blood stain is almost as big as my palm. “Are you ready?”

  “No, but go ahead,” I mutter, watching as Lev sinks into the chair beside me. He reaches for my other hand, and he nods encouragingly at me as if to say everything will be all right. I jump as Evan starts to tug the wrap loose and unwind it.

  “Easy, Elisabeth. I’m just taking off the old wrap.”

  I take a deep breath, hoping it will help. “Easier said than done.”

  “Not necessarily,” Lev replies, and that’s when I feel the warmth suddenly wash into my other hand and start to make its way up that arm and to my chest. With the warmth comes a soft, relaxing sensation. Lev carefully watches my face, probably making sure that while he relaxes me, I don’t fall asleep.

  The warmth continues washing through me until it reaches my other arm and makes its way down to the injured hand, and even though I’m aware Evan has pulled the bandage loose and will probably be giving me a local to deaden the area, I’m not tensing in anticipation of the coming pain.

  “You all right?” Lev asks, and Evan looks up, his gaze filled with concern as his hands pause.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Really.”

  He sees me blinking like I’m getting drowsy and scoots his chair closer so I can rest my head on his shoulder. He drapes his arm around my back and kisses the top of my head. “You look sleepy.”

  “It’s been a really long day.” I could say year instead. That would be more accurate, but I think Lev probably knows exactly what I mean.

  “Yeah, it has,” he agrees.

  “You’re going to feel a pinch, Elizabeth. It’s just the local.”

  I want to tell him it’s far from okay, but I know that’s not the right answer, so I just nod and close my eyes to enjoy the warmth of Lev’s embrace. I love resting my head by his throat; it’s soothing.

  Okay, I’m expecting a pinch all right, not this awful jab that tenses my whole body with its vicious sting. I start to pull my hand back, but Evan refuses to release it.

  “I know it hurts. Give the local a minute to kick in. Then you won’t feel a thing. I promise.” Evan stares at me, watching my expression before he pulls the needle out and sinks it into a different spot. This time, the pain is still significant, but at least I don’t jump. Still, Lev’s arm tightens around me as I inhale sharply and close my eyes.

  “You okay?” he whispers?

  “Peachy,” I murmur, trying to convince myself it’s true. At least I’m starting to feel the effects of the local, so my hand isn’t throbbing nearly so much. In fact, I don’t even feel Evan withdraw the ne
edle. I can just see his motions in my peripheral vision when I open my eyes and glance at Lev. I start to focus on Evan’s movements, but Lev shakes his head.

  “You might not want to do that, Elizabeth. He’s cleaning the wound now, but then he’ll start stitching it shut. Again.”

  I close my eyes, sudden nauseated . “Yeah, you might have a point.”

  “I know how well you handle the sight of blood,” he murmurs, his lips twisting into a wry smile.

  “Don’t have too much fun with this,” I mutter.

  “I’m not.” Although there’s a shadow of that smile, I can tell it’s just a surface-level thing, that wherever his thoughts are, he’s really not amused. “I’d rather you weren’t bleeding at all, but that’s not an option.”

  I feel a coolness on my skin as Evan washes it, but this time there’s no pain, so I don’t really mind. Lev glances at Evan and I see his frown deepen. “How bad is it?” I’d look, but both Lev and I know I don’t want to pass out, especially not with a needle about to be the mix.

  “It’s going to be okay,” he says, but I can tell he’s still worried. His blue eyes find mine, and he softly kisses my forehead. “I’m just glad the only thing you seem to need is stitches.”

  “Me, too.”

  I suddenly notice Evan is gripping my hand tighter than before, and I feel this strange sensation of pressure over my fingers. Without realizing it, I try to pull my hand away, which makes Evan pause.

  “Does that hurt?”

  “No,” I finally manage. “It just feels really weird. Lots of pressure.” I try to relax. “Go ahead and finish what you need to do.”

  He nods and turns his attention back to my hand. I feel the pressure resume and grit my teeth, trying to ignore it. I lean against Lev and savor the feel of his hand stroking my back, trying to distract me.

  “Give me a minute more, and I’ll be done,” Evan says quietly, and he’s as good as his word. Another few stitches, and he wipes the cold wetness across it before patting it dry and wrapping fresh gauze around it to protect the stitches. Then he releases my hand and gathers up the supplies to put them away.

  I lower my hand to my lap and stare at the harsh whiteness of the gauze. Right now my hand’s numb, and that’s probably a good thing. Later, I’m sure it’ll hurt. I trace the edge of the gauze with my other hand, at least until Lev moves it away.

  “You okay? Does it hurt?” Lev’s voice is husky, and he hovers.

  “I’m okay,” I say, offering a weak smile that feels strangely out of place and totally at odds with all the confusion swirling in my mind. “Do any other angels ever have the power to heal humans?”

  “Some, when the situation calls for it. But they are typically sent for a specific purpose, Elizabeth. What makes you ask about other angels?” He reaches over and brushes the hair from my face.

  “I just wondered.”

  “Yes, well, we need to talk about other angels. It’s important,” Evan says, sitting down beside me again. “I need to know what you were dreaming about.”

  I shrug. “I don’t remember.” I avert my gaze and look at the linoleum, where a piece is coming loose over by the oven. Jimmie always seems to like houses in need of improvement. Me, I’d love the already improved ones.

  Evan reaches out and forces me to look at him. “It could mean the difference in being able to save your life.”

  “I said I don’t remember. I wish I did.”

  “The Triune?” Lev asks, the calm tone abruptly vanishing. “That’s what you’re talking about, isn’t it?”

  “Yes.” Evan leans back in the chair and shakes his head. “Did you use your powers to destroy Jayzee?”

  “They aren’t my powers, Evan. They’re powers I can’t get rid of.” I know it’s not an answer. Then again, I really don’t want to answer the question. A strand of hair tickles my face, and I brush it back with a trembling hand.

  “It doesn’t matter how you feel about the powers, Elizabeth. All I want to know is if that’s what killed Jayzee.”

  For a moment, I’m silent. I can’t bear to answer, but I don’t have a choice. “Yes. I tried to tell her to leave me alone, but she wouldn’t. She was attacking me, and suddenly the power just did its own thing, like it always does. I had no control over it.”

  I lean against Lev, suddenly tired. I think it’s the powers. They seem to drain me completely, and I wish I could make them go away. I hate them.

  “What are you thinking?” Lev demands of Evan, one arm holding me tightly, as though he’s afraid I’m going to slip away.

  “There’s no way the Triune didn’t feel Jayzee’s death.” He stands and paces the room. “We were lucky Elizabeth didn’t kill Sarah, that she somehow managed to restrain the power. But this—this will not have gone unnoticed, and even though Jayzee has turned from her path, the fact a mortal killed her will not be looked upon favorably.”

  “I didn’t mean to!” I start to stand, but Lev restrains me and gives me a look that tells me to let him do the talking.

  “It doesn’t matter what you intended, Elizabeth. The Triune will not judge your intentions, only your actions.” He leans against the counter and rubs his forehead. “If you have any hope of surviving their judgment, you need to be trained so we have something to offer. I don’t know if it’s going to be enough, but it’s more than we have now.”

  “What if it isn’t enough?” I ask, even though I see Lev shaking his head, telling me not to.

  “Then it will put the Triune in the awkward position of dealing with a human host for a pure power against angels, and if they don’t find you useful, they will probably try to destroy you.”

  “But we won’t let that happen!” Lev snaps, his back suddenly stiffening. Evan winces

  “Are those angels more powerful?” I ask.

  “Yes, Elizabeth. They are.” Evan braces both palms flat on the counter and looks down at them as though trying to come to terms with something.

  “We can still stop them!” Lev says, abruptly pulling his arm from around me and rising to match Evan’s stance. “You know we can.”

  “Lev, these aren’t evil angels. We cannot battle them like that. You know this.” He pushes himself away from the counter. “I never thought any of this would happen, but we cannot interfere. Not like that.”

  Lev rushes in front of him and stands between Evan and me. “So what? We just let them kill her? This is Elizabeth. I have spent centuries trying to save her, and I’m not going to lose her now.”

  “It’s not your battle to fight, Lev,” I whisper, standing and heading toward the hallway. “I’m pretty tired. I think I’ll get some sleep.”

  Lev immediately turns and steps into my path. “Elizabeth, no. Don’t leave it like this. I will fight for you.”

  “At what costs?” I close my eyes and try to ignore the gallop of my heart. “None of this is your fault, and I won’t ask you to sacrifice what is right for me. I won’t.”

  “You don’t have to!” he counters, taking my good hand. His blue eyes are wild, like the sea during an unexpected storm. “I would go to the ends of the earth for you. Don’t you get it?”

  “Yes.” I swallow hard. “I know you would. I’m just tired, Lev. That’s all.” I offer a lopsided smile and lean forward to kiss his cheek before heading down the hall and into my room.

  I manage to get inside and close the door before I fall against it and try not to cry. I know Lev is speaking from the heart. I have no doubt to what lengths he’d go to keep me safe. But he’s an angel, and there are things I can never ask of him.

  Chapter Seven

  It seems to take until morning before I fall asleep, and while I don’t remember my dreams, I sense the nightmares have claimed me once again; I don’t feel rested, and it’s not about sleep deprivation. It’s that feeling something hangs over me, and I cannot escape it, no matter how far or fast I run.

  I open my eyes and find Lev lying beside me, one arm propped beneath his head. He smiles.
“Good morning, Elizabeth,” Lev whispers in a deep, rough-silk voice. “I was wondering when you’d get up.”

  “What time is it?” I ask, glancing at the window to see plenty of bright light pouring in around the curtains.

  “About eleven.”

  “I never sleep this late,” I mutter and sit up so I can brush my hand across my face and wipe away the residue of sleep. I see the heavy gauze on my hand, and, as if on cue, my palm begins to throb.

  “It’s not like you haven’t had a lot of things happen to you.” He, too, sits up and sets his hands in his lap, and I feel the weight of last night resting between us. There’s so much he wants to say, but none of it will help. I sure don’t want him to promise something that might compromise what he is.

  Not even for me.

  I stand and head to my closet to pull out a t-shirt and jeans. Even as I stand, I hate the festering silence. It shouldn’t be this way between us; we love each other.

  “I meant what I said last night.”

  “I know you did.” I force a neutral tone and try not to think how auto-pilot it sounds even to me.

  “You don’t believe me, do you?” He rises from the bed and steps toward me. “You think I would let the Triune hurt you?”

  “No, I don’t.” I turn to go into the bathroom to get a shower, but Lev blocks my path. His frown furrows deep creases into this forehead, and he swallows hard, staring at me.

  “But?” He folds his arms and waits for an answer.

  “I don’t know, Lev. I’m one person. I know it’s not my fault I stumbled into the middle of all this, but it doesn’t mean the Triune is wrong about judging me.” I slip around him and almost make it out the door before he smacks his hand in the center of it and once again blocks my escape.

  “Yes, they are!” he snaps. “You didn’t ask for any of this. You were trying to do the right thing. That shouldn’t cost you your life.”