Anathema (Sojourner Series Book 4)

by Maria Rachel Hooley

The world sharpens into focus, and I see Evan kneeling over Lev. The screams come again. Lev's screams. He sounds like a tortured animal that’s so far gone it’s begging to die.

  I did this. It's my fault.

  I stagger, but Celia catches my arm. "You need to sit down."

  "No."

  I start toward Lev, but Evan quickly rises. "Stay back! Now!" His voice is pointed and stalls me. Lev is still screaming. Behind Evan, I can see him convulsing on the floor. Celia hovers so close I can't breathe. I have to get out of here.

  I whirl and fly out the door. Outside, Celia tries to grab my arm, but I yank free.

  "Elizabeth, stop!" She tugs at me, forcing me to stop running, but she can't hold me forever; the rain pummels us in cold hard pellets.

  "You want to die, Celia? Is that it? Didn't you get a good look at what I did? You want me to do that to you?"

  Her hand slips away. "You didn't mean to."

  "It doesn't matter what I did or didn't mean, Celia. He could die, and so could you if I stick around. The only reason Evan seems to be safe is that he was the one who was supposed to have the dagger to begin with."

  I start walking again, heading for my Jeep.

  "You can't just run away!" she yells, struggling to be heard over the storm.

  "Yes, I can. It's better for all of you that way."

  She looks at me, pain lining her eyes, and I know she wants to comfort me, but I don't deserve to be comforted, not after what happened. For the first time, I’m starting to see things from the perspective of the Triune. Maybe I am a monster who needs to be put down. The sooner, the better.

  I climb into the Jeep and force the key into the ignition despite my trembling hands. Celia still stands by the building. The rain has bogged down her natural curls and matted them to her face, and I'm not sure, but I think there are tears in her eyes. Or maybe it's just the rain.

  I jam the shifter to reverse and back out of the lot, knowing transportation is the least of Evan's worries. I can't watch Lev die. I told Evan it would happen, but he wouldn’t listen.

  My vision is pretty much screwed considering the heavy rain and tears I can't seem to turn off. I only make it about a mile down the road before I have to pull to the side and let the emotions storm through me. I can barely breathe because I'm crying so hard and it hurts. I just keep seeing Lev lying on the floor, and I can't get that image out of my head. His screams echo in my thoughts until they’re all I can hear. Not the rain, not my heart. Lev’s screams.

  And it's my fault.

  I don't know how long I sit there, trying to stop crying, but the rain isn't helping. It just reminds me of the hurt which starts me crying all over again. By the time I've finally regained my composure, I have a horrible headache.

  For an instant, I feel turned around and lost but then I orient myself. I remember the park across the street. I've seen it every time we've driven into town, so I know I'm on the right road for home. I'm just not sure if I can go home, not with this 'gift' inside me, trying so hard to get out and tear angels apart.

  Without realizing it, I keep staring at the park, my gaze fixed on the swings as I think about last night with Lev, and how perfect it seemed, as though everything would turn out all right, and we would finally get some kind of chance to be together as we were meant to be.

  How many times do I have to be told being with Lev isn't possible, no matter how much I might want it? Water drips from my hair, and I wipe it away with a trembling hand.

  Part of me wants to go back, but I know better. This isn't a battle they should have to fight. I made the choice, and now I have to live with it.

  I'm staring at the park through the smudged windows when I see the first conspicuous play of light, even through the distraction of storm and lightning.

  At first, I want to play it off as nothing, but something in the back of my head won't let me. If it weren't raining, I'd say it was a trick of sunlight off the metal slide which should have been replaced long ago, but it is raining, and nothing should flash that brightly. Lightning?

  That doesn't seem right, either. I blink hard, grab a tissue from my handbag, and wipe it across the glass. Although a lot of the distortion is from the rain outside, it does get rid of the fogginess.

  Still, I end up rolling the window down so I can really focus. I cup my hand across my forehead to block the frigid rain, and that's when I see it again--the blinding light. But this time, it has dimension and form.

  Angelic. It’s massive, like the beings from my dreams, with wings that are twice as tall as its body.

  A strangled gasp escapes my throat, and I quickly roll up the window. I don't know if it’s because I've finally been able to detect it, or I'm expecting to see angels so that helps me track it, or what, but I can now follow its slow progression across the sodden playground toward the street next to where I've pulled off.

  My heart starts thundering in my chest, and I furiously roll the window up, gasping to take in enough air. The being edges closer, and I know it's too late to drive away without calling attention to myself. Instead, I sprawl across the seat.

  Despite the discomfort, I remain in the same position for what seems like an eternity before risking a glance. Through the speckled glass, I can see nothing unusual, no flashes of supernatural light. Still, I keep blinking, trying to detect whether my eyesight is failing me. Am I missing it? I squint, searching harder before I finally dismiss the fact that I’m just not seeing it. The glow is gone.

  But to where, I wonder?

  I risk a glance in the rearview mirror. Despite the rain-smeared glass, I definitely see the glow of the angel floating toward the community center.

  I shudder, and it seems as though I am paralyzed. All I can do is breathe as I keep thinking how this can't be happening. How it's all some mistake. How things weren't supposed to go like this. The best laid plans and all that crap.

  I'm torn between turning around and facing the music I can't ignore or just driving away. Rationality wins as I realize that even if I go back, all I can do is make things a bigger mess. If I’m not present, there’s no conflict, at least not until the Triune finds me. If it does. If I return to stand with Celia, Lev, and Evan, there’ll definitely be a confrontation they don't need to be mixed up in.

  Either way, there's bound to be something that goes wrong, so I have to make a decision—stay or leave.

  An image of Lev on that floor, weak and screaming, is what makes up my mind. I have no doubt he would fight to the death for me, but maybe I've already killed him. Still, on the off chance he’s still breathing, I'm going to make a run for it and put as many miles between the two of us as possible, that way, he won't be in danger from the Triune or me.

  I take one last look at the aura floating ever closer to the center and start the jeep. I have to wait for a passing Chevy before I pull out onto the road and start back to Tellico Plains—long enough to pack my bags and grab enough money to drive down the road and lead the Triune away from those I hold dear.

  The rain has slowed considerably as I pull into the driveway. Once or twice, the sun has peeked from behind the clouds, lending an unnatural shading to the sky. Fat puddles on the driveway and sidewalk suggest it must have rained pretty much the whole time I was gone. At first, I don't notice that Jimmie's truck isn't where it should be, not until I pull into his parking space—and when it finally occurs to me, I wonder if Evan called and told him I freaked out and took off. Just another thing to thank Evan for, I'm sure.

  Gritting my teeth, I grab my handbag and jump out of the Jeep. I rush to the front door, expecting to find it locked, yet the knob turns easily in my hand. As I fly through the house, I glance around, expecting Jimmie will suddenly appear from the kitchen or the living room. Instead, it feels like a ghost house—empty and abandoned—which sets me on edge even more.

  As I head down the hall, I notice Griffin's door is closed. It’s probably better that way; I can't see me getting much packing done if he’s following me a
round with a million questions about where I'm going and why. Of course, this time there’s no Jayzee to distract him, so I’m not sure how that would go, anyway.

  And I don’t even know where I’m planning to go. I just start shoving clothes and stuff into my small suitcase, and when I open the door to grab the toiletries from the bathroom, I almost run into Griffin as he leans against the doorframe, blocking my exit.

  “Hey, Lizzie. How long have you been here? I didn’t even know you were back until I heard you rummaging around.”

  “Not long,” I say, hoping my body kind of blocks my packing. But I know Griffin’s not stupid. He glances around me and his eyes widen as he takes in the suitcase.

  “Mind telling me what’s going on?” He folds his arms across his chest and keeps blocking me.

  “I don’t have time, Griffin.”

  “Well, make time, Lizzie. I don’t know what you’re running from, but it won’t solve anything. I can promise you that.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I snap and force my way past.

  “The hell I don’t!” he retorts, following. “You tried to run away last time, and look how that went.”

  “At least I didn’t almost kill anybody.” The words are out of my mouth before I can take them back, and my shoulders sag beneath the weight. I stop and try not to think about anything, knowing if I process what’s happened I’ll start crying. And if I start, I’ll never be able to stop.

  “What happened?” He walks up behind me and sets his hand on my shoulder. I shudder at his touch and try to shy away, but he refuses to budge.

  “Doesn’t matter. I have to go. The others are coming.”

  Griffin grabs one shoulder and whirls me around. “Okay, fine, if you want to go, Lizzie, but at least explain things to me first. I don’t understand why you’re so anxious to leave. We can protect you.”

  “No, you can’t.” I take an uneven step backwards and already feel myself tearing up. “No one can.”

  “Why are you leaving? You owe me that much.”

  I finally nod, knowing he’s right. “Evan was trying to train me. The powers were too much, and I hurt Lev. I might have…killed him. I don’t know. I took off. And then I saw one of the angels from the Triune. It was coming for me. I have to go; I can’t put them in the position of going against everything they believe. This is my battle, not theirs.”

  “Is Celia all right?” he asks softly, frowning.

  “Yeah, but she won’t be if I stick around.”

  Griffin shakes his head. “This is wrong, Lizzie. I can feel it. You shouldn’t be alone.”

  I reach out and touch his face. “I know you care about me, but I hurt someone. I hurt Lev, and I killed Jayzee. I don’t want to hurt anyone else. I have to go.”

  He grabs my hand. “Where, Lizzie? Where are you going?”

  “Back to Hauser’s Landing. I’ll lay low until I can figure out something.” I gently pull my hand away and start toward the bathroom.

  “Here.” Griffin reaches into his pocket and fishes out his keys. He takes one from the ring and gives it to me. “You can hide here.”

  I look at the key. “What’s this for?”

  “My father’s cabin—the one by the falls. He never uses it anymore, so he won’t know you’re there. It’s the perfect hiding place.”

  “Thank you.” I rush forward and wrap my arms around him. “But you can’t tell anyone, Griffin. Their safety depends on not being able to find me.” I pull back and look at him.

  He nods. “I got it. I won’t tell. Just stay safe, okay? Please?”

  I smile and nod, getting ready to promise something I have no business promising.

  Chapter Twelve

  I try not to think about leaving my home forever and never being able to see Lev again. That thought just hurts too much. I have to believe he survived; I can't stand to think of this world without him. Even if I can't be with him, at least if he's still around, I'll find a way to be okay with it.

  The rain is my constant companion during the long drive I never expected to make again. I thought I'd left Hauser's Landing for good. That just goes to show what I know.

  I'm guessing Jimmie is probably freaking out, and Griffin is more than feeling the pressure of knowing where I am but concealing it, anyway. The angels, on the other hand, are sure to have other things to occupy their time, like three judgmental angels they didn't expect would come so fast. Part of me is shocked by that as well, and my paranoid tendencies keep me looking in the rear-view mirror as if I'm being followed, which is probably a stupid idea. I'm guessing they’re tracking the use of the power, so if I don't use it, perhaps that’ll keep them from finding me. Besides, what's the likelihood of finding an angel in Hauser's Landing? The only three I ever discovered from there are gone.

  Of course, if Griffin lets the cat out of the bag, they might find me, which definitely wouldn't be good.

  The hours pass as I drive and listen to classic rock when the stations come in and static when they don’t. I've never gotten around to putting in a CD player because this Jeep is so old. I should look into it one of these days, though; I hate driving with only the rain and rude drivers honking their horns as company.

  It's the middle of the night by the time I drive into Hauser's Landing, and what creeps me out more than the darkness is the fact that so little of the town seems changed since I moved away. It's like time just stops in this place.

  It's a really good thing Griffin can draw maps because I'm directionally challenged, especially at night, and everything gets so twisted and turned around for me. Jimmie calls it my direction Dyslexia, and sadly, he's right.

  The cabin is pretty well hidden in the woods, and when I pull into the drive, I have to follow it a bit just to find the cabin itself. For a moment, I just sit kin the Jeep and stare, wondering if I have the right place. There're no cars, which means that hopefully even if it isn't the right spot, I won't disturb anybody by trying to unlock the door. All I'd need is to be arrested for trespassing.

  Mustering my courage, I force myself to get out of the Jeep with my duffle bag slung over my shoulder and pad up to the door, my keys already in hand. It's not a full moon, and there’re no exterior lights so I struggle to get the key into the lock. Once it slips in, I hold my breath, praying I can turn it.

  The key works, and I open the door. Part of me still worries I have the wrong place and I'm going to get into trouble, even though I know that can't be right.

  I take a deep breath and flip on the lights to find a cozy place decorated in green and cream. The couch is a plaid design to match the curtains—and in the center of the room is a large fireplace meant for gatherings.

  On the walls I see various fishing trophies and pictures of Griffin and his dad. This is really the first time I've had access to Griffin's private side. He knows he comes from money, but he would prefer to hide that fact. People tend to judge him when they know his background, so he acts like a jerk sometimes. That’s what they expect when they know.

  I just wish I had known that when I first met him. It would have saved me from making certain assumptions.

  I take a deep breath, slough the duffle from my shoulder, and lock the door behind me. I meander through the place, scoping out the bedroom and kitchen. As I suspected, the fridge is empty. Then again, unless somebody were staying here, why would they keep food here. That's actually a good thing because it means nobody’s planning to come back any time soon.

  Although my stomach is growling, I find my eyelids starting to close in spite of my iron will to stay awake. Probably too many hours behind the wheel.

  Before I head to the bedroom, I grab my cell out of the duffle bag and turn it back on. Not surprisingly, there isn't any signal, which is actually just fine with me; I really don't want to deal with the zillions of messages I know are waiting.

  I flip out the light and curl up on the bed, feeling more alone now than ever as I lie waiting for sleep to come. There's de
finitely a temperature difference between Tellico Plains and Hauser's Landing, and I reach for the blanket to drive the chill. I'd forgotten about winter in Massachusetts, something I'd never really missed.

  Closing my eyes, I think of Lev and try not to remember those moments in the community center when he was in such pain and there was nothing I could do. I had already done enough.

  At first, it seems I'm never going to be able to drift off. I keep hearing the distant tick of a clock in the room but cannot see the pale glow of it—not that it matters. I'm not sure what I'll do with time now.

  Or what it will do with me.

  Still, I feel my body take on weight and my eyes grow heavy as I slip into that black chasm.

  I stand in a meadow where warm sunlight pours down around me. Scores of daisies dance in a gentle breeze that smells of sweet honeysuckle blossoms. It's a beautiful, perfect day as I spin, my full white dress billowing in the breeze.

  Lazy clouds tumble across the sky, and I watch the slow changing of shapes, amazed by their magic.

  "Elizabeth?"

  I whirl to see Lev in the distance. He wears light brown jeans and a soft cotton shirt as white as the daisies at my knees. His golden hair sparkles in the bright light.

  He walks effortlessly through the flowers, and I wait for him, anticipating the moment I can reach for his hand and touch him. It seems like it's been so long since we've been together.

  So long.

  "Lev," I whisper, pulling myself to him and holding on tightly. He slips his arms around me and returns the embrace. "I've missed you."

  "And I you, Elizabeth. Why did you leave?" He pulls back enough to read my expression, a frown furrowing his forehead.

  "I had to." I try to pull away, suddenly uncomfortable with this conversation. It's like there’s something I'm missing, something I should remember but don't. And Lev knows what it is.

  “No, you didn’t. Right now, everybody is worried and no one knows where you are.”

  “I’m fine. I can handle it.”