by Davis, Mary
She seemed to have little choice but to go. He put the vehicle in park and took off his gloves. From his left little finger he removed her engagement ring and handed it to her. “Would you wear this?”
“Don’t do this, Garth.”
“Not for me, for Carie.” He extended the ring closer to her. “And my family.”
“Garth. . . ,” she whispered and swallowed hard.
“Please. . .do it for her.” He closed her fingers around it and climbed out.
She felt like a hypocrite slipping the ring back on, but at the same time it was comforting to have it on her finger. He opened her door and handed her the gift, then scooped her up in his arms.
“Please let me walk.” This was hard enough without his holding her.
“We’re doing it this way. It’s what they expect.” When he reached the porch he said, “Smile. Remember—we’re in love.” His words held an edge of bitterness. “At least one of us is.”
The birthday girl flung open the door. “She’s here!” The excitement in Carie’s voice tore at Lori’s heart.
“Well, it’s about time,” Ryan said as Garth set Lori down. “We were beginning to think you two had decided to elope after all.”
“He wouldn’t dare,” Jeannie said.
“Mom would have his hide,” Robin said.
“All right, that’s enough.” Their mother dispersed the group like a hen scattering her chicks.
“Dad,” Garth said, “Lorelei’s car is stuck in the snow. Could you give me a hand?”
“I’ll help,” Ryan said.
“May I go, too, Uncle Garth?” Eamon asked.
In less than a minute all the men and even Dustin were getting their coats. There were so many of them that they had to take two vehicles.
She didn’t know which was harder, being there with Garth moments earlier or being there now without him. Fortunately Carie monopolized most of her time. Forty-five minutes later the men returned minus Garth. Where was he?
“He’ll be along in a few minutes,” Garth’s dad said. “He wanted to take your CD player inside out of the cold and tell Josie he pulled your car out of the ditch.”
“Thank you,” Lori said with a stiff smile. He didn’t ask what her car was doing in a ditch on the way to Grayling, but he had to wonder.
Garth returned in time to sing “Happy Birthday” and planted himself at her side with his arm hooked around her waist.
While Carie opened her presents, Garth and Lori stood off to the side. The girl saved Lori’s gift for last.
“Oh,” she crooned. “It is so beautiful.” She jumped up and ran across the room to Lori, hopping over people who were sitting on the floor. “Would you put it on me?” She held out a delicate gold necklace with a crystal heart hanging on it.
Lori clipped it around her neck.
“Thank you, Miss Hayes.” She fingered the necklace.
“You’re welcome. When I saw it, I knew it was the one for you.” Lori was glad she had come and seen the girl’s face light up.
Carie looked up to the ceiling and with a mischievous smile put her hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle.
Lori glanced up to where Carie was looking and spied it as Ryan hollered out, “Mistletoe! You have to kiss her, Garth.”
Hoots of encouragement came from all corners of the room. No way could Garth bow out gracefully without everyone suspecting something was wrong. How had she missed the mistletoe yesterday? Everyone must have been too busy to notice it.
“A kiss, huh? I’ll show you some serious kissing.” Garth wrapped his arms around her, dipping her slightly. She held on to him tightly—which was evidently his plan. He captured her lips with his, lingering longer than necessary to appease the crowd of onlookers. Before he brought her back up, she saw the flicker of pain and pleading in his eyes and thought her heart would break.
She was relieved when twenty minutes later Garth announced he would take her home because Josie was expecting her.
Eighteen
Garth pulled up to the garage at the top of the hill, cut the engine, and dropped his head on his hands. His head rocked back and forth. “That is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I felt like such a fraud, lying to my family that way.”
She had felt like a fraud, too, and a dozen other names she had called herself over the past couple hours. He had acted so calm and natural, as if nothing were wrong. If she didn’t know better, she would never have guessed there was a problem. She struggled to keep her tears at bay.
Staring at the ring, she knew what she needed to do and slipped it off her finger. “Here.” She held it out to him.
His head turned far enough to see the ring, but he made no effort to take it.
“Please take it.” She was uncomfortable with him glaring at the ring.
“I don’t want it,” he said in an even tone and turned his head back down.
Lori placed it on the dashboard with a shaky hand. “It’s right there,” she said in an equally shaky voice. “I’m sorry.” She bit her bottom lip to stop its quivering and reached for the door.
He grabbed her wrist to halt her escape. After a moment’s hesitation he said, “Not even an explanation?”
“My note said—”
“That was not an explanation. It was a cop-out.” His voice was hard. She felt him shift and turn toward her, still holding her wrist as if it were a lifeline. “Why? What did I do wrong?”
“Nothing. Please, Garth, don’t ever think it was you. It’s me.”
“But I love you so much.”
“It won’t work. You’re better off without me.” She freed herself from his grip.
“I’ve been in love with you for ten years. I couldn’t believe it when you were at Shawn’s party with Josie. I had given you up to the Lord—again—for His will to be done. And there you were like a vision. I thought I was dreaming. After all that, I can’t let you walk out of my life again. Not without some sort of reason that makes sense.”
Drastic measures were called for, or he wouldn’t let go. She swallowed hard. “I—I don’t love you.” The lie hurt her as much as she knew it would hurt him. But it had to be done. She had to let him go. And go he would now.
“I don’t believe you!” he said through gritted teeth.
Lori turned to him, a bit startled.
The angry look on his face faded, and he caressed away her tear then repeated in a firm but gentle tone, “I don’t believe you.” He continued to caress her cheek. “Please don’t lie to me, Lor. I want to know what this is all about so we can work through it and come out stronger on the other side.”
She searched his face not knowing what to say.
“I’m a big boy. I can handle the truth.”
Maybe he could handle the truth, but could she handle his rejection? If the truth were the only way to free him, then he would have it. She loved him that much. “I can’t—I can’t—” The words stuck in her throat. She had ignored the truth for so long—could she even say it?
“There is nothing you and I and God can’t work out. I know it. I’ve loved you too long.”
She shook her head, trying to stay her tears. “I’m not the same girl you fell in love with all those years ago.” The accident had changed everything. The tears came uncontrollably.
“I was smitten by the girl, but I fell in love with the woman you became.” Garth reached over to comfort her.
She pushed his arms away. If she let him hold her, the truth would never be told, and it was the only way—she could see that now. The day of reckoning was at hand. The truth would set him free.
She drew strength from knowing he would be better off without her and sucked in a few ragged breaths until she felt she could talk. “The accident,” she squeaked out and realized she couldn’t talk yet. She took in more calming breaths.
“The accident when you hurt your hip in high school? You won’t marry me because of something that happened ten years ago?”
She nodded as she too
k a final cleansing breath. “Yes, the accident.”
“Your injuries don’t matter to me. I love you just as you are.” There was a hint of hope in his voice. “I’ve enjoyed carrying you around.” He reached out to her.
She held up a hand to stop him. “Don’t—please. You don’t know how I am. If you want the whole truth, don’t stop me.”
“I’m listening,” he said softly, facing her.
She avoided looking at him and took a deep breath before plunging ahead. “It was a bad accident. My dad was killed instantly. My mother lingered in the hospital between life and death for twelve hours before she lost the battle. The doctors worked on me for seven hours in surgery. They almost lost me twice. I was in a coma for four and a half weeks. They didn’t expect me to wake up. I was the proverbial vegetable hooked up to life-support machines.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it was that bad.” She could hear a strain in his voice.
She held up her hand as she gave her head a tight shake. He said no more.
“It got worse. I woke up.” Bitterness etched her voice. “At first I was barely aware I existed. Once they felt I could handle it, they told me about the accident, my parents, the extent of my injuries, and all they had to do to keep me alive. I wanted to die. I wished I had died.”
“Don’t say that!”
She turned on him. “It’s the truth, Garth! I wanted to die when I woke up in the hospital all battered and my parents dead. There was nothing I wanted to live for. You wanted the truth.”
His eyes glistened with unshed tears. The truth was not pretty.
He didn’t say anymore, but she could see the hurt on his face. Good. Now the final blow, and he would be free. “I had extensive injuries. Besides a serious head wound, a crushed hip, and a broken leg, I had other problems. Massive internal bleeding headed the list of life-threatening problems. They pumped blood into me, a lot of it to keep me alive to operate on. They didn’t have enough time to stop the bleeding, so they started removing nonessential organs that were bleeding heavily in order to repair the vital ones. They took one of my kidneys and part of my liver, then did a hysterectomy.” She choked on the last word.
“But you’re alive. That’s what counts.”
“Didn’t you hear me?” Anger mixed with her pain. “A hysterectomy. I can’t have children. They took it all. It is physically impossible. I will never have children!” She breathed heavily from her outburst; she had said everything. And from the stunned expression on his face she knew he finally understood. It was time to go. She turned, reaching for the door handle. It blurred, and she fumbled to get hold of it.
His hand settled on her arm. “Lorelei, I love you.”
“Stop saying that.” Didn’t he know it only made it harder?
“Why? Can’t you handle the truth? I do love you. Nothing you have said changes that.”
Was he really that dense? “Garth, if we get married and I can’t have children, then you can’t have children.”
“So?” was his soft reply.
His look was sincere, but she knew his heart. He loved children. “Don’t look at me as if it doesn’t matter. I know you want kids of your own.”
He was silent for a long moment. She knew he couldn’t deny it. “Yes, honestly, I always thought or hoped to have kids someday. But I have the kids at school and my nieces and neph—”
She cut him off. “That would never be enough. It’s not the same.”
“No, it’s not, but we can work this out. We could adopt.”
She shook her head. “You would come to resent me because I couldn’t give you your own children.”
“I would never resent you.”
“Please, Garth. You’re better off without my hanging around your neck weighing you down. I won’t trap you in a marriage you would one day regret. I can’t do that to you.”
“So that’s it? End of discussion! Adios! You have decided!”
She could hear the anger in his voice. The anger would help him let go. “Good-bye.”
“No. There is nothing good about this.”
She opened the door and stepped out. He didn’t stop her this time or say a word.
She expected him to start the engine and drive away in a huff, but he didn’t. He watched her as she walked around the front of the vehicle. She knew his eyes were still on her as she started down the steep grade. This was going to be a long walk with him watching. She hoped she wouldn’t fall. As quickly as the thought entered her head, her feet shot out from under her. She felt the impact in her hip.
The truck door opened, and Garth was at her side before she could stand on her own. He scooped her up in his arms as he had done so many times and trudged down the hill.
“I can walk,” she said, not wanting to be so close.
He gave her a quick pensive glance then fixed his eyes on the decline before him.
Once at the door he set her inside. Before she could retreat he took her hand and kissed her palm. He curled her fingers over the place his lips had touched. A farewell gesture?
The hurt in his clear blue eyes bore through her. Josie came up behind her and put her hand on her shoulder as she watched his retreating form hike back up the hill. Lori wanted to curl up and die. She dissolved in a puddle of tears in Josie’s embrace.
❧
Garth didn’t know how long he had sat there with his head back against the headrest and his eyes shut when the passenger door opened. His mother slid in, closing the door behind her. He had come back from Lorelei’s but wasn’t ready to face his family.
“What’s up?” he asked her, trying to shake off his own thoughts.
“I came out to talk to you.” Her tone was serious.
“About what?” He had been so absorbed in his own problems of the day he had barely noticed anyone else, let alone their needs.
She gave him a look of chagrin. “I’m not old and senile yet, son. I have eyes to see you are in pain.”
He gave a tight smile. “I never could hide anything from you. How could you tell?”
“It’s in your eyes. There’s trouble between you two. You hardly looked at her the whole time she was here. Though you stood close enough and made a grand gesture of that kiss.”
“Do you think anyone else noticed?”
“I don’t think so, dear. Did you two have a fight?”
“We have now,” he said dryly.
“Talk to her, honey.”
“I tried. She won’t listen.”
“Is it serious? Can you work it out?”
“Oh, it’s serious all right.” He reached inside the front of his coat and pulled the ring out of his shirt pocket.
“That serious?”
“She was running away from me.”
“That explains her car in a ditch on the way to Grayling.”
He looked at her, puzzled.
“Your father told me. Do you want to talk about it?”
He rubbed his hands over his face. “She can’t have children. The accident she was in was worse than I realized.” And yet she mustered the courage to forgive the man. “The doctors had to do some radical surgery to save her life. She thinks I don’t want her. She’s afraid I’ll resent her for not being able to have my children.”
“Hysterectomy?”
He nodded.
She nodded in understanding. “Children are our future. Our hope.”
“But I can be her future. Aren’t I enough to be her hope?”
“You may be too much to hope for. She has had so many losses in her life from what you’ve told me—her parents, her brother, and her aunt, the children she will never have. You may be her last hope. She is protecting herself from rejection.”
“But I’m not rejecting her. I love her.”
“Garth, dear, this isn’t about you or your love for her.”
“I say it is.” He shoved the ring toward her so she could see he was the injured party. Why was his mother siding with Lorelei? Shouldn’t she be on hi
s side?
“I once read a story about a South Seas man who wanted a bride. The going price was two to five cows.”
He frowned at his mother. “Cows, Mom?”
“Do you want to hear my story?”
He shrugged then nodded. It couldn’t hurt.
She paused. “Now this man was an accomplished bargainer, and because everyone knew the girl he chose was homely he was sure to make a good deal. The girl ran and hid, fearing humiliation. After the man greeted her parents, he promptly offered eight cows. The deal was made, and the two were married. Many people started to comment on how she had grown more beautiful and asked the man how he did it. He said he had loved her for a long time and knew she felt unworthy to be his wife. He bought her for eight cows to show her and everyone else how valuable she was to him. That was what brought about the change in her.
“Like the girl in the story, Lorelei is running, too. Does that make sense?”
“I think so—where can I find eight cows?”
His mother sighed. “You’re impossible.”
He did understand. Lorelei was unworthy only because she thought she was.
“Is it over? Are you giving up?” she said.
“I don’t know what else to do or say. She returned the ring and told me good-bye.”
“If you give up this easily, maybe you’re not ready for marriage.”
Was his mother right? Was he ready for the rigors of marriage? He tried to picture his future without Lorelei. Bleak and lonesome. He couldn’t imagine himself with anyone else. He would spend long, lonely nights pining for her and dreaming of how things could have been, should have been. “Why did she wait until now? She had plenty of opportunities to tell me.”
“Did you two ever discuss children?”
“No. I just assumed.”
“Maybe she wanted to feel normal, whole. You can’t imagine the trauma of losing all hope for the future.”
“She said that once, about losing everything in the accident—past, present, and future.”
“When you proposed, were you sure?”
“Yes.”
“For better or for worse?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“ ‘I think so’? You are either committed or not. Don’t be a seventeen-minute kind of guy.”